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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy s. View Post
    Yeah but...he gave the OP a list if expensive gifts she could get him. Either he's a jerk or very out of touch with OP.
    I think women tend to make excuses for men's bad behavior. Yes, they can be very literal however, most women know that. So, men in general, know that when women say they really don't want anything, they better have something under the tree for their SO.
    That kind of makes women jerks. Baiting, passive-aggressive, jerks.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by kathy s. View Post
    Yeah but...he gave the OP a list if expensive gifts she could get him. Either he's a jerk or very out of touch with OP.
    I think women tend to make excuses for men's bad behavior. Yes, they can be very literal however, most women know that. So, men in general, know that when women say they really don't want anything, they better have something under the tree for their SO.
    I have a vague idea that the OP is in college. Guys that age tend not to have absorbed this lesson yet.

    However, OP, the ladies are right -- if you want something for Christmas you're going to have to ask. However, since you haven't opened gifts yet, he may be yanking your chain. He could also be frantically shopping at the last minute.

    If there's a Dover near you, point him in that direction. The nice ladies there are really good at looking up your purchasing history (which also has your sizes) and making suggestions as to what you might like.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by War Admiral View Post
    Men don't understand the passive-aggressive "Don't buy me anything, but then if you don't I'll be really ticked off" bullshit thing. Time to learn this once and for all.

    Yep.
    Say what you mean.
    if you truly want nothing for Christmas/BD or whatever, you might still feel the little bit of disappointment, but you better not complain.

    On the other hand, if money is tight, why on earth do you spend your paycheck on him?! He handed you a wishlist, not a shopping list!
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    14 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by danceronice View Post
    That kind of makes women jerks. Baiting, passive-aggressive, jerks.
    I disagree. Many women have been taught it's bad manners to ask for something. Ok, I'm probably coming across as old-school, which I am. I don't have this problem any longer, but I did when I was younger.
    "How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?" Julian Lennon


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    No comment on the current situation (I hope he got you something but is waiting until tomorrow and torturing you a bit in the meantime). I always find it better under these circumstances to set a LIMIT (it can be low $10-25) rather than to play games with "are we exchanging gifts or not." I have this issue crop up with my family, not my boyfriend. But we'd say we weren't exchanging and then some people would get gifts anyway. Now we just set a limit that makes it more about the thought than spending money and things are much clearer/easier all around. You can even do a gag 'who can find the silliest thing for $5' type exchange and it's much better than you having a gift for someone who didn't buy for you or vice-versa and hurt feelings.
    ~Veronica
    "The Son Dee Times" "Sustained" "Somerset" "Franklin Square"
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    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by War Admiral View Post
    Men don't understand the passive-aggressive "Don't buy me anything, but then if you don't I'll be really ticked off" bullshit thing. Time to learn this once and for all.
    Yup. Men are somewhat more direct than women. Next time tell him that to save money no gifts over "x", or that you will exchange mushy or funny cards, or love letters, or something specific.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post

    However, OP, the ladies are right -- if you want something for Christmas you're going to have to ask. However, since you haven't opened gifts yet, he may be yanking your chain. He could also be frantically shopping at the last minute.
    Or do what I did.

    I gave myself a horse from Mr. Heinz this year (with his approval, of course). When he insisted that he must "get" me something, I told him he could "get" me new billets on my saddle. Easier said than done, though, with an SO in a your money/my money situation.

    Though I can see why giving an SO an expensive gift and getting nothing in return might seem crappy, that *is* what you told him to do. Say what you really mean, and nothing else. I once spent ALL DAY cooking - smoked ribs, roasted mashed potatoes, fresh bread, home made fetuccini alfredo, roasted carrots, home made cheesecake - and spent the entire day previous picking out the right cologne as a present, for Valentines Day. I decorated the house, I served food and booze, I went all out.

