The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst ... 23456 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 80 of 154
  1. #61
    Join Date
    Jun. 27, 2005
    Location
    KY
    Posts
    4,473

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by izanalter View Post
    If you had told me that I would be feeling this way prior to the last straw (his leaving) I would have told you that you were flat crazy. I am one of those folks who just has never been smart enough to quit. I have always believed that I could find a way through, around, or over every problem. However, this isn't just a problem. It is a whole clusterf***.
    Please read what you wrote.

    Are you saying that if he hadn't left, you'd be able to fight and win all of the current issues you are facing?

    Please don't depend on 'that other' person to give you the strength to be YOU.

    YOU are still the same strong person who can find a way through this.

    It does NOT depend on him - not at all!!!!!!!!

    Sometimes calling a complete stranger, as in a hot line, having to tell them the entire story, can give you some clarity.

    I hope you can do that.

    P.S. If you are close to any of us COTHers, please don't hesitate to shoot us a PM to come get you.

    ************************
    \"Horses lend us the wings we lack\"


    4 members found this post helpful.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Mar. 2, 2007
    Location
    Upper and Lower Canada
    Posts
    2,807

    Default

    You seem like such a smart, eloquent, talented, kind, humane person with so much going for you! Depression can happen to anyone, but particularly those in a bad situation like you are facing. Please get on an antidepressant as a stop-gap solution. Your GP can prescribe you one.

    Trying to keep yourself from crying may not be the best thing for you. Granted, too much crying is not good, but sometimes we need to grieve. Go cry to the horses if you have to. Then when you've grieved enough you can start the long climb back up.

    I wouldn't feel guilty about staying in the house or borrowing the ex's vehicle. I don't know about the laws in your state, but in many states, you are entitled to half his assets since you have lived with him for so long.

    And I wouldn't feel that your life with horses is over either. I'm sure you'll find some way to keep them in your life.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    218

    Default

    Nothing is unfixable. Where there is life, there is hope.

    I keep thinking about you. Your posts bring me to tears.....

    One important question I have for you -- after the hysterectomy, did they put you on hormones? I'm worried that some of this feeling of hopelessness may be caused by your body's chemicals being out of balance.

    Please, please don't kill yourself. You matter more than you know.

    I know it is hard right now. I know you can't see any way out -- but that doesn't mean that there isn't one.

    Take a deep breath. Even if you have to walk away from the farm, your life can still have meaning. You can still rebuild your life into something that feels worthwhile. Don't take away that chance.... this part that seems so horrible will NOT last forever.

    I am thinking about you constantly. I wish there was something I could do, but please know that even though we are strangers, I care about you.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #64
    Join Date
    Jun. 27, 2005
    Location
    KY
    Posts
    4,473

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by IneedanOTdayAlter View Post

    One important question I have for you -- after the hysterectomy, did they put you on hormones? I'm worried that some of this feeling of hopelessness may be caused by your body's chemicals being out of balance.
    And that is a very realistic possibility.

    Can you call your psychiatrist and ask her/him for some advice?
    Perhaps some meds that will get you over the hump?

    And know that you are not alone.

    ************************
    \"Horses lend us the wings we lack\"



  5. #65
    Join Date
    Jan. 7, 2009
    Location
    New Zealand
    Posts
    198

    Default

    "I wouldn't feel guilty about staying in the house or borrowing the ex's vehicle. I don't know about the laws in your state, but in many states, you are entitled to half his assets since you have lived with him for so long. "

    Hear! Hear!

    But, izanalter, you own the farm together? He is responsible for the debts now, surely? All partners are liable, and if one can't pay the bank, the other must.

    You need to get the tax thing sorted. Make whatever pleas for relief that are required at the IRD to buy some time. Use your tears to good effect and regard it as a challenge!

    DO get rid of the extra horses. It's a fact of life that times are hard, and most people are having to adjust their spending levels. You are not alone Cutting back in a purposeful way will give you purpose and improve your mental state.

    It seems that you have had a rough few years health-wise, but are now physically recovered. Many relationships do not survive a long period of illness. A loving partner may not have the capacity to continue under prolonged stress, especially if they have a limited understanding of the effects of long-term illness. I know women who regarded their hysterectomy as the answer to their prayers after difficult menopause and the horrendous hormonal upheavals they endured.
    Insight is a wonderful thing - talking is great, sharing puts things into perspective, allows you to put the past behind you, and recover emotionally. And getting mad is good! Slam a few doors, kick a few buckets!
    Hug your horse.
    And be optimistic - look forward to a happier 2013!







