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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2010
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    Western NY
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    Angry At wit's end with DH's cat!

    About ready to toss the cat out the door permanently or post him on craigslist, I'm so done with this cat! (I need a "hear me roar" emoticon...)

    DH has had Eddie for almost 12 years, first cat he got as his "own" pet and has let him get away with essentially everything with no repercussions. And he gave the cat human food treats from the table, including letting him lick his plates/bowls when finished... This cat is an overemotional reject, every little thing will set him off, which he expresses by either a.)spraying in the house, b.)crapping on the basement floor or c.) digging through the garbage (which is in a cabinet). Leave for more than an 8hr workday and it's dealer's choice of what you get to come home to. Oh and he won't leave you alone in the bathroom, can't get any privacy in this house (bedroom doesn't have a door). Licks any available skin when your sleeping. Vet says he's physically fine. Tried Feliway and antidepressants, not any improvement (plus DH forgets to give the cat his Prozac from time to time). He's neutered and has his front declawed (not my doing, sometimes I wonder wth DH actually knows about animal training/behavior modification...). He's an indoor/outdoor cat, doesn't have any issues catching mice without claws or climbing trees.

    I AM a cat person! Grew up with no less than 2 cats in my house since I was in utero, never had these issues... ever! Not even split between cats! Had males all my life, never had one spray, of course my father would have gotten rid of that offender so dang fast we wouldn't have known. We also have 2 females, who are fine. I have pretty much no issues with either (the hunter occaissionally pukes up her catches, but it comes with the territory). Oh, Eddie likes to randomly pick fights with one of our females who he's lived with for 8 years to the point I have to grab him and toss him outside. Other times they sleep curled next to/around each other.

    I'm done being worried about people visiting and my house smelling like cat pi$$. He's ruined antiques from DH's family from spraying! I'm done coming home to garbage being strewn about my kitchen. I'm done not being able to leave ANY food on a counter for ANY amount of time because he will eat it (I usually don't, but some things need to cool before eating or packaging!). I'm done having to rearrange my life for a G__D___ cat!!! We've just bought a new house and this cat is sooo not coming inside, I'm not having my historic home ruined by an effing cat...

    What does DH say about all of this? "But you should know better than to _____ with Eddie around" (?!?) "He's just an emotional guy, it's the only way he can express himself." Well, he can express himself on the outside looking in for all I care.

    Oh and I haven't mentioned that I tried to incorporate my family dog into our house when I first moved in. It got to the point that neither the dog or DH could stand each other that I made the hard decision to take her out of a situation that obviously stressed her. He barely tried to work with her, I tried to educate and it fell on deaf ears. DH's claim that dogs are soo messy in the yard (Eddie regularly craps in my gardens), need so much more attention (see paragraph 2) and you can't leave them overnight with some food in a dish (again paragraph 2) is pretty much null and void since he's owned Eddie... At least I can TRAIN my dog!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    Wow.

    See, I'm not sure I could've made it far enough in to have an issue with Eddie because there's no way in hell I would've gotten rid of my dog...

    Anyway...can Eddy have a room in the house (that has a door)? Or a crate? Or a comfy spot in the garage? If the health issues have been ruled out and it's all behavioral and the Prozac isn't working...I really don't know. I don't think I'd just kick him outside--unless he really loves being outside. I think that if I were having lots and lots of problems, had exhausted my resources, etc, I would euth before I'd just kick the critter out.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    6 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
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    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    11,880

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    Wow.
    Thus do we growl that our big toes have, at this moment, been thrown up from below!



  4. #4
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    Jul. 13, 2011
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    East Longmeadow, MA
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    Making him an outdoor cat with no front claws will very likely end up with an awful end for the poor kitty. He obviously has issues. And you obviously can't stand him. Maybe that's the reason for his behavior, if you have ruied out any possible physical cause.

    Why don't you try to re-home him? And in the meantime, isn't there a room in the house where you can safely confine him?

    I honestly believe euthing him would be a far, far better option than kicking him outside.

