The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 41 to 52 of 52
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun. 25, 2004
    Location
    Carolinas
    Posts
    4,880

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    Again, you are missing the point: Getting the child to try anything is the problem.

    As to the duration, it would depend on the commitment the paying adult enters into.
    You know, dropping a couple grand on an instrument to have it collecting dust in the corner....that would include a commitment - even if she hated it - for an extended period of time, like a year. (band is better that way, you get to see quicker results than when you are forced to solo Mary had a little Lamb)

    If you enroll a kid into a school type thing that requires a contract? It would be made clear, that the obligation I enter would be followed by the kids obligation to show up.
    Because life is that way.

    The child is in no danger of finding herself with an instrument glued to her hands.

    The question was born from the utter frustration of the primary care giver - my mom, her grandmother, a person who has always something to do and many interests to follow - that the child has zero interest in doing anything. Piano lessons were a no go, riding, nope....her horse was given away to a family member (well, I can understand that, her mother was all involved in horses and not a very nice person to her family in general, and her daughter particularly)

    Youth firefighters, one of the big social things in the village, nope, quit....
    The dogs are well loved, but only in passing, no walking, grooming, feeding or - heaven forbid - poop scooping....

    All of which I think I outlined in the original post...I must be evil trying to get the kid to do something....
    other than watching stupid TV shoes, chatting on the smartphone with some guy who is clearly much older than the girl and her friend (friend's phone....)

    The idea is to have her be less of a consumer but take a more active stance in life.
    I mean, the role model the girls look up to is the equivalent to a Paris Hilton, no substance, but being known for being known....
    Is it possible that she is overwhelmed by her grandmother? GM is full of energy, doing many things with great interests. By comparison most anyone would be a slug.

    Could be the kid "thinks" she will fail in comparison to GM, so doesn't dare or bother to try.
    "Never do anything that you have to explain twice to the paramedics."
    Courtesy my cousin Tim


    1 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    May. 15, 2005
    Location
    Australasia
    Posts
    1,161

    Default

    I think fooler may have a point, the kid could well be over-faced.

    I do think, though, that "a bit of fashion and some nail painting" plus an interest in gadgets which the GM loathes indicates some interest in something but just the *wrong* interests according to GM and other family members. Get her a sub to Vogue or similar, maybe.
    where am I, what day is it, am I still having a good time?


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    32,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by fooler View Post
    Is it possible that she is overwhelmed by her grandmother? GM is full of energy, doing many things with great interests. By comparison most anyone would be a slug. Could be the kid "thinks" she will fail in comparison to GM, so doesn't dare or bother to try.
    Life has been pretty rough for the both of them, since my sister battled cancer for a few years, which took a lot out of my mom and likely left it's marks on my niece. My mom was never one to punish failure. She was always very supportive of us, encouraging, without pushing. I am thinking that sometimes kids that age need a bit of a push - I certainly could have benefited. Which of course does not mean that the girl does not see it that way.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  4. #44
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
    Location
    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
    Posts
    15,797

    Default

    I'm of the mind that you can't force either enthusiasm OR participation in anything. I'm reminded of my mother forcing me to take tennis lessons the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I wanted nothing whatever to do with it, but she insisted. "You're not just going to lie around and go to the beach this summer - you're going to do something!" was her mantra. And "something" that year was tennis lessons; in south Florida, in June, on an asphalt court, at noon four days a week. Yeah, just let me go on out there and freaking melt like the Wicked Witch of the West, doing something I only disliked before, but now, thanks to you, actively hate. When she'd drop me off, I'd wait until she was out of sight, and then hike over to the nearest 7-11 and read magazines and eat candy bars in the air conditioning until 15 minutes before the lesson was over, then hike back. No one was going to force me to do anything. And it certainly didn't endear me to my mother.

    The weird thing was, to this day, I still don't know why she did it. What the problem was with the beach, I still have no idea; I was too young to get a job, and all my friends were hanging out there, even the ones she approved of. So the only thing Mom achieved by forcing me into an activity I detested was to instill a love of Almond Joys and a loathing of tennis in me.

