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  1. #41
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    Oct. 7, 2006
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    I don't want to smack you on the head. Be more likely to buy you a drink.

    You say you don't know how to explain really.

    There are some things that just can't be explained, and the coldly analytical who try may be unable to just understand that just because a thing can't be explained doesn't mean it isn't understood.

    An analogy to not smacking someone on the head might be to grab a handful of their mane instead and lead them to another pasture, turn them into it and SHUT THE GATE behind them hoping they'll amble away to graze. Hoping they wouldn't jump fence, because, really, the grass may be greener on MM's side of the fence but it isn't really nutritious, not really.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
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    Jun. 20, 2000
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    Full time in Delhi, NY!
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    Change your number. See no one while you're in counseling until you like yourself and know why unavailable bad boys hold an attraction for you.

    I worry that he is a LEO and has methods to find you at his fingertips.

    No judgements from me; I'm currently engaged to a man whose wife is making divorce as hard as possible. She wants him back, even though he moved out over four years ago.
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Dec. 9, 2011
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    451

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    Quote Originally Posted by Petstorejunkie View Post
    I'm sure your counselor has discussed what a predator is to you. And I'm sure your counselor has explored your past to help you uncover why you are attractive/attracted to a predator.

    Are you in a program? Do you have a sponsor?

    Know every moment you continue to allow yourself to be victimized by him or anyone you are delaying your happiness.

    (from the armchair psychologist )
    Sorry, but I can't stomach the OP being referred to as a victim. She stopped being a victim 4 or 5 years ago when she found out he was married, shrugged her shoulders and decided to do him anyway. She made that choice, rather cavalierly by her description.

    OP, grow up. Problems in their marriage are no excuse for your behavior.


    22 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
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    Jul. 3, 2012
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    Twin Cities
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    When I hear about people having affairs, I always think the bigger POS is whoever is married. If they are both married, then both. Yes, the other woman/man is trolling low, but the cheater is, IMHO, the worst offender.

    I also think once a cheater, always a cheater.

    I have never understood how someone can do something so hurtful to another human being. Betrayal can destroy someone. I really think if this happened to me, I would probably lie down & never get up again. I have enough trouble with plain old rejection. Cheating would, I think, have the potential to literally kill me. I should probably have shrink on speed dial if I ever get into a relationship again.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    May. 25, 2004
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    332

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    This is going to play out at a cost to your confidence and self esteem. You may not even realize it at the time (likely not), but this situation will tear away at you in ways that may be very hard to recover from. I agree with katyb who asked why you think this is all you deserve. I had a time in my life when I didn't want strings either. Believe me, there are PLENTY of men who like that!!! Good looking, well paid, FUN, well traveled, etc. If you want good looking and fun but don't care about money, hang out with musicians. Seriously! Fun, no strings, you are not contributing to anyone else's pain... I think your self worth has already taken a hit and that's not something you should EVER give away!!! It's too precious.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
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    Horse Heaven
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    1,902

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    You justify what he is doing by blaming his wife. The wife - don't blame her until you meet her, sit down over coffee and pie and talk. Until then, stop blaming her because your only data comes from the MM.

    I wonder how many other skirts he is chasing in addition to yours? Sounds like there is a lot of chasing and adrenaline flying around.

    Drama is addicting. You are choosing the roller coaster. Take responsibility for your part in the drama. You are writing it just as much as he. Don't justify another step you are taking with him - that's just the sorriest of all story lines.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Oct. 7, 2006
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    on and off the bit
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    And you certainly don't want any STDs.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique


    3 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2001
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    Neither here nor there
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    I agree with those who say that he is an ass, and you are acting like an idiot.

    However, most of us will make stupid, wrong decisions at one point. Most of us will do things we regret. God knows I have.

    I don't know if you deserve better yet, but you could. Become the person who deserves better. Go after better. Don't allow yourself to want him any more. Promise yourself to move forward, and never back. .

    Good luck.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    "I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of stars makes me dream." --Vincent Van Gogh


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Oct. 14, 2010
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    Horse Heaven
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    Oy. I totally missed that you have no intention of stopping! Are you just bragging by calling your thread "I'm gonna go for it?" Now I feel stupid for even opening and reading. Sigh. If others weren't involved - go for it and have fun. Do the whole AIDs and STD check regularly though. Sounds like the boy gets around.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 1999
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    CA
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    3,228

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    Please tell us you're on some sort of permanent birth control and won't bring another kid into this. And be careful of STDs, because it's unlikely it's just you on the side.

    This is a sad thread.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  11. #51
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snugglerug View Post
    Sorry, but I can't stomach the OP being referred to as a victim. She stopped being a victim 4 or 5 years ago when she found out he was married, shrugged her shoulders and decided to do him anyway. She made that choice, rather cavalierly by her description.

    OP, grow up. Problems in their marriage are no excuse for your behavior.
    Yeah, I'm kinda stumped by where she's a victim. The guy is an ass who wants his marriage and his bit on the side, but that doesn't make him abusive or a predator. He's been out of contact with OP for as long as 2 years, and she's still hung up on him and hasn't blocked him, etc.

    Just because a woman makes a choice to continue an on/off affair with an unavailable piece of cheating scum doesn't make her a victim. Might, in fact, make her scum too; almost certainly that's what the wife would say.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
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    Nov. 2, 2006
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    Maine
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    Quote Originally Posted by SuckerForHorses View Post
    Sorry, but I think you're a real POS for knowing he's married and choosing to continue this. You should've ended it when you found out he's married. There are NO excuses, despite you attempting to make them. It's also not your call to decide whether or not his wife cares.
    I think this covers it. As soon as you knew he was married, you were obligated to walk away.
    May 2013 see you in a better place emotionally and mentally.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
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    Jan. 22, 2012
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    Paradise
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    he has Kids !!!!!

    Put yourself in their shoes - imagine if this was your father doing this to YOU and YOUR family
    just for a bit of a lark !!
    what advice would you give to youself then


    13 members found this post helpful.

  14. #54
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    Mar. 10, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by Justa Bob View Post
    Oy. I totally missed that you have no intention of stopping! Are you just bragging by calling your thread "I'm gonna go for it?" Now I feel stupid for even opening and reading. Sigh. If others weren't involved - go for it and have fun. Do the whole AIDs and STD check regularly though. Sounds like the boy gets around.
    I translated "gonna go for it" as "since no one else has started a cheater thread during these OT days, then I will". I suppose I could be wrong.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #55
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    Feb. 2, 2003
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    Iowa, USA
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    Yup, OP is not a poor victim. Low self esteem may explain behavior but doesn't excuse it, at all.
    What a horrible thing the OP is doing to the wife and kids. I really hope she walks away, but given that she's not showing any remorse or regret for what she's done to them so far, I'm not holding my breath.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  16. #56
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    If the wife puts up with a cheater, she's dumb. If you date a cheater, you are. I don't care. You are all adults. But what a shitty thing to do to kids. And I say this as a girl who saw my dad's picture in the society page with another woman when I was 14. That's how I found out he was cheating. Take up sky diving if you want some excitement
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"


    9 members found this post helpful.

  17. #57
    Join Date
    Sep. 1, 2007
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    NJ
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    324

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    I don't think you respect yourself enough to think that you deserve better then this loser. I can't even think of why you would prolong this obviously unhealthy, messed up relationship.

    Lose his number, ignore him if you ever see him in public, get some help for your issues and learn to respect and love yourself. Once you've done all of that, you won't allow anyone to use you again...ever.
    Last edited by Mako; Dec. 31, 2012 at 02:56 PM.



  18. #58
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    May. 24, 2006
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    MM always tell you the wife doesnt understand etc..Actually, the wife usually understands him far too well. You really expect him to say, yeah my wife is alright but I am a piece of crap and screwing around anyway..seriously..one of my ex's little side jobs called me several months after I seperated and said to me she was sorry, he was a jerk..I told her, you wanted him, you got him, have fun..cause of course he did the same thing to her...if the wife is really all that awful he should divorce her and then go find someone else..The OP may have low self esteem, but she also knows full well that what she is doing is wrong and just simply does not give a flying you know what.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  19. #59
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
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    Vermont
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    I cant believe the number of you saying the OP is a victim and deserves better. She is NO BETTER than the married man. SHE KNOWS HE IS MARRIED AND IS *@?$ING SOME WOMAN'S HUSBAND. I don't care how low her self esteem is...go find an available man and stop screwing one that has a wife. OP, you're disgusting.
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


    19 members found this post helpful.

  20. #60
    Join Date
    Aug. 18, 2004
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    1,438

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    Quote Originally Posted by Perfect Pony View Post
    I don't really think the OP cares if this guy will cheat on her. Many, many years ago I had an affair with a married man, I knew he was married, I never expected to be with him, I did it because I had fun with the guy. It really can happen that way...seriously. I don't know if my MM turned out to be a "cheater" or not, I do know he married because his wife got pregnant, they both came from families that insisted they get married because of it, and both were unhappy and it ultimately ended.

    Life is complicated and everything doesn't fit into a nice little box. My advice to the OP is to not do anything if you are so emotionally messed up about the situation, try to take care of yourself. And I also second the "disease" issue, that's a big one. You really don't know what this guy is up to, or his wife for that matter!
    Haven't read all the responses, but as far as a married person is concerned- if they are not separated with no intention of divorcing, then YES, it does fit into a nice little box. It's called marriage.

    I can't believe the sense of entitlement people have. Oh, the wife should know, or won't care. He's not happy. PLEASE. If he's not happy, he should file for divorce and only THEN start dating. As long as he's not on the rebound.

    And OP, your MM has CHILDREN?! Holy hell. Poor wife and kids.


    23 members found this post helpful.

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