The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 41 to 60 of 94
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,447

    Default

    He is giving you what you asked for - nothing. That's showing he is listening to you. Now you have to be straightforward with him. Simple enough.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Feb. 11, 2008
    Location
    gorgeos city
    Posts
    564

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ellebeaux View Post
    He is giving you what you asked for - nothing. That's showing he is listening to you. Now you have to be straightforward with him. Simple enough.
    There is an awful lot to this story that we are not getting. Like timing of who said what, when and exact details of what was said. So it really isn't right to be jumping to conclusions.

    Also, as a man, I find this "men = literal" talk a bit annoying and tiresome. If the timeline of this exchange involved the OP telling her BF that she wanted nothing (because times were tough) and then he turned around and trotted out a list of items that he wanted, then he truly is a selfish dip-sh!t. No ifs, ands, or buts. There are no "men = literal" excuses to fall back on.
    However, I think the truth is somewhere in the gray area we are not being made aware of. And, as has been pointed out, he may still well have something up his sleeve.
    ----//\\----
    ---//--\\---
    --//----\\--
    -//------\\-


    9 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
    Location
    Posts
    938

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kathy s. View Post
    Now wait a minute- you gave each other a really cool muscle car that you and the poodle will be riding shotgun in before you know it
    Merry Christmas to you and your wonderful family!
    Thanks, the muscle car is an on going -16yrs so far- project and definitely a HIS thing. I just have acceptance of it. LOL.

    Merry Christmas to your family too!



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jul. 26, 2007
    Posts
    720

    Default Big Girl Panties for Xmas :-)

    I am sorry, but, Sweetie, grow up. As others have said, you told him not to get you anything. May I ask, what were you looking for when you spent your whole paycheck on him? Him to worship you? Him to feel guilty? Were you looking for a way to measure his attentiveness to you vs. your attentiveness to him? Giving gifts really is supposed to be about giving, not getting. If you have been together for more than 3 years, maybe he figures you're past playing the "what he got me vs. what I got him" game.

    And, while I am being a horrible person on Xmas (sorry), NEVER, NEVER spend your whole paycheck on a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's not a good lesson for life. :-)

    (Well, except when it _is_ worth it, but, still. A person needs to be able to stand on his/her own two feet, regardless of love.)

    P.S. Do what I say, not what I do. :-)
    P.P.S. And remember, your friends at COTH "get it" even if we're wagging our finger at you. Hang in there. And present or no present, I bet your BF does love you, which is what counts.
    Last edited by SharonA; Dec. 24, 2012 at 11:19 PM.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Sep. 5, 2011
    Posts
    2,966

    Default

    Now you see, I have the opposite problem (although I know many probably wouldn't consider it a problem).

    I have to be VERY careful about even expressing interest in something - anything - throughout the year. If I do, I can pretty much expect dear hubby to gift it to me. For Xmas, Valentines Day, my birthday, Mothers Day, our anniversary, or "just because". But I WILL receive it. Don't even have to ask for it. Just look at it & say "this is nice", or just mention something in passing. Bam - it shows up at some point. Heck, I even received a horse I was interested in one year for our anniversary.

    So these days, unless it's something I really truly want, & not just something I'm admiring in passing, I keep my mouth SHUT.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2009
    Location
    Pacific NW
    Posts
    1,672

    Default

    I had the opposite problem. After years of asking my DH for nothing, he finally started doing it... I would always say "no gifts" and stick to it, but he would buy me something...... And I would have nothing for him and feel bad....

    Finally, he got it... no gifts!

    but, for your situation, you asked for no gifts and that's what you got. Can't be disappointed.....
    Turn off the computer and go ride!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Apr. 9, 2012
    Location
    NYC=center of the universe
    Posts
    1,878

    Default

    He was WRONG and you are RIGHT to feel hurt!!

    If he was OK with not getting you anything, he should have also not asked for anything (or otherwise told you he agreed there would be no presents shared).

    Everybody and their mother knows that "don't get me anything" means, "I don't know what I want"; " I don't want to ask for what I want"; or "I don't think we need to do presents."

    Next time, you can avoid this with clear, two-way communication. It works. Really. Lesson learned.

    Now, chances are he is horribly embarrassed, as he should be. Hopefully he admits his embarrassment or gives you something to make you both feel better.

