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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2006
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    VA (or MS during the school year)
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    2,482

    Default So many 20-22 y/o friends getting engaged/married/pregnant. Is this the new norm?

    Let me say I am in no hurry to get married and I am in even less of a hurry to get pregnant (I really don't want kids). But I feel like I am behind the times or something!

    In the past few weeks, I have found out 5 of my friends have gotten engaged (one only dated the guy for a month... wtf?). 3 others just got married last month. Two others each had a baby back in September and two (one being my roommate) are pregnant.

    ... and then there's me, who doesn't even have any boyfriend prospects at the moment. While I would love to be dating right now, I don't think that is happening anytime in the next few months. Most of the guys at my school seem to want the skinny blonde southern belle type girl. That's definitely not me

    I just find it shocking that so many of my friends (20-22 y/o) are getting engaged/married/pregnant... Is this the new norm?
    "People ask me 'will I remember them if I make it'. I ask them 'will you remember me if I don't?'"



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,112

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    For my age group, the norm was late 20's.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2009
    Location
    Knoxville, TN
    Posts
    1,882

    Default

    I was 20 - 23 years ago. I think there are some in every cohort that go down that path, and for some of us, it's the right one.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov. 1, 2007
    Location
    ....in a classroom in Fl, by the ocean
    Posts
    3,655

    Default

    yes, I felt that most of my friends got married in their early twenties then divorced before they were 27. (BTW) I am in my 30's and grew up outside of Philly to give you an idea on the demographic) Now the one's that were married early and divorced are getting remarried.

    Some people just like the idea of being in love and need to be with someone all the time.


    Then there are those of use that don't 'need' someone to fill complete. Join the club sister.....there is a secret hand shake.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2007
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    4,916

    Default

    I think it's the age-I was from a very small town and most of the kids that didn't go to college got married before they were 25. I think at that age they feel like it's the next thing to do or that it's easier to live on your own if you have someone cute to split the bills with. Some married successfully, some not...Seems like the kids that stuck with college didn't get married until 25 or so, when they were done with school. I see my nieces and nephews all married from 20-25...



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 19, 2001
    Location
    Washington, D.C.
    Posts
    2,080

    Default

    Depends on where you live, in my experience. I grew up in a small town and many of my high school classmates have been married for years and some have school-age children (and yes, quite a few are already divorced).

    I went to a women's college and my college girl friends are mostly just now starting to get engaged and married (late twenties). And my late twenties, early-30's co-workers are about a 50/50 split between married and dating/single.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2011
    Posts
    417

    Default

    I'm 23 and quite a few of my friends/acquaintances from high school and the first college I attended (a small women's college) are already married or have children. Although, only time will tell, for many of them it really has made them happy now and appears as though these choices will likely make them in the future.

    Right now, I'm in graduate school and while many of my friends (ages mid 20s - mid 30s) are very serious relationships that they expect to lead to marriage at some point, very few are actually actively planning a wedding. We all joke that we are married to school at this point in our lives!

    I fully expect to marry my current boyfriend at some point, but I'm in no rush at all. Perhaps this is partially to do with the fact that I'm pretty sure that I don't want to have children, so there is no "biological clock" ticking! In fact, I'd be just fine with being partners without marriage, but he is rather more traditional than myself in that regard

    Honestly, I've previously been a very happy member of the "don't need someone to feel complete club" and I think that being independent and happy in my own company is something that makes my relationship work as well as it does. While he does make me happy, I can also make myself happy with my own independent life and activities.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    39,978

    Default

    Just got a wedding notice from a 23 year old very nice kid.
    Knowing him all his life, have to say, gosh, he grew up in a hurry!

    I think it is a good thing for both of them, wish them good luck.
    They both just graduated last year and have good jobs.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2004
    Location
    City of delusion in the state of total denial
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    8,489

    Default

    Me too! For some of them it was inevitable- one friend had been dating her boyfriend for 7 years. If that wasn't enough reason to make it official, his job is transferring him out of state next year, and she'd said "After all this time I am not moving to Georgia without a ring on my finger!" Others... one really wonders. Especially the "dated for a year, now getting married" crew. I hope it works out for them.
    "I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm asleep."
    - Harry Dresden

    Horse Isle 2: Legend of the Esrohs LifeCycle Breeding and competition MMORPG



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Oct. 18, 2002
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    1,841

    Default

    This was the norm for me growing up. I got married at 20 and pregnant at 22. My sister got married at 24, pregnant at 24. A good friend was married and pregnant at 19. We're all still married to our original husbands