    What did I get? A handful of flowers and a line about how expensive they were because it was V-Day. Was I cheesed? Not really. But I didn't marry that guy, either.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    I've been married 33 yrs and I think the only Christmas day "surpriise" gifts I have gotten have been at the instigation of my daughters. Usually there has been a big something that was part Christmas gift. I suppose this year it's my half of a flatbed for our truck. We tend to buy what we want. I have only surprised him with a nice gift once . I knew that would be the only time I could ever do it and it was for his 30th birthday. Him not griping about things I do buy through out the year is the best gift and I don't gripe about things he buys. (my gift to him LOL). Now I shop for grown kids and grandchild. I get him a few odd gifts but don't expect anything from him like that. That is the man I married and don't expect him to be different.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Men are not stupid...they are literal.

    you told him not to get you anything and then accepted an expensive gift list from him.

    seriously??
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    7 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    While I wouldn't have blown a paycheck on the guy I don't think anyone is so literal that they hand over a gift list and then don't buy anything in return, no matter what anyone says. I don't care which planet anyone is from... if someone can be that obliviously selfish they would show it in every day life over and over and she never would have expected a gift at all. He did good last year, presumably he's had another year to mature and learn... and presumably his brain didn't evaporate.

    He will either redeem himself tomorrow or his boyfriend status should expire.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by hastyreply View Post
    I've been married 33 yrs and I think the only Christmas day "surpriise" gifts I have gotten have been at the instigation of my daughters. Usually there has been a big something that was part Christmas gift. I suppose this year it's my half of a flatbed for our truck. We tend to buy what we want. I have only surprised him with a nice gift once . I knew that would be the only time I could ever do it and it was for his 30th birthday. Him not griping about things I do buy through out the year is the best gift and I don't gripe about things he buys. (my gift to him LOL). Now I shop for grown kids and grandchild. I get him a few odd gifts but don't expect anything from him like that. That is the man I married and don't expect him to be different.
    Now wait a minute- you gave each other a really cool muscle car that you and the poodle will be riding shotgun in before you know it
    Merry Christmas to you and your wonderful family!
    "How does it feel to be one of the beautiful people?" Julian Lennon


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    I should clarify that when I say whole "paycheck" I mean a little over $100. I work at a crappy restaurant job that is by the hour and get weekly paychecks. Whole poor college student thing. And in his defense it wasn't a literal list but a verbal list when I asked him what he wanted he said X, Y, z etc which were all items in the $50-100 range and I picked one and also got him the aforementioned engraved picture frame. So roughly $100 total. He is a great guy and I would never reconsider our relationship because of this. After a good cry and cookie baking I feel a bit better, but still, its disappointing.



  13. #33
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    My father ALWAYS gave my mother multiple gifts at Christmas. Some things I know she probably asked for. One gift every year was a piece of her sterling silver. Sometimes a big piece, sometimes just another teaspoon. But EVERY single year, he got her something that made her gasp and say "OH HONEY!" and it would be a complete surprise.

    My fiance is ... well... not the same as my dad. If I don't spell it out, send a link I don't get it. Our 1st Christmas together he asked for a list and I gave him four things and where to get them and asked for one total surprise. I GOT NOTHING on my list except some crossword puzzle books. He said he was too busy and hated to shop, so if it wasn't online, I would never get it. My surprise was a Chia Obama Head. He thought this was really funny and acceptable. As an Obama supporter I thought it was neither. The next year he did better. Last year he was amazing. This year I asked for 2 things and so there won't be any surprises. But many things are different this year. And it will be okay, as I've got presents to open from my friends who are much more in tune with me.