    If he is this inept now, chances are you will have many bad gifts in your future if this relationship lasts. That's OK, a strong relationship can survive that. Just tell him what you want next time.
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Mar. 12, 2006
    Posts
    2,045

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kathy s. View Post
    Yeah but...he gave the OP a list if expensive gifts she could get him. Either he's a jerk or very out of touch with OP.
    I think women tend to make excuses for men's bad behavior. Yes, they can be very literal however, most women know that. So, men in general, know that when women say they really don't want anything, they better have something under the tree for their SO.
    I have found of the guys that I work with the ones that put thought into their relationship are the easiest for me to work with. One guys favorite quote is, happy wife means happy life.
    "All top hat and no canter". *Graureiter*


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2012
    Location
    Crestview, Fl
    Posts
    425

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Bacardi1 View Post
    Now you see, I have the opposite problem (although I know many probably wouldn't consider it a problem).

    I have to be VERY careful about even expressing interest in something - anything - throughout the year. If I do, I can pretty much expect dear hubby to gift it to me. For Xmas, Valentines Day, my birthday, Mothers Day, our anniversary, or "just because". But I WILL receive it. Don't even have to ask for it. Just look at it & say "this is nice", or just mention something in passing. Bam - it shows up at some point. Heck, I even received a horse I was interested in one year for our anniversary.

    So these days, unless it's something I really truly want, & not just something I'm admiring in passing, I keep my mouth SHUT.
    Where do I find one like that


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 1999
    Location
    CA
    Posts
    3,185

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by saitou_amaya View Post
    When my boyfriend asked me what I wanted for Christmas I told him he didn't have to get me anything but it he does to just surprise me. Money is tight for both of us as poor college students. I asked him what he wanted and he gave me a list of a few pretty expensive items. In total I spent about one paycheck on him. He didn't get me anything because I didn't ask for anything. I know I shouldn't be upset but I am a little disappointed. I care a lot about him and like giving him things. Am I a terrible person for being a little disappointed?
    Were you testing him?



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Oct. 6, 2008
    Posts
    285

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by BLBGP View Post
    Were you testing him?
    Nope, not testing him at all! Like I said, last Christmas he got me a great spa day for Christmas without prompting and the year before a bunch of baking supplies which is perfect because I am a baking fiend. And like I said, I am not at all a materialistic person and its not the fact that he didn't get me an item or spend a certain amount on me that makes me upset, but more that he didn't even think to give me something when I had been dropping hints all week that I was Christmas shopping for him. I would have been equally happy with a scarf and some chocolate as I would a fancy new bridle or something.
    But when I talked to my dad about it today (aka smartest man ever, which I realize more as I get older and older) he was very quick to defend boyfriend. So either he knows something I don't or guys taking the phrase "You don't need to get me anything, or just surprise me" literally is more common than I thought.



  12. #52
    Join Date
    May. 25, 2004
    Posts
    331

    Default

    Gotta speak up gurl!! This will bear true for every other part of your union. Sex, making plans, getting bills paid, choosing friends, where to live, what house to buy, cars to drive, you name it!!! You have to TELL them what you want. Saying you want nothing and then sulking because he couldn't read your mind and get you something anyway? If you want someone who will read you like that, you'd better switch teams. Or get yourself a gay boyfriend. Really, watch the following and tell me if this isn't tempting to you right about now.. www.youtube.com/watch?v=X-YCdcnf_P8


    2 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2006
    Posts
    296

    Default

    I was the stupid girl who once told my husband to get me nothing while I bought him gifts. I got exactly what I asked for too.

    SharonA hit it right on the head:

    I am sorry, but, Sweetie, grow up. As others have said, you told him not to get you anything. May I ask, what were you looking for when you spent your whole paycheck on him? Him to worship you? Him to feel guilty? Were you looking for a way to measure his attentiveness to you vs. your attentiveness to him? Giving gifts really is supposed to be about giving, not getting.
    I had to answer those same exact questions. What did I learn? Same as what has been the common answer here.

    Men are very literal. If you say nothing, you mean nothing.
    I don't always feel up to arguing with your ignorance


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #54
    Join Date
    Aug. 17, 2004
    Location
    Rixeyville, VA
    Posts
    6,368

    Default

    Is anyone else a little appalled at the BF bashing? I'm sorry but the OP's thread is based on an ASSUMPTION that he didn't get her a gift. I suspect most of us know the saying that ASSUME means making an ass out of you and me. Well honestly, if you are spending time crying in your cookies because you assume no gift, you are the one making an ass out of yourself. My bet is there is a gift.

