My son moved today. Feeling a little sad because he's headed to Florida with a friend, so God knows when I'll see him again.
But overall I feel relieved. Does that make me a bad mom?
He's 24, so certainly time to move out. When he moved back in, the deal was he had to pay rent and help with some things around the house. Well, none of that really happened. Periodically got some rent money, but none of the chores got done, and he was less than useless with housework. The worst was the disrespect and the way he would scream at me all the time.
I'm not sure where I went wrong in the parenting department. He was certainly punished as a child when he did something wrong, but still given nice things, vacations, private school.
He does have a good side -he can be really funny, has a very strong work ethic - his employers have all loved him, he's smart and has a big streak of common sense.
We just don't get along. If this adventure of his doesn't work out, I can't let him move back in. I can't take the stress. But I'm still sad that he's going to be 20 hours away.
YES. The purpose of child-rearing is to create an independent adult. Teen-age years are the years when conflict happens as part of a normal loosening of the ties. Your teen-ager was 24... so the conflict was probably a little stronger on both sides. When he is an independent adult the family ties will become apparent again and what you previously thought of as a loosening of the ties will re-emerge as bonds tied in a different configuration
He's an adult. You don't have to live with him if you don't want to. You don't have to have a reason beyond 'no that doesn't work for me'. Stop thinking of it as an 'adventure' he's moved out! Have a party!
I'm 26, and I still cannot get along with my mom when we're around each other for any period of time.
I am a much happier person away from her, and I also turn into that bitchy, irritated, sometimes snappy, yelling daughter whenever we're together (and the same with her). It's like we feed off each other's bitchiness. This attitude that I get then transfers into any other relationships. As soon as I moved out, I didn't have that constant bitterness or anger that I had living with her.
My mom was a great mother, I had a great childhood, no abuse, was always loved, was disciplined when needed, had to work for things I want. It's not like I dislike my mom, its just like we bring out the worst in each other.
Sometimes, parents and children just get on each others nerves, and time apart is the best thing. I cannot imagine ever having to live with my folks again...
"If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."