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  1. #41
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    Oct. 8, 2007
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    The worst thing is now I feel... let down/disappointed by it. I thought they were a great person, someone I could really learn from but if they're not willing to let people comment then what's the point of posting?

    Maybe he's just having a bad day or something. I dunno... I do know I'll think twice before adding anyone on facebook again.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    While to a degree I understand the whole "their page, their rules" mentality, it's still ON THE INTERNET! Facebook has this nifty comment button and has forever. If you dont' want something commented on... don't post it. If you post it on the internet, including facebook, it's not private. Anyone can comment. While removing "offending" comments is certainly their right, I think it's downright silly (in that 2 year old taking their toys and going home kind of way) to actually unfriend and BLOCK someone from your professional facebook for something like making a comment like the OP made. I also think it goes a long way towards the type of person said "professional" is.

    I haven't had this happen with a BNR, but 2 other horse people I have... I was unfriended and blocked for commenting to their posts (one I know - she's at my barn, the other was a friend of a friend that I was looking forward to getting to know). Neither post had anything to do with horses and both were inflammatory (political) to begin with. I don't feel I was rude to make a comment that wasn't philosophically in line with theirs, but both people took it as an affront to them personally. Sorry, I can disagree with you on a number of topics and still be your friend. Don't like my comment, by all means remove it. But unfriending and blocking? Really? It's been 30 years since I was in jr high... or so I thought.

    It sucks to truly see how a person is after enjoying their knowledge prior to this incident, but honestly... I'd be over it and not have anything further to do with the person. They obviously don't care about a subset of riders and have made their opinion perfectly clear. Kind of like CMP in his smurf comments... it will come around to bite said BNR in the arse. Karma's a b*tch like that. Write it off to experience and find someone else who shares their knowledge AND has a good attitude.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
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    Apr. 29, 2006
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    Evansville, Wisconsin
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    I agree with the OP. While everyone has to the right to delete whatever they want to on their facebook page, exercising that right in order to shut down polite disagreement/discussion doesn't seem courteous or helpful.

    I'm not perfect about it, but I try not to post controversial things on facebook unless I'm willing to discuss them. Now, I might delete posts that were truly offensive, but I certainly wouldn't delete them or ban people just for disagreeing with me.

    Though I do forgive my FB friends who have deleted my comments relating to poop. Apparently some people are sensitive about bodily functions and didn't appreciate my recommendations to get some extra fiber to prevent constipation after they posted about stuffing themselves with Christmas chocolate
    "In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming part dog."
    -Edward Hoagland



  4. #44
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    Oct. 8, 2007
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    Thank you. Like I said, I have learned a lot from this person. The comment today rubbed me up the wrong way (believe me, I work -damn- hard for my riding time) and I chose to comment on it. I tried hard to word my comment so it wasn't offensive or rude.

    It probably sounds silly, but I feel like that learning has been a bit spoiled by this.

    Is there anyone you'd recommend? I love learning new things and there's not so many BNR/BNTs where I live.



  5. #45
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    Jun. 20, 2009
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    Hunterdon County NJ
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    I guess I just don't understand that. What's the point of posting something if all you want is for people to agree with you?
    That are the rules of FB. IF you don't like FB rules, then take it up with Mark Z. But, as COTH anonymity proves, no one wants to 'put themselves out there' just to be attacked by hoards of keyboard critics. So FB has a solution for that.

    In the horse world we call it 'my barn my rules.' On FB it is 'my page my rules.'

    Sounds to me like you don't like the way FB is set up.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
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    May. 23, 2006
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    He is a pretty fair guy and I am sure if you sent him a private message, you will find he has probably "forgiven" (or down right forgotten) about your offending comment. Since your comment was deleted by him I can only imagine that it was:
    1) offensive enough for him to delete it
    or
    2) he was just plain cranky and at his age he can have his grumpy old man moments.

    BNT is very open to engage in respectful debates so I find it odd that he should ban you from his page because you politely disagreed with one of his posts.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
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    Feb. 8, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    He is a pretty fair guy and I am sure if you sent him a private message, you will find he has probably "forgiven" (or down right forgotten) about your offending comment. Since your comment was deleted by him I can only imagine that it was:
    1) offensive enough for him to delete it
    or
    2) he was just plain cranky and at his age he can have his grumpy old man moments.