  6. #66
    Join Date
    Dec. 25, 2012
    Posts
    66

    Default

    No, they didn't even mention the HRT. Actually, the last time I saw the surgeon, it was to have the 32 staples pulled out of my middle. He told me that they would need to schedule me for a mamogram. Obviously, I didn't go back for that!

    I deeply appreciate all of your concern, but the reality is I cannot face having to leave my farm. Simply. Cannot. Do. It. Every fiber of my being has been invested into this place, and, as much as it haunts me right now- I see him everywhere- I cannot fathom being anywhere else. I am scared beyond belief at the thought.

    But mostly, frankly, I am so alone. I know that you wish me well, and you are all so kind, but I am alone in a way I cannot describe. He really was what I leaned on, but moreover, I would be dead if not for him. I did not want to go to a Dr, or the hospital. And now, after two years of hell, I so wish that it had been over, then. I hate my life. I have moments of love in each day- I have two dogs- one is the child that I never had. She is laying by my feet right now, and is as close to me as she can get, always.

    But it is the emptiness, and the longing, the regret, and the dispair. I cannot fill this void, and it just envelops me, and swallows me whole, and I feel as though I am being dragged down, and down, and I cannot breathe.

    Each day is an exercise in going through the motions. I find myself distancing from the horses- and these are horses that I used to hug, and kiss, and stroke their faces, just to be near them. Now, I see it all being torn away, and I am fading with the pain of it. When something lousy happens in a day, I just tell myself that it will not be much longer.

    There are moments when I want it to stop- right now- and I have to tell myself that my boarders do not need to have all of this dumped on them, and that the horses who I can get moved, or euth'd have to be taken care of first, and then the load will be light enough.

    I was overwhelmed and didn't act, before he left. Now, I am overwhelmed, and have no choice. With him, there was a chance to save everything. Without him, I don't even care enough to try, because I know that I cannot do this alone. I do not want to be the woman whose ex has to tell his new wife that he has to go fix stuff for her. I won't be that woman.



  7. #67
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    218

    Default

    Listen, if you are not on hormones (and SHAME on them for not putting you on them! that's grounds for a lawsuit, as far as I'm concerned!!!!) that is a LOT of the HORRIBLE you are feeling right now. You can't go from 100mph on hormones to 0mph in a matter of hours and not have that take a TERRIBLE toll on you!

    You MUST get yourself to see a doctor that will prescribe them. Don't go back to the dirty bastard you went to before -- go to someone else. Call around if you have to. Send me a PM if you want me to call around for you! I mean it!!!

    Seriously -- while you are having a real crappy time right now, your body is, for lack of a better term, completely whacked out by having all the hormones ripped away from it.

    Really.

    Please, please see about getting HRT immediately -- and if you need help, please send me a PM and I would be more than happy to help you setup an appointment somewhere!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    40

    Default

    Going out on a limb here, but...

    I call bull$hit on you, OP.

    If you are playing games with the good people of COTH, then you should be ashamed.

    If you were truly suicidal, you wouldn't be on the inter webs bellyaching about it. You would be pretending everything was fine so no one would stop you.

    If you are not a fake, but just depressed, then SNAP OUT OF IT! You have animals that depend on you! Get dressed and GO OUTSIDE!

    You're going to kill yourself over a farm? Puh-leese. The parents of Newtown lost their children! Butch up!

    If you are really so, so, alone, why? How have you lived your life that you have no one to turn to but a bunch of total strangers, half of whom are sick with worry, contacting the Mods to find out who you really are to send the state troopers.

    If you have driven your family and friends away, why? Figure it out and change. Now! You can!

    CUT IT OUT NOW! PUT ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER! CLEAN YOUR HOUSE! WALK THE DOGS! BAKE SOMETHING!

    You are alive! Rejoice in it.


    20 members found this post helpful.

  9. #69
    Join Date
    Jun. 30, 2006
    Location
    SF Bay Area, California
    Posts
    4,087

    Default

    OP, you can and will get through this! You are hitting rock bottom and there is no where for you to go but up, which you can do, one baby step at a time.