    The moral of the story is that you and your mother might well do much more harm than good, by forcing your niece into anything. And, JMO, but people grieve differently. You can't know that she should be "ready" for anything other than dealing with her feelings. Counseling might well be an option, and forbidding her the sort of contact you fear she's indulging in on the internet(?) is certainly appropriate for her own protection, but anything else? Let her cheer (or dance, or do whatever the available option is in Germany). Let her play age-appropriate video games. But forcing her into any activity is the one sure way to alienate her from not only that activity, but from those who forced her into it.

    Just my opinon.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    32,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ESG View Post
    I'm of the mind that you can't force either enthusiasm OR participation in anything. I'm reminded of my mother forcing me to take tennis lessons the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I wanted nothing whatever to do with it, but she insisted. "You're not just going to lie around and go to the beach this summer - you're going to do something!" was her mantra. And "something" that year was tennis lessons; in south Florida, in June, on an asphalt court, at noon four days a week. Yeah, just let me go on out there and freaking melt like the Wicked Witch of the West, doing something I only disliked before, but now, thanks to you, actively hate. When she'd drop me off, I'd wait until she was out of sight, and then hike over to the nearest 7-11 and read magazines and eat candy bars in the air conditioning until 15 minutes before the lesson was over, then hike back. No one was going to force me to do anything. And it certainly didn't endear me to my mother. The weird thing was, to this day, I still don't know why she did it. What the problem was with the beach, I still have no idea; I was too young to get a job, and all my friends were hanging out there, even the ones she approved of. So the only thing Mom achieved by forcing me into an activity I detested was to instill a love of Almond Joys and a loathing of tennis in me. The moral of the story is that you and your mother might well do much more harm than good, by forcing your niece into anything. And, JMO, but people grieve differently. You can't know that she should be "ready" for anything other than dealing with her feelings. Counseling might well be an option, and forbidding her the sort of contact you fear she's indulging in on the internet(?) is certainly appropriate for her own protection, but anything else? Let her cheer (or dance, or do whatever the available option is in Germany). Let her play age-appropriate video games. But forcing her into any activity is the one sure way to alienate her from not only that activity, but from those who forced her into it. Just my opinon.
    The poor child isn't going to be forced to do anything. Well.... Let me rephrase that: The child will have to endure a certain period of the activity she has chosen before she gets to quit. Is that better phrased? The internet thing and chatting...gosh....I hope that got nipped in the butt! For the life of me, I do not understand why 11 and 12 yo kids need a smartphone....and of course you need to buy them one because all have one....certainly something I don't understand. Granted, that was her friend's phone, but she has her own fancy phone with enough bells and whistles on it. her dad bought it, although my mom said he was agreeing with her on the usage of the thing....then why buy it? Alas....
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  6. #46
    Join Date
    Oct. 31, 2001
    Location
    West of insanity, east of apathy, deep in the heart of Texas.
    Posts
    15,797

    Default

    Sorry if I misunderstood. I completely agree that no 11 year old needs a smartphone; but then, I think there are a lot of people out there who don't need a smartphone.

    And I also applaud your insistence that if the child DOES choose something in which to participate, she must participate and not welsh after the "new" wears off. Would that more children were made to stick to it and finish something they start.
    In loving memory of Laura Jahnke.
    A life lived by example, done too soon.
    www.caringbridge.org/page/laurajahnke/



  7. #47
    Join Date
    Feb. 20, 2010
    Location
    All 'round Canadia
    Posts
    5,413

    Default

    I'm trying to recall if a "did" anything at 11 or 12. I may have been in ballet lessons twice a week, LOL; at some point around that age I did that for a while, because my friends were in it. That was it for any sort of organized activity, beyond that I ran around the little town with my friends (that was Germany too, coincidentally; Eitelborn, not a whole lot of organized activities there

