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  1. #21
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    Mar. 30, 2012
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    Crestview, Fl
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    Thanks for the book recommendation. I will have to get it!



  2. #22
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    Oct. 20, 2005
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    2,808

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    For heaven's sake. YOU HAVE A KID TO CALL YOU ANYTHING. This is so petty. YOU take control of the situation. Call Grandma whatever YOU want her to be called - in her presence, when looking at photos and videos, when talking about her.

    When I was very young, I had Grandma Rose & Grandma Phyllis. Grandma Rose passed away when I was 5, so Grandma Phyllis eventually became just plain Grandma. I only had one living grandfather, who was Grandpa.

    My cousin's kids have no blood-grandfathers involved in their lives. My aunt (maternal granny) is Ama or Ama Jean. Her husband (step-grandfather) is Papa Don or Don T-Rex. Everyone's OK with that.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati


    3 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    May. 11, 2004
    Posts
    2,355

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    Is this the same person you were have problems with a few ot day's ago?
    Sure sounds like it.
    Just tell her "here's how it will be. My Son will call you X in my house. You don't like it , here's the door"
    Simple, trust me had the same problem when I had my oldest Ds. But I had 2 sets of g'parents and 1 g-g'mother to deal with. Each wanted to be called the same or close to the same thing. One set swooped in two days after he was born and started their stuff the other at least waited till he was 6wks till they started. I finally said enough told the one set (the one that came in at 2 days) that they would be called X the 2nd set they would be called Y and the g'g'mother Z. They acted shocked, gaged and huffed but they got over it, and eventuly bot over it when both Ds's call them the names I chose and refused to call anything else.
    To this day my dad is Bop-Bop since shortened to Bops, my mom is Mom-Mop(dead now) g=g'mother(dead now) Nam-Nam DH's parents mom-Foo-Foo Dad(dead now) Rop-Rop (with a long O sound) and my dads second wife since mom died is Bootsie (she came up with that name). simple for my kids to say when younger, and kept the peace of who would be calld ganny, or varation of.
    Friend of bar .ka



  4. #24
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    Mar. 24, 2012
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    1,690

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    The mistake was allowing mawmaw (mama) in the first place as mom becomes shortened version.



  5. #25
    Join Date
    May. 6, 2003
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    1,888

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    My son calls my MIL Maw-Maw. She's very southern and it's a traditional name for a grandmother. I don't particularly like it (and neither does my husband who is her stepson), but it is the one decision she gets to make with regard to my kid. I'm just glad she didn't go for Mee-Maw, which is generally the other option in her family.

    He calls my mother Grandma.

    Kids often mistake names and call people by variants of a name (for example, Losh Jr. likes to call everyone "kitteh") but AFW Jr. is 100% clear on who his mother is even if he calls her Ma or Mom. I suspect that your bigger problem is that your MIL is kind of a cow. Since it's your husband's mother, it is his job to lay down the law and let her know how things are going to be.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.



  6. #26
    Join Date
    Mar. 28, 2003
    Location
    Hunterdon County, NJ
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    3,040

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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamwalker View Post
    While it will probably sort itself out, I see it as being part of a bigger problem. Your MIL likes to undermine you by making decisions that aren't hers to make, then trivializing your reaction to it. So I suggest reading Toxic Inlaws and planning strategies for the rest of your life. It's the constant little problems that make some people hard to deal with...if it was one big nasty blow-up you could say 'see she's awful'... but the slow digging away makes seem like you are over-reacting when you finally lose it at her for something quite little when really it's the all the things piled on together
    This. I have exactly this to deal with and it's no fun. Those of you who say it's trivial have never been in these particular shoes. It's hell because the whole passive-aggressive design is to make you look like an overemotional wreck focused on the trivial when really you have a MIL who chooses not to listen to you or respect your boundaries. OP, you have my sympathy.

