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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    not liking is one thing, but the situation described is borderline controlling. hell with borderline!
    There are always three sides to every story. Her side, his side, and the truth.

    I am sometimes still guilty of venting about my husband's less than easy to deal with traits to my family because we can pick on him together from our familiar view point. But I've had that back fire on me more than once.
    The more perfect our happiness,
    the more nagging and wretched
    do our unsolved problems seem.
    ~ Gordon Grand



  2. #22
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    People in my husband's family probably think I'm controlling too--when really, I just have boundaries and they don't.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Ahhh... boundaries.
    The more perfect our happiness,
    the more nagging and wretched
    do our unsolved problems seem.
    ~ Gordon Grand



  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    There are always three sides to every story. Her side, his side, and the truth.

    I am sometimes still guilty of venting about my husband's less than easy to deal with traits to my family because we can pick on him together from our familiar view point. But I've had that back fire on me more than once.
    what the OP described seemed like the visible signs, not was sis told her.
    So one can only assume what she isn't saying. But when the outward signs are that obvious!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by SmartAlex View Post
    Ahhh... boundaries.
    Well, I attempt to have boundaries. LOL
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    what the OP described seemed like the visible signs, not was sis told her.
    So one can only assume what she isn't saying. But when the outward signs are that obvious!
    Yes, but visible signs from her point of view. I can tell you my husband's boundaries, as seen by my boundary-less family, are pretty darn controlling. I'm not saying the OP is seeing something that isn't there, but perspective is a very powerful thing.
    The more perfect our happiness,
    the more nagging and wretched
    do our unsolved problems seem.
    ~ Gordon Grand


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    I'm used to people around here pulling me into their drama simply because I'm around so I'm not used to people with boundaries at this point in my life.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    I'm used to people around here pulling me into their drama simply because I'm around so I'm not used to people with boundaries at this point in my life.
    Around here as in Off Topic? Ummm... yeah, a few of us may have left our boundaries at the door
    The more perfect our happiness,
    the more nagging and wretched
    do our unsolved problems seem.
    ~ Gordon Grand



  9. #29
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    I meant in my everyday life.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  10. #30
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    Couple things here from my outside opiniony. Retail management jobs are giant time commitments. maybe on his one day off, he doesnt want to spend the whole day with his GF family? Also, if he works at a high end store, his taste probably leans towards that: ie if you work at Neiman Marcus you dont have a Target wallet. my hubby and i have rules as to how long we spend at each others parents house... and to others it may seem controlling that one is tapping their watch, but its simply a reminder of our "deal".


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by MMacallister View Post
    My ex-husband was a metro sexual type. That sentance should say it all, but until she is ready, she won't make the change. Best you can do is be supportive.
    I think for a few people including the OP who have brought up his possible sexual preferences that is a pretty ugly line to walk. There are plenty of gay men and women who would make fantastic partners in any relationship. Who he loves is far less important then how he loves.
    "I would not beleive her if her tongue came notorized"


    7 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    Too many red flags here. Men who work in fashion retail often have a lot of self-issues, which is why they are drawn to a job where you can literally dress yourself up to be awesome and confident. This guy sounds like he's got a whole bunch of those and he's definitely wrapped his insecurity up with authoritarian behaviour which is why he's management because that stuff looks good on paper even though it ultimately causes trouble down the line in retail environments as it leads to abuses and often theft in the workplace.
    Wow. I can't believe anybody seriously said all these things, let alone attempted to extrapolate THIS MUCH misinformation from someone else's post.
    "The standard you walk by is the standard you accept."--Lt. Gen. David Morrison, Austalian Army Chief


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lynnwood View Post
    I think for a few people including the OP who have brought up his possible sexual preferences that is a pretty ugly line to walk. There are plenty of gay men and women who would make fantastic partners in any relationship. Who he loves is far less important then how he loves.
    LOL, it is not a sexual preference.
    well, not particularly.
    It's a type of behavior, outward, that is relatively new to 'straight' men, assuming qualities that are more common, or commonly accepted by females, like thorough grooming, manicures, facials etc....

    She did say though that he appears to be gay if you didn't know he was with the sister.
    *I* am thinking, if it is THAT obvious, he probably is.
    it's neither here nor there, except that it is a character trait. The metro thing.
    Probably close to narcissism...and that is not a nice place to be standing next to.

    As to the boundary situation.
    boundaries are healthy, unles they are staked too close.
    The OP didn't say he objected to family come over, but to sister to visit family.
    well, if he does not want to go, sister alters her schedule...or does not go.
    I think, even with the benefit of doubt, sounds troubling to me.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  14. #34
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    I don't see a problem with anything you've said about him. Does he sound like my idea of prince charming? Heck no! But different strokes for different folks.

    And he doesn't sound controlling either, at least by what was said in the OP. I imagined that you wrote this about a woman instead of a man and the behavior sounded pretty normal. He's self centered and highly opinionated. A lot of people are like that. And while I could see that it would cause you to dislike him, I don't see why it's a problem for your sister to date him if he makes her happy.

    And who cares if he likes your family or not. Is that a requirement to be your sister's boyfriend?

    I rarely visit my inlaws on holidays. My husband usually goes but almost always by himself. I grew up with just my mom and we lived far away from the rest of my family. I like to be at home, relaxed on holidays. It's nothing against his family, just not my idea of how I'd like to spend my Christmas Day.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by War Admiral View Post
    Wow. I can't believe anybody seriously said all these things, let alone attempted to extrapolate THIS MUCH misinformation from someone else's post.
    Seriously.

    My mother was an editor at Vogue and Mirabella, started a jewelry retail company (with a straight male business partner) etc etc, so I have met plenty of men gay and straight alike who work in fashion/design/antiques etc etc etc.

    What a ridiculous post, Lex.
    Really.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
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    I don't understand why metro-sexual equals gay. That is not the case in most situations.

    But he OP's sister's boyfriend does sound like a bit of a prima donna and wants what he wants and that is that. A selfish baby who always gets what he wants, as no filter because he was always given what he wants.


    Typical momma's boy if you ask me.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
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    This is one of those fun threads where everyone's replies reveal a great deal more about THEM than anything else. The guy doesn't sound like my cup of tea or the OP's, but jumping from a little high-maintenance behavior to abusive, controlling, etc. is kind of a big leap. Here's my extrapolation: OP, your dad doesn't have a problem with the guy and wants you to stop calling him an asshole.
    Holy crap, how does Darwin keep missing you? ~Lauruffian


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coreene View Post
    It's her life, it's her business, including her choice of living with an asshole. He probably gets the "we don't like you" vibe off of all of you as well, so why try and force the issue and have him come over?
    I agree, plus like others have said maybe he feels like he is on another planet when with her family. Sometimes it seems like guys can't win, if they don't care all that much about their appearance they're pigs, if they care too much they're gay. A for not liking the present she have him, you need to meet my brother, he is Mr Picky when it comes to receiving gifts. You know right away if he doesn't like what you got him.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slewdledo View Post
    ...how long until she'll figure out that he is NOT good for her?

    They've lived together 2+ years.
    Your second sentence answers your first. MYOB. He doesn't sound abusive (and no, expecting someone to care for a dog they want and the first person doesn't is not being overly controlling) so for whatever reason, she wants to stay with him and considers the pluses more than the minuses.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by MunchingonHay View Post
    I don't understand why metro-sexual equals gay. That is not the case in most situations.

    But he OP's sister's boyfriend does sound like a bit of a prima donna and wants what he wants and that is that. A selfish baby who always gets what he wants, as no filter because he was always given what he wants.


    Typical momma's boy if you ask me.
    I guess one could call them 'in touch with their femininity' but the OP said 'if you didn't know better you'd think he was'
    which I think, if it's that obvious, he probably is.
    which is somewhat irrelevant, because being gay in itself isn't a bad/good quality.
    however it does present problems in a hetero partnership.

    but sheesh people.
    since when is it MYOB when somebody is in a bad relationship.
    controlling people don't mellow with age and tend to create isolation around their object. Maybe the OP's case, he really is just a jerk around her family. But it is never ok to accept bad behavior toward the SO.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



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