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  1. #61
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
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    7,417

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    My question is still what happens when you have full custody, and move to a foreign country? I don't know what rights women have where you are moving to, but you might want to find out. I knew too many women who married foreigners, and moved to their country and found they were stuck, moneyless, and had no rights (I used to live near the U.S.-Mexico border). It is relevant because you are moving overseas, have no control of money, and I don't know what your options are once you move overseas. Are you going to end up having to do all of the work then too? While the kids sit on their butts, and whine about no friends, nothing to do, and no money? How will you survive day to day without access to household accounts there? This is wrong on many levels and I really am worried about things now, and in the future.

    I doubt there is a thing about your finances that the ex- and all the relatives don't know about your finances, because I'm sure everything get blabbed immediately after anyone finds out. Your husband is trying to buy everyone's love, and that doesn't work, and it's just a tug of war over the kids. He's trying to impress everyone with how well he's doing, but doing it by using your money, his money, and trying to buy people. I think he's afraid the girls will refuse to go overseas, or call mommy for a plane ticket the second the fun and spoiling end. You are going to end up broke, stranded, and alone, and you really need to protect yourself. You deserve to be treasured, and loved, but not used by everyone. And it's your money, so spending it on your animals is your right.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    7 members found this post helpful.

  2. #62
    Join Date
    Apr. 21, 2010
    Posts
    2,411

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    Take them to a shelter where people REALLY have it bad. volunteer as a family, and let them meet teens their age. Maybe that will put it into perspective.

    I would tell them the spending budget for Christmas. Your limit is $X. If you want one thing, fine. If you want 10 small things, fine. But that's it. If it breaks, so sad too bad. Who cares what the Mom thinks? If she doesn't like it she can buy them the name brands. honestly, if they are upset over their lack of fancy Christmas presents, then we have a bigger issue to deal with. I understand the tween and teen years are very selfish but there should be some level of gratitude.

    If they don't work, how are they getting the stuff they want? I would set a budget for the school year. Again, if they want to spend it on one pr of designer jeans, great. But thats all, folks. If they want something out of the budget, they have to figure it out.

    You're not giving them enough credit to understand real stuff. My 5 year old understands a budget. She has money she's made from acting jobs, ($5 goes to her) and she's been saving it for something important. The rest goes into Ameritrade.

    No one is doing them any favors by letting them continue this selfish behavior. One say those kids are going to have to fend for themselves and it's going to be ugly. Dad needs to step up his discipline.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
    Join Date
    May. 12, 2000
    Location
    NE TN, USA
    Posts
    6,199

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    Here ya go, best $12 you'll ever invest: http://kiplinger.com/magazine/contents.html

    Just about every issue has an article about teaching kids the value of the dollar. Sounds like DH could benefit from the magazine too.

    Lots of other good info there, too. How to find deals, cut living expenses, plan for your future, even plan a new career.

    Some poo-poo personal finance magazines as "only for the rich". But you have to ask yourself, do people read these magazines because they're successful, or are they successful because they read them?

    Another helpful link: http://www.daveramsey.com/article/mo...ney/kidstext2/
    Last edited by Frank B; Nov. 27, 2012 at 09:41 AM.
    “There are two ways to conquer and enslave a nation. One is by the sword. The other is by debt.”
    John Adams



  4. #64
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,544

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Candle View Post
    Oh my LORD, I agree 200% with Trakhener. Duck everyone, the world is gonna end
    Hey, even a broken clock is accurate twice a day....we probably just disagree on who's broken
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"



  5. #65
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,508

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    Quote Originally Posted by meupatdoes View Post
    What exactly is wrong with telling a kid, "I don't want to pay for this just because YOU want this?" Did I miss something where parents are obligated to get the child's approval and understanding first before they ixnay an expenditure?

    My parents "just didn't want" to spend their considerable money on a lot of things. I survived. And got a job!
    Same here. I grew up fairly wealthy as well. My parents certainly could have afforded to buy me a top notch show horse, but they didn't feel it was something I NEEDED to have.

    And I never questioned that (well OK maybe a few times - I WAS a teenager once ). But I knew better than to ask for something expensive just because I wanted it.

    My parents raised me, sent me to college and provided me with many wonderful experiences throughout my life. I don't really think they are obligated to do any more than that. (Although they certainly have!)


    2 members found this post helpful.

  6. #66
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    10,902

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    Haven't caught up on all the posts yet, my apologies. I'm sure you all have very great thoughts on this topic.

    I had a convo with kids and hubby. Some other financial things have come to light as well.

    We are on a budget for Xmas. I have explained it. I had to explain it to ex wife as well.

    But...it's a budget. And that's that....
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    4 members found this post helpful.

  7. #67
    Join Date
    Sep. 24, 2003
    Location
    Bristol, TN
    Posts
    1,685

    Default

    Still wondering why you're the one explaining the budget to your husband's kids and your husband's ex-wife, instead of your husband. It sounds like he has a great deal of trouble being honest about money. This would concern me.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  8. #68
    Join Date
    Sep. 6, 2012
    Location
    Moved South from North Pole
    Posts
    634

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    This thread has been bugging us warmbloods, like one of those big huge horseflies, since Thanksgiving.

    OP, you've posted about how hard your life has been, all the things that have happened to you since you were molested at 7 yoa , and how you are estranged from both parents. The hard life that you have lead should not be revisited upon your step children. it is essentially punishing the step-children to show them that they cannot have "everything."

    Yet those 2 girls are not asking for a mink coat, or a rolex watch. One wants UGG boots, which were on sale all over the web and in malls before Xmas. The other wanted a computer, if we remember this thread, and we're not going to re-read it, and those Acer computers are cheap in the stores. We assume that the girls would use the computer for schoolwork. Since you are often on your computer on coth.

    We're not saying kids should be indulged. But hey, those kids are away from their mother, living with you, and isn't there father abroad? And you've just moved from Michigan to VA. Those girls will have a new school and new friends and everything different from they old neighborhood.

    While children do need to know the value of things, Christmas is a time for giving and making people happy. Especially kids. We spent more than Ugg boots cost on our secret santa person. The Ugg boots would be less than that, and the computer would be a hundred or so more than that. Are you sure you aren't wanting those kids to experience what you have gone through in the past?

    You have had money for horses, for saddles and other tack, and for your dog's medical expenses. While it is admirable to spend your money on horses and dogs, shouldn't children get what they want at Christmas? Even if you have to charge it, or put it on layaway, or whatever? We warmbloods just think that you might have some residual issues with your upbringing that are interfering with the idea that Christmas is for children to be happy.

    We're not saying buy them the most expensive iPad or a pair of hermes boots. We think if you want to be a "mom" to those girls, you would buy them what they want at Christmas. Even if you have to trim some hooves to pay for it.



  9. #69
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    You must never go there, Simba.
    Posts
    3,327

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor's elf View Post
    While it is admirable to spend your money on horses and dogs, shouldn't children get what they want at Christmas? Even if you have to charge it, or put it on layaway, or whatever? We warmbloods just think that you might have some residual issues with your upbringing that are interfering with the idea that Christmas is for children to be happy.

    We're not saying buy them the most expensive iPad or a pair of hermes boots. We think if you want to be a "mom" to those girls, you would buy them what they want at Christmas. Even if you have to trim some hooves to pay for it.
    Wow, really? Get the kids what they want, even if you have to go into debt over it? What sort of financial example is that?

    Christmas doesn't have to be about presents and getting the expensive stuff you ask for - it's supposed to be about family.
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris


    5 members found this post helpful.

  10. #70
    Join Date
    Mar. 4, 2010
    Posts
    1,092

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    I still worry about Buddyroo not having full access to the checking account and planning to move overseas with the husband. Has that been resolved?