    Poor kitty.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Oct. 21, 1999
    Location
    Rochester, NY
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    Are you retaliating? You got rid of your dog because your DH didn't like him. Now, you want to dump his cat because you don't like it. I hate these terms like DH. If he's your boyfriend, sounds like you need a new one. If he's your husband, well, it just doesn't sound like it's too sturdy a relationship.

    The spraying is a problem, and you probably will have to try some of the things that BuddyRoo suggested. But, really, being upset that the cat ate something left on the counter? That's just a cat and dog thing that a lot of them do. If you want something to cool off before you put it in the refrigerator, put it in the microwave or the oven (not turned on, of course) and set a timer for an hour or so, so that you don't forget about it.
    Originally Posted by Alagirl
    We just love to shame poor people...when in reality, we are all just peasants.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    I have to agree on the counter thing, but I was just so gobsmacked by the entire post that I elected to keep my response short and focused. I wouldn't kick a declawed cat outside either. I wouldn't kick ANY cat outside because of the liklihood they'd get hit, in a fight, eaten by a dog, catch disease, etc. But it sounds like they're letting him out already.

    I'm not a cat person really...and I still feel sorry for Eddie.

    Maybe I'm just as crazy as OP's hubby because if my dogs get something I've left out on the counter, to me, that's MY fault. If I need to cool something, I do so out of reach of dogs (which in my case, takes creativity because I have big dogs) I don't even go use the restroom without putting everything away first. Granted, cats can even get up on top of refrigerators...but I use my oven and my microwave a lot to keep critters at bay.

    I don't let the dogs eat off of plates though. (not on purpose) And I would INSIST on a bedroom door even if I didn't have any pets at all.

    But anyway...I still can't believe OP got rid of her dog, I wouldn't kick the cat out of the house, and if it were really keeping me up at night, ruining things in the home and no remedy was available, I would euth.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    6 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 22, 2003
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    Your post OOZES anger and resentment towards this cat. I was curious as to why, because everything you describe about this cat except the spraying is pretty.damn.normal. Then I see you gave up your dog for the relationship.

    Bingo.

    In fact, your entire description of your husband's objections/problems with your dog are EXACTLY the same as your objections to his cat!! You probably don't realize it but as an impatrial 3rd observer, I'm telling you that's the case!

    Really, though. This cat is doing normal cat things. The spraying is not normal. But the cat is 12. Could be health related, he could be going senile, or it could be stress related. The stress may well be he knows you don't want him around and he's acting out.

    Don't throw the cat out. He has no front claws. He'll get killed. No matter how much you loathe him, that's just cruel. Really cruel. The cat is 12 years old. That's OLD. Your husband's arguments about cats and their care don't really apply to a potentially senile old man.

    IMO, though, the cat (and the dog) are symptoms of some fairly serious issues you probably need some marriage therapy for. He "made" you get rid of the dog because it bothered him, now you "want" him to get rid of the cat because it bothers you, but he won't, and you're pissed, and about to take it out on the cat instead of dealing with your husband.

    Love doesn't keep score. And you're keeping score. You "sacraficed" and now you're upset that he won't "sacrafice" as much as you. This is a very bad way to approach any relationship.

    THIS ISN'T ACTUALLY ABOUT THE CAT.
    "The nice thing about memories is the good ones are stronger and linger longer than the bad and we sure have some incredibly good memories." - EverythingButWings


    22 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2011
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    East Longmeadow, MA
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    Default

    You know, I tried very hard to keep my reply helpful and non-judgmental. But I predict a trainwreck. The cat is not the problem. And I am willing to bet big money that there are a lot of cat lovers - or just animal lovers - on this BB who are going to hand you your head on a platter. Don't blame them one bit.
    What's wrong with you?? Your cheese done slid off its cracker?!?!


    8 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jan. 22, 2003
    Location
    Home of "The Office", PA
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    982

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    Not commenting on the relationship between you and your DH because that is your business and this may be the one big sore spot in an other wise happy life.

