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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    6,585

    Default The Inevitable Family Drama Post

    Normally, I don't have much in the way of Family Drama. My mother is a stone cold crazed hateful witch and I do not speak with her. She moved to OK and I am cool with that. Please do stay there.

    My sister lives in AZ, my stepdad does too (my mom has been married divorced I don't know how many times). I'm friends with all my cousins, etc. My brother drinks too much and smokes weed (now legal here I guess) but that is of his own doing and hopefully one day he'll come around.

    I received an email from my mother the day before Christmas Eve, it was addressed to me, my sister, my brother, and my stepdad. She said "Merry Christmas to you all, I hope you reap what you sow". Oh my! Then she listed us all in bullet statements with various assertions of our "wrongdoing" that particularly offended her. Apparently, although my sister is 34, our mother is still p!ssed that our stepdad paid for a nice sweet 16 party even though she did not deserve it! Also, my mother fully informed me that she knew I had lied to my cousin about her selling my grandparents silver. Neither my cousin or I have any idea what she is talking about.

    It's her usual MO, scream in rage about various thought up "transgressions" from the past and carry on in bitterness and anger. This is why I do not speak to her

    This is the corker though, and it's an ugly one. My sister is not into horses and I will also say she is wanting to be very open about this, so take that as you will.

    Years ago, when my mother and my sisters biological father divorced, my mother accused him of molesting my sister. He went to jail, for a year or so-it was in the 80s so the memory is blurry for me. I was about 10 or so. My mother also started a feud with the presiding judges family because the judge did not sentence him long enough for her liking. She tends to go after and hold a grudge against those who do not act according to her will

    My sister, while we were discussing the latest hate mail from our mother, told me that after years of counseling, guidance, and honest self searching, she does not believe the abuse took place. I can honestly say that he never touched me in an inappropriate manner and as I was older, I would remember. My sister was around the 3 to 4 year old range then. She has had discussions with her father and his family about this at length.

    The even uglier thing about this is I am not surprised or even taken aback that my mother would lie and destroy someones life over some petty hatred she bears. Neither is my sister, or my cousin. My cousin has openly wondered about it to me over the years although we did not feel it would be appropriate to bring that up to my sister.

    I can definitely say the woman is a sh!t and needs more help than man alone can give her.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Location
    Southern California - Hemet
    Posts
    1,639

    Default

    I'm so sorry. Your mother sounds deeply disturbed. What a hateful email to send in the guise of Christmas wishes. I hope none of you responded to her rant; it sounds like she was spoiling for a fight. I think you are right to keep her out of your life.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,369

    Default

    Wow. She sounds like a sick piece of work.

    I didn't deal with much drama this year--except the drama I actually stirred up with the ex-wife after she pulled several BS moves that ended up costing us money, time, and energy. She's actually like your Mom. Makes stuff up trying to throw people under the bus, lives in her own reality, and unfortunately unlike your Mom, most people let her get away with it. Most people. I did not this time. So that was the only drama--I informed her that she's cut off and the checkbook is firmly in my hand now and that if she pulls this crap again, she can stay home with the kids, skip her plans and explain to the kids why. But that I'm not going to facilitate this kind of crazy.

    Other than that, things were good with my family this year! This is the first Christmas in 20 years that I spoke to my father on Xmas. We've been slowly trying to put our relationship back together over the last year and I'm really happy about that.

    I'm glad for you that you've got physical separation from your mother. May I suggest blocking her email moving forward? THat is of course, unless you get some enjoyment/entertainment out of her craziness.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2011
    Posts
    1,101

    Default

    Wow - I don't know what to say except you have my sympathy and *hug* That is so beyond messed up what she did to your sister's father if it's not true. I hope one day she reaps what SHE sowed!

    They say living well is the best revenge so my best advice for your family is to ignore her email. Don't respond in any way, shape, or form...don't give her the satisfaction she got to you. Talk amongst yourselves if you need to about what she said, but to borrow a line from this BB: do not feed the troll.

    Good luck, OP.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    6,585

    Default

    Oh I don't respond If I did it would be to fly out and punch her in the face, I just don't have the maturity to not do that at this point in my life. So, better she stays away.

    I had her blocked but she made up a new email, we all had her old one blocked. As well as Facebook, phone, etc.

    Buddyroo, I'm that person who says no, too. She hates me for it. I have no qualms telling her where to go and how. Resorting to her level though is not productive so I try and avoid that. She used to call my employers and rant to them about me. Now, all employment info is on lock down from her. The last time she called I was working for a restaurant owned by Italians, the owner and my (now ex) boyfriend are friends. The ex is a cop. She called the restaurant, got the owner who heard my name, understood little else, and handed the phone to the ex who was enjoying some cioppino for dinner break. She hung up after he repeated that she was speaking to "Officer John Doe of the Gig Harbor Police Department". I admit I still find that highly amusing.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,369

    Default

    That IS pretty funny.

    Good gravy. Bless your heart (in the Northern way). That has to be real fun to deal with.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Default

    The good thing is it is pretty infrequent. She usually raises her head about once a year or so.

    I do wonder what my sisters father can or will do? I wonder if he can get that rectified? I have no idea.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,369

    Default

    He may be able to get it expunged or something. I'm not up on my legal stuff. Not an attorney.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Nov. 4, 2003
    Location
    Dallas, Georgia
    Posts
    16,533

    Default

    Perhaps your sister can talk to the D.A.'s office for guidance. Alas, "false memories," during that time frame was a biggie and many were falsely prosecuted/convicted.

    How sad for your mother that she chooses to live in bondage to bitterness, anger & resentment. Also sorry that she continues to hound you & your siblings. But GOOD ON YOU for not permitting her behavior to bring you down to her level. As always, You are responsible for your own behavior, not hers.
    <>< Sorrow Looks Back. Worry Looks Around. Faith Looks Up! -- "When they try to tell you these are your Golden years, don't believe 'em.... It's rust."


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    Default

    Thanks chocomare
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,598

    Default

    We really should get together at some point! I suspect we are alike!

    This Xmas is the first holiday where I've not spoken to my mother, and I'm okay with that. She is (I suspect) borderline personality, and (I know) narcissistic. She is also an alcoholic and abuses Xanax and Ambien. She almost ruined my wedding, she has called me horrible names and lied about me to EVERYONE she knows, and I just deleted a folder in my email full of her crazy rantings. I stopped taking her calls this year, and played her crazy voicemails for DH before deleting them, then stopped responding to her texts, didn't reply to her emails, and finally blocked her on FB after she called DH white trash and said he could procreate with himself. Several times. With many drunken typos. She lives in a southern state, thankfully, but has threatened to "show up on your doorstep and you'll have to call the police to get rid of me." Mkay, that's fine. I live in my own jurisdiction, and when we move out whenever the house sells...she isn't getting the new address!

    But because of that, NO DRAMA. I had a couple lovely conversations with my soon-to-be-ex-step-dad or whatever you want to call that, as they are going through a messy divorce, I worked with my friends, and then DH and I snuggled and watched Nat'l Lampoons Christmas Vacation.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
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    washington state
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    Default

    The drunken typos are what really impress me! My sister and I were talking about how smart our mother used to be, being an alcoholic has marinated her brain.

    Ugh, I'm sorry about the wedding thing. I saw pics, such a pretty wedding! My sister got married a year and a half ago, our mother did her best to undermine the whole thing.

    We should get together. You are supposed to be bringing a horse out to get ready to event, right? I'm always at NW Equestrian, Aspen, Caber and usually Whidbey HTs. Also pretty much every H/J show, all Ay-rab parties, err, horse shows, and quite a few of the dressage shows. I live right around the corner from Aspen Farm, have you seen the awesomeness that is that place!? http://www.aspenfarmseventing.com/

    I'm signing up early to jump judge so I can have the monster evil trakehner for advanced. A super aggressively perky horse show mom beats me to it every year and I am going to win it this time!

    http://eventingnation.com/home/aspen...urse-walk.html
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,598

    Default

    He went down and has since come back. And I've ridden him at home but dang this weather sucks and I want an INDOOR! My sincere hope is that the house sells, we find a place to rent in Mount Vernon area, and while I love where I board, I want to find a place to board that has an indoor (and fits our needs...). I've applied to a different LE agency, so if I get it I need to commute south while DH would still commute onto the island until he retires in four years. Then purchase land in Sno Co. I thought you were more Seattle area, but looks like Oly is your stomping ground?
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    6,585

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    Yelm is about 20 mins east of Oly and 30 or 40 mins southeast of Tacoma. I like it here for now (although I am still wanting to leave the area at some point for nicer weather LOL!!). Mt. Vernon is beautiful. I get up to SnoHo often, I braid for some folks, specifically an eventer (L Bender) who also coaches her daughters vaulting team. She hates doing the hunter braids so I do those on her vaulters for her

    I am thinking about buying but we will see. I am currently working for a community college but I need to focus on promoting this next year, that could be anywhere within the community & technical college as well as state agencies like DOE, L&I, DOT, etc. So, who knows? I am not adverse to moving anywhere anytime. The one thing I really like about this area are the good horse folks. When I ride again I will want to have my horses with Terrie Hook (eventer, you may have heard of her) and she is in Roy.

    I have noticed that the small town PDs pay more and make for better working conditions. Gig Harbor, Yelm. The counties are busier and pay less. What about WSP? My friends husband just retired from the Army and is now a trooper.
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Feb. 23, 2005
    Location
    Spotsylvania, VA
    Posts
    12,715

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    Mr P is taking our Christmas presents to his sister and brother while I stay home to clean stalls. I think I got the better part of the deal
    I wasn't always a Smurf
    Penmerryl's Sophie RIDSH
    "I ain't as good as I once was but I'm as good once as I ever was"
    The ignore list is my friend. It takes 2 to argue.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
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    Wsp doesn't get much at all, it would be a big pay cut for me. I applied at an agency about three times larger than where I am, pay and bennies are almost exactly the same, it's a city dept.

    Not sure where I got Seattle from?? Who knows!
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    May. 23, 2011
    Posts
    1,425

    Default

    Wow, sure sounds like my mother. Getting her out of my life was the best thing I ever did. Haven't regretted it since.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
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    Default

    Maybe because I got my speeding ticket on the 405 last summer?
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
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    Default

    Yanno...I'm almost positive that's the reason, right there. Ha!
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,129

    Default

    You can block someone's emails, and they'll never know. And I also have an unlisted, and unpublished phone number, so no one can get it. Unlisted/unpublished for a landline costs about $6 a month, but it's totally worth it.

    I am totally estranged from my family, and a few years ago my brother called me. I was listed in the phone book then, unfortunately. After all these years he wanted me to invest in his wife's business-you don't want to know my answer to that, because the language was exactly what you think, and that was after the "Hell no!". And on Facebook is you don't want to unfriend someone, you can go to the settings and tell FB not to show their postings, or anything else from them. And they will never know that either, and I think you can block them from commenting on your page also.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



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