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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Oct. 7, 2006
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    Default Anyone Else Here Broke? Feeling Old? Depressed?

    I just moved into a low-income apartment that also happens to be a seniors/disability building. I am definitely low-income, not quite a senior, fairly disabled physically but NOT mentally.

    I don't feel like a real person. Need a job but have no car because mine died a final death 4 days before I moved here.

    The other day the building bus took a bunch of us grocery-shopping. I caught one other shopper glancing at us as we got off the bus; her expression said very plainly that we were second-class citizens. I felt like I'd come from a group home or something.

    I want my life back. I want a job, I want a way to get to a job, I want to make enough money to get my own place.

    This place is very safe, very quiet, and the people are friendly. I have my two kittehs.

    But I just don't feel like a real person right now.

    Have any of you ever felt this way, or had family/friends who did? Would love to hear from anyone, in this thread or by PM!

    Don't misunderstand, I am very grateful to have a safe place to live with my two kitties. I just don't want it to be all downhill from here.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique


    8 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Aug. 6, 2002
    Location
    NJ, USA
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    Default

    Awww hugs (((wellspotted))) don't let outsiders get you down - for all you know they may be close to losing homes themselves, a lot of folks are in desperate straits these days. Kudos to you for finding a way to keep a roof over you head & keep going.

    I've been called a pollyanna lately, but still, I feel strongly things are going to improve soon! So hold onto your hope & keep your radar up for a better situation - but meanwhile, you are doing the best you can, don't let anyone else judge you! They haven't walked in your shoes, have they. Everyone makes mistakes, and it's perilously easy to end up worse off than you ever dreamed you could be... forgive your mistakes, do the best you can at the moment, and pluck up your hope & expectations of better days ahead!

    Two years ago I was on the verge of being homeless myself. I landed a good job at the last possible moment, and in spite of pretty debilitating depression caused by coming so close to the edge, I hung on & got my butt to work. I'm in a better place now, and I tell everyone it's because of my cats. I could have faced homelessness myself, I had people to rehome my dogs & horses with, but I couldn't see any good future for my 13 beloved kittehs if I lost my home. I drove myself to save it, for them.

    So give your kittehs a kiss from me, & feel their love. The love of a pet is one of the most precious things in the world methinks, so in reality you are rich


    10 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3

    Default

    I'm so sorry you are feeling down.

    Try to take advantage of being in a safe place and look at it as a time and place where you can regroup.

    Will writing out a plan help you? Are there social services where you are living to help you find a job? What do you feel up to doing? Can you relocate to a place with good public transportation?

    Don't let the asshats get you down. Their opinion DOES NOT MATTER.
    http://www.tbhsa.com/index.html

    Originally Posted by JSwan
    I love feral children. They taste like chicken.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 16, 2003
    Location
    Tennessee
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    2,962

    Default

    Seems like one of the most useful charitable projects would be for someone (Eagle Scout project???) to buy an inexpensive car, fix it up, and loan it to someone so he or she could get a job. After the person is able to acquire his or her own vehicle, the free loaner car goes back into the pool, and is loaned out again.

    That's the dream. However, we have to deal with reality. Are there any nearby places for you to work? Could you get a ride from someone in your building? Are there any agencies that would help you get a ride to work? What about a bike? Is there any non-scam work from home that you could do? Do you qualify for public assistance, and could you save us some money for a car?

    Sorry for all you are going through. It sucks being stuck in the pits, with no apparent way to get out.
    It's 2014. Do you know where your old horse is?


    5 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
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    11,372

    Default

    ((hugs)) not sure where you landed, but wish you were closer as I'd come scoop you up and drag you out to the barn for some good horse therapy!!!

    I think the first step, which you've got under control, is to count your blessings. Even in really crappy situations, there's usually something to be thankful for.

    Next? Eff them. You're a good person. You hold your head high. THey don't know what you've been through and to judge is sucky. They suck, not you!