    Of course that was pre-gadgets so I had to go out of the house to hang out with friends. But if you'd asked my parents about my "interests", I bet they wouldn't have been able to name anything specific either. I mean, I liked reading, I drew some, I hung out, I liked to swim when someone organized a trip to the pool in Montabaur...I disliked playing the stupid recorder, and after a while I lost interest in the ballet.
    But I recall that period as a happy one for me, lack of "interests" and all.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    32,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Coanteen View Post
    I'm trying to recall if a "did" anything at 11 or 12. I may have been in ballet lessons twice a week, LOL; at some point around that age I did that for a while, because my friends were in it. That was it for any sort of organized activity, beyond that I ran around the little town with my friends (that was Germany too, coincidentally; Eitelborn, not a whole lot of organized activities there Of course that was pre-gadgets so I had to go out of the house to hang out with friends. But if you'd asked my parents about my "interests", I bet they wouldn't have been able to name anything specific either. I mean, I liked reading, I drew some, I hung out, I liked to swim when someone organized a trip to the pool in Montabaur...I disliked playing the stupid recorder, and after a while I lost interest in the ballet. But I recall that period as a happy one for me, lack of "interests" and all.
    reading would be a welcome plus.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,640

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    Again, you are missing the point: Getting the child to try anything is the problem.

    As to the duration, it would depend on the commitment the paying adult enters into.
    You know, dropping a couple grand on an instrument to have it collecting dust in the corner....that would include a commitment - even if she hated it - for an extended period of time, like a year. (band is better that way, you get to see quicker results than when you are forced to solo Mary had a little Lamb)
    No, I didn't miss the point at all. Your example is perfect to show why she may not want to tell you or the grandma her interests - how often is she reminded of the possible cost to others if she is not committed?

    (Not to mention piano lessons can be taken on a $100 used keyboard, so you don't actually have to drop thousands on a new piano).

    As for reading - I have a kid who doesn't like to read either. We belong to a mother daughter book club. We sometimes read the book separately, or aloud, or audio tape, or all of the above....then we get together with other girls her age and their moms and discuss the book and then the kids get to play. It's not expecting her to "have an interest in reading" as much as it's helping to create an interest in reading.

    As for music, my kids do have to take piano - it's non-negotiable and I don't care if they hate it (which, now that they can play, they don't). That is when you find a fun teacher and push through the first year where it sucks because it's hard. For us - that is like school. But, now that my older dd is 14 and can play reasonably well, she got a guitar for Christmas (including lessons) so that is an interest now.

    If she's interested in fashion, then I agree with the poster who suggested sewing lessons or just encouraging learning about fashion in general. Or gymnastics, or cheerleading (why not?). I think it's also possible that she is overwhelmed by the grandmother.

    As a parent, however, I have no trouble limiting TV and media time...I think it does take away from kids' ability to think for themselves. And if that makes a kid miserable for a while, that's ok. They will live. That could be when the two of you put in an audio CD and flip through fashion magazines together instead.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    32,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    No, I didn't miss the point at all. Your example is perfect to show why she may not want to tell you or the grandma her interests - how often is she reminded of the possible cost to others if she is not committed? (Not to mention piano lessons can be taken on a $100 used keyboard, so you don't actually have to drop thousands on a new piano). As for reading - I have a kid who doesn't like to read either. We belong to a mother daughter book club. We sometimes read the book separately, or aloud, or audio tape, or all of the above....then we get together with other girls her age and their moms and discuss the book and then the kids get to play. It's not expecting her to "have an interest in reading" as much as it's helping to create an interest in reading. As for music, my kids do have to take piano - it's non-negotiable and I don't care if they hate it (which, now that they can play, they don't). That is when you find a fun teacher and push through the first year where it sucks because it's hard. For us - that is like school. But, now that my older dd is 14 and can play reasonably well, she got a guitar for Christmas (including lessons) so that is an interest now. If she's interested in fashion, then I agree with the poster who suggested sewing lessons or just encouraging learning about fashion in general. Or gymnastics, or cheerleading (why not?). I think it's also possible that she is overwhelmed by the grandmother. As a parent, however, I have no trouble limiting TV and media time...I think it does take away from kids' ability to think for themselves. And if that makes a kid miserable for a while, that's ok. They will live. That could be when the two of you put in an audio CD and flip through fashion magazines together instead.
    LOL, telling me how mean I am trying to find something the kid likes, then telling me you are forcing all of yours to take piano! FWIW, I told my mom to teach her how to sew and knit and crochet - fashion related....that's what I did. My sister could do all of the above, though never really used it aside from fixing things, but hey... but you are bringing a good point to the table: you just have to make a kid do certain things for a while, until the initial yuckiness is overcome. Like playing an instrument. You have to achieve a certain amount of proficiency before it becomes enjoyable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



