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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by LauraKY View Post
    How about gymnastics...you need tumbling skills for cheerleading.
    ^_^

    I will pass it along.
    (which will probably nip the cheering in the butt right there)

    I am really not one to force kids into activities. However, when something is started, it's going to be done for a year.

    But I would probably bully her into band, because the band director is tops and can get things done with the kids that are amazing.
    Or some sort of martial art, but mostly because I think every woman (or man) ought to have basic skills to defend themself.

    Somewhere there is that big "role model" who is only known for being known. I have tried to find a picture, but the internet does not give me hits on the bimbo. from what I gathered it's hair, boobs and makeup...oye veh...I am guessing a German version of the Kardashian clan....

    But at this point a spark of interest in something past lip service would be great.
    Maybe in time, when the hormones ebb out, things get better.

    but so far we are at
    no riding
    no sport
    no books
    no crafts
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  2. #22
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    I agree with the getting her around girls her own age idea. She will make friends and grow interested in things that they do. She has to see it happening and being enjoyed for her to get interested in it. I would look for church groups, girl scouts, camps etc and see that she gets out there whether she wants to or not at first. This could work to the horsey benefit too....her new friends will most likely have some sort of interest in the horses, they usually do ;-) My daughter loves her phone, her ipod, her computer....but there's a time and a place to enjoy those- otherwise get her butt outside and ENGAGE her. You can't just say Oh hey, go do this- you have to be right beside her, talking, helping,etc...I've had some of my best conversations painting tack rooms, carting wheel barrows full of whatever, sitting on the dock..An adult needs to grab this by the horns.
    Kerri



  3. #23
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    This may be the first time I've ever disagreed with you, Alagirl.

    If she's that apathetic and withdrawn, but shows ANY spark in anything even remotely healthy (and as much as I loathe cheerleading, it's great exercise and team building), then you run with that. Find her lessons, something! Maybe she'll reroute into tumbling or gymnastics, maybe she won't. But support and encourage her along the way regardless.

    It wouldn't hurt to ask WHY she is interested in cheering. Is it to be more popular? Is it the uniform? Does she think it's cool? Figure that out and you'll be better able to understand what makes her tick and then the relationship can build from there. Maybe she'll even learn to trust you when you push her to try new things....like ponies.
    Flip a coin. It's not what side lands that matters, but what side you were hoping for when the coin was still in the air.

    You call it boxed wine. I call it carboardeaux.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    Technology is scary, the age 11 is even worse!

    Is there a camp in her area that she can go to for a week or so, try new things, sans cell phone? Maybe the change of scenery will be good for her. I know that in order for me to really get into something, I have to be immersed in it.

    It also sounds like she might be getting bullied in school. Kids can be cruel, and I've seen a lot of kids who aren't high on the totem pole who pull back into technology because they can seek out (what they think to be) positive attention from others (like the man from the chat app). It's new, exciting, and somebody is nice to them. At 11 they don't fully understand the consequences of that 'niceness'. (Gack!) If she has knowledge of horses, maybe sending her to a horsey themed camp, where she can have a better skill set then some of her peers will help her confidence as well as get her out and meeting new people!
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.


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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by jen-s View Post
    This may be the first time I've ever disagreed with you, Alagirl.

    If she's that apathetic and withdrawn, but shows ANY spark in anything even remotely healthy (and as much as I loathe cheerleading, it's great exercise and team building), then you run with that. Find her lessons, something! Maybe she'll reroute into tumbling or gymnastics, maybe she won't. But support and encourage her along the way regardless.

    It wouldn't hurt to ask WHY she is interested in cheering. Is it to be more popular? Is it the uniform? Does she think it's cool? Figure that out and you'll be better able to understand what makes her tick and then the relationship can build from there. Maybe she'll even learn to trust you when you push her to try new things....like ponies.
    she is not apathetic, nor withdrawn.
    she just does not want to do anything.

    I am only floating in and out once a year or so. I am a few thousand miles away, sadly.