    Finally...yeah, you're not alone. Even when it's not some kind of dire circumstance but a life choice that changes your way of life it can be hard. Twice in my life now, I've chosen to not work to support my significant other. Almost exactly 10 years apart in fact. ANd it's hard because I want to be working...but I want to be here. It just is what it is. But when you've derived so much self worth from what you do instead of who you are, it's hard to find merit in your day to day life. I get that.

    You hang in there.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    3 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 28, 2006
    Location
    The rocky part of KY
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    Default

    We just stuffed my MIL's three bedroom house into a one bedroom apartment in a subsidized senior/disabled complex. She LOVES it. She loves getting driven right up to the door by the little bus, so even though she has a car she only uses it to go places that have "good parking" as she calls it. She has her cat, and her expenses have lowered being in this apartment.

    Anybody who looks down on you for riding that bus is an a$$. Your circumstances aren't anybody's business to judge. Give yourself some time to get settled in and before you know it you'll be stepping off that bus right at the door and feeling as though you have your own private chauffeur. Best of luck to you!
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible


    7 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
    Posts
    2,797

    Default

    I got laid off in 2009, felt disembodied for months afterward. Routine helped. Walking my dog helped more. Have faith. I know it gets harder as you get older but things turn around. The reason that woman looked at you like that was because things turn around all the time. She could be on your bus next year, and somewhere deep down, she knows it. Change happens in an instant. We tend to focus on the bad, but it happens just as much with the good.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 7, 2006
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    Default

    Thank you all so much for the hugs and wonderful feedback and support and sympathy.
    I actually wrote a reply a couple of hours ago but when I posted it the computer locked up and lost it. Aarrrggghhh ...
    Your feedback really means a lot, and the advice is good. I do have my kitties, and they need me more now because they were not in the loop about the move until we got here, and really aren't in the loop now. I realized today that Home Is Where the Kitties Are, and they are teaching me that, for them, Home Is Where Our Person Is. We are spending a lot of time snuggled together, and I don't think it's just because the apartment is nice and cool and they, being kittehs, prefer the warmth. They are such good kitties, we have done two moves now in ten months and they just settle in and make the place our own.

    Thank God for kitties and COTHers.
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique


    11 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2010
    Posts
    1,000

    Default

    hey, by taking group transportation, you are reducing your carbon footptint!.......look at it that way..........YOU are the responsible one, not the lady who drove her SUV, alone, no passengers........

    i have a good friend who has always lived on the edge,due to her husbands disability...........she gets depressed at times, but usually sums it up with "hey,we are GOOD at being poor...makes us creative, innovative, and able to do more with less.......when everyone else crashes and burns, we'll be doing okay,because it will be no different from the way we've always been...".......
    and i think that's a darn good perspective, and a truthful one as well......
    perhaps if you are able to get to places to volunteer, it will help you feel more productive and feel better,and also expose you to folks that may be of some help in networking towards getting a job or a car...........i just figure tht the more people one encounters, the better the odds that someone will be the connection you need..........
    hugs........and where DO you live?


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May. 10, 2009
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    NC piedmont
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    Default

    You definitely aren't the only one. I've been unemployed for a year and a half, living off credit cards and what little freelance work I can find. I'm horribly depressed about not being able to find a job. I'm really good at what I do yet haven't gotten a single interview, not even for retail, let alone a job that I actually want. I work my butt off at any job, even if it sucks, because that's the way I am, and I'd be an asset to someone if I could just get a foot in the door. Heck, I even got turned down for a volunteer gig doing work I'm experienced at. After a while, it's hard not to feel as useless as employers think I am.

    To top it off, I turn 40 in a little under 2 weeks. Never, in my wildest thoughts, did I think I'd be a complete failure at 40...I figured I'd be just the opposite.

    I am lucky in that I have my health. I do count my blessings daily, but the list gets shorted and shorter. So yeah, been there, done that, got the t-shirt. And I'm sick of the attitude of many that it's my fault I'm poor, if I just worked a little harder, I could be successful. Some of the people who say that don't know what hard work is.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11

    Default

    Wellspotted - if you are anywhere near Harrisbug, PA, PM me and I'll come scoop you up for a weekly coffee or something.
    http://www.tbhsa.com/index.html

    Originally Posted by JSwan
    I love feral children. They taste like chicken.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,170

    Default

    Great thread and great advice. You guys rock.

    And my .02. Living in NYC during the Sh!t Meets Fan moment at the end of 2008 helped immensely with my deeply-installed expectations about myself and "regular/worthwhile" people.

    I felt I had not made enough money for my age then. I certainly didn't have the toys that others did. But then I didn't lose what they did, either. And I had spent a long time learning to like myself even while I was poor. Those riches-to-rags folks had to play "catch up" with that bit of growing up.

    So now I have no expectations about some kind of upward trajectory that I'm entitled too, nor do I have judgment about what people drive, where they live and the rest.

    Also, I am grateful and proud to be part of a country that does provide a social safety net. Things could (and have) been worse, and those societies are no good for poor or for the rich.

    It's a tad macro and philosophical, I know. But these realizations have helped me.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    3 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 6, 2012
    Location
    Moved South from North Pole
    Posts
    720

    Default Yoo hoo, OP!

    Our owner told us about you at the barn today. We're warmbloods and our owner limits our time on the internet, big meanie is she!

    Anyhow, turns out that Santa left a present for you with us, and wants us to deliver it. Uh well, we warmbloods don't work, and we don't do deliveries, that is what UPS and USPS are for!

    So anyway, we're sending you a PM. We need to know where to send the present from Santa. The PO is right down the road 2 miles, but we're not going there. We'll send our owner to post Santa's delivery. Next thing, Santa will want us to be good as well as deliver gifts.

    Expect a PM in a minute.

    ETA We do want to remind people that if you have your health, you're way ahead of many others. And you can go out and meet people and find love. Get out and meet others. Walk your dog. Ride your horse. Get to the park and meet people.
    Last edited by WildandWickedWarmbloods; Dec. 16, 2012 at 04:16 PM.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2009
    Location
    New England
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    1,361

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor's elf View Post
    Our owner told us about you at the barn today. We're warmbloods and our owner limits our time on the internet, big meanie is she!

    Anyhow, turns out that Santa left a present for you with us, and wants us to deliver it. Uh well, we warmbloods don't work, and we don't do deliveries, that is what UPS and USPS are for!

    So anyway, we're sending you a PM. We need to know where to send the present from Santa. The PO is right down the road 2 miles, but we're not going there. We'll send our owner to post Santa's delivery. Next them, Santa will want us to be good as well as delivery gifts.

    Expect a PM in a minute.


    ETA We do want to remind people that if you have your health, you're way ahead of many others. And you can go out and meet people and find love. Get out and meet others. Walk your dog. Ride your horse. Get to the park and meet people.
    You are AWESOME!!!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
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    Sep. 6, 2012
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    Moved South from North Pole
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    Default

    Actually, Shine, we're big bad warmbloods. But we think everyone should be happy, especially at Xmas time

    Although Santa is WAY out of line thinking we'll travel around delivering gifts! That's what usps and ups are for. Or paypal. We love paypal.

    ooops that should have been "next thing" in our other post. No more wine with lunch before posting. And it should be deliver not delivery in one place. On second thought, maybe another glass of wine will clear up our posting. Or a nap.

    ok that last typo was autocorrect on our computer, not the wine.
    Last edited by WildandWickedWarmbloods; Dec. 16, 2012 at 04:21 PM.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Aug. 10, 2008
    Location
    Statesboro, GA
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    Default

    Hang in there! Depression is a black hole that can suck you down in an instant. If you find yourself feeling too sad, get up and do something that requires a bit of physical effort. It might be as simple as finding a string and playing with the cats, but the point is to get yourself out of your head. Be sure to eat a sensible diet, rest, pray, play, etc. And as for the lady who dared to sneer at you and your neighbours for riding a bus, do your very best to feel sorry for the woman. She is handicapped a lot by her preconceived notions and prejudices. I'd love to have a bus I could ride to go shopping, rather than having to drive my hubby to work in order to keep the car.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
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    Default

