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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Aug. 7, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
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    2,500

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    The guy is a cheapskate jerk user. I think you know that so why are you still messing with him?
    I like me better than to let someone use me like that. You SHOULD like yourself better than that, too.
    You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2009
    Posts
    146

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    Honestly, this kind of blows me away. I was raised to be generous and gracious and really felt badly that I was "keeping score" about who paid for what. I felt awful about not sharing my turkey, which is why I started the thread.

    However, after reading the comments and seeing the stuff written down, it makes me feel a lot better about disengaging from the relationship. I always felt that I was being too materialistic expecting him to contribute more. I never looked at like it like he was the one at fault.

    I mean, seriously, in retrospect, if one of my friends had been dating a guy who did that at the racetrack, I would have told her to dump his sorry ass.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    6,767

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    Is his name Sniffy Jim and does he live in Gig harbor?

    Back in the day, the '90s, I worked at the Tides Tavern in the Harbor (some of you may know it, it's a landmark). This guy Jim is a regular there. He sniffs-constantly. He is a cheapskate tightwad the likes of your ex boyfriend/pal there, OP! Sits and hopes for everyone else to buy a round, never ever reaches for his wallet until forced to. People even let new staff know that he is on his own tab as he regularly tries to pawn off his bill! Worst though, to me is the guy is a misogynistic creeper of epic proportions. Always a comment about a butt or boobs, demeaning, etc. I made it my goal to ruin his day. I yelled out when it was his "turn" to pay, I yelled that he was not trying to slip his tab on someone else, I yelled that he sniffed because he still did too much coke from the 80s (!!). LOUD! Okay, I wasn't very well behaved or appropriate but he really asked for it. Blech!

    Oh yes, and Ho Bag Sheryl. Her goal was to get everything paid for! Her "signal" was to tap her almost empty beer and flip her hair. Never, ever bought anyone anything and would get snitty if no one bought her drink after drink LOL!! My big burly make friend from Chicago used to mimic her when he wanted a drink. He would taptaptap and fling his short manly hair cut around LOL!! Last I heard one of her big huge fake boobs exploded and she was not going out in public for a while.

    Mymy. I guess I have met some interesting characters LOL!!
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2009
    Posts
    146

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    Lol. Nope, not Sniffy Jim. Although that's a great name!

    From the times we have been out with other people, he doesn't seem to expect others to pay for him and really, if I didn't step up to pay, he would just do without.

    He's really a kind guy. Does a ton of charity work. I've met way worse.

    I'm his last in a series of two to three year relationships. I wonder if this is what happened with the others?



  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
    Location
    between the barn and the pond
    Posts
    14,206

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    He is charitable because it makes him look good or it's part of his own contract with God/Karma/Lucille. It is NOT about truly giving with a loving heart. He does not have a heart for anyone but the critter in the mirror.

    I've met worse too. Doesn't mean that this noncharmer doesn't suck eggs.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2009
    Posts
    146

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    Quote Originally Posted by katarine View Post
    He is charitable because it makes him look good or it's part of his own contract with God/Karma/Lucille. It is NOT about truly giving with a loving heart. He does not have a heart for anyone but the critter in the mirror.
    Wow. This is probably going to make me sound like a complete moron but when I read that, it gave me the chills.

    You are absolutely right about it being a contract with Karma. He has even said that in the past, but I never made the connection.

    This is putting the last piece of the puzzle in. I have been having such trouble reconciling someone selfish being so giving. Everything makes so much more sense now.



  7. #47
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2010
    Posts
    5,588

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    Argh--It's been cool to watch you grow and learn about things in this thread. Having gone through it, and realizing how much you just don't see is a whole new experience, isn't it?

    You just have to know this was something you needed to learn and go through so you can appreciate a good man and not get fooled anymore. You're going to have to keep us updated!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Jan. 9, 2009
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    146

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    This has been a hugely cathartic experience for me. It wasn't something I ever discussed at any length with my friends because everyone has such busy lives and it seemed so trivial to be concerned about who paid for coffee.

    Going through this has lifted a huge weight from my shoulders. We broke up as a couple several months ago and I have been thinking that if I couldn't make it with such a kind, charity oriented soul because of a $2 coffee, what hope would there ever be for any relationship for me. I had stopped wanting to do virtually everything I enjoyed because going out anywhere with him was so stressful for me. Now, I can see that more from the perspective of his behaviour and that it was stressful because nobody would find that fun.

    I honestly thought when I started this thread, that the majority of people would tell me I was soulless grinch for not sharing my turkey. I never in a million years expected to hear that he was a thoughtless ass AND to have everyone agree.

    This has sure been an eye-opener.

    I still can't believe I gave him a doormat for X-Mas. If that isn't completely Karmic, I don't know what is. Lol!!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    14,206

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    Argh, a few years ago I was contacted by a family friend. He wanted to buy a horse. I helped, found him a drop dead easy MFT mare for not much money. He wanted a horse, b/c his wife wanted a baby. WTH. ok. They had married on the stated and agreed upon premise that neither wanted kids. She changed, and he was angry. The adopted a Chinese girl,a 2 YO with a spare thumb, and she is a light in a dark world. He's softened over the years since baby #1 made it wholly and plainly obvious that he is NOT the center of the universe- she is , and now they've adopted another girl, a 4 YO with asthma and she's adjusting and doing well.

    This is the same guy who, when I expressed my reservations about him getting a horse right before they headed to China at 50 years old to retrieve their first child, shrugged and said 'people buy and sell horses all the time'...now that the Princess is in love with said horse, I think his tone has changed. I know it has. She rocked his world: he found someone he could love more than he loved himself.

    So, point being...people are complicated, and yes, they can tweak and change even when they've fossilized at 50 (back off folks, I'm 42, DH is 55, I'm joking)...but it takes a miracle like the throw away Chinese princess...and only if a person wants to be changed by such a miracle.

    The asshat in question? I'm not holding my breath


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
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    Jan. 9, 2009
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    146

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    Quote Originally Posted by katarine View Post
    The asshat in question? I'm not holding my breath
    I am laughing so hard I am crying! You are the BEST.



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Apr. 17, 2002
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    between the barn and the pond
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    HA! Don't tell anybody, they won't believe you


    1 members found this post helpful.

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