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  1. #21
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    Aug. 1, 2007
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    Jealous??
    Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.



  2. #22
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    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    Not really. Near my farm in TN, I have over two-dozen mini-golf places, all with elaborate courses and bells and whistles because the town is a tourist trap.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have,
    at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  3. #23
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    Feb. 26, 2011
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    Its not nowhere, but you can see it from here
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    I met Mr RB online. For our initial meting, I chose a mall because of security cameras and guards and I took my mom and sister. They faded off into the distance as soon as it was apparent he wasn't a psychopath. Honestly, if someone isn't comfortable with any safety measures you feel like taking, RUN.
    From AliCat518 "Seriously, why would you NOT put fried chicken in your purse?!"


    4 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Aug. 25, 2008
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    Florida
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    The only bad experience I had was when we'd agreed to meet at a popular restaurant/bar in a slightly sketchy part of town one evening (not even very late) and then he was a no-show. Not to mention that that particular evening it was really crowded and I had to park well away from the main drag. Well, I then got the bright idea that he might be no show but stalking me or something so I was a little paranoid. I'm VERY comfortable walking around our area, but not this night, so I did ask the manager (who is a really good friend of my horse trainer's) to find someone to walk with me to my car. So then I'm walking WITH a stranger, with another potential stranger possibly lurking out there. URGH. NOT a good idea but it turned out ok. Other than that it's mostly been fine. Luckily I live in a pretty small area and I make sure to stay in a few local "zones" where I know people.

    I've met one "ok to go to the movies" with types, but would really prefer someone who either likes horses a bit more or who surfs (THAT would be preferable) but that will take lots of time. In the meantime I'm staying safe and getting practice dating - my social skills are not that great! Some good advice on this thread.



  5. #25
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    Mar. 30, 2012
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    Crestview, Fl
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    My husband and I met on my Basic Training graduation, he drove from Florida to Texas to see me for the first time, in fact, my mom met him before I did, they drove out together! Lots of good tips on this thread!
    Before I met him, I did all sorts of stupid things like going to the guys house alone without telling anyone before hand. I'm quite happy I lived and really only one scary moment thank god I had smartened up a little by then and had my best friend do the emergency phone call. Make sure make sure make sure you have someone ready to do that!!!!



  6. #26
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    Mar. 3, 2007
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    North-Central IL
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    It's sounds creepy and paranoid, but a background check on Intelius.com is only like $1.95, it's better safe than sorry. I've found that the faster you can meet up the first time the better, otherwise you have too long to form who you think the other person is in your head and it gets awkward. Agree with public place, have a phone buddy, preferably arrange for him/her to call you about 20 minutes in, this is an easy bail-out method if things just don't feel right. If you have a coffeeshop in a mall/tourist-y place available that would be a good choice, if things are going well you can walk around and window shop, and often talking gets easier when you're moving and doing something. Try to let him do as much of the talking as he wants, oftentimes people you don't want to be with are very forthcoming with things that are obvious red flags. Oh, and have fun!
    Quarry Rat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    Quote Originally Posted by LexInVA View Post
    I always go with mini-golf if possible. You can talk, it's casual, it's fun. Other people are usually around. It's a win-win.
    And you will have a club in your hand at all times...


    16 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Oct. 29, 2007
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    TN
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    1,869

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    I'm currently in a relationship with a great guy I met on OKC. After one date he invited me to hand out Halloween candy at his house and then go to dinner afterwards. I said "erm, sorry personal rule is the first couple of dates are public," and he totally understood and we made different plans. Knowing him now, it didn't occur to him the other ways it could be construed. Reasonable, nice guys will respect decisions like that.

    I message a few times back and forth (a few days up to 2 weeks or so) before meeting. Someone can seem great online and be rather boring in person, or vice versa, and IMHO it's better to find that out early on. I see it as equivalent to getting chatted up in a bar. Either way you wouldn't know a damn thing about that person, and either way you'd want to be cautious until you get to know them better.