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2006
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    VA (or MS during the school year)
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    2,482

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Renn/aissance View Post
    Others... one really wonders. Especially the "dated for a year, now getting married" crew. I hope it works out for them.
    Dated for a year isn't so bad... one of my best friends just called me a couple of days ago to tell me she got engaged, and my reply was "I didn't know you were even dating anyone!". Her repsonse was "Oh, we've been dating a month but he's just so perfect." Yeah, sweetie they are all perfect the first month. And then around the 9-12 month mark you start really seeing some true colors. Or at least in my experience. She also said that she is no longer going to go to grad school but will instead be staying at home to make babies.
    The guy didn't even have a ring when he proposed to her. Now, personally I don't want a big expensive ring... I would prefer something simple. But the guy better have SOMETHING.

    I hope it works out for them... but to give up your dream of becoming a vet to marry someone you have dated a month, well, to each their own I guess.
    "People ask me 'will I remember them if I make it'. I ask them 'will you remember me if I don't?'"



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,112

    Default

    Meh. One of my neighbors - at 20 years old - just got quickie married to some Air Force guy she's supposedly been dating for a year even though they have never lived in the same area. I haven't a clue how they met but he proposed to her, moved her into his base housing, and quickly tied the knot. I only hope her sister - who is just about to graduate HS - isn't getting any funny ideas because she's got issues with her mom - who gives me the heebie jeebies - and wants to get away quickly.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005
    Posts
    2,805

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    My little sister, age 23, just got married in October. Bizarro to me. None of my friends are married or have been, or have kids.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 15, 2005
    Posts
    3,256

    Default

    My older daughter is 30. Most of her friends are getting married now or deciding if they want to get married. She has a long time boyfriend but says she does not want to marry, ever. My younger daughter got married this past spring at age 26. Almost all of her friends are married or about to be married. I don't know if marriage ages are going down again nationally, but it seems like it might be the case around here. Another phenomenon that surprises me is that almost all of the younger daughters are changing their names to the husband's last name. I guess we are going back in time.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep. 30, 2011
    Posts
    417

    Default

    Yikes! Dating for only a month before marriage - that is truly terrifying. To be honest even a year is pretty frightening. One of my good friends in my grad program has been to THIRTEEN weddings this year (and received additional invitations to weddings he could not attend), all of them for high school/college friends. He is 25!

    .



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2006
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    At the back of the line
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    Default

    I remember wanting SO BAD to get hitched @ 19 for some reason that is an age girls felt was good. Now thats been more than 19 years ago but it sounds like its still the same thing. Thanks be I waited, cause I would have married someone else.
    “Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things.” Peter Drucker



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 25, 2000
    Posts
    8,909

    Default

    I thank my lucky stars I did not marry the guy I dated in high school/college. I would be one of the many people I know who were working on a divorce or a second marriage by now!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Default

    Late 20's for my group too, kids close to 30 or 30's. But my friends all did some form of post-uni education and moved around for school, so the settling-down period was very long.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Milocalwinnings View Post

    I just find it shocking that so many of my friends (20-22 y/o) are getting engaged/married/pregnant... Is this the new norm?
    Yes, for the first time around. Don't know where in VA you are, but in good ole Fauquier Co, lots of people I graduated with got married right out of college, or during, or had babies. Most marriages lasted a year or so.
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2002
    Location
    Berlin, Germany
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    Default

    I got married at 21- 6 days before my 22nd birthday, actually. I'm 26 now, so and without sounding wise beyond my years, my marriage is strong. My husband and I had been living together for 3 years prior to getting married, had the full support of our families and friends, and we (still) have no kids. My husband is 8 years older than me, if that means anything... In the past 5 years, we've gone from living in a 650 square foot apartment on the east coast to living in a 500 square foot apartment in Seattle, to buying our first (modest, but OURS!!) home. We have good jobs, share finances, and manage our lives together well.

    Marriage is hard work, and is a deeply personal commitment. We have a lot of friends in their late 20s-early 30s getting engaged and married who are struggling with the same issues as many of our younger friends doing the same.

    That being said, I am really glad the women in my life who've found themselves pregnant have not decided pregnancy is a reason to get married. I know one girl who ended up marrying the father of the baby she had at 22, and they got married when she was 26. They now have a second child, and they're very happy together.
    Here today, gone tomorrow...


    1 members found this post helpful.

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