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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default Housewife/Stay at home Moms/Dads--how do you do it?

    I recently quit my job and moved to another state due to my husband getting a new job. Because we won't be here very long, and because of his traveling overseas and needing someone to be here with the kids, we had basically agreed that I'd just stay home.

    I SUCK at it. So I'm looking for some of your stories about how you manage your day.

    When I was working full time, lots of hours, plus an hour commute each way, kid activities, horse, etc I managed to do all of the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning, etc on one day of the weekend. I have all this time now and I swear, I get nothing done. I have all of these little projects I could be doing but I just screw off all day.

    My typical day is up at 5:30, take dogs for a walk. Drink coffee and screw off online, read news, read a book, whatever. Take dogs for another walk. (we have no yard right now, so they need the exercise) Then I either A) drive out to the barn which takes quite a bit of time or B) go to the grocery store, run errands. Because my dog has been sick, I spend a good chunk of each day cleaning carpet although I'm hoping yesterday was my last rug doctor rental for awhile.

    Then I start prepping for dinner around 4. Hop in shower. Try to have everything ready to rock around 6 when DH gets home.

    I have PLENTY of time but I'm totally unmotivated without some sort of deadline! We have company coming for dinner tonight so that's a great deadline. Need to run to the store, make a cake, repot a plant, unpack a few things, work on the kids' rooms.

    How do you keep yourself on a good, productive schedule? It just seems like the more time I have, the less I actually get done!

    I don't consider myself a lazy person normally. I've worked very hard most of my adult life and kept a tight schedule. I cut myself a little slack initially as getting the house packed up by myself, wrapping up my job of 10 years, and caring for the sick dog (and for several weeks, sick me), I thought it was fine to just relax for a bit once I got here. But now I just feel like a lazy bum.

    If I had little kids I think I'd have more structure by default. But the kids aren't little and they're not here full time right now.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
    Posts
    3,010

    Default

    I went from working a few jobs, to being a SAHM. I feel like I'm going to go stir crazy 98% of the time.

    I love being able to be there all the time for DD, but I can't wait for our move so I can start working again. Right now we're saving money by not putting her in daycare.

    I just decided that I'm going back to school. I try to go to the gym.

    My day looks a bit like.. up @ 6, feed dogs and do potty rotation. Make a cup of coffee and watch the news. DD is usually up around 8 so I get her breakfast ready to go. After breakfast we play, Wed. and Thurs. she goes to my grandmother's and I go do chores. Fri. she comes with me.

    10-11 is her AM naptime, after nap we play a bit and aim for lunch @ 12. More playtime or I try to run errands, Monday is grocery shopping day. She naps usually from 2-330 and I clean up after her mess, prep for dinner, do dog potty rotation, etc. When she wakes up, we'll go visit Dad in the office, run longer errands, or just hang out around the house. We do dinner at 6, she's in bed by 7, and I buzz around cleaning, or just sack out on the couch. I go to the barn whenever DH gets home.
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    I have a hard time even doing laundry during the week! I just. don't. think about it. I'm so used to doing it on Saturday morning! Old habits die hard I guess.

    But I really need to do more when I'm home during the day. I'm just terribly unmotivated. I've wasted this entire day goofing off. It's ridiculous.

    Got to go to the store though. So I'm outtie.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
    Posts
    3,010

    Default

    I'm the same with laundry. I LOATHE laundry.

    Sometimes, I'll text DH and say, I just did x, y, and z... even though I haven't actually done it. It motivates me to get it done before he gets home. It's odd, but it works.

    Enjoy your outing!
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2007
    Location
    Bremo Bluff, Virginia
    Posts
    1,426

    Default

    I'm in a similar boat. My son is 3 1/2, so a lot of time is spent with him. I think I may need to (shudder) join a mommies group soon to socialize him.