    I don't like meeting up at bars anymore, because I don't want alcohol in the mix. Coffee's good, bowling's fun whether you're good or bad at it, movies don't give you a lot of time to talk. Remember if you have a drink, don't leave it alone with the person. For restaurants I'll just wait to use the bathroom until we're done eating/drinking, because carrying your water glass with you is kind of weird.

    Red flags: I had a guy who came on strong the whole date, but didn't laugh at anything I said. I started wondering "um why is he still interested..." Also, treating service/wait staff poorly. Even if his steak looks like it spent some time in hell, there are polite ways to handle it.

    Good advice here! Made the mistake of the low cell battery once and then never again.
    Quote Originally Posted by MunchingonHay View Post
    I am a seasoned pro (well, at least I think I am) at online dating.

    1)always tell someone where you are going, who you are meeting all their contact info (that you have, full name, etc), what time you are meeting said person and what time you will be finished. Have a 'I will call you by this time to make sure I am OK' set up.

    2) do not walk back to your car after meeting with said person.

    3) park in a very well lit area (if returning to you car after dark)

    4) park so you can drive straight out (back into your spot)

    5)make sure other person leaves first and does not follow you

    6)if they do follow you drive straight to the police station or populated area

    7) never go directly home after meeting, run an errand or three

    8)Have cash on you just in case

    9)charge your cell phone up until the last minute so you have a full battery

    that all being said, HAVE FUN! Be yourself, I always enjoy meeting someone new, don't have any expectations.

    Oh and give us all the juicy details after the date
    "Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out." ~John Wooden

    Phoenix Animal Rescue



  9. #29
    Join Date
    Oct. 13, 2007
    Posts
    702

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    Public, public, public, crowded location. No matter how comfortable you feel, do not compromise on that point. And I would do that for a couple of dates.

    Make your emergency contact person the first number on your phone so that if you need to make contact without being obvious it's just a couple of buttons. Don't have to dial or scroll for pages to get to the number you want in an emergency.

    The sister of a co-worker was murdered by a person she met online. On their first in-person date. And she did not abide by all of the rules that others have given you here. It may seem super paranoid, but don't be my friend's sister.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    I did quite a bit of dating off of match.com. Met a lot of great people and quite a few "interesting" people. LOL

    Here are some of my "rules":
    -don't waste too much time with email/chat/phone. Meet up for something quick like lunch or coffee. If you have a bad vibe, you haven't shared a lot of info with the person, it's easy to just end it right there.

    -make sure someone knows where you are.

    -I worked in IT and was on call. I always had a friend text me about 30 min in to a first meeting. If things were going well, I ignored. If not, I pretended I had a work emergency.

    I will ditto about having cash or form of payment. I paid for most of my first dates. Sometimes just to get the heck outta there quickly. LOL

    But the truth is, even if you meet a wingnut, they usually make for a good story, not a murder. So go into everything with eyes wide open, but have fun.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
    elf'o'MeghanDACVA Guest

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    Thanks for all the good advice. I envy those who survived the dating period, found the right person and never have to go through this again!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    I wrote this blog post back in June of 2009 (before I met now hubby)...Just thought I'd share...internet dating DOES make for good blog fodder!

    The Adventures Of Buddyroo And Dating
    Posted by BuddyRoo, 23 June 2009
    Adventures Out and About
    I have not been on a first date in awhile. I believe it was late October or some such (hi "R" if you're reading this...sorry about that...stuff got pretty crazy around Thanksgiving and I just couldn't do the dating thing). And then of course I started re-dating an ex but we've decided after like 5 rounds in 3 years to just be friends. (hi SNG. beers next week?)

    So I'm back in the game. On the market if you will. And my method of choice is to use a popular online dating service which shall remain nameless. **cough*rhymes*with*thatch*dot*com*cough**

    This online dating thing is not new to me. My best girlfriend back home met her now husband via the internet and insisted that I sign up. So....since the fall of 2004, every guy I've dated seriously, semi seriously, or "just once was enough" has been a result of online dating. I've met some really nice guys and also a lot of whackados. It's a result of the latter that I had to put some serious thought into my list of "must haves" and "deal breakers".

