Hi, I recently went with BF to a Holiday party, where ofcourse I only knew him, and no one would talk to me. I tried, but I am not much of a mingler. Does anyone have any advice? I did notice in this particular group everyone kind of "clicqued up".
Strange how much you've got to know Before you know how little you know. Anonymous
I hate parties around here because it's almost always a bunch of random strangers looking to hook up. If I don't know at least a few people, I won't go to any party I'm invited to.
I typically follow Lex in this - I am very shy in crowds and tend to avoid them if possible, especially if I don't know anyone or only know like one person.
I am trying to break out of my shell and be a little more outgoing around strangers by forcing myself to go out of my comfort zone - this summer I took a singing class at a community college. It was actually a lot of fun! I didn't mind warbling in front of a bunch of strangers, they sounded as bad and were as shy as I was! I want to take another, and an acting class. You could try that, too!
The best way I've found to begin a conversation with someone is to ask them questions about themselves. "That's a lovely sweater, where did you get it?" "How do you know the hostess?" That sort of thing.
Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behaviour does.
I've never been comfortable at "social occasions", even with friends. I need something to do like helping put out food, etc. Now that I'm older I can avoid most parties and not step on peoples toes. I guess some of us have a shyness issue, but alcohol was the only way I got through the spouses office get togethers.
Cliques are just people that know each other and like hanging out. As individuals, they might feel as awkward as you do if singled out like you were. Those sorts of parties are just hard on everyone in your shoes
I tend to be naturally quiet in social situations. Yesterday I went to the Ravens v. Giants game with a friend and his dad / dad's friend. It was kind of awkward and I felt bad because I was quiet/didn't talk much but that's naturally how I am.
I don't really have any advice except to listen to various convos and find one you can jump in on in a friendly way, which then usually tends to more talking after, at least in my experience.
"People ask me 'will I remember them if I make it'. I ask them 'will you remember me if I don't?'"
Here's a game I play for myself....I try to make 3 people per day smile.
I have been practicing this "game" for almost 15 years. It's a great way to get over being socially anxious. Just chat up the grocery store clerk, gas station clerk, etc. Do it EVERY DAY! Just try to make them smile. Compliment earrings, a shirt, shoes, a nice way of being.
And then, when you're in social settings like a party full of strangers, it's a lot easier because you do it everyday already!
"Oh wow, you look lovely tonight, wherever did you find that gown?"
"Honey that perfume is just lovely. What's the story there?!"
I think it's about making effort. Making others feel comfortable is a really quick way to get that comfort back.
Most folks are nervous in social situations. Making people feel comfortable helps. You just have to put some effort into it.
A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.
I was the shyest kid...ever. I had to get over that to make it in this world. What helped me in some situations was to pretend that I was someone else, an actress say. It made it easier to suck up courage to open my mouth and talk to people cold. After a while it got easier and I no longer had to do it.
It also helped when speaking in public. I ended up giving a talk to 1,500 people while I was in England. Never in a million years thought I could do that!
I also used this trick for social situations, kind of a screw it if they can't take a joke attitude. I still don't like situations where I don't know anyone, but it is bearable now. You can usually find someone else in the same boat you are.
Practice, practice practice! Make yourself go up and talke to people and above all once you are able to find something to talk about smile and listen a lot. Once you are comfortable you will be amazed at how charming you can be.
I've started doing what BuddyRoo mentioned, chat up the check out person at the store, the bagger, a random person wearing a nice sweater/cool earrings, whatever. THAT is getting a bit easier, but hasn't carried over a whole lot to other social situations yet, I don't think. Takes time, I guess.