Greystreet, I am so very sorry for your loss. Your Dad sounds like a loving, wonderful man and what a joy you must have been to him, too.
I understand the trauma of such a loss, and the heartache that feels like it will never go away. My advice to you is to accept it when it washes over you, remind yourself that it is part of the grieving process and do not deny it. Then, make your Dad proud by living the life that is ahead of you, because even though he may not be here physically, I believe that his spirit will stay strong with you forever. You may even have those wondrous moments when can feel it so strong, it's almost like he's there.
I teach TR and I know from my own experience with loss and helping others that horses can help us heal. I hope you are allowing your horse time to help balance the difficult times you are going through.
Carla, hugs to you at this very sad time. I am so sorry for your recent loss.
Thank you all for the kind words and encouragement. I also find some comfort in reading shared experiences - not comfort that anyone else has to feel this way or has felt this way...but perhaps comfort in the shared experience. Losing a parent was something that I always knew would be part of life - but I just thought it would come much later. It is devastating to me that my dad won't ever meet his future grandchildren.
I think the even tougher part is there are several other things making this such a tough situation - apart from the fact that I was already grieving starting to "lose" my mom to the early AD. However, I have been reminded that she is, for one, still here - and I should not take for granted the time we have together. I have tried to be strong for her, but it's been this hardest thing I've had to go through.
I know it's difficult to read tone over the internet, so I don't mean this in any negative way - but I did have someone else recently comment to me that I was lucky to have the time with my wonderful father that I did. Don't get me wrong - I certainly agree with this and I appreciate so much that he was a great dad when other people don't necessarily always have that experience. But at the same time, it hasn't made the loss any less horrible. It just makes me grieve even more that I can't watch him and my mom continue to grow old together. But I do know that I was lucky to have him and the time we did have together.
I will admit it has been hard to find anything make lemonade with here...however, I have been keeping up with the CB site I started in hopes that one day I'll be able to look back over this grieving process and understand that I came out the other side...and because I feel like there are so many books about the grieving process out there but not so much about the actual experiences...I want to remember how I'm feeling so one day I can understand that I made it. I hope.
I am so sorry to the poster who lost her mom on Christmas Eve...It's been less than three months since I lost my dad and I would never want to experience even the emotions I felt that night. I can only say - even as steeped in grief as I am - that it DOES seem to be sort of like a tunnel that you just continually move through. The emotions I feel now, less than three months out, are ever-present and so, so tough but I do understand I have at least moved away from the cloud of sadness and disbelief I felt the day he actually died.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.