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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jan. 11, 2010
    Location
    Near the beach
    Posts
    479

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    I'm going thru the same sort of things with my parents - 88 and 89.The last few years have been hell. They live in Connecticut and I live in VA. My sister lives an hour away from them so she has to bear the brunt of their care. They refused to give up driving, wanted to live at home, every person we (my sister and I) hired to look after them, my Mom fired. My mother has been insisting my father has been having an affair for the last three years and is making life miserable for all of us. She has been obsessed by this idea, with absolutely no proof. She would leave a faucet running, then blame the girlfriend. Misplace something- we found bills in the microwave one day - and blame the girlfriend. She was in several fender benders, and was seeing a psychiatrist for her delusions, even though she thought she was fine. She stopped taking her meds, and then when we couldn't get a hold of them by phone one day, the police found her wandering around the house, naked, with shit all over her and my father totally oblivious watching TV. He can't hear - even with expensive hearing aids, and he has to wear Depends.
    Finally last summer, after my father fell down some stairs at home and wound up in intensive care after breaking nine ribs and his collar bone, we convinced them to go into assisted living. At least we know they are safe, now, but they hate being there. Complain bitterly about it and want to go home, even though it is a very nice place. I am flying up to see them next week, and I dread it.

    Sorry, that was a long vent, but it is so hard. Some days I think it would be better if they just passed away, then I feel guilty and awful. They are not the same people I knew and they just don't get any joy out of life now.



  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar. 24, 2004
    Location
    Pottstown, PA (East Coventry)
    Posts
    3,267

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    Grandmom came to visit me two years ago while her bathroom was being fixed. She was there for 3 days so brought a small brown tweed piece of luggage. On the trip home she asked if I had put her toiletry bag in her suitcase. I had and told her so. By the next day she was insisting that the woman that lived with us had stolen her two large blue suitcases and all her clothes.
    Except that no woman lives with us and nobody visited us when she was there, there were no blue pieces of luggage.
    At one point she called me up and work and told me "That woman had better return my clothes or I am going to sic the mafia on her". Good thing she hung up on me since I was laughing so hard. Now she is Italian and is from South Philly but we don't know anyone in the Mafia.
    It is hard to have the Alzheimer's patient be "right" when you can't produce the missing luggage/clothes that aren't missing.

    The last two times she has brought it up I just told her that it was tragic and that "That Woman" died in this awful housefire and there was nothing left. It least if provides closure: no more woman, no more clothes, no more luggage so it can't be returned. It seems to have stuck as I have not been asked about it in months.
    Generally we just agree with what ever she says and she finds it less upsetting.
    She lives with my Uncle, Aunt and Nephew so does not live on her own.
    Oh, well, clearly you're not thoroughly indoctrinated to COTH yet, because finger pointing and drawing conclusions are the cornerstones of this great online community. (Tidy Rabbit)



  3. #23
    Join Date
    May. 20, 2008
    Posts
    1,331

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    How on earth did I miss this thread? I am going through this as well, with a grandparent. We go with the flow, don't really correct any more. Yes, they will make up things - we just go with it. She also talks in circles - says a sentence or two, then says the same couple of sentences again. And again. And again. We will gently divert and redirect to something else to get off off the cycle. I agree with not correcting. Just gets everyone upset.



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