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  1. #41
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    Aug. 17, 2012
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    He sounds a bit snobby (the gift exchange thing) but nothing sounds too awful. He might have a reason for not attending the functions - maybe it causes anxiety or maybe he was abused or who knows. Being someone's spouse really doesn't obligate you to go. It could even be because of a problem that no one is addressing, or he could just not want to. Not everyone finds the family get together a to be fun - they're sometimes boring for the spouse.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gestalt View Post
    Sometimes it seems like guys can't win, if they don't care all that much about their appearance they're pigs, if they care too much they're gay.
    My husband was raised in a retail clothing store so he is very particular about his clothes. But he is so out of date he is still wearing his father's suit, and a sport jacket with suede elbow patches.

    He tries to dress well. So does this make him a Try-Sexual?

    I need more to do today...


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Jul. 19, 2007
    Location
    Michigan
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    11,351

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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    My husband was raised in a retail clothing store so he is very particular about his clothes. But he is so out of date he is still wearing his father's suit, and a sport jacket with suede elbow patches.

    He tries to dress well. So does this make him a Try-Sexual?

    I need more to do today...
    No, he's doing the Vintage Retro look.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Dec. 27, 2012
    Location
    Zone 1
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    10

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    Longtime lurker, first time poster here.

    I personally don't really get along with my SO's family. Like some of the above posters I come from a small family of my mother, grandmother, and myself so holidays with his family of three brothers, one sister, parents, inlaws, and nieces/nephews can be incredibly overwhelming for me.

    I don't love attending family functions with them, but put a smile on and do it anyway. There is one family member who shows up with a different girlfriend every time, and these girls are always wayy younger than his dating range should be. When he leaves, the entire family starts talking. And sometimes it is not that nice.

    OP, there's really not much you can do except grin and bear it.

    And hope that maybe she'll find someone that fits in with the family more, but until then, I always find some spiked eggnog to enjoy while sitting in a couch with three kids breaking things and screaming in and around my face


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Jan. 25, 2009
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    1,772

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    Quote Originally Posted by DancingArabian View Post
    He sounds a bit snobby (the gift exchange thing) but nothing sounds too awful. He might have a reason for not attending the functions - maybe it causes anxiety or maybe he was abused or who knows. Being someone's spouse really doesn't obligate you to go. It could even be because of a problem that no one is addressing, or he could just not want to. Not everyone finds the family get together a to be fun - they're sometimes boring for the spouse.
    I agree. His reaction to the present was rude behavior, I agree. However, I've never really liked big holiday get-togethers. And I agree with the person who pointed out that he may be working a lot and not want to spend the day off in that way. I personally would think it might be better if each took their own car, so that he could drop in and she could stay and talk if she wanted to. I don't necessarily think it is over-the-top controlling, though. I would not say anything to your sister, or say anything that might get back to her. I can understand why you wouldn't want to date him, but apparently she does and what has been posted here doesn't sound that bad. Vent about him to your friends, but leave it alone unless and until something more alarming comes up.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
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    8,027

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    Unless the sister complains, the "when I say we go, we go now" might be something they've worked out ahead of time. If I wasn't horsey and wasn't particularly fond of my in-laws, I couldn't imagine anything more boring and annoying than spending a day with them watching their horses run.

    Heck, I've done the same thing when I was dating someone whose overly preachy vegan friends I couldn't stand. I'd agree to make an appearance and stay for dinner, and when talk turned to things that made me roll my eyes I said go, and we went. They probably thought I was a controlling b**** (since I'm not a guy they probably didn't think I was abusive, just a joy-killing nag or something), but that was my deal. If my SO wanted me to come along, we'd leave when I was ready to leave and not a moment later. The other option would be for me not to come at all, which I preferred.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
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    SF Bay Area, California
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    5,184

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    Quote Originally Posted by HandyHunter View Post
    OP, there's really not much you can do except grin and bear it.
    Went through something similar with my younger sister. Our family gatherings have always been fun whether a football game tailgate or a holiday dinner. Enter Mr. Pompous Ass, who doesn't drink, hates sports and is a meat and potatoes only guy while we are a family of foodies.

    When they got engaged, I asked her what she loved about him and all she could say was that he was "different" from anyone else she had ever dated. I remember my mom saying "Hopefully they won't have children so a divorce won't be a problem when she finally figures out what she married." They have now been married 12 years and he's still an ass, and doesn't make any attempts to be part of the family. Fortunately, my parents are no longer around to witness things because even through my sister has three beautiful children, she doesn't seem to be very happy in her marriage.

    I've finally given up on trying to even fake like the guy. I know he looks down on me because I'm still single and to him it makes me irresponsible...his kids aren't allowed to come hang out with me and my horse because it's "too dangerous". Of course this irresponsible aunt would never teach his kids how to safely be around horses...

    Sadly, this is the man my sister chose to marry and that's that. Hopefully your sister will wake up and smell the coffee before it's too late, if not, you will have go swallow a bitter pill, pretend to be happy for her when she gets engaged and asks you to be her maid of honor and be grateful for the times you get to be around her before her ass of an SO drags her away. Sorry...
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg


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  8. #48
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005
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    2,813

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    Thanks, all. Haven't spoken with my sister since Tuesday, but did hear that he actually liked the sweater she gave him.

    You're right, he's not my cup of tea. They did have separate cars on Christmas; she called him when she arrived to say, "Hey, my family got you some gifts." That's when he said he'd be over (15 minute drive) but never showed up.

    Over Thanksgiving, Sis told me that boyfriend, she, and boyfriend's parents had talked. (My sister knows his parents fairly well; he's been to my parents' house twice.) Upon hearing that he rarely/never attended our family functions, his parents told him, "Well, sometimes you have to do that."

    Nice guy to look at...not nice to talk to...very self-absorbed and clearly puts himself first...won't take no for an answer in anything.

    My sister does put herself first most of the time, so maybe it's a good fit. I still think she would be better alone or with someone different. Sigh.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Sep. 14, 1999
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    Just Enough Farm, GA
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    2,262

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    He sounds like a complete brat to me. I would take the positive approach several have recommended and see if you can convince your sister to spend more time together sans the brat. Hopefully she'll become reacquainted with life on the "outside" and decide to make some changes.
    If you believe everything you read, better not read. -- Japanese Proverb




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