    As far as a schedule, I'm not firm on it but I try to plan my projects for that week. THere are a ton of things to do around here and the whole list is daunting. One project at a time is not so bad. I try to tell myself that this week I will do X. Write down a list of supplies I need, tell DH that is my plan. That holds me accountable. If it's a two person job, I do all of the prep and planning so that I only need DH to help with the big parts on Saturday.
    "In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has widely been considered as a bad move." -Douglas Adams



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2003
    Posts
    1,901

    Default

    subscrice to fly lady and get daily emails about what tasks are to be done that day.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    SAHM with one in school, one at home, one in oven. A little different because we have a dairy, so I can get called in to sort, feed, haul, gopher at a minute's notice. I have a few things I do EVERY day after taking DD to school, like bed making, etc, but usually one day is for cleaning each room. Vacuum living room every other day.

    I do a lot of volunteer work, that keeps me really busy sometimes. Pick a day to make lots of meals, or meal components so when you are running 5 different directions, you can throw something together quickly.
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 5, 2004
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    1,240

    Default

    I am the same. Staying at home with my 1 yr old and feel like the laziest person on earth. When she naps I go on the internet, watch bad tv, etc. House is a mess, laundry undone, bills paid last minute....and I am home all day long. I have never had time off before between school, jobs, and our ponies and now I have lost all discipline. It truly takes having people over or going on a trip for me to get organized and do anything. So depressing because I always thought I was the type that "worked well without supervision"....apparently not!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    TOTALLY HEAR YOU. It's 2:30, I have company coming in 3 1/2 hours and I've done nothing because well...I can get it all done in 3 1/2 hours!

    I'm such an adrenaline deadline junkie. I'm learning that about myself.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Feb. 26, 2011
    Location
    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
    Posts
    3,969

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    TOTALLY HEAR YOU. It's 2:30, I have company coming in 3 1/2 hours and I've done nothing because well...I can get it all done in 3 1/2 hours!

    I'm such an adrenaline deadline junkie. I'm learning that about myself.
    CLose COTH and get to work!!!
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    I will. At 2:45, I will leave.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2000
    Location
    California
    Posts
    8,366

    Default

    This year I was able to quit my job that I loathed to no end. Since then I did a yoga teacher training program and did some teaching (but I'm not teaching at the moment - took time off for lots of reasons), so that took up a lot of my energy. I have a very PT job where I can work from home, so I do that *maybe* 1-2 hours a day. When the weather is good, of course I ride. We keep the horses at home so I do all the horse chores. I do all the grocery shopping, laundry, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc. I go to classes - just started ballet, and keep up with yoga classes. I've got a couple volunteer opportunities that I'll be pursuing after the new year. I've picked up a ton of books that I want to read.

    But I hear you - days without structure can make you feel like you did nothing all day long! Today I did horse chores, laundry, went to the post office, bank, and grocery store. Later I might put in a new line of tape fencing in one of the paddocks, walk the dogs, and do some reading. Not very exciting, but I look at it this way - I have been given the gift of time, which is very precious, and I'm trying to use it to learn about new things (my current area of study is religion) and further my personal growth.
    My Mustang Adventures - Mac, my mustang | Annwylid D'Lite - my Cob filly

    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    PP-you're right. I feel like this IS a gift.

    I had been really suffering medically for quite awhile due to stress that was kicking off my Lupus stuff. So having things more low key is AWESOME. BUt I feel like a loser.


    DH doesn't seem bothered too much, but I think he may be and just not saying it.

    He sent me flowers yesterday with a note "I hope your day is bright". I've been really struggling with the dog stuff and being stuck at home so much. But truly? I'm the one who isn't DOING stuff. I could. I can!

    And then I just keep looking at the clock til the last possilbe minute that I need to be productive.

    I can do better.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

    Default

    PP-you're right. I feel like this IS a gift.

    I had been really suffering medically for quite awhile due to stress that was kicking off my Lupus stuff. So having things more low key is AWESOME. BUt I feel like a loser.


    DH doesn't seem bothered too much, but I think he may be and just not saying it.

    He sent me flowers yesterday with a note "I hope your day is bright". I've been really struggling with the dog stuff and being stuck at home so much. But truly? I'm the one who isn't DOING stuff. I could. I can!

    And then I just keep looking at the clock til the last possilbe minute that I need to be productive.

    I can do better.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    19,558

    Default

    Find somewhere to volunteer. Makes you happy and makes someone else happy. You can't beat it.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  16. #16
    Join Date
    May. 14, 2008
    Posts
    302

    Default

    I can (kind of) relate.

    My DH works a fairly crazy schedule. While it is predictable, the swing shift leaves him with 4-5 days off in a row on a regular basis. This always falls after a night rotation, so the first day gets a pass of not doing anything. By the 3rd day, I wonder what he could possibly be doing all day (we do not have any children).

    The only thing I have found that these extended days off are good for is spending money.

    We have talked about it and he can't pinpoint what goes wrong either.

    Lists work.......sometimes.

    Motivate yourself. I will not go to the barn until I do one load of laundry, while that load is washing/drying I will dust, do dishes, vacuum.

    Then reload the washer while the other is drying. I would load the dryer when Im headed to the barn and then fold when you get home. Before you know it, chores are done.

    Shit.... This sounds good. I should try it sometime.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    33,281

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    PP-you're right. I feel like this IS a gift.

    I had been really suffering medically for quite awhile due to stress that was kicking off my Lupus stuff. So having things more low key is AWESOME. BUt I feel like a loser.


    DH doesn't seem bothered too much, but I think he may be and just not saying it.

    He sent me flowers yesterday with a note "I hope your day is bright". I've been really struggling with the dog stuff and being stuck at home so much. But truly? I'm the one who isn't DOING stuff. I could. I can!

    And then I just keep looking at the clock til the last possilbe minute that I need to be productive.

    I can do better.
    I am slacker SAHM , the one with the picture next to the definition.

    and still, you do stuff
    lots of stuff

    doing laundry isn't that big of a deal to me - until it comes to the folding part....best thing is to fold it as you pull it out of the dryer.
    have the kids do the socks (yeah right...I think mine has yet to figure out how the pair got shoved together...the sock elves did it!)

    But the truth is, when you have things in order (unlike me) the daily upkeep is really quick. Allows for projects, making presents, scrap booking and all the good stuff. And seriously, it really does not matter if you fold laundry in the morning over soaps or the evening over CSI.
    I am trying to get better at things, but meh...seems like every time I get going something steals my thunder...was doing well in october, getting stuff done, had to go to germany in November, got sick for 2 weeks after, the whole month was shot....

    Unless you want to dethrone Martha, don't sweat it.
    Husband is clean and pressed for work, kids fed, dog watered and walked...so what if you spend a little too much time drinking coffee and playing COTH.

    You will pick up the slack as soon as DH gets sick with manflu, the kids have the crud and who knows what else can hit the fan at high velocity.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 2002
    Location
    NJ, USA
    Posts
    2,317

    Default

    Don't have kids & I'm single but had to say, since I've gotten back to full time M-F 8-5 hours at work, I find I'm getting WAY more done around the house & barn! I'm many times more organized than I was when I was PT or unemployed, and still find time to workout 3 times a week and ride (well not now, done until spring).

    I think it has something to do with energy breeds energy? Or momentum builds on itself?

    Like someone else here said, I used to think I was very self driven & self disciplined, until I found msyelf with all this time on my hands, a long list of to-do's, and no motivation!

    I think that is why Fly Lady started doing her thing - she was a SAHM when she started it. Worth checking out?



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    33,281

    Default

    I certainly need to rekindle my inner Flybaby....
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2006
    Posts
    1,919

    Default

    Same as keepthelegend over here. It is really hard. I try to get a load of laundry and dishes done daily, I also feed my horses (only been back at home two weeks... holy work in progress. Tough doing it with a fiddler and infant, and then we had a heavy snow... and now the whole farm is a damnable ice skating rink! ), the cats, and of course the kids. When DH is home I also make dinner for he and I. When he isn't I feed the kids and scrounge for something easy for myself.

    I do have a really hard time with it. I miss the hustle and bustle of my job and having a social life. If DH is out of town I could go days without speaking to another coherent person (DS1 is just learning to talk)



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