    BNT is very open to engage in respectful debates so I find it odd that he should ban you from his page because you politely disagreed with one of his posts.
    I agree with this and if it were me, I would send him a message basically apologizing for offending him and stating how much I enjoy reading his posts, etc. Tell him what you've told everyone here...be honest and sincere. If you're concerned about the tone of the message and offending him further, have someone else read it and provide you with feedback.
    "It is not necessary for you to let everyone know everything about you. In fact, it is probably wise that you don't. There are some things that you need only discuss with God."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
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    Oct. 8, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    He is a pretty fair guy and I am sure if you sent him a private message, you will find he has probably "forgiven" (or down right forgotten) about your offending comment. Since your comment was deleted by him I can only imagine that it was:
    1) offensive enough for him to delete it
    or
    2) he was just plain cranky and at his age he can have his grumpy old man moments.

    BNT is very open to engage in respectful debates so I find it odd that he should ban you from his page because you politely disagreed with one of his posts.
    I posted what I said at the start of this thread. That was it. I'm not a disrespectful person or a rude person. I enjoy learning. I'm 99% sure that my comment was not offensive. Might sound strange, but I can no longer see his posts.

    Quote Originally Posted by see u at x View Post
    I agree with this and if it were me, I would send him a message basically apologizing for offending him and stating how much I enjoy reading his posts, etc. Tell him what you've told everyone here...be honest and sincere. If you're concerned about the tone of the message and offending him further, have someone else read it and provide you with feedback.
    Why should I apologise? I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was post one comment that wasn't offensive.

    I'd rather not beg this person to have me back. If they disliked my comment that strongly, then fair enough.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
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    Jun. 7, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by tle View Post
    While to a degree I understand the whole "their page, their rules" mentality, it's still ON THE INTERNET! Facebook has this nifty comment button and has forever. If you dont' want something commented on... don't post it. If you post it on the internet, including facebook, it's not private. Anyone can comment. While removing "offending" comments is certainly their right, I think it's downright silly (in that 2 year old taking their toys and going home kind of way) to actually unfriend and BLOCK someone from your professional facebook for something like making a comment like the OP made. I also think it goes a long way towards the type of person said "professional" is.
    While anyone can comment, not everyone has the right to be eternally validated by having their opinions taking up residence for all eternity in someone else's space. If you want your opinion up for all eternity, put it in YOUR OWN space. Nothing is stopping you or anyone else from putting a billboard on your own lawn about whatever issue has lit your fire if you so choose, so I fail to see what is so essential about being allowed to stake out said opinion claim on someone ELSE's lawn.

    If someone tried to put a Mitt Romney sign on my lawn, I would in fact tell them to take it down and don't come round here no more. More than happy to get along just fine with my neighbor who puts one up on his own lawn.

    However, if you don't mind me erecting signage in your space and if you think it would be rude to block me from doing so, let me know and I'll make up some posters about whatever I please to stick in your yard. I'll also feel free to exercise the "Real Life Comment Feature" by applying sharpie applique to any signs that happen to already be in your yard.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
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    Jan. 16, 2002
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    West Coast of Michigan
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    The bigger and more crowded the world gets, the more often it happens that we bump into other peoples' rough edges. This goes TRIPLE for FB, where we can interact regularly with people we would not normally see for YEARS on end. Many of whom it would be fair to say we might wish to KEEP at such a distance.

    This is one of the prices we pay for the so-called "flat earth" where boundaries are no longer geographic but limited only to how often we want to check our facebook pages. A trainer's comments posted on FB can never upset us if we're not there to hear or see them. (very existential, no?)

    I have a cousin long out of the family sphere because he's, frankly, a bit of a nut-job. He "found us" on FB and true to form began going postal on a couple of us from afar. We as a family pretty much rolled with it, and he self-imploded and no longer uses FB. His choice. The rest of us sort of just put up with it--he's family.

