[luvmytbs]

So I ordered it on his CC# before we even cleaned up the wrapping paper.

You are kidding! Right?

First vision in my mind when I read that was Judge Judy.......

[Ajierene]

If anyone has read the book The Five Love Languages, they may have a better sense of what is going on here.

This is my perspective. You told boyfriend not to worry about getting you anything. You then asked him what he wants and he told you. In both of these conversations, he listened to you directly.

My ex-fiance, who made more money than me, would always tell me not to get him anything. He would get annoyed if I did spend money on him - meanwhile, he would spend a ton on me. Which I loved. I used to wonder if I was to materialistic also.

Well, I read the Five Love Languages and realized I am not materialistic, I have two main love languages - gifts is one and acts of service is another. It is important to note that while these are called love languages, they are really the language of feeling appreciated.

For me, the gift does not have to be big, but be something that I want. As an example, I get really irritated with my mom because she gets me random stuff that not only did I not ask for but often I actively do not want. My brother and ex-fiance, however, listened to what I want and only get me what I want (my brother bought me my Kindle Fire prior to my deployment).

So, in other words, while you told him you do not want anything, gifts may be the way you feel appreciated and that is why you are more disappointed than someone else, at the prospect of not getting anything. While it is OK to feel disappointed, you also need to understand what others have said about him listening to your direct words. If he didn't get you anything, just have a discussion with him when you are not emotional and let him know while you appreciate him listening to you, you really do like thoughtful presents.

[fargonefarm]

OK, so I'm just going to say what a lot of people of thinking and throw caution to the wind about backlash...cause' honey - I can take all the backlash you got and then some:
Kryswyn: You are one materialistic be-yatch in the first order. Shame on you.

Sweetie - for Christmas my father with Alzheimer's informed me that Christmas dinner was "disappointing" - after I spent. All. Freaking. Day. Cooking. And after I helped him change his clothes after peeing on himself.

90% of the presents I got didn't fit/weren't my size. But I DON'T CARE! My family loves me, and that's all that matters!!!! I wouldn't have cared if I had gotten nothing because you know what? I still have them and for that, I'm damn lucky. I have had a horrendous couple of months - but I'm INCREDIBLY lucky to have the blessings that I have.

So for you to post that materialistic, trashy crap....I'm sorry but Aunt Esther's purse can't do you justice.

And to the OP - screw the presents. Over a week ago 20 sets of parents lost the opportunity to see their kids faces on Christmas morning and will never get it back. So here's the thing: Does he love you more than anything? Do you love him more than anything? Because if you've got that, then sweetie, you have a hell of a lot.

We're bickering about gift-giving. Seriously???? And people wonder why I hate this holiday.

[MoonoverMississippi]

Well, to update my Christmas... I got a lovely pair of earrings I picked out, and sent him the link for. He also chose 3 pieces of expensive lingerie for me. Meh. I hate gifts that are purchased for the givers gratification. The other item I specifically asked for didn't appear. When asked, he said he hadn't gotten the link. Which I'd sent twice. So I ordered it on his CC# before we even cleaned up the wrapping paper. Of course, since he didn't order when I sent the link, the size that would probably best fit me is OOS and as the store is closing, not coming back in stock.

Am I disappointed? Yes. But I remind myself that this man loves me more than life and I love him too. And that Christmas joy should be from the giving (and he LOVED all the things I gave him, so I am happy about that).

Wow, you are blessed to have someone who "loves me more than life" and you're disappointed over gifts and what materialistic gift you didn't receive you"ordered it on his CC# before we even cleaned up the wrapping paper".

Pathetic.

[saitou_amaya]

Just an update my boyfriend was just screwing with me and he did in fact get my a present and even my horse a present. I got the really nice rubber reins for my jumper I've been eyeing and my horse even got his favorite treats! And we talked too and agreed for next year and also for future birthdays we should both keep a running list of potential present ideas that the other can easily references without the annoying song-and-dance deal.

[cowboymom]

That's wonderful, S_A-I've been checking in here all day hoping for good news. Happy for you, all of you!

Also I think that is a really good idea for future gift-giving.

[Judysmom]

Yay! You got a good present!

Good idea about the list.

[vxf111]

Just an update my boyfriend was just screwing with me and he did in fact get my a present and even my horse a present. I got the really nice rubber reins for my jumper I've been eyeing and my horse even got his favorite treats! And we talked too and agreed for next year and also for future birthdays we should both keep a running list of potential present ideas that the other can easily references without the annoying song-and-dance deal.

Good, not only did he get you a present but he clearly put some thought into it. Better communication next time and you'll be all set. He sounds like a keeper!