    Now, *I* knew what was on my list, but I decided that it would be more effective to publish some of these items so that guys could kind of pre-screen themselves. I've had mixed results with this. Some guys think it's hilarious and send me their "qualifications". Others send me notes saying that I'm an elitist bia and I don't know what I'm missing. (hint: I know what YOU'RE missing--a sense of HUMOR and likely a job, teeth, or appendages.) Still others send emails saying that while they don't meet the criteria, they think I'm very funny and they wish me luck.

    I was talking to a girlfriend who just went through a breakup and the guy was a total loser so I told her about some of my qualification requirements. She laughed. I told her I was going to add a few more in her honor and write this blog. She laughed. So here we go.....this is directly from my online profile though I've removed some bits before and after.

    BuddyRoo's Screening List for Internet Dating:

    ...When it comes right down to it, here’s what I think you need to consider before you contact me based on some of the dates I’ve been on:

    1) You need to have a job. I’m serious. You need to be employed and bringing home a paycheck because hard as I might try, it’s difficult for me to find someone attractive when they are unemployed.

    2) Teeth are good. Please have all your own teeth or at least decent dental care. I can’t KISS you if I think your teeth are rotting out of your head. That’s just gross.

    3) If you are missing a limb, please inform me ahead of time. I’m cool with that. But the thing is, when I offer to shake hands and you don’t have one but have failed to mention it? It’s awkward. Really.

    4) Please don’t send me pictures of your brother/best friend/son/nephew. When we meet, I’m going to KNOW that you are not the same person. Trust me. It’s happened.

    5) Be in shape. I don’t belong to a gym. I’m still in shape. And yes, I’m 30. I realize that a lot of people think that when you get older, it’s okay to get fat, develop a gut, and get flabby. But I’m not any of those. And I don’t find those things attractive. No matter how much you think you have to offer, if you are not physically fit, I’m not going to be interested.

    6) You need to have your own place. If you live with mom and dad, I can assure you, I am not interested.

    7) Please….if you’ve been married 10 times and have 5 kids from 5 different women? Don’t email me. I love kids. I realize people make mistakes and marry the wrong person. But I’ve never been married, I have no children, and I really and truly do not want to step into a bunch of drama. Most of my friends have done this and it’s a nightmare. I’m sure you’re lovely but I just don’t want to go there.

    8) You need to have a life. Your own friends. Your own interests. There is nothing that is more of a turn off to me than a guy who has no hobbies or friends of his own. You MUST have some sort of “guys night” or hobby that you enjoy on your own and do not need me to be a part of. I am VERY independent and I do girls night out and have my own hobby. I need you to be a confident, independent person...


    So those are my big 8. There are some others that I thought were simply implied global women rules, but as it turns out, one really shouldn't assume.

    In addition, while perusing the "ads" today, I realized that perhaps some of the guys are a little confused about what women find attractive/intriquing/etc.

    Allow me to add a few more to the list. Again, these all come from ACTUAL EXPERIENCES or PROFILES but they are not necessarily MY experiences.

    9) Just say not to convicted felons. Especially those convicted of violent crimes. AND if their crime was using the wire tapped JAIL phone to call someone and threaten their life, they are not only scary but really really stupid. They need not apply.

    10) If you are a registered sex offender, you need not apply. 'nuff said. I realize that registered sex offenders are people too--but seriously. It's like the horse market. There are so many well broke, gentle, sweet horses on the market right now--why would you pay good money for a nasty son of a gun?

    11) If you are #9 and #10 and are living at home with your mom while you're on parole and can't take me out to a nice dinner if it's going to last longer than 9pm (when you have to be home so that your ankle GPS convicted felon tracker doesn't send a message to your PO)--you need not apply. Holy run on sentence batman. But seriously. I don't come up with this stuff on my own and I guess it needs to be said. You're not a catch. You're a plague to womankind. Go away.

