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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2008
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    California
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    Default Spinoff: How old is too old?

    Hi wise COTHers, trying to get this one in before Off Topic Day gets shut down.

    This is kind of a spinoff of the Extreme Cougars thread. My question is how much of an age difference between two people is too much?

    For example, I generally date older men, mostly 3-6 years older. However, last night I had a wonderful first date with someone who is 12 years my senior (I'm 23, he's 35). We had a fantastic time, great chemistry and are looking forward to the next date.

    However, if it works out, I loathe having to explain to my mother and sister that he's 1.2 decades older than me. A year ago, I had a yearlong relationship with a man 9 years older and my sister thought it was "icky".

    So what say you COTHers?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
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    3,968

    Default

    Date whoever makes you happy and don't worry about the numbers.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2006
    Location
    Canada
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    316

    Default

    I agree with the above poster!

    I'm 22, and if it helps at all, I'd date someone 12 years older than me if they were right for me. It's not about the number, it's supposed to be about what makes you happy.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,344

    Default

    3-6 What?

    Seriously?

    Gosh, as an adult, I never dated anyone less than 10 years older until I met my husband who is 8 years older.

    To heck with age. As long as you understand how it can play out (ie: if you're 20 years younger, liklely gonna be in a nursing home visiting), who CARES?

    LOVE. If you can find it, take it and to heck with the rest. That's my thought.

    Find it and embrace it. We can ALL be hit by a bus tomorrow.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug. 28, 2007
    Location
    Triangle Area, NC
    Posts
    6,704

    Default

    It really depends on the age of the youngest participant in the relationship.
    23 and 35 doesn't bother me
    18 and 30 is a little different
    www.destinationconsensusequus.com
    chaque pas est fait ensemble


    8 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
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    12,191

    Default

    I think men start to become more attractive at around 35. They seem to be kids, when they are in their 20's, and not nearly as interesting.
    Date whoever makes you happy. As you age, the age gap matters less. A 17 yr old dating a 29 yr old is creepy. A 23 yr old and a 35 yr old is fine. When you are 40, he'll be 52, and no one will think anything about your ages.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Oct. 15, 2011
    Posts
    1,101

    Default

    I was once seriously interested in a guy quite a few years older than me. I worked with a woman at that time who was 70, and her husband was early 80s. One day I asked her for advice, if the age difference mattered. She said when you are both younger no, but that yes, at some point it does start to matter. At her age and his age, now when she looked at her husband she just saw a frail little old man. She was still with him, still loved him, but she was honest with me. I tend to like older men but ever since that conversation I've taken age difference into consideration.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Oct. 3, 2002
    Location
    Boogerville, USA
    Posts
    858

    Default

    I went out with a guy 10 years younger than me for 2 years.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Aug. 12, 2010
    Location
    Westford, Massachusetts
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    3,401

    Default

    I don't see a problem with 23 and 35 at all. 23 is a full-fledged adult and 35 is not particularly old. Men in their early 20s can still be pretty darned immature.

    As shiningwizard says, it might make more difference when you are elderly, as women tend to outlive men anyway. My mother was only 7 years younger than my father, but she's having to spend quite a bit of time alone late in life.

    Perfect scenario, just from a practicality standpoint, would probably be to date men 10-15 years older in your 20s, men your age in middle-age and then men 10-15 years younger in your 70s and 80s .


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2005
    Location
    NC
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    2,231

    Default

    A clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist independently both saw no problem with even an April-October relationship, woman 28-30, guy 58-60, if they share many connections and good cultural overlap. The echoed the earlier comment that the age of the younger person was key in terms of having life-experience. (23-50/53 probably wouldn't work.)
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Location
    Ontario
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    Default

    I've been thinking about this recently as well, but on the opposite end. I'm about a month into a new relationship with a guy 5 years younger than me. I'm 26, he's 21. Honestly, the number bothered me a fair amount during the first couple weeks but the more I get to know him, the less his age becomes a factor. He looks and acts quite a bit older and there's so much more to him than just the year he was born. Just go with the flow!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 3, 2007
    Location
    North-Central IL
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    Default

    I say it's no biggie. Heck, I'm 28 and entertaining the idea of seeing a 50 year old. Sounds creepy, but we connect on a mental level in an incredible manner and he shares cultural similarities that are important to me. Don't worry about age
    Quarry Rat



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jul. 4, 2000
    Location
    Maryland
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    1,805

    Default

    My Husband Person is 12 years older than me. Yesterday was our 29th Anniversary. I appreciate the concept that when I am 70 and he is 82, life may be quite different, but that is just part of the deal in my mind.

    *star*
    "Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit."
    - Desiderata, (c) Max Ehrman, 1926


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Aug. 25, 2008
    Location
    Florida
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    Default

    My ex-husband was 26 years older, and his age was NOT the problem with our relationship. I see no issues with anything around 15 years (that actually wouldn't even register as a "difference" if the younger party were over 30). I've dated guys who were 10-12 years younger, and had a great time, and 12 years older, and it was no issue.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Jul. 5, 2007
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    Beside Myself ~ Western NY
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    6,205

    Default

    My husband is 16.5 years older than I.

    Admittedly, sometimes he tries to parent me. But that's not so much because of our age differences as it is our personality differences. He tries to parent everyone. He's Mr. Responsibility


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul. 22, 2008
    Location
    Rochester, NY
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Cataluna View Post
    I've been thinking about this recently as well, but on the opposite end. I'm about a month into a new relationship with a guy 5 years younger than me. I'm 26, he's 21. Honestly, the number bothered me a fair amount during the first couple weeks but the more I get to know him, the less his age becomes a factor. He looks and acts quite a bit older and there's so much more to him than just the year he was born. Just go with the flow!
    We can be in our own little club, Cataluna. My SO turned 25 in September; I'll be 32 in January. Monday is our one year anniversary. His being so much younger reallllllly bugged me for a brief period, but not enough to keep me away. Now it drives HIM crazy because people tend to think those numbers are reversed.

    Whatever floats your boat, OP. Love is so hard to find, why let a little thing like a number make it harder?
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit


    2 members found this post helpful.

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