    But this tells you something about your boyfriend. He seems unable or unwilling to think about you. It's not going to change, so if you can live with buying your own presents (I did that too this year) or not having any surprises Christmas morning, he maybe the man for you. Before we actually moved in together, he dropped A LOT of hints about my Christmas present. I was totally sure he had gotten me a ring. Christmas came, I gave him a boat load of stuff and I got...an excuse. "I didn't know what you'd like. I was going to buy you a Claddagh ring (I am not Irish). I want you to pick it out." We did go to buy a ring, I do love it (and him) but it was a warning sign that Christmas was not the big deal to him that it is too me. His parents gave one gift to each child, and they were nice gifts (a bike, a train set etc); my parents were better off. Over the years I got lots of presents plus a TV, a horse, a saddle. I'm afraid I still equate love with lots of presents.
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
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    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Your disappointment is normal. You must remember that men are often very literal creatures. I have learned to give firm guidance to avoid disappointment. I would have ended up with a remote car starter this year (I wanted bling) if I hadn't guided hubby to what I had in mind.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kryswyn View Post
    My father ALWAYS gave my mother multiple gifts at Christmas. Some things I know she probably asked for. One gift every year was a piece of her sterling silver. Sometimes a big piece, sometimes just another teaspoon. But EVERY single year, he got her something that made her gasp and say "OH HONEY!" and it would be a complete surprise.

    My fiance is ... well... not the same as my dad. If I don't spell it out, send a link I don't get it. Our 1st Christmas together he asked for a list and I gave him four things and where to get them and asked for one total surprise. I GOT NOTHING on my list except some crossword puzzle books. My surprise was a Chia Obama Head. He thought this was really funny and acceptable. As an Obama supporter I thought it was neither. The next year he did better. Last year he was amazing. This year I asked for 2 things and so there won't be any surprises. But many things are different this year. And it will be okay, as I've got presents to open from my friends who are much more in tune with me.

    But this tells you something about your boyfriend. He seems unable or unwilling to think about you. It's not going to change, so if you can live with buying your own presents (I did that too this year) or not having any surprises Christmas morning, he maybe the man for you.
    sorry, but Chia pets, regardless of the shape are totally hilarious and acceptable!
    Though it might not be dignified to place the President in line with Homer and Tweety....
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
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    I agree with men needing more direction as a rule.
    And I can certainly understand if he didn't spend much, especially if money is tight. But, IMO, thereis zero excuse for not getting you a card at the very least, and honestly, at least some little trinket.
    Men being literal creatures aside, not giving you at least a card would be very hurtful.
    I\'m not crazy. I\'m just a little unwell.


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  17. #37
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    I am a very literal person too. Even though I'm not a man! I would need to know the timing. Had he mentioned the things that he wanted before or after the discussion about not getting you anything? If it was before he might've figured that you weren't going to get any of the things on the list. You know, because finances are tight. He may have been surprised and chagrined to see the gifts for him that you got. All I can do is hope that you are either surprised tomorrow, or that this becomes a non-issue in your future together.
    Arrange whatever pieces come your way. - Virginia Woolf

    Did you know that if you say the word "GULLIBLE" really softly, it sounds like "ORANGES"?



  18. #38

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    Last week I told my husband (of ten years) "you better get me something good for Christmas". You will learn, as others have said, it's best to be direct.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    I have long since given up on receiving holiday gifts (or anniversary or birthday) gifts from my husband unless I say BUY ME THIS. This year I gave him a choice between two things I wanted and even that was too much for him so I guarantee I'm getting nothing tomorrow (he told me I could pick and order after Christmas).

    But he does buy me things for no reason just because he knows I will love them. Rarely, mind you, but he's bought me everything from slippers to an ipod to a baby grand piano for no particular reason at all.

    I've just learned to give him gifts for the joy of giving and I won't lie, sometimes I'm not feeling the joy so he gets nothing. Fair is fair.
    Rhythm the perfect OTTB;Spock the will-be perfect OTTB;Mia the Arab/appendix COTH giveaway


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
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    Best present I ever received at Christmas from my ex, was from a catalog where I circled several selections. In fact, I still have it, and wear it to the barn.

    And now, you can create a wish list on Amazon, and e-mail it. (What I did for my son.)

    Hope to hear he was pulling your chain, and that you have something there for you tomorrow. But either way, if he is a good guy, just remember to be clearer next year. There are some men out there who do well at gift giving, but they are the clear minority!
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes



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