  11. #51
    Join Date
    Dec. 18, 2006
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    4,640

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    LOL, telling me how mean I am trying to find something the kid likes, then telling me you are forcing all of yours to take piano! FWIW, I told my mom to teach her how to sew and knit and crochet - fashion related....that's what I did. My sister could do all of the above, though never really used it aside from fixing things, but hey... but you are bringing a good point to the table: you just have to make a kid do certain things for a while, until the initial yuckiness is overcome. Like playing an instrument. You have to achieve a certain amount of proficiency before it becomes enjoyable.
    I never said you were mean - but the big difference is that I didn't let them "choose" piano and then tell them if they chose it, they had to commit for a year. Just like they don't get to choose math or science.

    But, my kids both took a soccer camp one summer. My younger dd hated it so much I didn't make her finish the week. They also learned to knit, and took a class at a local yarn store, but our "lessons" were once a week and non-cumulative. I didn't make them practice and the teacher didn't care. It was fun for them, and she gave them candy. They can both still knit, but they don't really enjoy it so I don't push it. It was a zero commitment required deal. Other kids we know who knitted with us were really into it, but until they took the class they didn't know it.

    Sometimes we just have to expose our kids to things and let it work itself out. Sometimes they do need more of a push, but not a guilt trip about the wasted money if they don't love it. (And for that reason, it's never a good idea to buy the expensive accessories before you find out -- e.g. my younger dd loves horses but still gets synthetic riding boots. Sometimes she loves to ride, other times she loves to groom.)



  12. #52
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    32,552

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    I never said you were mean - but the big difference is that I didn't let them "choose" piano and then tell them if they chose it, they had to commit for a year. Just like they don't get to choose math or science. But, my kids both took a soccer camp one summer. My younger dd hated it so much I didn't make her finish the week. They also learned to knit, and took a class at a local yarn store, but our "lessons" were once a week and non-cumulative. I didn't make them practice and the teacher didn't care. It was fun for them, and she gave them candy. They can both still knit, but they don't really enjoy it so I don't push it. It was a zero commitment required deal. Other kids we know who knitted with us were really into it, but until they took the class they didn't know it. Sometimes we just have to expose our kids to things and let it work itself out. Sometimes they do need more of a push, but not a guilt trip about the wasted money if they don't love it. (And for that reason, it's never a good idea to buy the expensive accessories before you find out -- e.g. my younger dd loves horses but still gets synthetic riding boots. Sometimes she loves to ride, other times she loves to groom.)
    that's pretty much it. Trying to find something to spark an interest! Sometimes you can get away with the less costly equipment, like the riding boots. Other times though if you go too cheap, it makes the experience no fun and thus defeats the purpose. My cousin's kid started on the Oboe. The 'student' instrument was so horrible, he didn't want to practice! They did find a better quality one, so now the kid is enjoying his lessons much more.
    Quote Originally Posted by Mozart View Post
    Personally, I think the moderate use of shock collars in training humans should be allowed.



Similar Threads

  1. Dad gummit child!
    By Hunter Mom in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Sep. 29, 2011, 08:45 AM
  2. H/J Trainer with Child Porn AND Child Rape Charges
    By katie16 in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 207
    Last Post: Jul. 6, 2010, 04:31 PM
  3. how old was your child when-
    By sprite in forum Off Course
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: Mar. 15, 2010, 05:23 PM
  4. Anyone have an only child? Want more? (yes HR!)
    By DiablosHalo in forum Off Course
    Replies: 66
    Last Post: Dec. 21, 2009, 10:56 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness