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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
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    14,937

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    ^^^

    The other thing you need to gently point out to Dear Parents is that their checking on the horse isn't working (and is a PITA). So, for example, they need to know what skinny looks like, what overdue feet look like. And then they have to figure out of they want the job of telling trainer what's what.

    Maybe you can convince them that they don't actually want the "checking on horse" job?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2012
    Posts
    83

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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    ^^^

    The other thing you need to gently point out to Dear Parents is that their checking on the horse isn't working (and is a PITA). So, for example, they need to know what skinny looks like, what overdue feet look like. And then they have to figure out of they want the job of telling trainer what's what.

    Maybe you can convince them that they don't actually want the "checking on horse" job?
    I like that.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug. 1, 2003
    Location
    Georgia.
    Posts
    2,358

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    Would it be feasible (or would you want) to have the horse closer to where you are at college? Then you can check on the horse easier and possibly enjoy the horse while at college too? Just a thought!

    YES...get the horse out of that barn!!!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2012
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    83

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    Quote Originally Posted by Green Acres View Post
    Would it be feasible (or would you want) to have the horse closer to where you are at college? Then you can check on the horse easier and possibly enjoy the horse while at college too? Just a thought!

    YES...get the horse out of that barn!!!
    Oh how I wish!! My Uni is in a city, and the closest barn is farther than the one I'm at now.



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Nov. 13, 2009
    Posts
    4,493

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    Quote Originally Posted by AlterHalter123 View Post
    Thanks for the quick replies... My parents are becoming more horsey people, they're still learning. I'm going to show this to them.


    Edited to add that my parents want to keep the horse close because of convenience. They're close to her, so they like that they can go out and check on her, even though they don't know enough to know it really is a problem. The other barn is quite more of a distance away.
    Well, being able to check her is only worthwhile if they really know what they are looking for. Since you have said that you would be able to trust the care of your former trainer, your parents would not need to go check her and would in fact not have to travel any distance at all.

    Meanwhile, the situation you have described in your current barn is both terrible and pretty nearly my exact experience in the "nicest, fanciest" A show barn in my area. Well...that barn doesn't even exist anymore because the trainer eventually abandoned her customers and moved out of the country, but I digress. But yeah, there was a horse there at one point with an absentee owner. When our board was increased by $250/month (yes, well into four figures), I demanded that the horse in question be trimmed by the next farrier that came out to the barn (he was so overgrown, it was disgusting). I was tired of looking at the neglect and was not going to do it while also paying dramatically increased board.

    Anyway, get out of there.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Apr. 26, 2000
    Posts
    3,132

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    I've left places for less than this. At this point, if you aren't riding her and the trainer isn't riding her - are you still showing 1x a month? - then the mare would be better off even on pasture board with a run-in shed and instead of full service, moderate level care. If your parents are paying 4-figure board (what sounds like not even acceptable care), then I know a GREAT family owned farm in the Piedmont of NC where all the critters are happy & healthy & well looked after by lifetime horse folk who treat even the rude boarder mare as though she's one of the family.

    I get your parent's reluctance b/c of distance/convenience but your description makes this place sound like bad wedding cake: pretty icing but crappy cake.

    Good luck getting it resolved.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2012
    Posts
    83

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    Thanks everyone for the responses! I'm going to print this out and give it to my parents.

    Taking out some of the detail in my OP because I'm paranoid and don't really want to get discovered. You all have been extremely helpful and honest and I'll keep you posted!

    Thank you again.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Nov. 18, 2010
    Location
    california
    Posts
    3,898

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    I guess we have all been taken advantage of by trainers but unfortunately we have all had to learn the hard way that expensive, close by and pretty are not always quality facilities that will actually care for your horse.

    Hope you can get them to understand that.


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  9. #29
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    Nov. 12, 2012
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    83

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    UPDATE:
    Well that didn't go over well.. It's convenient for the horse to be where it is apparently and then they threatened to sell the horse because I misled them into thinking that I was going to be able to ride during college.. oy.. looks like the horse will be staying put, unfortunately. Mom said if I moved him that she wouldn't go out and check on the horse anymore because it wouldn't be convenient for her. Dad then said they would lease the horse out or sell the horse. They're convinced that they know enough to check up on the horse.



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2010
    Location
    Alberta
    Posts
    3,516

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    Can you move horse to somewhere you can ride at college?

    Sounds like your parents enjoy stopping by to check on horse. Maybe you could encourage them to be more active by asking if they could watch trainer ride horse, check on farrier dates and such?



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Mar. 18, 2007
    Posts
    331

    Default transfer schools?

    Don't know what you are studying, but maybe you can transfer to a school with stables in the general area if not at the school? Sort of extreme, but you know the current situation is not really tolerable. You might be better off if Mom does not check on horse since her skills are ... um, not helpful. Maybe leasing horse to someone in trusted trainers barn is a good idea. It must be terribly distracting to try to go to school and worry about the horse. Good luck with this situation.



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Jul. 10, 2008
    Location
    NC
    Posts
    920

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    I just don't understand. If they are convinced that the horse needs to stay and they check on him regularly, then how do things like that keep happening?? I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
    Quote Originally Posted by rustbreeches View Post
    [George Morris] doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, he prefers Dos Equis



  13. #33
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2012
    Location
    CA
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    806

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    Hate to say it, but it honestly sounds like it might be fairer to the animal to sell it. I didn't get to read the OP with the details in it, so I don't know the full story, but this sounds like a bad situation. Your parents are allowing the horse to be neglected in the name of "convenience."


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Nov. 12, 2012
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    83

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    Thanks everyone.. Transferring schools is not an option for me... and I really don't want to sell/lease my horse out to someone.. my horse worked so hard for me as a junior, I don't want the horse to go back to showing 12 times a year. I guess my best option at the moment is to try and educate my parents on proper horse care and what to look for. Mom thinks that she's capable at keeping an eye on everything.. Even though I did ask if she could tell if a horse needed their feet re shod..no answer.. My best bet is to have them keep tabs on the farrier every 5 weeks. Mom also takes lessons once a week on the horse with a lesson trainer who I haven't met.. the previous one quit because of the care of the lesson horses, shocker. Anyway mom is learning sorta, but still very very very green.. as in is clueless about really what to look for. She can tell if the horse is fat/skinny but that's about it. The problem is that she doesn't say anything when she notices. She noticed the tack missing but didn't say anything until I pointed it out and threw a fit, she thought the horse may be getting skinny but didn't say anything until I threw a fit.. it's stuff like that.. I think she second guesses herself.. she sort of knows what to look for, but not really.


    ETA: Since the whole feed thing and the farrier incidence, nothing involving the care of the horse has happened. I would never let my horse get mistreated constantly. My parents feel like, yes they made a mistake, but it hasn't happened since... All of this happened when the head groom was not around, but he is home consistently now, so problems with feed and such do not happen anymore.

    Mom loves the horse and will go out and groom, graze whatever, but just doesn't know quite enough to realize when things aren't quite right (like with the tack). All of this has happened over the span of a year.



  15. #35
    Join Date
    Feb. 16, 2007
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    My very own sliver of heaven.
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    1,282

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    So wait (and maybe I am confused because I read your OP earlier today), but who is riding the horse the other 6 days a week if your mom is only lessoning once a week? You said that Trainer hadn't been on the horse per the grooms, so is she getting ridden one day a week and sitting the other six?

    If that's the case, I know you don't want to sell or lease her, but it sounds like that would be the best thing to do by her. Showing 12 times a year isn't a lot at ALL. Some of my horses have spent upwards of 40 weeks a year on the road (not showing every single week, of course, but when I was a junior, they were only at home from the end of October until right before/after Christmas and between Florida and Devon and a week or two between VT/LP/Saratoga/The Hamptons/Finals). My large pony is now 27 and still being ridden 5 days a week...very, very happily might I add! If you're in college, it's going to be a few years at least before you can start riding consistently again...is it really the right decision for her to hang around? And if she's leased, you have control over where she goes and how much she does. That's the beauty of a lease contract*

    Just some food for thought.



    *I know, I know, things don't always go according to plan or according to the contract, but I've always had excellent experiences leasing out horses*
    Nine out of ten times, you'll get it wrong...but it's that tenth time that you get it right that makes all the difference.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2012
    Posts
    83

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    One of the juniors at the barn is hacking the horse when mom doesn't ride...That's partially why mom started riding.. I think secretly she wanted to learn, but she says she's only doing it because the horse needs exercise.. the horse is aged.. older teenager.. but hasn't needed any maintenance to date because we've been really careful.. The horse was an upper level jumper before I went to college. I ride on breaks and I enjoy just being able to go out and get on whenever I can..

    Mom is going to start hacking, and by that I mean trotting, by herself once she is comfortable with putting the bridle on alone.. we'll work on that over Christmas vacation. The horse isn't rotting in her stall, I just wish I didn't have to put up with the nonsense that had been going on in the past.


    ETA: and maybe I'm being selfish.. I really don't want to share.. and this horse is my heart horse who I will never ever sell.. I just really don't want to share the horse.. I still like to ride when I can..



  17. #37
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2011
    Posts
    293

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    I didn't get to read the OP, but I'd say go get a part time job and use that money to pay for board where your other trainer is. If your parents are the ones paying the bills and that's why you're not moving him, then you should start paying the bills.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    14,937

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    Time for momma to step up her game, then!

    I take it you are home for Christmas Break? Fine. She can have a crash course in HO-ing. Teach her what she needs to know and impress upon her that she's the buckstopper-- the one responsible for this nice horse's quality of life.

    Either she does that well, or she starts to see how much responsibility that is and consents to doing something differently. Maybe she becomes your advocate with your dad.

    But I think you need to stay in charge from afar. That might mean that you put in a call to the farrier after your horse's shoeing appointments. You call your mom and ask about horse's weight and the rest.

    When dealing with your mom, you need to present all this detail in a way that's encouraging. Yes, she can learn to pay attention to the details that any HO does. But if it becomes too much of a burden, you also need to give her an "out" that doesn't make her seem like the bad guy or incompetent. The easy solution is the other trainer that you like and trust. She can take that whenever she wants.

    I hope you can find your way with your parents and the horse. Just get busy while you are home, eh?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    3 members found this post helpful.

  19. #39
    Join Date
    Nov. 12, 2012
    Posts
    83

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    Thanks MVP for the advice.. I appreciate it.. It looks like that's the way we're going to go!... Momma is about to enroll in Horsie 101.

    Thanks again for all the help everyone


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2006
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    761

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    I know people may need to make a few extra bucks for the holidays but I am not sure anyone needs to go ho-ing .
    Kidding aside maybe get your mom a weight tape and ask her to measure one a week or so. It may help her confidence if she has an objective measure of condition.


    1 members found this post helpful.

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