    I figure if we choose to use FB we open ourselves to things other people do and say that we might never have known about them "in the old days". Sometimes it's a good thing, sometimes not as good. I am pretty "out there" with my thoughts and feelings and have had to reconcile with myself the fact that it undoubtedly leads to some ruffled feathers. I am old enough now to not care TOO much. The same goes with getting my OWN feathers ruffled. It's part of the price of admission.

    I would let it slide and consider it a statement more about the BNR than about the OP. Everyone has holes in their socks.
    Click here before you buy.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  11. #51
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    Nov. 26, 2003
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    NE FL
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    It's on facebook though. Surely posting a comment on there, on a thread that is public isn't the same thing?

    I have learned a lot from this person, but some of the comments didn't sit right with me. I chose to comment on this one, and got swatted for it.
    Think of it like this: everyone in the world can see my pasture, I can post a sign in it that says whatever I want. I dont have to let you post one and if you do i can take it down if i want.
    "Perhaps the final test of anybody's love of dogs is their willingness to permit them to make a camping ground of the bed" -Henry T. Merwin


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
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    Oct. 8, 2007
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    I'm very careful with what I post on the internet in general, and if I wouldn't say it to someone's face, then it doesn't get posted.

    Can anyone recommend me another rider/trainer I can learn from? I'm interested in eventing/breeding.

    Thank you.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
    Join Date
    Sep. 23, 2003
    Location
    NC
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    Thank you. Like I said, I have learned a lot from this person. The comment today rubbed me up the wrong way (believe me, I work -damn- hard for my riding time) and I chose to comment on it. I tried hard to word my comment so it wasn't offensive or rude.
    Depending on the comment, I may or may not have deleted it too. While I wouldn't let a bunch of strangers randomly start any discussion on my front lawn, but if my Facebook acquaintances somehow started a conversation in response to something on my page, I'd be fine with it unless it got nasty. The banning thing seems harsh, however.

    I didn't see your comment, so I don't know how polite it was or wasn't, but I did not personally interpret the Facebook post in question as something directed at adult amateurs. Correct me if I'm way off, but it seems it was pointed more toward professional upper level riders who, unlike you (and me!), have all of human time to devote to riding and horsemanship. I thought he was referring to those who a) reap the putative benefits of the short format while at the same time b) have no real excuse to take "shortcuts."

    So you may have taken the post too personally and inadvertently let BNT know he hit a sore spot?
    "Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense!"



  14. #54
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    Sep. 23, 2003
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    NC
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    Oh, and in response to your most recent post, this isn't at all the same thing, but are you following Dom and Jimmie Schramm's Evention videos? Some of them are pretty basic, but they're entertaining and give a nice insight into how they tackle certain training issues.
    "Why would anybody come here if they had a pony? Who leaves a country packed with ponies to come to a non-pony country? It doesn't make sense!"



  15. #55
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    May. 23, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    I posted what I said at the start of this thread. That was it. I'm not a disrespectful person or a rude person. I enjoy learning. I'm 99% sure that my comment was not offensive. Might sound strange, but I can no longer see his posts.



    Why should I apologise? I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was post one comment that wasn't offensive.

    I'd rather not beg this person to have me back. If they disliked my comment that strongly, then fair enough.

    I am sorry....I did not mean to imply that your were rude or offensive. Sometimes the written word can come across differently then the spirit is was written in (ask me how I know!!!!!) Perhaps HRH just read your comment in a different tone then it was meant to convey.
    Honestly, it appears that you have hurt feelings and that you truly enjoyed what was on offer on his page so contact him and let him know your feelings and that you would like to continue enjoying his page. As I have said, I am quite sure he will be happy to have you back.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #56
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    Feb. 8, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    Why should I apologise? I haven't done anything wrong. All I did was post one comment that wasn't offensive.

    I'd rather not beg this person to have me back. If they disliked my comment that strongly, then fair enough.
    I meant that you should apologize if you really feel as though your comment was either taken in the wrong context and if you feel like you are really going to miss learning from him and still respect him. But if you don't care to learn any more from him, then by all means, don't bother.
    "It is not necessary for you to let everyone know everything about you. In fact, it is probably wise that you don't. There are some things that you need only discuss with God."



  17. #57
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    May. 3, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jaegermonster View Post
    Think of it like this: everyone in the world can see my pasture, I can post a sign in it that says whatever I want. I dont have to let you post one and if you do i can take it down if i want.
    OP, unless you're a teenager, in which case please tell your parents I apologized for telling their kid to get over herself, but everything about this episode, as told by you, is making me irritated with you to an unreasonable degree.

    You hero worshipped an old-school BNR (Mistake #1)

    You found a post by said BNR about the lack of drive in today's riders so offensive you challenged said BNR in a super southern way on his own facebook page using your own hard work as contrary evidence to his proposition (Mistake #2)

    You expected said BNR to react with something to the effect of "Dear Readers, I was wrong, so so wrong. Based on the evidence presented by the OP, I have found the one modern horsewoman who knows the value of hard work-there is hope afterall-I take back my general critique" (Mistake #3).

    When said BNR deleted your post and blocked you, having decided that being your "friend" was more trouble than it was worth, you immediately ran to the COTH message boards to gather consolation about what a meanie said BNR is and how TOTALLY RIGHT you are (Mistake #4). Mistake # 4 confirms the BNR's decision to end your posting privileges was probably correct b/c...

    When the response was mixed, you got so upset that you declared you were going to put your iphone down and "go hug your dog", presumably to make yourself feel better, but instead kept posting (Mistake #5). If something like this has this much of an impact on you, you lead an awfully charmed life. The "woe is me" tone to your posts is over the top. Edited to add-The "I'm never ever ever" listening to advice from this BNR ever again was also a bit melodramatic. Because I'm Southern I know 100 ways to be extremely confrontational and passive agressive while also appearing totally polite.

    I think you are WAY overreacting. If BNR doesn't want to fight with people on BNR's facebook page, that's said BNR's priviledge.


    28 members found this post helpful.

  18. #58
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    Oct. 8, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scaramouch View Post
    Depending on the comment, I may or may not have deleted it too. While I wouldn't let a bunch of strangers randomly start any discussion on my front lawn, but if my Facebook acquaintances somehow started a conversation in response to something on my page, I'd be fine with it unless it got nasty. The banning thing seems harsh, however.

    I didn't see your comment, so I don't know how polite it was or wasn't, but I did not personally interpret the Facebook post in question as something directed at adult amateurs. Correct me if I'm way off, but it seems it was pointed more toward professional upper level riders who, unlike you (and me!), have all of human time to devote to riding and horsemanship. I thought he was referring to those who a) reap the putative benefits of the short format while at the same time b) have no real excuse to take "shortcuts."

    So you may have taken the post too personally and inadvertently let BNT know he hit a sore spot?
    My comment was "I don't think you can paint all riders with the same brush. Some will be willing to do the work, others won't." (Might not be that exact wording, but it was like that.)

    I will check out Dom and Jimmie Schramm. Do you have a link?

    Quote Originally Posted by snoopy View Post
    I am sorry....I did not mean to imply that your were rude or offensive. Sometimes the written word can come across differently then the spirit is was written in (ask me how I know!!!!!) Perhaps HRH just read your comment in a different tone then it was meant to convey.
    Honestly, it appears that you have hurt feelings and that you truly enjoyed what was on offer on his page so contact him and let him know your feelings and that you would like to continue enjoying his page. As I have said, I am quite sure he will be happy to have you back.
    Thank you for your input. I'll see how I feel about it tomorrow and then decide.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #59
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    Quote Originally Posted by see u at x View Post
    I meant that you should apologize if you really feel as though your comment was either taken in the wrong context and if you feel like you are really going to miss learning from him and still respect him. But if you don't care to learn any more from him, then by all means, don't bother.
    What they said.

    Additionally, "not bothering" does not require a COTH summit meeting.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hear_my_echo View Post
    I will check out Dom and Jimmie Schramm. Do you have a link?
    If you type "Dom and Jimm" into google it even autocompletes the rest for you.



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