    Keep your head up! If you are anywhere near VT, PM me. I have great entertainment and a pony who would love some snuggles! Our Christmas this year also has room for one more, you are welcome to join!
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Oct. 7, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor's elf View Post
    Actually, Shine, we're big bad warmbloods. But we think everyone should be happy, especially at Xmas time

    Although Santa is WAY out of line thinking we'll travel around delivering gifts! That's what usps and ups are for. Or paypal. We love paypal.

    ooops that should have been "next thing" in our other post. No more wine with lunch before posting. And it should be deliver not delivery in one place. On second thought, maybe another glass of wine will clear up our posting. Or a nap.

    ok that last typo was autocorrect on our computer, not the wine.
    You warmbloods are definitely awesome! And I think that warmbloods can definitely hold their wine--that's what all that warm blood is for!

    Replying to PM momentarily ....

    Thanks. Warmbloods are wonderful!
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique



  19. #19
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    Feeling a lot warmerblooded today, thanks to all you wonderful COTHers. () () (Where's that HUG smiley when I need it?)

    Thanks to you all.

    Wish I were in or near VT, I love pony snuggles and entertainment as well.

    This morning feeling VERY depressed at my pathetic attempt
    to walk to church, I came in here to the computer room where I was soon joined by a woman who asked me if I knew how to use the computer. She wanted to order the new Dragon compute software and we enjoyed researching it online and then just talking. And I enjoyed learning that the reason I did not get to church this morning was because I was needed here in the computer room -- and after all, where else IS church?
    I also got called an angel this afternoon. Now, when my cousin offered to move me to this new place, I told him he was an angel. Hoped he took it OK.
    Now I know how it feels to be called an angel. You can practically feel the wings on your back--it is somewhat like being stroked if you are a kitteh, I think.
    So, all of you, feel those wings on your backs? They are there--I can see them.

    () () ()

    Kitties with claws teach us all how to hang in there!
    Founder of the People Who Prefer COTH Over FB Clique
    People Who Hate to Rush to Kill Wildlife Clique!
    "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique


    4 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2005
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,376

    Default

    Op, I feel your pain. I just went through a really unpleasant experience on behalf of my sister, one that has me absolutely boiling mad.

    She is disabled, but unable to get on disability. She has no car and lives on a busy road that isn't conducive for walking and has no bus service. She lives in a mobil home.

    She hasn't been able to get work in 3 years (she has mental issues)
    For the past few years, we, her family, have struggled with this. Runs out of propane, expensive refill. Power gets turned off. No end in sight.

    Yesterday, she texts me that her furnace would not start, and that the place she called told her that "welfare cases need to pay up front before they would even consider coming out"


    She isn't on welfare. She gets fuel assistance, thank God. So, I call the number. I get a twenty something male, who as soon as I say I am calling to arrange an emergency service call for her, gets a HUGE chip on his shoulder.

    I ask him what the call will cover. He gets really snide, angry and sarcastic, and starts talking down to me.

    Now, mind you, I own my own home. I work, a LOT of hours. I have a credit card in my hand, and I am asking what I will get so I can project the cost.

    I'll trim a long story down to the basics. He tells me a service call is $100. All that covers is someone going out. I say, ok, I will do the call, but I need your tech to call me when he diagnosis it.

    I try to give him my Discover. Doesn't take it. I am about to use my MC debit card. I say, " I am only authorizing $100 on it."
    That's when he starts telling me I am stupid, and says, "Well, I will just take your $100 and leave then."

    I asked if the concept of calling me was one he was having trouble grasping. That's when he started calling me a bitch, and a dumb bitch,and a stupid dumb bitch. Seven times.

    I was never rude to him. I got angry at being talked down to so much, but I was civil.

    He treated me like this because my sister gets fuel assistance. After, she said he was " really mean" to her when she called, and I believe it. Take the "welfare case" remark. I can see saying, "Because you are not a regular customer, we have to yada yada." i expect that. But to say " because you are a WELFARE case?

    I really think this young man thought I was in the same boat as my sister. His employers are getting a huge earful tomorrow. You can't treat people like that because you feel that you are empowered over them. This was by far the most disrespectful, unprofessional interaction I have ever had with a representative of any company.



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