    I guess I should say it would be more pallatable if her interests would be more active, and not a consumerish passive endeavor.

    Should she decide to spend a few month with me I would probably not object to her cheering, although I am sure she is not aware that even a bad squad like the one at our school is very much physical, doing tumbles and pyramids, not just shaking pom poms around.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    What sorts of activities does she have access to? Is she in Germany? Definitely no cheerleading there. Anything similar to Girl Guides?

    The more you push something the less she will want to do it. If she likes fashion, nail painting and social media, well, that is not terribly abnormal (albeit bewildering to most on this BB)

    Is there any way to discuss it with her teacher, what sort of topics, issues or activities spark any sort of interest? Maybe you can riff off of that.

    Someone needs to spend time talking to her and then find ways to build an activity out of things that she shows the slightest interest in, whether or not the adults like that activity themselves or not (not counting unsafe things, of course)
    I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Cheer is a good thing. It's nothing like cheer was when I was in school. It's seriously athletic now and actually fun. (I was never a fan of cheer either, but eldest and youngest both were cheerleaders)

    Cheer started this:
    http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y17...5105/cheer.jpg

    And led to this:
    http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y17...graduation.jpg

    When she was asked how she sailed through all of her poolee training doing all of the male training and not the female and then graduated boot camp as Honor Grad with a perfect score in physical fitness (and company high shooter) she told the Parris Island reporter, "I was a cheerleader, made it a lot easier, sir!"

    None of my girls ended up horsie. I went through cheer twice, softball twice, (I loathe softball, BTW) volleyball twice, dance twice (also not a big fan) and drama once.

    For today's cheer...ask her if she wants basic dance lessons or gymnastics. There are also cheer lessons she can take and has the option of cheering with her school, with her town/region or with a private cheer company. (like a dance class/company) To see if she's got real interest, check Amazon for inexpensive cheer videos. She'll love getting one, they cost next to nothing and can be bought in packs and if it's something she'll enjoy, she'll watch and learn some basics from them.

    FWIW, I thought I would detest cheer. Started the eldest with gritted teeth and fake grin. Ended up liking it almost as much as the eldest and youngest did! And boy howdy does it make a girl tough and independent! And the recruiting officer who recruited my youngest said that from now on his first recruit attempt at highschools will be asking the female cheerleaders, LOL! Said he never had a recruit do so well and out-perform the boys.
    You jump in the saddle,
    Hold onto the bridle!
    Jump in the line!
    ...Belefonte


    14 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    You poo-poo cheering when it is something she has shown a slight interest in (wow, that would shut me down at that age and I wouldn't be eager to share anything else I thought I might like), figure you would bully her into what you think she should want to do (what if she hates music/band or whatever you decide she should do?), and demand a minimum of a year investment (that's a long time to a young person) in anything she wants to try, instead of suggesting one or two "test" classes before committing.

    I'm starting to see where the "uninterested" comes from.


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  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    It gives me hives.



    But in seriousness, I think music has greater benefits.

    You know, these days cheer looks like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kogRkh3_-II

    Not sure if you've seen it, but this is one of my favorite routines. The same gym's 2012 routine, and their new 2013 routine, are amazing as well. Lots and lots of life lessons (and great physical fitness) can be had here. My older son wants to cheer, and now that he's developing the mental maturity, I'm all for it. Despite the nasty comments we've had from friends/family.


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  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyssMyst View Post
    You know, these days cheer looks like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kogRkh3_-II

    Not sure if you've seen it, but this is one of my favorite routines. The same gym's 2012 routine, and their new 2013 routine, are amazing as well. Lots and lots of life lessons (and great physical fitness) can be had here. My older son wants to cheer, and now that he's developing the mental maturity, I'm all for it. Despite the nasty comments we've had from friends/family.

    While the redthumb crew missed my tongue in cheek comments, I do actually appreciate the athleticism involved in the sport.