    And dreamwalker, thanks for the book rec.
    Kendra
    Runningwater Warmbloods & Mare Station

    Home of SPS Diorella (Donnerhall/ Akut), EMC What Fun (Wolkentanz I/ Lauries Crusador), and EMC Raleska (Rascalino/ Warkant) 'Like' us on Facebook


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Oct. 28, 2007
    Location
    NY
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    4,169

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    Bootsie, now that is cute sounds just right.
    If either side of grand parents has a cultural heritage you might chose that culture's name for grand mother. That way you honor their heritage while giving them a separate name.



  8. #28
    Join Date
    Feb. 8, 2008
    Location
    Delaware Valley
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    1,624

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    I might be pissed if your MIL were asking him to call her mom, but he's doing it. I think you're overreacting, and if you want to raise a mentally healthy child you might want to assess your own attitude. I know this probably sounds mean, but you sound very angry about something relatively trivial.
    Last edited by TemJeito; Dec. 16, 2012 at 07:53 AM.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2004
    Location
    Houston, Tx
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    1,028

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    This is small stuff! It may be indicative of a larger issue, so deal with that issue - but I would recommend you don't make this your platform for that larger issue. Why? Because those of us who have raised children to adulthood think this is small stuff. So, I suspect she will blow you off if you complain about this particular issue. IMHO it works like this... You bring it up - really being concerned about the larger issue - which it sounds like, you are worried that she is and will undermine your authority as the parent. But, she doesn't hear that. All she hears is you being "petty" about this little thing which is nothing compared to what you will face as the years go by, so she dismisses your concern and doesn't even think twice about it. Better to address your real concern with her. Ask her to be sensitive to your insecurities as a parent. The more you can ask for her assistance, the more help you will get from her. But then again, maybe I'm wrong, and she is just an annoying over bearing control freak - not being sarcastic, BTW. Good luck!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2009
    Location
    Michigan
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    385

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    My grandson calls his mother "MaMa" (don't know how long that will last) and calls me GrandMaMa - and calls his other grandma "Squishy Grandma" (her choice, she's soft & huggy - I adore the other inlaws) - and I found out I am also known as "Horsey Grandma" and just heard my daughter call me "Grandma NeighNeigh". Can't complain about that...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Mar. 24, 2012
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    1,690

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    My son calls my MIL Maw-Maw. She's very southern and it's a traditional name for a grandmother. I don't particularly like it (and neither does my husband who is her stepson), but it is the one decision she gets to make with regard to my kid. I'm just glad she didn't go for Mee-Maw, which is generally the other option in her family.

    He calls my mother Grandma.

    Kids often mistake names and call people by variants of a name (for example, Losh Jr. likes to call everyone "kitteh") but AFW Jr. is 100% clear on who his mother is even if he calls her Ma or Mom. I suspect that your bigger problem is that your MIL is kind of a cow. Since it's your husband's mother, it is his job to lay down the law and let her know how things are going to be.
    Didn't know 'mawmaw 'was traditional and thought it might be manipulation by MIL . So if possible ignore and don't involve child in power struggle with MIL.
    .


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2012
    Location
    Crestview, Fl
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    453

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    Quote Originally Posted by bumknees View Post
    Is this the same person you were have problems with a few ot day's ago?
    Sure sounds like it.
    Just tell her "here's how it will be. My Son will call you X in my house. You don't like it , here's the door"
    Simple, trust me had the same problem when I had my oldest Ds. But I had 2 sets of g'parents and 1 g-g'mother to deal with. Each wanted to be called the same or close to the same thing. One set swooped in two days after he was born and started their stuff the other at least waited till he was 6wks till they started. I finally said enough told the one set (the one that came in at 2 days) that they would be called X the 2nd set they would be called Y and the g'g'mother Z. They acted shocked, gaged and huffed but they got over it, and eventuly bot over it when both Ds's call them the names I chose and refused to call anything else.
    To this day my dad is Bop-Bop since shortened to Bops, my mom is Mom-Mop(dead now) g=g'mother(dead now) Nam-Nam DH's parents mom-Foo-Foo Dad(dead now) Rop-Rop (with a long O sound) and my dads second wife since mom died is Bootsie (she came up with that name). simple for my kids to say when younger, and kept the peace of who would be calld ganny, or varation of.