    If any of us are near you, please let us help. You are not alone, your COTH family will be here for you. Please see a doctor and get some medication that will at least help you think clearly and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

    I know what it feels like to be overwhelmed, breaking things down into small tasks can help quite a bit. Your animals need you to be strong for them. No matter how badly you feel, remember they depend on you for everything. Taking care of my animals got me through many a dark day. They didn't ask to be stuck with me, so I figured I at least owed them the opportunity to be well loved and cared for.

    Your animals need you to stay strong.

    Please consider disclosing your location so that COTHers around you can offer to help.
    Proud owner of a Slaughter-Bound TB from a feedlot, and her surprise baby...!
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e350/Jen4USC/fave.jpg
    http://i42.photobucket.com/albums/e3...SC/running.jpg



  10. #70
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2001
    Location
    Ft Worth, TX, USA
    Posts
    3,808

    Default

    To Break away alter. How dare you!? If you don't believe the OP, just ignore the thread. It's been a long time since I've seen a post as mean as your's. In fact, I really wish you'd delete it.

    OP, I'm not a Dr. so won't add much, but please get to your gynecologist. I know personally that hormone replacement can help.

    Just want to add this http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.co...epression.html
    Maybe it will bring a smile for a minute
    "Everyone will start to cheer, when you put on your sailin shoes"-Lowell George

    What's the status on Tuco?


    5 members found this post helpful.

  11. #71
    Join Date
    Dec. 25, 2012
    Posts
    66

    Default

    Thanks for the tough love. My father agrees that I need to lose the farm, and the horses, and get a real life. Then again, he has thought that for my entire life, where he was primarily absent. When I left my former career, after I became ill, I lost touch with all of the folks I had been friends with for 20 years. I stayed on the farm as much as possible, and I avoided people, frankly. This, from someone who had done public speaking around the country, and made a living meeting people. I spoke at a convention about a year ago- and it was only with a dear friend accompanying me that I made the trip. I was there for 36 hours, and split for home. I spent more time in the room than with the people there, and I've known some of them for much of my life.

    I have been very open with my close friends about how I am feeling. They are not happy about my thoughts, but they cannot call me irrational, either. I hold down my crappy job, with people who are aware that my SO left me, but certainly not about anything else.

    I cannot see anyway to deal with this, other than the way that I am. I haven't felt this way before, so maybe I am just not doing it right, eh? The professionals I have spoken to in the shrinky field agree that I have had a substantial number of **stressors** (their favorite word) and my depression is expected.

    I have an appointment scheduled to meet with a DR who specializes in bioidentical HRT. If I can put one foot in front of the other, I certainly will.

    And, as I stated before, if you had told me I would feel this way-ever- I would have told you that you were flat crazy. Now, I can't seem to see my life through any other lens.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #72
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    974

    Default

    So glad to hear you have an appointment. Get yourself there and get some help! I am betting you will be feeling better soon.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #73
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2007
    Location
    Central NJ
    Posts
    974

    Default Break Away Alter..........

    You are unspeakable cruel and can't even use your usual name to do it.


    15 members found this post helpful.

  14. #74
    Join Date
    Jun. 27, 2005
    Location
    KY
    Posts
    4,473

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by izanalter View Post
    The professionals I have spoken to in the shrinky field agree that I have had a substantial number of **stressors** (their favorite word) and my depression is expected.
    Yup, that's what they call it.
    I am surprised they'd expect you to deal with it without any meds at this point.

    Please go see someone else in the field who knows how to get you through this rough patch. And please do it pronto.




    Quote Originally Posted by izanalter View Post
    I have an appointment scheduled to meet with a DR who specializes in bioidentical HRT. If I can put one foot in front of the other, I certainly will.
    Good that are you are planning to seek help from an expert in that arena as well.

    ************************
    \"Horses lend us the wings we lack\"



  15. #75
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2006
    Location
    New Hampshire
    Posts
    1,367

    Default

    I would think SSRIs (in addition to hormone therapy) would be of great help in this circumstance. I am surprised that none of the people in the "shrinky field" have suggested it.

    OP, I posted a thread a few days ago about going on Lexapro a few months ago. Now, I don't claim to be in the same situation that you are in, but I have to tell you that it DID completely turn me around as far as my perspective and my ability to see and deal with what is happening in my world. As I said in my thread, after a few weeks on the med, I felt like a completely different person. I am definitely much more balanced and have a much more positive spin on life. I'm not saying that this is a solution for you, but certainly it must be worth a discussion with a professional. Don't you want to explore every possible avenue?
    -Debbie / NH

    My Blog: http://deborahsulli.blogspot.com/


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #76
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    40

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by izanalter View Post
    Thanks for the tough love.
    You are welcome!