    However, there is the part pretty much everybody missed: the girl does not do sport. That pretty much takes cheering opout of the equation, too.

    Oh, and it's is not available where she lives.
    Should she come to stay with me for a while, cheering and band would not be mutually exclusive. Band is a class in the morning, cheering an after school thing.
    But we have not gotten there yet, not by a longshot.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    While the redthumb crew missed my tongue in cheek comments, I do actually appreciate the athleticism involved in the sport.


    However, there is the part pretty much everybody missed: the girl does not do sport. That pretty much takes cheering opout of the equation, too.

    Oh, and it's is not available where she lives.
    Should she come to stay with me for a while, cheering and band would not be mutually exclusive. Band is a class in the morning, cheering an after school thing.
    But we have not gotten there yet, not by a longshot.

    She does not do physical activity now. That might change were she involved in an activity she really liked. Shame it's not offered where she is. In addition, if she got good there are oodles of college scholarships for cheerleaders these days.

    She could try a dance team -- those are almost everywhere, usually through a dance school.

    MistyBlue's suggestion about the DVDs is a really good one.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by loshad View Post
    She does not do physical activity now. That might change were she involved in an activity she really liked. Shame it's not offered where she is. In addition, if she got good there are oodles of college scholarships for cheerleaders these days. She could try a dance team -- those are almost everywhere, usually through a dance school. MistyBlue's suggestion about the DVDs is a really good one.
    I would go the route of DVDs, but I am afraid they'd scare her off! (It would make her do some English... a weak point of hers...)
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  13. #33
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    Ala, could you PM me her location (even a state works)? I have some contacts in the industry and we might be able to locate something.


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  14. #34
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    Do the band kids and her a favor and don't bully her into that. You either are musically inclined or you aren't. No one ever became a great musician by being forced into it (except possibly Mozart, and he was a special case.) Heck, no one ever became a reasonably-competent musician by being bullied into it. By the time I was eleven, I *wanted* to be in band (flute), I asked to do it, and I became reasonably proficient. I didn't it want it badly enough to become really good, but I was able to practice without being bribed or browbeaten into it.

    And just saying "she doesn't 'do' sports" isn't really doing anything to get her interested in an activity. I HATED gym, I would probably have severely injured someone (and I don't mean by accident) if I'd been forced into something like youth soccer, I have never been what for a school kid would be called conventionally athletic, but even as a little kid, I loved skating (had my parents given private lessons instead of ISI group lessons a shot after the latter failed miserably, I might have gone a different route in activities than I did and even without them, I kept going to public skate and playing around for fun for quite a white), I rode, I roller-skated, I did a lot of things that weren't given credit for being 'sport.' If cheerleading (even competitive team cheer) isn't available at all, I would bet there ARE dance schools that are oriented to things that are not all that dissimilar.


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  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alagirl View Post
    I am really not one to force kids into activities. However, when something is started, it's going to be done for a year.
    To be honest, I wouldn't want to tell you my interests, either.

    She is a kid. They DON'T know what they like yet. How could they know if they've never tried it?

    If you really want to help her, make opportunities available to her (e.g. "I will drive you and I will go with you, and I will support you") and do not judge! It's not about you!

    And the goal is to explore...not to be great. I am 100% behind not signing your kids up for every possible opportunity - not only is it overkill and overwhelming, but without a break between activities they will have no opportunity to reflect on whether they liked it or not.

    Let her try something, and if she hates it she can quit. Who cares? What is the big deal?

    Or the alternative is that she might actually be just fine without having to have "a passion" at her age. Many of us grew up without the resources kids have now -- I did not have the opportunity to ride, cheer (as an elementary aged kid), or really play any sports before 8th grade (when they were available through my small-town school.) That didn't mean I didn't have "interests".


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  16. #36
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    Yeah, I can see making a kid go until the end of a session of {insert activity here}, but not making them go for a year. At 12, a year might as well be forever.