    Having owned both a cat and a dog, I can say that the "leaving something on the counter for the cat to get is your fault" is totally false. In the 12 years I had my cat, she jumped up on the counter to snatch something (usually the food scraps destined for the compost pile) MAYBE 5 times. She was NEVER allowed on the counters or tables PERIOD! Once again, maybe 3 times did we ever find her on one of those 2 places (besides the 5 garbage incidents). Why? Because she knew better. She was taught what was acceptable and what wasn't.
    This cat's behavior is NOT acceptable. If I ever caught it in the act...it would be sprayed down with the kitchen hose and tossed outside...literally flying.

    Spraying? Sorry, but that cat would have been gone after the first incident (maybe the second ...I"m not heartless or above giving second chances). Same with the crapping all over the place.

    It's 12. I would tell the DH NO EDDIE in the new house. Both he and DH are welcome to stay in the old one until Eddie meets his maker...whether naturally or by injection. OR...if there is an attached garage, he can make a cozy place there. Otherwise, like vampires...he is NOT invited in.

    P.S. Cats on Prozac?!!! WTH is wrong with people?!!!!
    The only thing the government needs to solve all of its problems is a Council of Common Sense.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2010
    Location
    Western NY
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    1,117

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    Cat started spraying years before I came along... Cat has actually sprayed Hubby 2x! I can't tell you how mortifying it is to get to work, sit at your desk and then smell cat pi$$ on your jacket/purse/laptop bag. Anytime a new feral cat shows up, my house has to go to DECON4 afterwards...

    Is there some resentment about the dog? Yup, sure is. But I made the decision to get her out, though mostly due to the tension between the DH and her, but she pretty much told me herself that she was miserable here when she repeatedly jumped in my car when I would go to work (she HATES car rides!). I took her back to my parents and my brother has since taken over her care.

    Sorry, I don't buy cats will always eat food left out. According to DH the cats aren't "allowed" on the counter, yet they always go when our backs are turned/out of the house. Yet at my parents, the cats have always had free access to counters and tables, but none would eat food left out aside from maybe meat defrosting on the counter(we were kids, we learned). I can't even leave candy in a dish out overnight... Anything edible is game.

    I've gently suggested rehoming the cat(a few times now), as he seems genuinely unhappy 100% of the time. He wants attention 24/7 and being working folks, it just ain't gonna happen any time soon. He'd probably love an old folks home or some retiree that wants a lap cat in a single cat home. This is not acceptable to DH.

    Current house is a loft style with really only one room with a door(aside from a bathroom), which Eddie is not allowed in due to his spraying issue as it contains our TV and home theatre. Can't lock him in the basement unless I lock the other 2 cats down with him as there are not a lot of "out of the way" places for litter boxes upstairs and one of the females is a flinger of litter.



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dramapony_misty View Post

    Having owned both a cat and a dog, I can say that the "leaving something on the counter for the cat to get is your fault" is totally false. In the 12 years I had my cat, she jumped up on the counter to snatch something (usually the food scraps destined for the compost pile) MAYBE 5 times. She was NEVER allowed on the counters or tables PERIOD! Yours were never allowed, but apparently this cat WAS allowed until someone new moved into the house and decided it was no longer allowed. If you stay on top of them, you can certainly train them, I agree. But even though I've never "allowed" my dogs to get on the counter, if I leave a couple of nice, yummy smelling steaks within reach, who is the idiot? Me!Once again, maybe 3 times did we ever find her on one of those 2 places (besides the 5 garbage incidents). This cat's behavior is NOT acceptable. If I ever caught it in the act...it would be sprayed down with the kitchen hose and tossed outside...literally flying.You said literally, so I'm assuming you're not just being dramatic. That's awfully cruel.