    Yes, this is the same person. My husband has since told them it was time to move on and they did...to my brother and sister in laws. They're going just as nuts so I know it's not me thank goodness! But now they're back with me while my son is in a nearly full body cast after breaking his leg 2 weeks ago. It is the small things she does for those of you that are so quick to dismiss it, that's how she operates. I came here hoping for some secret wisdom that I'm missing to deal with her...guess there is none. Thanks to those who have been helpful



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
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    17,783

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    I have a mother in law like that. All I can say is I'm sorry. I feel your pain.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



  14. #34
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2004
    Location
    Louisville, KY
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    3,991

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    Both my grandmas are Mamaw. When my cousin had kids I knew my aunt wanted to be Mamaw, so I was curious as to how they were going to differentiate between Grandma and Great Grandma. My grandma (cousins' kids great grandma) chose to be called Old Mamaw. The kids love it and everyone else thinks its hilarious. So if she still insists on him calling her "mom", why don't you just encourage "old mom" or "old mom mom". Have a feeling it might cure itself.
    Caitlin
    *OMGiH I Loff my Mare* and *My Saddlebred Can Do Anything Your Horse Can Do*
    http://community.webshots.com/user/redmare01


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Oct. 9, 2012
    Location
    Washington State
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    506

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    I'm glad I have not had any relationship problems with my in-laws, on the name front, they have always been Gramma Darlene and Grampa. My mom has mostly been Gramma, but she did go through a few variations including momma. My dd has always known who her mom really is so her playing with names never bothered me. Kids like to experiment with language, if you wanted you could probably get him to call her Moomoo, but I would really take him out of the equation and deal with the conflicts you have with the mother in law, which sound like they may be extensive. It's a crappy situation to be in.



  16. #36
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    Aug. 15, 2008
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamwalker View Post
    So I suggest reading Toxic Inlaws
    I need this book.
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
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    Mar. 8, 2009
    Location
    Montreal, Qc
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    Quote Originally Posted by AirForceWife View Post
    Yes, this is the same person. My husband has since told them it was time to move on and they did...to my brother and sister in laws. They're going just as nuts so I know it's not me thank goodness! But now they're back with me while my son is in a nearly full body cast after breaking his leg 2 weeks ago. It is the small things she does for those of you that are so quick to dismiss it, that's how she operates. I came here hoping for some secret wisdom that I'm missing to deal with her...guess there is none. Thanks to those who have been helpful
    So your MIL is crazy? So what. Ignore her. By reacting like you do, you are giving her more power than she deserves.

    She's there to help with your son who broke his 2 legs! (how did that happen?!?) Be grateful for the help and put her sillyness/crazyness on ignore.

    It is though but your life will be easier. She is the one with mental problems, not you. BTDT

    Your son is 2 yrs old. Wait 'till is 15-18 and calls you by your name... Not everything is worth to be controlled.

    Good luck!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
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    Packing my bags
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    31,843

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    Quote Originally Posted by alibi_18 View Post
    So your MIL is crazy? So what. Ignore her. By reacting like you do, you are giving her more power than she deserves.

    She's there to help with your son who broke his 2 legs! (how did that happen?!?) Be grateful for the help and put her sillyness/crazyness on ignore.

    It is though but your life will be easier. She is the one with mental problems, not you. BTDT

    Your son is 2 yrs old. Wait 'till is 15-18 and calls you by your name... Not everything is worth to be controlled.

    Good luck!

    one leg, 2 weeks ago....
    I hope!

    (calling you by name isn't bad...I really don't like Mother !)
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
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    Mar. 30, 2012
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    Crestview, Fl
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    Yes, one leg 2 weeks ago and he jumped off the couch.



  20. #40
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    Mar. 8, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by AirForceWife View Post
    Yes, one leg 2 weeks ago and he jumped off the couch.

    Sorry!!!! (I'm only at my 3rd coffee this morning...)



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