    As a kid, I would have said I didn't do sports, but I played soccer and tennis, was on swim team, rode, ran cross country, etc.
    According to the Mayan calendar, the world will not end this week. Please plan your life accordingly.


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  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by MyssMyst View Post
    Ala, could you PM me her location (even a state works)? I have some contacts in the industry and we might be able to locate something.
    She's in Germany.
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  18. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    To be honest, I wouldn't want to tell you my interests, either.

    She is a kid. They DON'T know what they like yet. How could they know if they've never tried it?

    If you really want to help her, make opportunities available to her (e.g. "I will drive you and I will go with you, and I will support you") and do not judge! It's not about you!

    And the goal is to explore...not to be great. I am 100% behind not signing your kids up for every possible opportunity - not only is it overkill and overwhelming, but without a break between activities they will have no opportunity to reflect on whether they liked it or not.

    Let her try something, and if she hates it she can quit. Who cares? What is the big deal?

    Or the alternative is that she might actually be just fine without having to have "a passion" at her age. Many of us grew up without the resources kids have now -- I did not have the opportunity to ride, cheer (as an elementary aged kid), or really play any sports before 8th grade (when they were available through my small-town school.) That didn't mean I didn't have "interests".

    Again, you are missing the point: Getting the child to try anything is the problem.

    As to the duration, it would depend on the commitment the paying adult enters into.
    You know, dropping a couple grand on an instrument to have it collecting dust in the corner....that would include a commitment - even if she hated it - for an extended period of time, like a year. (band is better that way, you get to see quicker results than when you are forced to solo Mary had a little Lamb)

    If you enroll a kid into a school type thing that requires a contract? It would be made clear, that the obligation I enter would be followed by the kids obligation to show up.
    Because life is that way.

    The child is in no danger of finding herself with an instrument glued to her hands.

    The question was born from the utter frustration of the primary care giver - my mom, her grandmother, a person who has always something to do and many interests to follow - that the child has zero interest in doing anything. Piano lessons were a no go, riding, nope....her horse was given away to a family member (well, I can understand that, her mother was all involved in horses and not a very nice person to her family in general, and her daughter particularly)

    Youth firefighters, one of the big social things in the village, nope, quit....
    The dogs are well loved, but only in passing, no walking, grooming, feeding or - heaven forbid - poop scooping....

    All of which I think I outlined in the original post...I must be evil trying to get the kid to do something....
    other than watching stupid TV shoes, chatting on the smartphone with some guy who is clearly much older than the girl and her friend (friend's phone....)

    The idea is to have her be less of a consumer but take a more active stance in life.
    I mean, the role model the girls look up to is the equivalent to a Paris Hilton, no substance, but being known for being known....
    Quote Originally Posted by fargaloo View Post
    Do you not understand how asking "why now?" is EXACTLY part of the reason why assault victims feel silenced?



  19. #39
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    If she's into fashion, how about learning how to sew and make/alter clothing? Or if she's into technology, some computer classes on graphic design or programming?

    I do think it's possible to oversell ideas. A lot of kids are afraid to try new things because they're afraid of not being very good and embarrassing themselves. If you have an adult you're afraid you'll disappoint on top of it, that just makes it that much worse. (not implying your mother is pushy, kids just tend to extrapolate things like that!)
    "Last time I picked your feet, you broke my toe!"


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  20. #40
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    When I was n 7th grade, my mother decided I was going to be involved in the youth group at church. We'd never really gone to church, but looking back, she realized I needed a way to make some different friends and that was her solution. She MADE me go, kicking and screaming, and I imagine I was one surly, uncommunicative, beast for most of the year. But by the end of the year I'd met some new kids, and in 8th grade found myself sitting with one of the girls at lunch every day, and in high school rediscovered both the kids and the youth group. My point is, it was not my choice to go and my mother certainly didn't enjoy making me go, but it did exactly what she hoped it would do. Food for thought, maybe.
    Last edited by betsyk; Dec. 17, 2012 at 12:39 AM. Reason: Typos!



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