    Quote Originally Posted by skykingismybaby1 View Post
    You are unspeakable cruel and can't even use your usual name to do it.
    You clearly didn't understand my post. Read it again.



  17. #77
    Join Date
    Dec. 25, 2012
    Posts
    2

    Default

    I'm sad but not surprised about your Father's feelings toward the horses...you know why I can relate, because my Father did the same. Once that didn't work then the entire family (except my Mother) started a campaign against the horses, the farm, the dogs...stating I needed to give it all up and go live in an apartment and work a dull job for the rest of my life. They had no idea I was showing jumpers at the Grand Prix level...you know why, I never shared it as I didn't need their negativity in my life.

    There comes a day when you can either chose to let those closest to you dictate and possibly ruin your life, or there comes a day you say F#ck No, and you pull your depressed ass out of bed and realize NO ONE can make you happy but YOU! Then you begin the climb up...yes I have lost a farm that my parents could have helped to save, prior to losing the farm a bad relationship ended with a restraining order on a BF in the industry, and a resulting horse killing as a repercussion of that. I moved away started again from the bottom up, as long as I had my dogs that love me unconditionally I could go on AND I had to. NO way in hell are a few people couldn't ruin my life to the point that I would kill myself as that would mean they WON! My puppies needed me, and my responsibility was to always be there for them until the day they die. And yes I too am on a payment plan with the IRS, they actually are VERY accomodating as long as you communicate your hardships. I too have had medical conditions beyond what I should.

    This may be a bit of tough love, but buck up...you can do this! And you know what, those family problems have a way of taking care of themselves, my father is now terminal and we get along a lot better.

    You sound like suicide would be a punishment for you Dad and BF, get over that. Certainly you haven't lived your whole life just to feel like two people let you down so your going to kill yourself, that sounds somewhat self-centered and honestly like you are / have been a little spoiled.

    Times are tough, relationships are falling apart, finances are hard, people - including myself are working at crappy jobs well below our previous ones to make ends meet. Unfortunately that's life for alot of folks right now, yes it sucks but certainly it's not worth killing your self over.

    You will get through this, if you don't I feel very sorry for your puppies.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  18. #78
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2011
    Posts
    218

    Default

    I'm so glad to hear you have an appointment for HRT. You will not believe how different you will feel on appropriate meds.

    When is the appointment scheduled for?



  19. #79
    Join Date
    Jun. 26, 2009
    Posts
    81

    Default

    Would Prince Charming leave you when you got sick? Would Prince Charming leave you holding the bag, while he danced away with someone else? Not everyone is pleasing all the time. Someone who really loves you will love you at your lowest point as much as at your highest.

    You said you were a strong person before you met this guy and lost that when you were with him. Do you know what that means? It means he was and is no good for you. I'm not saying that he's a creep. Maybe he is and maybe he's not. What I am saying is that real love will make you more yourself than you were before. It will inspire you to be strong and independent.

    There is a difference between love and dependancy. Intentionally or not this guy made you dependant on him and that is why you are having trouble functioning without him.

    It may not seem like it, but this is not the guy for you and you are lucky he is gone. You need to find someone who enhances your strengths
    and mitigates your weaknesses. Every woman has kissed a prince only to have him turn into a frog. all this really means is that you've joined the club. Leave the frog in the pond, save your farm and find your prince.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  20. #80
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    3,735

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Southernlawyer View Post
    You said you were a strong person before you met this guy and lost that when you were with him. Do you know what that means? It means he was and is no good for you. I'm not saying that he's a creep. Maybe he is and maybe he's not. What I am saying is that real love will make you more yourself than you were before. It will inspire you to be strong and independent.

    There is a difference between love and dependancy. Intentionally or not this guy made you dependant on him and that is why you are having trouble functioning without him.
    From the OP's posts, it does seem like she abdicated the responsibility for her security, happiness, pretty much everything onto this guy. No person can handle that for long, so it's not surprising he eventually broke and left. It doesn't make him no good; it makes him human. As the OP is also human.

    OP, you repeatedly posted that you worry about his credit rating. This guy has been with you so long, loved you, still seems to care for you; forget his credit rating, your suicide would be ten thousand times worse for him. He would blame himself for the rest of his life, and his memory of all your beautiful years together would forever be tainted by this.


    4 members found this post helpful.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness