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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backstage View Post
    I actually tried to ignore this thread, but found that I couldn't. If you are actually well into adulthood, you should consider acting like it. You may already plan to give the money back, but the fact that your mother had to play the "good kid" card suggests that you handled the situation with a lack of grace and didn't immediately say that you would help her fix the error.

    If you are actually an adult, you need to remember that your parents don't owe you anything and certainly don't have to treat their children equally in all things. If your parents feel that your brother needs some extra help, that is their prerogative and it has nothing to do with you. It sounds like your brother may have some actual issues that he is dealing with (stealing from family is not exactly normal behaviour), and that your parents feel he needs help. You may or may not agree, but holding some sort of grudge is not fair to anyone.
    not sure how the mother playing the guilt trip card has anything to do with the OP not being gracious about it.
    of course assuming the the convo went like this :hey, I accidentally gave you have of brother's money, be a good girl and give it back.

    And no, I do think kids should expect to be treated halfway evenly.
    Of course, it does not happen many times, and one has to deal.
    but blowing sugar up one kid's behind and playing the good kid card on the other? Pretty low and hurtful.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    7 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post

    And no, I do think kids should expect to be treated halfway evenly.
    Of course, it does not happen many times, and one has to deal.
    but blowing sugar up one kid's behind and playing the good kid card on the other? Pretty low and hurtful.
    That's true. But parents are simply human beings like the rest of us - not King Solomons. And they - just like their children - often do &/or say things without thinking. And the adult thing to do in these situations instead of sitting around in a funk & whining about it is to buck up, do the right thing, forget about it, & go on with your life.



  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bacardi1 View Post
    That's true. But parents are simply human beings like the rest of us - not King Solomons. And they - just like their children - often do &/or say things without thinking. And the adult thing to do in these situations instead of sitting around in a funk & whining about it is to buck up, do the right thing, forget about it, & go on with your life.
    which the OP has done.
    Doesn't mean she isn't feeling the sting time and time again.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Mom is a PITA. Brother is a a mooch and a thief. OP is vexed. Personally, I'd be vexed too if my mother was playing the sacrificial mother card and expected me to participate as the selfless sister. Of course it's not fair, and OP is vexed.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by vacation1 View Post
    Mom is a PITA. Brother is a a mooch and a thief. OP is vexed. Personally, I'd be vexed too if my mother was playing the sacrificial mother card and expected me to participate as the selfless sister. Of course it's not fair, and OP is vexed.
    Yeah, this. OP can be an adult, and still feel hurt and annoyed at mom being an enabler to her ne'er-do-well brother.

    But OP, the time is long past for expecting that being the "good kid" will bring some kind of parental reward. Being a responsible adult is a reward in itself, something you do for yourself, not because you want mom to notice and applaud your efforts.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    Yeah, this. OP can be an adult, and still feel hurt and annoyed at mom being an enabler to her ne'er-do-well brother.

    But OP, the time is long past for expecting that being the "good kid" will bring some kind of parental reward. Being a responsible adult is a reward in itself, something you do for yourself, not because you want mom to notice and applaud your efforts.
    bullspit.

    being the responsible adult has never been a reward.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    I wonder if Grandpa didn't intend to give the OP the $50 and the mother is just manipulating to try to take back part of the gift. It has to be frustrating to deal with difficult family members like the mother and brother. The $25 is not important, but it would annoy me if I thought they were trying to take money that was given to the OP by her grandfather.
    OP, get a good job and save some money so you can always be self supporting. I don't think you can ever expect any help from your mother and brother if times are tough.



  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by AKB View Post
    I wonder if Grandpa didn't intend to give the OP the $50 and the mother is just manipulating to try to take back part of the gift. It has to be frustrating to deal with difficult family members like the mother and brother. The $25 is not important, but it would annoy me if I thought they were trying to take money that was given to the OP by her grandfather.
    OP, get a good job and save some money so you can always be self supporting. I don't think you can ever expect any help from your mother and brother if times are tough.
    Gramps gave the OP hers, and mother accidentally send half of brother's to her as well. Recapping here.....
    After careful deliberation I am wondering if Grandpa didn't send her the money since last hear brother got greedy....(not to mention it makes me wonder if he didn't send along more for her all along...

    The OP does live on her own and I am guessing has a job to support herself and her horses....
    the good girl deal there does make her sound younger than she says she is.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  9. #29
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    Give your brother back the 25 bucks in the form of a grocery store gift card. Either way it helps your mom, you and probably your Grandfather..win win win.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by darkmoonlady View Post
    Give your brother back the 25 bucks in the form of a grocery store gift card. Either way it helps your mom, you and probably your Grandfather..win win win.
    For heaven's sake, no need to make this more ridiculous or convoluted than it already is. And the OP already said that she's going to return the money.



  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bacardi1 View Post
    For heaven's sake, no need to make this more ridiculous or convoluted than it already is. And the OP already said that she's going to return the money.
    I wasn't making it more convoluted, her brother is a mooch, her mother wants the money back because obviously she needs it in light of supporting the brother. Instead of handing cash to her brother who will NOT obviously use it to help out her mom, it guarantees it goes to something useful and not him goofing off more.



  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by darkmoonlady View Post
    I wasn't making it more convoluted, her brother is a mooch, her mother wants the money back because obviously she needs it in light of supporting the brother. Instead of handing cash to her brother who will NOT obviously use it to help out her mom, it guarantees it goes to something useful and not him goofing off more.
    Where did you read that mom told the OP she wanted the money back for any other reason except to give it to the party it was intended for?



  13. #33
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    Original question... No, Unless the article was irreplaceable/ one of a kind. Just cash.. Fungible. Nope


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    the good girl deal there does make her sound younger than she says she is.
    The OP could be 55, but everyone is 12 again when they're dealing with parents and/or siblings, particularly when the parents are being nuts. Which the whole "you'd do this if you were a good kid" thing kinda indicates is the case.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Backstage View Post

    If you are actually an adult, you need to remember that your parents don't owe you anything and certainly don't have to treat their children equally in all things. If your parents feel that your brother needs some extra help, that is their prerogative and it has nothing to do with you. It sounds like your brother may have some actual issues that he is dealing with (stealing from family is not exactly normal behaviour), and that your parents feel he needs help. You may or may not agree, but holding some sort of grudge is not fair to anyone.

    All the extra "help" from the parents is probably what "helped" make him who he is today.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
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    Well, backstage, I got the entire thing in a text message all at once so it's not like I had time to respond.



  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by enjoytheride View Post
    Well, backstage, I got the entire thing in a text message all at once so it's not like I had time to respond.
    Love it... preemptive strike!
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  18. #38
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    I just wanted to tell OP that I completely sympathize with her. My (older) adult brother sounds much like yours, and I struggle sometimes in knowing that he gets many things handed to him when I have to work so hard for everything I have. However, I am lucky in that my mom and dad both realize the inequality of the situation and even talk to me about it. I never blame them because I know it's very difficult for them. And every once in a blue moon they'll do a little something special for me in appreciation of being the "good kid" (I'm 31 but will always be their little girl). I am so sorry it sounds as though your mom isn't so supportive. Just try to find peace in the fact that having a job and being independent means you can do whatever you want to do, and you don't have to rely on anyone else to be able to do it.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    Yikes..this is why we stopped gift giving in my family about 20 years ago. Does anyone even remember the Spirit of Christmas/gift giving anymore....it's all "me, me, me".


    1 members found this post helpful.

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