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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default Saying Goodbye to Long-term Trainer-Need Suggestions

    Because of work, I'm having to make some big adjustments in where I keep my horse, if I want to continue to ride. I have been with this trainer for a very long time, and I really want to end things peacefully and in a good way. I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions on how to break the news in a gentle way...that would help keep the relationship from turning south.

    I have done a lot for this person over the years, so I'm not just taking my horses, she will also be losing a significant amount of help. My plan is to break the news to her tonight.

    TIA
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2010
    Posts
    1,763

    Default

    Be honest and kind. Give the trainer a thank you card with a long note expressing your appreciation at the same time. Emphasize that it's you, not her. Perhaps offer to help with a few things after you move the horse if you know she will need help with them or transitioning other people to helping.

    It's tough but I've found that people usually appreciate honesty and not over talking the issue. She probably already knows you need to leave.

    Good luck!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 13, 2001
    Location
    usa
    Posts
    6,123

    Default

    "Real life' always affects your riding life. Instructor will understand. Perhaps some occasional lessons?
    I.D.E.A. yoda


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 11, 2013
    Location
    MD
    Posts
    11

    Default

    I agree with the first response, be honest most trainers are understanding and its hard times these days. Offering to help with the new people coming in and teaching them the ropes sounds like a great idea!



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 22, 2005
    Location
    mid-atlantic
    Posts
    2,439

    Default

    If she relies on you around the barn, give plenty of notice so she can try to fill the gap. That will cut way down on resentment.

    I'm not gifted at diplomacy so I'll leave that to others.
    "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed." - The Little Prince


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2005
    Location
    Northeast
    Posts
    10,424

    Default

    I should think the trainer would consider that the move is more traumatic for you, and be encouraging. A student earning wages is far more to be desired than an un- or under employed student
    Some riders change their horse, they change their saddle, they change their teacher; they never change themselves.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default

    Thank you!!!! My plan is to definitely be honest and open about why I'm leaving. It really doesn't have anything to do with her, it's mostly about me not being able to continue to handle all the things she needs, with alll the things I need for work, family, etc.

    My plan was to bring by some flowers and a lovely card.

    I like the idea of offering to help after I move the horses, but I'm afraid to extend this offer too much, for fear she will take advantage. I do love the idea of continuing occassional lessons.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
    Location
    Full time in Delhi, NY!
    Posts
    6,397

    Default

    If she needs help around the barn, I assume she'll have a your months notice to find new help as well as new boarders.

    I would tell her what you told us in your original post. Stuff happens. Boarders leave. What ever anxiety/negative feelings she may have towards you will disappear when your stalls are filled.
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default

    Thanks Kryswyn.

    I'm planning on giving her a month and 1/2 notice. I feel this should be plenty of time for her to find someone to fill my stalls, and to help around the barn.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default

    Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

    I'm so nervous and anxious about this. I know it's going to be a blow, we are close, and that makes it much, much harder.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2001
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    4,387

    Default

    I would not invade her private time and tell her at night. I would tell her in the morning, so she can deal with it during a busy day. Trainers have feelings too, and bad news at night is mean.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Aug. 14, 2004
    Posts
    7,538

    Default

    i don't understand the undertone here.... why bring flowers and a card? that just seems.... odd.

    if this were me, i would talk to them and say "hey life is changing and i will be moving on in a month and a half... I have super enjoyed working with you and will miss all of this. I'll be moving on X date. At that time i wont be able to help out here either. Of course I will be happy to help train my replacement, etc etc etc "

    i mean - its not like you will never see her again , is it?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default

    MBM, no...it's not like I won't see her again...I was trying to find a way to break the ice, and open the dialogue. She was just accepted into a big clinic and I thought bringing her some flowers and a card of congratulations would be a nice way to open the discussion. She has a way of becoming very defensive about things, and I am trying to be kind. This is not going to be an easy discussion on either end. I have been training with her for over 10 years...so, this is not easy.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 29, 2005
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    221

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Blkarab View Post
    Thank you everyone for your suggestions.

    I'm so nervous and anxious about this. I know it's going to be a blow, we are close, and that makes it much, much harder.
    I hope she cares as much about your feelings and situation, as you do hers.
    Good luck!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 29, 2005
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    221

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by shea'smom View Post
    I would not invade her private time and tell her at night. I would tell her in the morning, so she can deal with it during a busy day. Trainers have feelings too, and bad news at night is mean.
    Some people might get more upset by it when told in the AM, and then still have to address the day.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 10, 2006
    Location
    under a palm tree in margaritaville
    Posts
    651

    Default

    Bottle of 14 Hands goes a long way!
    Quote Originally Posted by The Centaurian View Post
    As far as I am concerned, leadline is a legitimate reason to have children.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2005
    Location
    Some where in the middle of nowhere.
    Posts
    3,614

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Blkarab View Post
    Because of work, I'm having to make some big adjustments in where I keep my horse, if I want to continue to ride. I have been with this trainer for a very long time, and I really want to end things peacefully and in a good way. I was wondering if anyone had some good suggestions on how to break the news in a gentle way...that would help keep the relationship from turning south.

    I have done a lot for this person over the years, so I'm not just taking my horses, she will also be losing a significant amount of help. My plan is to break the news to her tonight.

    TIA
    The best advice I can give is be honest.
    "I would not beleive her if her tongue came notorized"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2007
    Posts
    833

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by time fault View Post
    Bottle of 14 Hands goes a long way!
    I would totally do this if she drinks. I may be getting that bottle for me later.
    Unashamed Member of the Dressage Arab Clique
    CRAYOLA POSSE= Thistle


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 24, 2000
    Location
    Somewhere in the Midwest
    Posts
    2,097

    Default

    It is a shame that you feel like you have to walk on eggshells...it sounds like you have been a loyal student and generous with your time (I assume you worked as an employee or were a working student?). The trainer should be understanding of your personal situation. How could they take advantage of you if you continue to carve out some time to work....unless you let them. It would not be professional for them to treat you with anything other than respect.



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2011
    Location
    hunterdon, nj
    Posts
    897

    Default

    Instead of flowers, it you have been with her for that long, I would get her a nice present. Like a pair of pikeurs to show in. My reasoning in this situation would be, it would make me feel better and make it harder for her to get "shitty" on you. I wouldn't offer to help, beyond "if you are ever in a real bind / emergency" sort of talk. You can also soften with "if the work situation changes I would love to go back to the way things are now" even if u have no intention of doing that. It ends things on a nice note.


    2 members found this post helpful.

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