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  1. #21
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    Oct. 25, 2008
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    You can't expect boy-roomie to read your mind (as much as he-- or anyone-- SHOULD, at least in some instances)... Stacking garbage on the counter because the trash can is full isn't just an accidental oversight-- that's inconsiderate and lazy.

    I also agree that a list is good. Get a dry-erase board, put it on the fridge, tell Roomie that his daily tasks are going to be put there. Chores are to be done by 5pm (or whenever you get home, minus an hour) or before he leaves the house, whichever comes first. If "helping around the house" is in exchange for reduced rent, then his chores need to get done, no questions asked and no excuses, or else his rent goes up. End of story.
    *friend of bar.ka

    "Evidently, I am an unrepentant b*tch, possible trouble maker, and all around super villian"


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  2. #22
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    See, I just don't think it's a "guy thing". It's a "person who has gotten away with it because someone else always steps up and takes care of it" thing.

    In other words, it works for them because THEY don't care and someone else does and they find it easier to just DO it than leave it or watch it get done half arsed.

    My husband's now almost 15YO daughter did not know how to sweep--broom and dust pan--until I taught her 2 years ago. I kid you not. Dad cleaned the kids' rooms, did their laundry, picked up all their messes. He spent a good 2 hours every night just cleaning up all the messes the kids made after school each day. A tidy house is important to him, but he just felt like it was easier to do it all himself than show the kids/hold them to it.

    If a parent wants to do that, fine. But really, as in the example of the OP, these are life skills people should have if they want to function in a relationship or roommate situation.

    I'm certainly not as much of a neat freak as DH. But I like things clean. And I don't like the idea of leaving a perfectly clean house in the morning and coming home to a trashed kitchen, wrappers and dishes all over the living room, etc and then having it expected that I'll take care of all that. Your mess, your responsibility.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


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  3. #23
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2000
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    California
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    Ditto posting a to-do list on his FB page if he can't be bothered to read an actual note. Also ditto increasing his rent either what your time is worth to clean up or what it would actually cost to get a cleaner.

    Or, could you get rid of him and find a new roommate? I think the annoyance of the situation would have me so mad at him that I wouldn't want him around...
    My Mustang Adventures - my blog!
    Yoga for Equestrians
    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran


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  4. #24
    Join Date
    Mar. 13, 2006
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    On the Trails
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    You could be writing about my sister and her XH. When they were dating my sister was maintaining a long distance relationship with her BF. She/We lived on Long Island and he lived in Mass. She'd go up every weekend like a dutiful GF and spend the entire weekend cleaning his house, which he shared with his brother and his dad, because they were slobs and she was not. Then she'd come home and complain that she'd spend the whole weekend cleaning and the next weekend, it would be just as dirty. I told her to stop doing it because why should they when they know their free maid will be up to take care of it on the weekend? The light finally went on and she quit cleaning but ended up marrying the guy anyway.

    DH and I had our nephew stay with us for a couple of months because he lived in Spokane and his job was in Everett - across the state - so stayed with us while he saved money for an apartment. I have never met a lazier, self-centered kid in my life! He did absolutely nothing around the house and never even changed/washed the sheets on his bed the entire time - blech! I asked him one day to empty the dishwasher and he said "how about I do nothing." I said, "how about you pack your bags?" He emptied the dishwasher but shot me daggers the entire time. Gawd, I hate lazy people.

    Kick him to the curb.
    Yogurt - If you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? Steven Colbert


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  5. #25
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    Mar. 4, 2007
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    Western Washington
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    2,878

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    Personally, I would message him on FB. Not publicly humiliate him by posting it on his wall. Humiliation has never, ever made someone want to help me.

    A scheduled, posted division of labor is the way to go, IMHO. But subtle hints are a waste of time because they aren't working and only annoying you.



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mtn trails View Post
    I asked him one day to empty the dishwasher and he said "how about I do nothing." I said, "how about you pack your bags?" He emptied the dishwasher but shot me daggers the entire time. Gawd, I hate lazy people..
    OMG SERIOUS?? What balls he must have! My mom's third husband had a child like that, and once when he was about 8 or thereabouts, he was eating ice cream on their bed while watching TV. When he was done, she told him to go put his bowl in the dishwasher. He looked at her and said "no." What the what????? Yeah. It is in how they were raised. DH was raised in a very blue and pink world; the men did the ranch work and the women did the ranch house work. His step-mom did all the cleaning, cooking, clothes, everything; all he had to do other than get up and go to school, was the ranch stuff. Well, there are NO cows here...you get to help with the pink stuff now!!
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.


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  7. #27
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    Nov. 12, 2011
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    Wow, sounds like you are living with my roommate from senior year in college. I liked him very much as a person, but as a roommate he was an inconsiderate slob. My breaking point came when I found an unwrapped condom on the living room floor. Was it used or not? I do not know; I didn't get close enough to find out.
    I ended up essentially moving out and staying with my BF most of the time, whom I now live with. My suggestion? Kick his hind end to the curb.
    "A horse gallops with his lungs, perseveres with his heart, and wins with his character." - Tesio



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    I don't really have a solution for the dish washer or taking out the trash, but I'll share with you how I trained my exhusband.

    He was the son of an over indulgent super mom. When we got married I told him I didn't mind cleaning and doing the housework, but I would not pick up after him. There would be a box and anything left out of place would go in the box.

    After a few months of marriage, some important paperwork came up missing. XH searched the entire house and was frantic I asked where he left it and he was unsure. Well then, I said, I probably put it in "The Box".

    What box? I reminded him of what I said and he did not remember (selective hearing)

    "Show me The Box"

    The paperwork was there along with his favortie hat ("Red Hatty", yes it had a name), several pairs of boxer shorts, a sweatshirt, some fast food wrappers and a dirty mug, various junk mail, magazines etc.

    I never had to pick up after him ever again.


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  9. #29
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Thanks for the replies. I'll be the first to admit I am NOT a neat freak. My random stuff is scattered on the bathroom counter... I have piles of stuff on the tables or project stuff left out for a while at a time. Corner-clutter is the bane of my existence but I can't quite get to place where I don't have it (comes from starting several projects but not getting done iwth them when I think I will... that combined with world class procrastination). This is part of the reason I think I've convinced myself not to ask him to do more. Mostly he sticks to his bedroom and the spare room where his tv is, neither of which I go in much at all (I went to get the plate and fork from yesterday out of there only because I was fuming and honestly wanted to throw it back at him during the impending "discussion"). My room is often a mess and yes, there is dog hair on the carpet/rugs in the house ...within 5 minutes AFTER I vacuum. I'm not a saint... but I do try. The attitude I got when my friend was over and I was paying her to help (I needed help, she needed extra money so it worked out when she offered) just floored me and honestly is a great representation of his attitude. I told him from the beginning that I was in this for the money. He recently told me that he recognizes that only through generosity of friends is he able to live as he cannot support himself. The more I think about that statement the more insane it seems to me, especially when he only works 1 job but until next week has only been working 4 days/week... AND when he drinks mountain dew like it's going out of style (and yes he does complain about his beer gut at the same time)... AND when he's only paying $350/month in rent has has been behind since October (he moved in in August). Oh and he still owes me his half of the cable bill (an addition $10/15 per month since I already had internet and phone) for the entire time he's been here. He WAS going to start catching up by paying me some from each paycheck this last week but it turns out he "forgot" about his cell phone bill (yes he has a smart phone) and his car insurance that was due. How does one "forget" about that?? It's like forgetting Christmas -- newsflash... it's on December 25th this year!

    SmartAlex... your box idea is a good one. There has actually been a box of his sitting in the foyer since he moved in that I've started piling stuff on. I watched him bring it and another box in when he was moving in... set them down to talk to me for a minute, then pick up only the top box and take it upstairs. The ohter one is STILL there. Maybe I'll start using it like that.

    Thank you for letting me vent.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  10. #30
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Oh, well, if he is behind in his rent, I'd boot his ass out NOW while you still can. It may take months afterall.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    He keeps promising that he'll catch up when he gets his tax refund. If we can't "fix" the issues between now and then, that's just what's going to happen. I don't "think" he'll stiff me if I booted him now, but I don't want to take that chance. I'd like to at least get my parents loan paid off which is scheduled for Feb anyway before I lose that extra income... which I know is funny since he's behind anyway.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    So you're basically loaning him money with no hope of being paid. He needs to go borrow from someone else--not you. I'm assuming you got a roommate to help offset expenses, NOT to support someone who is a complete stranger!

    My goodness. I let a good friend live with me rent free for awhile. He bent over BACKWARDS to help around the house. Granted, some of his methods were unorthodox and downright funny (cleaned the hard wood floor with PLEDGE! I nearly killed myself when I hit that floor in sock feet!). But he pulled his weight and then some.

    Your guy? OCTOBER? Unacceptable.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


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  13. #33
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    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    Oh I think you misunderstood me (although the pledge story was giggle-worthy) or rather I didn't make it clear. He only paid part rent in october (thus being "behind" since then) and another part rent in November... putting him a full month behind. December I got full payment (except for his part of the cable bill).
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    Yep. DH and I have had two roommates on short term basis..basises? basi? What the heck is the plural of basis?

    Anyways, we've had two. The first one was my friend and coworker, who was getting married and moving into her soon-to-be-DH's home, and had a renter pop up quite suddenly for her townhouse. She had already moved most of her stuff into storage, but was basically going to be homeless because they are super religious and she wasn't moving in until the wedding. So she lived with us for about five weeks I think, rent-free. She cleaned CONSTANTLY.

    The other one was a friend and coworker of DH's, who was stationed here and looking for a place to buy, and was then going to deploy again. He stayed with us for about the same amount of time, and he cooked CONSTANTLY and bought groceries.

    Your roommate does not pay, cook or clean.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  15. #35
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    If he was a boarder, would you let him be behind like this?

    I know for a FACT that I could get on CL right now, take a job for this weekend helping someone move or clean out a house and have a couple hundred bucks for a few hours' of time.

    That's what *I* do when I need cash.

    He needs to have a fire under his butt and PAY YOU.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Sep. 16, 1999
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    Ohio: Charter Member - COTH Hockey Clique & COTH Buffy Clique
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    BuddyRoo... that's what I would do as well! Especially if I owed a friend. I find myself walking that fine line between lighting said fire and not becoming his "mom" because that's the LAST job I want on this earth.
    ************
    "Of course it's hard. It's supposed to be hard. It's the Hard that makes it great."

    "Get up... Get out... Get Drunk. Repeat as needed." -- Spike



  17. #37
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    IMHO, you just need to have a sit down with him.

    "Listen Roomie, here's the deal. A) you need to get current and STAY current on rent. You've got 10 days. B) you need to chip in on the household chores. If you don't think you can do that, then you need to make arrangements to go. But you still owe X amount."

    I bet you that if faced with being kicked out (and not like he's motivated enough to research the law?) he can come up with the money. You're just not being a squeaky wheel.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  18. #38
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by BuddyRoo View Post
    If he was a boarder, would you let him be behind like this?
    Oh here's an idea. Padlock him in his stall until he pays up.


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  19. #39
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
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    All 'round Canadia
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    Quote Originally Posted by OnThinIce View Post
    I always wonder about how the thoughtful skill set is developed. Take the military for example. How do they get a bunch of disparate 18 year old guys to understand what's expected of them in regards to appearance, cleanliness and tasks? Is it the black and white instructions? Promise and then fulfillment of punishment when met with failure? Does a drill Sergeant doling out come to Jesus moments shock them out of thinking being lazy is okay? Or is it they understand they're reaping what they sowed?
    LOL, all of the above and crazy, crazy peer pressure because of group punishment. One guy doesn't get his bed to spec, the entire platoon gets their weekend leave cancelled, or gets extra drill, or has to move rooms for funsies and re-do all their neat spaces.
    Works like a charm. The most obtuse 18 year old learns to toe the line when all of his buddies want to murder him in his sleep.
    (And while the murder doesn't happen, you can very easily prevent the slob from getting food, for example, by putting him on first guard outside the mess hall and not sending the replacement. He'll either learn, or he'll break and go home).



  20. #40
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    Again with the "roomie" when it's a landlord/tenant situation. I just find it odd, and I think wording it that way (and thinking of it that way) helps the situation continue. When I had "roomies", we all just rented a room in a place - we didn't owe each other anything beyond basic courtesy (and the split in our cable bill).

    But you're his landlord, and your rental arrangement includes him doing stuff in exchange for lower rent. Put his duties clearly on paper (even stuff like "empty garbage every M/W/Sa"), and jack up his rent if he can't keep to the rental agreement.



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