    I really don't like being hard on the OP, but she had chosen to create drama all around her and her needs over an assumption. It's Christmas time, honey. Turn down your interior radio and look beyond yourself. Take joy in the company of others, not in the gifts you get. As you get older, you'll understand that being together is the best gift ever.
    Where Norwegian Fjords Rule
    http://www.ironwood-farm.com


    5 members found this post helpful.

  15. #55
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2003
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    3,249

    Default

    Every year my husband tells me he doesn't want me to get him something for Christmas. Every year I go through his closet and try to find an article of clothing or two that's worn, or some electronic, or some tools for his garage that he hasn't thought to get for himself yet. He makes more than 5x as much as I do and it's always been a stretch, and usually the reception is lukewarm.

    This year I asked, and the answer was the same "Don't get me anything". So I didn't.

    Update to follow...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #56
    Join Date
    Apr. 20, 2011
    Posts
    726

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Guin View Post
    If you want something, you need to circle the specific item in the catalogue or print out the page from the website, and hand it to him saying "THIS IS WHAT I WANT." Men do not understand hints or "oh, don't bother." They are literal animals. Think of it as talking to a computer. If you put "zero quantity" in your online Smartpak basket, you won't get the bridle. Ditto, men.
    absolute perfect analogy!! this one cracked me up :-)

    OP, I"m hoping he has a surprise for you.



  17. #57
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2008
    Posts
    731

    Default

    I do agree that the op is not 100% certain that she will not get a pressie but if he does not come through with the goods she has every right to be a bit nicked off. Hope you get a lovely pressie & please let us know. Happy xmas



  18. #58
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,255

    Default

    You probably have a surprise waiting...

    This year has been super disappointing for me. I can't say no, and it's MY FAULT, I know this. DH wanted an expensive rifle, which he got. I wanted half chaps and a new helmet. My old half chaps died in Nov, so he told me to order those early. OK, $100 half chaps, done. Then at the end of Nov, he found a saddle he wanted (used) that was a great deal...I said yes. He asked when I was ordering my helmet, I said "uh really? saddle, remember?" I did finally order it this morning, but I'm really saddened that I ordered all my gifts for myself this year, that I had to wait and pinch because he got two very expensive items ($750 and $1k), and now he wants to know what I want for my bday next month and I am so meh about the whole thing that I literally can't think of a thing I want.

    Oops, forgot. He did get me a cooler with my horse's name embroidered on it...nevermind that it's a horrid color (olive green/brownish color with yellow piping) with the name in the center of the thing in five inch tall letters a la The Black. Ehhh. I guess even though everything else I have for this horse is blue, he DID at least think of this on his own.
    Last edited by TheJenners; Dec. 25, 2012 at 09:47 AM.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  19. #59
    Join Date
    Dec. 7, 2001
    Location
    Cullowhere?, NC
    Posts
    8,537

    Default

    Waitaminit--anyone else notice that this thread started before Christmas actually arrived?

    Small technicality, but still.

    If it were me, and I'm an olde pharte, I'd have negotiated after I said "nothing this year, money is tight" and he handed me the expensive list. Hello??
    "One person's cowboy is another person's blooming idiot" -- katarine

    Spay and neuter. Please.



  20. #60
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
    Location
    Posts
    938

    Default

    I got over ordering my own gifts years ago. I guess you could send the link and let them click on the buy button. I know I don't like buying his hobby specific items. I'm always dealing with questions I can't answer. I draw the line at wrapping my own gifts!

    Christmas lost its magic and charm when I got married and had family right away. ( knowing what everything under the tree was, having bought and wrapped it all kinda ends the surprise part ). My parents sent a check which was very appreciated but not really that personal. I still shop for my married daughters trying to find little things that will please them. As we get more grandchildren it will probably decrease but with only one for now she gets way more than she needs.

    I don't think there are many of those "read your mind and get you the perfect gift you want" people out there.



Similar Threads

  1. mom has a boyfriend.
    By Tiffany01 in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: Nov. 8, 2012, 07:38 PM
  2. What do you wish someone told you?
    By Jumpmuncher123 in forum Eventing
    Replies: 35
    Last Post: Jul. 20, 2012, 05:37 PM
  3. What would you think if your boyfriend said this?
    By stonzthrow in forum Off Topic
    Replies: 89
    Last Post: Nov. 29, 2010, 02:14 AM
  4. Would you want to be told?
    By CHT in forum Off Course
    Replies: 22
    Last Post: Jul. 8, 2010, 10:48 PM
  5. OK, so nobody told me...
    By Rt66Kix in forum Hunting
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: Feb. 4, 2008, 10:45 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •