[Leena]

Hi everyone !

Little update on my situation. Maybe some don't know so I have been fighting an ovarian cancer since 3 years, without remission. For tha matter, I had the surgery and 20 differents chemos doses throughout 3 years, some breaks also.

In early april, I got a very heavy pain on my left side and I though of possible infection on my port..Actually it turn out to be a carcinomatose in the peritoneal region...In english it is metastase spreading over my diaphragm and also leaning over my stomach. So I am heading to Montreal to the cancer research dept and on jun 9th, I will see what are the next.

Some days, I bang my head on the wall and somedays, i go at the barn and get a few rides, I am still starting some of mine.

Throughout all those years I never change my plan, I try to concentrate and be a better rider, I change my technics and work hard to become so light to my horse, confortable for them.

Here is my last one I start training in march:

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1..._photos/20.jpg
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1..._photos/11.jpg
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1..._photos/10.jpg


She is a brilliant filly, and my other one too.

I did not change plan, even with some metastase going around, fatigue growing..So I went to the show.
Ok I made some mistake but we went reserve champion of the class with a 4 yrs filly, my grey one. I did never went riding a green 4 yrs with metatstase and feeling breathless.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pi...0&id=739795503

I also went for a clinic but I think the second day, I must have looked a bit in trouble so another instructor rode the filly, here some pictures of her and me before I collapse:

http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...otos/014-3.jpg
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...otos/008-6.jpg
http://i63.photobucket.com/albums/h1...photos/2-1.jpg

Next week, I am going back to hospital and will then received the verdict. A new surgery, new chemos and maybe a sorry Madame we have used all the solutions.

I have a show schedule on june 13th and I sort of say to myself to go !

Signs are fatigue, lost of weight breathless, pain on my left side..my legs are still very good..I don't know !
Since last show, I am not having need for pain meds almost 5 days now.

I told you I would ride till the end and I choose to laugh and have fun..

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

Elene - still sending you the hugest cyber get well wishes the internet will carry!

[Laurierace]

Jingles for a good report. Congrats on continuing to live your life, that must be hard.

[Leena]

It is not easy..

I compare cancer to terrorism, to war because I feel I have a gun on my head since the last 3 years.
When cancer will come up, is the chemo tolerable, then fungus..I never knew anything that was going to happen.

My doctor and I fought really hard..When I told me he could not do anything, I took his hands and said..Hey Doc..We had a good battle !
And I went for a ride...

Now it's look like I am loosing this one so I am trying to live this experience with joy of living, joy to be there and joy with my greenies.

[Bluey]

Not much that can be said, but to wish you the best outcome in your next round.

I have had several friends over the years with ovarian cancers and all I can say is that it was different for each of them, you never know how it will go.
With your good attitude and the horses to ride, you will manage.

[WaningMoon]

Wow, what an incredibly strong woman you are! I wish you the very best. Good luck at that next show.

[suz]

as a woman who is in remission, married to a man who is not yet, i so admire your strength and determination to LIVE!!!!! sounds like you are squeezing every last drop out of your life, and i hope my dh and i have the courage and strength to do the same.
more power to you, and massive healing jingles at your next appointment.

[EqTrainer]

Well, as always, you are my hero. Most people who are perfectly healthy never LIVE like you have. Your candle burns so bright and so hot, I don't even have to physically meet you to feel it. No matter what the future holds, you will be experiencing every single moment of it.. You are an inspiration.

[GotGait]

Wow, best wishes! I have hemorrhagic ovarian cysts that hurt like the devil and have a tendency to rupture. I haven't ridden since March, but you've inspired me to go get back on the horse.

[Leena]

Well, I think I have made the best of it.

If I had listened to doctors, I would not have be authorised to touch a horse, I would probably had to sell all the babies, and stick to the sofa looking at my nostril, living in the fear.

When I took the cancer by the horn, I went to look how I could handle horses DESPITE chemos, fatigue, pain and everything. I taught my greenbeans to stay quiet, adopt some extra security way of handling them, did not accept any bad habits.

It went well !

I then went to look to become a more effective rider, more light and I discover I could be firm without using strenght, I could ride without using too much of energy, I could make myself listened and respected as well and dare to ride !

It is a fabulous experience..Cancer is a disaster really..I just wish we never met really but instead of crying on this injustice, I decide time will go much better in joy, peace and serenity, focusing on my next Reiner Klimke clinic !

So this was a good decision not to change any plans !! To just go forward and rely on my greenies..

I'll go to that show on june 13th..yup I'll be there.

[draftdriver]

Leena, your courage is inspiring. My best wishes to you.

Valerie

[Huntertwo]

Leena,
Your story is so inspiring to the rest of us who may battle this dreaded disease someday. I'll certainly remember your story to battle on despite what life throws our way.

You are an inspiration and thank you for sharing your uphill battle with determination.

God Bless and huge hugs to you - Judith

[DressageGeek "Ribbon Ho"]

And please post pics of your clinic and show - we will be rooting for you to have fabulous, fabulous rides!!!

[Leena]

Dressage Geek, I did post them on my first message..

When I booked the clinic, I did not know how now serious was my condition but I knew when I book the show..

I feel whenever I feel it is okay, I am happy I never changed my plans..It is amazing everything I did during all those 3 years. I even got back in my job for a while. I am gratefull to believe in life so much and being courageous enough to face my fears.

You are amazing hugging me that much ! I'll keep you update on this journey !

[pintopiaffe]

Elene...

All I can say is WOW.

YOU know what life is about. You are such an incredible inspiration for me.

Your grey filly is STUNNING! Just as all your horses, she is going so correctly and so wonderfully...

I can't say it enough, you are just amazing.

I pray for you daily my friend.

I hope someday to be half the horsewoman you are.

[pintopiaffe]

I feel whenever I feel it is okay, I am happy I never changed my plans..It is amazing everything I did during all those 3 years. I even got back in my job for a while. I am gratefull to believe in live so much and being courageous enough to face my fears.

Words fail me.

Rock on Elene.

[jnel]

My heart and best wishes are with you. You are my inspiration to ride and keep riding. Your greenies are lucky to have you.

[tallyho392]

i am shamed.......as most of us should be, i guess..........letting the daily minutia get in our way, and defeat us at life, at riding...

cheers to you, leena!......an extrordinary woman, a guidepost for all........

thoughts and prayers head your direction......may you recieve all that you need

[Somermist]

My heartfelt thoughts & prayers are with you.

[Leena]

Thanks warmly..

Thanks for all those kinds words !!!!