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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2008
    Location
    Zone 2
    Posts
    99

    Default Meh about kids

    Hubby and i have been married for 8 years, together for 12. We have both been relatively non-commital about children. I am getting closer to 40, and although im not a frim believer in no-children-after-40, it getting closer to making a decision. Is there anything that "pushed" you one direction or another? We have a nice home, horses, jobs, etc. We're not struggling by any means, so its not a financial thing. I just kind of feel like some days i could see it and others i couldnt. Thoughts? Anything that moved you one direction? Thanks in advance.



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 13, 2002
    Location
    Azle, Teh-has
    Posts
    7,691

    Default

    I am totally moved in the "no kids" direction.

    The whole birthing process disgusts me.
    Then there is the crying and cleaning poo.
    Then there is the annoying teen years...
    Then if they turn out ok I will be too old to enjoy them.
    Also, they seem to really tug on the romantic relationship, often cause financial distress and ultimately lead to divorce.

    It's scary growing old with no one to back me up. But I can't justify that one thought into a reason why I should have a kiddo.

    Plus I have no man. That's an issue as well. lol.
    http://kaboomeventing.com/
    http://kaboomeventing.blogspot.com/
    Horses are amazing athletes and make no mistake -- they are the stars of the show!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jan. 3, 2003
    Location
    St. Louis, MO USA
    Posts
    946

    Default

    Mr. Hasahorse is/was very much in the no kids camp. I could have gone either way, but made the decision that if he didn't change his mind before I turned 40, we would not have any. He did not change his mind, so no kids for us. I am going to be 42 in a month, and while I sometimes wish that we would have had one, I am not upset/hurt/angry that we don't.
    I do have to say that we spend close to really exclusive private school tuition each year to keep all of the four legged "children" in our household happy, healthy, and fed.
    My new mantra - \"Life is too short not to eat ice cream.\"
    ReRiders Clique



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jul. 3, 2012
    Location
    Twin Cities
    Posts
    2,014

    Default

    I have never, ever had doubts about the fact that I don't want children. We could get (again) into the stories of people harassing me about it (you'll change your mind when you get older/meet the right person/grow another arm/etc), telling me it unnatural, selfish, whatever.

    SO, all this background may be clouding my statement here, but if someone is 'meh' I would think that is as good as a "no". The commitment needed for kids is far and above anything else, there is nothing like it. I think one needs to be more than 'meh'.

    good luck OP>



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2009
    Location
    Knoxville, TN
    Posts
    1,882

    Default

    I always knew, without any question, that I wanted kids. There is nothing that has provided me with more joy that the amazing faces/smiles/hugs of my boys (who are now 22 and 13, both over 6'5", not exactly babies). I wouldn't trade a moment of it. That said, it is a life encompassing commitment, not to be made lightly.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2011
    Posts
    1,101

    Default

    I haven't wanted kids since I was a kid. I don't want the responsibility or expense, and I am a wuss about pain so childbirth would probably kill me.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,393

    Default

    What pushed me into the "no kids territory" was: every time I gave the concept serious consideration, I was filled with absolute panic and dread and a thought that my life would be over. I would then say to myself, 'well, I don't have to do it right now'. Once I realized that I didn't have to do it ever, I was immediately filled with relief and peace. It's such an individual decision, but I am of the mind that if it's not something you want desperately, you should at least give it some serious thought. It's not like it's something you can change your mind about, once the kid is here.
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2008
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    313

    Default

    I got into the baby game late - 36 for my first, and 40 for my second. What changed in my life is that I had someone I wanted to have kids with. They change your life in so many ways - for me, it has been all for the better...for others, not as much. Even on days like today, when I was snowed in with a rambunctious 4 year old and desperate to go to the barn and check the horses, it's OK.

    As for the poop/spit/all various baby liquids, I can only say that for me, I was disgusted by all of that coming from someone else's child. But mine? No problem at all! LOL It's an odd, biological thing. But like katyb, I wouldn't change a moment of it. Kids get you out of your head and broaden your horizons.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2010
    Posts
    161

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Hippolyta View Post
    SO, all this background may be clouding my statement here, but if someone is 'meh' I would think that is as good as a "no". The commitment needed for kids is far and above anything else, there is nothing like it. I think one needs to be more than 'meh'.
    This is true. I wanted to have kids very much. I have been blessed with good ones. If I had not wanted them I would sometimes resent them.

    You can not get off the roller coaster once it leaves the station. Be very sure.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Location
    Ocala
    Posts
    1,219

    Default

    I not only didnt want kids, I would have nightmares about being pregnant. There are bits and pieces of kids that I liked, kids on ponies are about the best. But then Id see all the juvenile delinquents, rotten kids, mean kids, lazy worthless kids. Ive had friends that are STUCK with kids and cant get rid of them. At 20, 25, 30. I know theres good kids out there, but for me, the bad ones turned the tide for me.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep. 11, 2011
    Posts
    1,110

    Default

    I never wanted kids, Don't want to hold babies, never dreamed about holding a little one in my arms... Just "not there".

    I don't have a knack for interacting with kids and its not natural to me. I don't really enjoy kids much to be honest....sure some can be cute....I also agree with halo that the thought of being pregnant sends me into cold sweats-- actual all out terror. That is not a good sign, is it? LOL.

    Its not even that kids are a commitment or anything, thought they ARE, but my deciding factor was its just not "in me" to want kids. I just don't. Nothing making me want to sacrifice and commit.

    I've been married awhile now and very happy. If there was going to be a time for my clock to tick its now. And well, I just don't see that happening. I know I would be a great mom, thats not the point.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jun. 15, 2010
    Posts
    2,397

    Default

    I've met several women who were adamant about not having kids and their ovaries had different plans. All of them are fantastic mothers who cannot imagine life without their wonderful children. I also had classmates growing up who felt very certain that they were unwanted and burdensome. That is a sad and heavy burden for a child to carry.

    It sounds like you have what it takes to step up if the situation arose but if you don't feel called to motherhood then that's equally okay. I think finding a great long-term community helps alleviate some of the anxiety associated of ending up elderly and alone that some people experience.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jan. 31, 2003
    Posts
    18,472

    Default

    I think its fine and that whatever your end decision is, it will be fine

    I dont think you necessarily have to be head over heels baby crazy to be a good mom. But I do think you should know you are good with the lifetime commitment. Its not just 18 years of course and you never know who your child will be until they get here!

    So meh + contraception is good
    "Kindness is free" ~ Eurofoal
    ---
    The CoTH CYA - please consult w/your veterinarian under any and all circumstances.



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