[vacation1]

Seriously? After all the "honeybuns, men are just stoooopid, you have to lead them by the hand" posts to the OP, excusing her BF on the grounds that boys are Asperbergers by gender, there's a) name-calling on a random poster who basically did that exact thing, albeit leading her BF's credit card rather than his hand, and b) a meh, that's nice reaction to OP's revelation that her BF actually was smarter than a goldfish and bought her a gift? If the previous low-expectations posts were honest, shouldn't those same posters be urging her to never let this guy go as he falls into the .001% of men who can reason their way out of a paper bag?

[jetsmom]

Seriously? After all the "honeybuns, men are just stoooopid, you have to lead them by the hand" posts to the OP, excusing her BF on the grounds that boys are Asperbergers by gender, there's a) name-calling on a random poster who basically did that exact thing, albeit leading her BF's credit card rather than his hand, and b) a meh, that's nice reaction to OP's revelation that her BF actually was smarter than a goldfish and bought her a gift? If the previous low-expectations posts were honest, shouldn't those same posters be urging her to never let this guy go as he falls into the .001% of men who can reason their way out of a paper bag?

Only if he's also good in bed...

[Beethoven]

Meh, my BF and I don't exchange gifts. Sometimes I buy him something, but this year I didn't. We have been together for 8.5 years now and I have gotten christmas presents on 2 of those christmases. Granted he buys me like 5 presents when I actually get something, so I guess that makes up for it. Also, he buys me really nice presents when he does. He doesn't want to buy my crap. But truthfully, I don't care. He loves me and I love him which is what matters. I am in vet school acquiring a boat load of debt and he has a decent job, but doesn't make much extra. Any extra he has, I would much rather be saved up to get me a decent ring in the future.

I would actually be more shocked if I got something than not. We don't even talk about it. At this point, we know that we just don't exchange gifts. Its works for us. Maybe one day when we have more spare cash to throw around then that will change, but if not then thats fine. If I want something then I buy it when I want it, I don't wait till one day of the year in hopes someone in my family will buy it for me. My parent's long standing present to me is the fact that they have funded my horses since I was a kid and still are now that I am back in school. What better present could a girl want!?!?

Side nNote: We went to his dad's for christmas on Sat and his dad bought me a very expensive designer purse. Total shock and then I felt terrible that I didn't buy him anything which is kind of one reason I hate this holiday.

[SmartAlex]

After years of not exchanging presents, I think I've finally gotten used to it.

...there is no wrapping paper to crumple up. No weird or disappointing gifts to donate or return. No odds and ends stuck under the tree while you try to decide what to do with them...

Boy that is really the pessimist side of receiving gifts isn't it? I still miss that sparkly moment when you open up something really wonderful that is exactly what you wanted and a total suprise

[wcporter]

We dont do presents either and I like it that way. OP, glad it worked out for you.

[Ajierene]

OK, so I'm just going to say what a lot of people of thinking and throw caution to the wind about backlash...cause' honey - I can take all the backlash you got and then some:
Kryswyn: You are one materialistic be-yatch in the first order. Shame on you.

Sweetie - for Christmas my father with Alzheimer's informed me that Christmas dinner was "disappointing" - after I spent. All. Freaking. Day. Cooking. And after I helped him change his clothes after peeing on himself.

90% of the presents I got didn't fit/weren't my size. But I DON'T CARE! My family loves me, and that's all that matters!!!! I wouldn't have cared if I had gotten nothing because you know what? I still have them and for that, I'm damn lucky. I have had a horrendous couple of months - but I'm INCREDIBLY lucky to have the blessings that I have.

So for you to post that materialistic, trashy crap....I'm sorry but Aunt Esther's purse can't do you justice.

And to the OP - screw the presents. Over a week ago 20 sets of parents lost the opportunity to see their kids faces on Christmas morning and will never get it back. So here's the thing: Does he love you more than anything? Do you love him more than anything? Because if you've got that, then sweetie, you have a hell of a lot.

We're bickering about gift-giving. Seriously???? And people wonder why I hate this holiday.

Kryswyn's love language is likely gifts. Yours is obviously quality time. All day with my family? No, not my cup of tea and I could call you selfish for wanting to monopolize your family's time like that. How would you feel if someone like me was in your family and was done with all that 'quality time' after only an hour?

Also, isn't this the season to be nice, not so rude, callous and judgemental?

Wow, you are blessed to have someone who "loves me more than life" and you're disappointed over gifts and what materialistic gift you didn't receive you"ordered it on his CC# before we even cleaned up the wrapping paper".

Pathetic.

Again, the season to not be rude and judgemental. Also, we each feel loved and appreciated in a different way. There is nothing wrong with that.

Just an update my boyfriend was just screwing with me and he did in fact get my a present and even my horse a present. I got the really nice rubber reins for my jumper I've been eyeing and my horse even got his favorite treats! And we talked too and agreed for next year and also for future birthdays we should both keep a running list of potential present ideas that the other can easily references without the annoying song-and-dance deal.

I'm really glad it worked out for you two and you had a discussion. The worst thing you can do in a relationship is not communicate - something many of us take way to long to learn!