    Spraying? Sorry, but that cat would have been gone after the first incident (maybe the second ...I"m not heartless or above giving second chances). Same with the crapping all over the place. Really? Well, again, I think that's rather cruel. Aside from initial potty training, I've not met many animals who, once potty trained, go in the house unless there's a problem. In the case of this cat, the OP says they've ruled out medical issues. But there are other reasons that animals go in the house besides just medical.

    It's 12. I would tell the DH NO EDDIE in the new house. Both he and DH are welcome to stay in the old one until Eddie meets his maker...whether naturally or by injection.How would you feel if someone gave you that ultimatum about your pet? I just can't imagine saying this to someone--especially my spouse, especially about a pet that was there long before me.
    I feel for the OP, I do. Especially once I got to the part about getting rid of her dog. But it's not the cat's fault.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    7 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 9, 2010
    Location
    Greensboro, NC
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    416

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    I completely agree wtih Dramapony. The cat's behavior is NOT acceptable!! I have a strict of house rules. They include:

    Leaving me alone when I eat
    Staying off counters
    Staying off dinner table
    Not scratching furniture
    Staying out of the bedroom


    Even my foster kitties learn the rules quickly. This cat can still learn. TEACH him your house rules and get hubs on board.

    I do agree that this isn't necessarily a cat problem. However, that cat can be trained. While I don't believe in declawing, and I certainly wouldn't throw a declawed cat out...I might just change my mind if it was spraying on everything.

    Sorry to hear about your troubles...I sympathize and I would totally be stressed out in your situation.


    Quote Originally Posted by Dramapony_misty View Post
    Not commenting on the relationship between you and your DH because that is your business and this may be the one big sore spot in an other wise happy life.

    Having owned both a cat and a dog, I can say that the "leaving something on the counter for the cat to get is your fault" is totally false. In the 12 years I had my cat, she jumped up on the counter to snatch something (usually the food scraps destined for the compost pile) MAYBE 5 times. She was NEVER allowed on the counters or tables PERIOD! Once again, maybe 3 times did we ever find her on one of those 2 places (besides the 5 garbage incidents). Why? Because she knew better. She was taught what was acceptable and what wasn't.
    This cat's behavior is NOT acceptable. If I ever caught it in the act...it would be sprayed down with the kitchen hose and tossed outside...literally flying.

    Spraying? Sorry, but that cat would have been gone after the first incident (maybe the second ...I"m not heartless or above giving second chances). Same with the crapping all over the place.

    It's 12. I would tell the DH NO EDDIE in the new house. Both he and DH are welcome to stay in the old one until Eddie meets his maker...whether naturally or by injection. OR...if there is an attached garage, he can make a cozy place there. Otherwise, like vampires...he is NOT invited in.

    P.S. Cats on Prozac?!!! WTH is wrong with people?!!!!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Oct. 30, 2006
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    318

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    I agree with above, this isn't about the cat.
    I don't always feel up to arguing with your ignorance


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Upstate NY
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    Before I start I will say I have no indoor cats. I am not a cat person. So I am not just sticking up for the cat because I think cats are the greatest thing ever.

    You are in NY and you want to take a declawed cat and kick it outside to live? Really?

    Be it a dog or a cat, if you know it takes things off the counter when you are not looking and you leave things on the counter it IS your fault. Period. End of discussion. It does not matter if your parent's cats do not like the things left out so they do not eat them. This cat does. People who do not want to hate their cat find qualities like this amusing and fun. Having giggles and laughs about the newest thing they got fluffy to eat.

    Why is it that you can not close this cat in the basement with out closing the other cats in the basement? Because you are not willing to have more than one litter box maybe? Which might be your whole problem. How many litter boxes do you have and how ofter are they cleaned? Are they located such that an older cat who might be starting to have age related issues (stiffness, arthritis) can easily access them?
    It is not uncommon for cats to refuse to use a dirty litter box. It is not uncommon for cats to refuse to use a litter box that has been used by other cats.
    And why does this cat have to always get along with the other cats? Do you always get along with your husband?

    If you stop being angry and open your eyes you have lots of options. Give the cat its meds yourself so you know the cat gets them. Make an area for the cat (room, basement, large cat cage set up, etc).


    For those of you who say cats can be made to do things like not get on the counter - well sure. But this cat has been allowed to be on the counter, even by the OP. It is not the cats fault its world has been set up this way. They trained the cat, now deal with it how it is trained.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2002
    Location
    Boogerville, USA
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    It may be normal cat behavior for some of you, but not me.

    I teach my cats as kittens "how things are." While no being is perfect,
    I have always been pretty happy with all of my cats' behaviors through the years.
    A squirt bottle, a small bean-bag to toss, a scat mat in off-limit places, a loud and well-timed "HEY!!" will do wonders to instill good manners from the start: Obviously, the OP doesn't have that option.

    I would never have the kind of destructive/disruptive cat the OP describes in my home. I would re-home, or euth.
    Due to the age of the cat and probability that senility is creeping in, I'd probably opt to PTS.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
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    VA
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    Seeing OP's follow up, I would venture to guess that a few more litterboxes would help significantly! My goodness! That's a lot of cats with just one box even if you clean it daily! Also, getting boxes with lower edges--2 in instead of the typical 4-5. And I'm not surprised that the cat would get agitated when ferals are dropping by.

    I like trubandloki am not a cat person as I said before. So I feel like I can be rather objective. I don't want a cat in my house PERIOD. I don't particularly like them and I'm really allergic. But it seems like there are options available...
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    6 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Upstate NY
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    To counter the 'no place to put a litter box upstairs' excuse - they now make very nice little enclosures for litter boxes that look like furniture.

    This is an aged cat whose issues are of your own (and your hubbies) making. Stop blaming them on the cat.


    ETA -http://www.drsfostersmith.com/product/prod_display.cfm?pcatid=19964

    Oh look, here is another.
    Last edited by trubandloki; Dec. 21, 2012 at 12:04 PM.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
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    Jan. 22, 2003
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    Maybe I come off harsh, but I totally feel the OP's frustration and concern! It's hard when something that you don't feel like you have control over is totally taking over you life.

    Ok, first off, by "flying" I mean a light toss about 1' in the air...nothing for a cat who used to jump 4' down from a windowsill on her own. Not nice, no, but got a point across.

    OP said that DH says no cats on the counters...yet look what happens. He does nothing. If it were just the counters, maybe that wouldn't be grounds to exile. But spraying? Absolutely. That's just gross and it doesn't sound like there is any way to stop it.

    Crapping? The only time it is "acceptable" is if they are sick. "Sick" doesn't count. Doing it for spite or retaliation? Kitty's getting locked outside or something.

    OP, could you crate (as in a large dog crate) the cat in the basement during the away from home hours and at night?
    The only thing the government needs to solve all of its problems is a Council of Common Sense.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
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    Sep. 2, 2005
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    Dramapony you seem to fit your name well.
    Though we like to assign thoughts of revenge to our pets; cats and dogs do not crap on the floor to get even with us. They crap on the floor because there is something wrong in their world. Maybe not something we understand (or want to understand).

    To me it sounds very much like this cat does not like to use a soiled litter pan and after eight hours he has to go and the pan is soiled and he does what he has to do.

    Spraying usually starts for a reason. The OP says it was going on before she joined the family. It is not the cats fault that no one figured out the reason before it became a habit.

    Husband saying cat is not allowed on the counter and then doing nothing about it does not mean the cat should be exiled for doing what it has always been allowed to do. If the OP really wants to change that behavior instead of complaining go get some scat mats and work on training the cat.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
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    I'm a total cat person. Every bit as much as I'm a horse person. And I've be livid if either of my cats were behaving like this cat. But rather than place the blame on the OP and any lingering resentment over her dog, I'm giving it all to OP's DH and his inability to instill boundaries. I do a lot of petsitting and it utterly blows my mind how many people create monsters in their critters.

    OP, I don't think you're gonna win, but my fingers are crossed for you!!
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.


    5 members found this post helpful.

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