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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 17, 2008
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    Default Mommy Attacks

    My four month old has been showing a lot of preference for ME lately. This is fine, except his dad is getting frustrated.
    For example, last night Jr. woke up about 1AM to eat. Dad feeds him, immediately following feeding he got very upset when put back in his crib, screamed through a diaper change, screamed when dad picked him up and soothed him. Of course I woke up during all the noise and took the baby.

    He fell asleep as soon as I held him and nuzzled my neck.

    I know babies usually prefer the primary care taker, I just don't want to have a persistant issue on my hands. Of course, I love the little booger more than life itself and never mind holding him and snuggling him, but I do need the occassional SLEEP. My husband thinks the baby hates him.

    help



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2006
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    2,456

    Default Been there before

    Dear old dad just needs to suck it up a bit and realize for the time being and the foreeable future mom is the most important person to kiddo. My daughter was the same way, and my husband was the primary caretaker as he was unemployed her first 8 months and stayed home with her while I worked full time. They go thru phases and you just have to go with them. Our daughter is now 2 1/2 and is going thru a mommy is the only person that can solve anything phase. Doesn't matter what it is, but mommy has to do it. We don't cater to her every whim so if hubby is putting on shoes he just keeps doing it, or whatever it is. They will outgrow it, don't worry! Just tell hubby to try and not get frustrated or irritated by it (easier said then done I know!) because the baby will pick up on that bit of anxiety and it will make it worse not better. We have #2 due in May so I have a feeling my little cling-on is going to be full force for a while once #2 appears.



  3. #3
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    Apr. 28, 2008
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    Default

    It's normal. Baby will have switching allegiances throughout childhood. Sometimes mommy is #1, sometimes daddy can do no wrong. IMO it is extremely normal for babies to be more attached to mommy for the first year, year and a half. There will be a daddy phase.

    Best thing to do to make DH feel involved is to hand him the baby and leave the house in the afternoon/evening. Go see your horse. Or take a nap with STRICT instructions DH is NOT to come anywhere near your room. Send him to the grocery store with babe and a long list. The little things are smart -- if they sense you are still there they will keep it up.

    I did night feedings so we could all go back to sleep. I was not going to wage a battle royale over this stuff at 4 months. Later, maybe. At that point, whatever kept us all asleep the longest I did.


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  4. #4
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    Default

    This is the first time during the night he's done it. DH is very involved, has him all day on Fridays alone. I do work so we try to alternate feedings (he still eats 2x during the night).



  5. #5
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    Apr. 28, 2008
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    Default

    If it's the first time count yourself lucky -- that is really great, honestly -- and tell DH to get over it. We don't have children so they can constantly adore us.

    I work too but DH getting up at night did not work well for us. He needs more sleep than I do so me getting up was best for us to keep the crabbiness level at a minimum across the board -- but everyone's situation is different. If you can get DH to do a feeding at night relatively successfully, go for it.



  6. #6
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    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Default

    4 month is almost time for teething. or he might be harboring a bug or something.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Jan. 17, 2008
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    Default

    Alagirl! Hah! The baby has TWO teeth already!!! No signs of any others coming. I thought he might be coming down with something, having seen 300 relatives over the past few days (and EVERY ONE wants to hold him because he is so happy).

    My DH is VERY anxious. I've been telling him to RELAX because the baby will totally pick up on it. He likes to make loud noises at the baby too, obnoxiously, trying to make him laugh when he gets cranky.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
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    Westford, Massachusetts
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fordtraktor View Post
    It's normal. Baby will have switching allegiances throughout childhood. Sometimes mommy is #1, sometimes daddy can do no wrong. IMO it is extremely normal for babies to be more attached to mommy for the first year, year and a half. There will be a daddy phase.
    Yep! Kids switch back and forth, as to who is the favored parent. My youngest is 10 now and is fairly even handed now, but there were lots of "Mommy" periods and "Daddy" periods. The important thing is not to let it hurt anyone's feelings, as it is normal. AND, enjoy the times when you aren't the parent in primary demand and you get a little more time to yourself .

    It also helps if the not favored parent picks up some slack on other things when it's their turn to be relatively off duty...if one parent is the only one able to console a cranky child for X days/weeks/months, they'll need to be cut some slack on household duties, so they can get some rest.



  9. #9
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    Feb. 14, 2012
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    Fern Creek, KY
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    Default

    Been there. We are currently in a Daddy is the greatest thing in the world, stage. I say home with her during the day, so it makes things challenging.

    When she was in the Momma Momma MOMMMMMMAAAAA stage, I would just get up with her, rather than keep everybody up for hours fighting with her. I could nurse her, and have her back asleep in 10 minutes. It would take DH upwards of an hour, and we'd ALL be cranky in the morning.

    Another trick. Keep the lights off and don't talk to him, just feed him and put him back down. The last thing you want is a backwards non-sleeper. Trust me. Been there too. It's worse than the Momma stage.

    Just remember... this too shall pass! It'll get better, I promise! You'll be wishing for the day that all he wants is his Momma!
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.



  10. #10
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    Sep. 7, 2009
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    Lexington, KY
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    Default

    Could just be normal separation anxiety for the primary caretaker, but IIRC it usually starts about 6 months.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  11. #11
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    My son-in-law still can't deal with rejection from his 5 yr old. When she gets mad and says "I hate you" he can't deal with it. Or when she openly prefers mommy over Daddy. He had no contact with children until she was born so he thinks children should act like grown ups do. It's been a steep learning curve. My daughter has had to bite her tongue and let things go sometimes. He thought getting her talking would be soo much better.LOL he learned better.



  12. #12
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    Feb. 20, 2010
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Canaqua View Post
    Yep! Kids switch back and forth, as to who is the favored parent.
    Yup, this. My bestie and her family are staying here and while baby is most easily soothed by mom (she's BF'ing), the 3-year old is all about daddy. In a happy mood she'll be good with mom, or even with me, but when she's upset or tired and cranky only her daddy will do.



  13. #13
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    NY
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hastyreply View Post
    My son-in-law still can't deal with rejection from his 5 yr old. When she gets mad and says "I hate you" he can't deal with it. .
    Ooh boy...that is something totally different. Maybe I am lucky but my kids have never said they hate anyone. But if they did, it would be only ONCE, especially if it was "I hate daddy". They would find out very fast that MOMMY doesn't like that and neither will they.

    To the OP, though, it is a balance you will have to work on your whole lives. Keep trying to get baby to accept dh for a night feeding because if it will work, it will be great to be able to alternate who gets to sleep. And it's really tough not to give criticism, but if you are more gentle and soothing, the baby might prefer that especially at this age, and at night. So...maybe try to suggest (as nicely as possible) that if dh were more quiet and soothing the baby might respond better.

    He will have his time....boy I can remember when my kids were 2 and 5 and my dh would come home from work....I remember thinking - why does he get to be "Mr. Fun" all the time? (While I was home changing diapers and making dinner and giving time outs....). It all comes around.



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