    12) If you doused yourself with baby oil, did 20 pushups to "pump up", and then set up your webcam to take a picture while you flex? No. That's just creepy. I can appreciate an attractive, fit physique. But that's just too much! Lordy!

    13) If you are incapable of communicating in anything other than chat speak? No. "U R hot. I wunt 2 meet u." ???? What IS that? And why "wunt"? Is it really faster than "wAnt"? It can't be.

    14) If you notice in my profile that I have horses and then regale me with your story about how you "once got bucked off (yeah right) but then you got back on and showed that horse who was boss (yeah right)" I'm probably not going to reply. Mostly because I know that if I put you on my dear sweet Chey and you start kicking and yanking her around that I'll have to kill you and dispose of your body. That's not how I want to spend a summer afternoon.

    I'm sure there are more...but I just had to get this up for a friend today. Cheers!
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Mar. 19, 2010
    Posts
    298

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    So BR those sound like good rules But, judging from your other threads you let some of them slip...


    5 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

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    Just the kids thing.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2007
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    West Palm Beach, FL
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    I have my doubts about Intelius. It SHOULD have told me a lot more about my exbf than it did. But through some other super sleuthing of my own after having sneaky suspicions, I found what I needed to find. And thus endeth said relationship.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mosey_2003 View Post
    It's sounds creepy and paranoid, but a background check on Intelius.com is only like $1.95, it's better safe than sorry. I've found that the faster you can meet up the first time the better, otherwise you have too long to form who you think the other person is in your head and it gets awkward. Agree with public place, have a phone buddy, preferably arrange for him/her to call you about 20 minutes in, this is an easy bail-out method if things just don't feel right. If you have a coffeeshop in a mall/tourist-y place available that would be a good choice, if things are going well you can walk around and window shop, and often talking gets easier when you're moving and doing something. Try to let him do as much of the talking as he wants, oftentimes people you don't want to be with are very forthcoming with things that are obvious red flags. Oh, and have fun!
    Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.



  16. #36
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2008
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    5,848

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    My first in-person date with my now-husband was going for a walk in the cemetery. I don't know if that's actually advisable, but we're weird people. And we've been together almost ten years now, so it worked out. (;

    Coffee is a good standard first meeting date though. We went for coffee after the cemetery, at least...


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    Apr. 13, 2008
    Posts
    968

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    I have to chime in that because of my profession, I do get sued all the time. In one funny dating situation, a person did some kind of background and then threw the name of the person suing me out of the blue. I was like what? who? Im SURE I sounded defensive and nervous, even when I remembered it was the name of a convicted felon. I laughed, they didnt, no second date. SOMETIMES something is explain able!



  18. #38
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    Jan. 4, 2008
    Location
    Columbus, OH
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    722

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    I have no experience in this area, but from watching Catfish on MTV, I suggest using Skype before meeting. If you've never seen the show, just trust me on this one.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2003
    Location
    South Carolina
    Posts
    1,857

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    I met hubby on Match.com. We went to dinner for first date, I actually drove my friends car as I was house sitting that week lol. He had no clue where anything was in the area so I had to pick something close to the AF Base if he had any hope of finding it lol. But it was a restaurant in a brand new outlet center. I did go on a few other first dates prior to hubby and always met somewhere very public. As everyone else has already said.. tell someone where you are going and who you are meeting. I also Facebook and Myspace stalked if possible lol.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
    Join Date
    Nov. 15, 2006
    Location
    Lexington, Kentucky
    Posts
    3,282

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    I met MrDL online (not a dating site, but that's another story) and we ended up meeting in Las Vegas, I was living in Arizona at the time and he was in Ohio. Because it was so far away, we each took a friend, met up for the first time at the Brew Pub in the Monte Carlo. And the rest is history.
    Good luck!
    We're spending our money on horses and bourbon. The rest we're just wasting.
    www.dleestudio.com


    1 members found this post helpful.

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