Also, is "unselfish in bed" an official synonym for going down on a woman? Or does it mean getting really into pleasing her in a more general way.
I meant it more in terms of attitude, not necessarily going down or any specific act. I feel like men should understand that we women are GIVING ourselves, so the least they can do is take their time and do whatever in their power to make us feel good! And by "feel good" I don't even mean come--my first BF was never able to make me come on his own, but he sure tried his darnedest, and that made the difference to me.
Can you elaborate more on what the other issues are that you said if we knew we would freak about? The issues you have mentioned so far to me are issues I think with the help of a counsellor you guys could work on if he is willing. A man who without asking de-ices your windows and brings you tea when you are sick along with all the other qualities you mentioned doesn't sound too bad to me. I understand wanting to have heat and passion and I think that is something that a couple can work towards if they are both willing to put the effort in.