    StG


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #71
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2007
    Location
    Hollowed out volcano in the South Pacific.
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    10,797

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    Quote Originally Posted by StGermain View Post
    I still worry about Buddyroo not having full access to the checking account and planning to move overseas with the husband. Has that been resolved?

    StG
    Next time on Neighs of Our Lives.....
    SPACE FOR RENT



  12. #72
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2004
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    2,930

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    Quote Originally Posted by SaturdayNightLive View Post
    Wow, really? Get the kids what they want, even if you have to go into debt over it? What sort of financial example is that?

    Christmas doesn't have to be about presents and getting the expensive stuff you ask for - it's supposed to be about family.
    16k for a dog is a better example? Sigh..... Not sure what to say
    send some of their smart literate deer who can read road signs up here since ours are just run of the mill dumb ones who get splatted all over creation because they won't stay in the woods



  13. #73
    Join Date
    Mar. 18, 2007
    Posts
    319

    Default Husband is Trust Fund?

    So husband is Trust Fund, or husband's family is Wealthy? Why would you have married into a situation where the money isn't "our" money? Does he have access to "your" checking account?

    Was the large get together family part of the attraction? Are you "the other woman" in their eyes?

    None of this is anyone's business, but you are so sensible in your posts it seems incongruent with current problems. Husband needsto get over being ashamed about losing his job. It's epidemic and it's those pricey items made overseas cheaply driving this machine.

    Don't go overseas with the kids until all legal/financial documents are in order. Also, don't give up your own career.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #74
    Join Date
    Sep. 20, 2005
    Location
    You must never go there, Simba.
    Posts
    3,327

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    Quote Originally Posted by Candle View Post
    16k for a dog is a better example? Sigh..... Not sure what to say
    If you have the money, how is it anyone's business what you choose to spend it on? Or not spend it on, as the case may be...
    "Are you yawning? You don't ride well enough to yawn. I can yawn, because I ride better than you. Meredith Michael Beerbaum can yawn. But you? Not so much..."
    -George Morris


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #75
    Join Date
    Apr. 18, 2010
    Location
    Aubrey, Texas
    Posts
    217

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    You know, this isn't going to be a popular post, but I feel like you need a wake up call instead of another year - sitting on my hands.

    As a backstory, I've followed along with the adventures of buddyroo for a long little while - ever since you joined the HC forums back in... What? 05? I had been a member over there since 03, so I may be a little off, but regardless - it's been a long time.

    In that time, I've seen you do a lot of good and I've shared in your heartaches. The heartache of losing baldy. Selling fancy. The ups and downs with P. Rescuing (or helping) the horses that Aimee had out west. Rescuing and helping other posters. Success with your company. Dating - the good, the bad, and the arm(?)less.

    For a long time, I looked up to you. You are a strong, independent, and successful woman who was able to effect change. Even when things weren't going great, you seemed to have a handle on what things were and how to get yourself back to the top.

    You stood for a lot of really great things. And it was very inspirational, even though I know you struggled with your own demons. I think that actually you more human, in my eyes. Despite all of the absolute crap that it come your way, YOU persevered and you did it with a great attitude.

    I'll admit, I was shocked when you decided to marry Mr. Buddy Roo. It seemed to me like you we're settling. Although he seemed nice, there were a couple of initial red flags that made me think, "what in the world is Sarah thinking?"

    But you seemed happy enough. And you've always had a good head on your shoulders. You could always see the forest for the trees and all that - so whatever, I don't agree, but I trust that you're one of the smarter and stronger women I've seen, so I hope that its everything you wanted out of settling down and being married.

    Lately though, I want to scream at you - what in the hell are you doing? Surely you are not willing to throw away your entire life just so that you can belong to a family and be a wife in title. From my point of view, your husband doesn't respect you, you get no support, and you give give give and get very little (if anything) back.

    And you just take it!

    Where is the strong, successful BRoo that everyone came to know and love? Where is the woman that could see the world as it was? You've turned passive, and I just don't get it.

    I guess my point is this: if you know what you're giving up for this man and his children, and if you know that you'll likely get nothing out of it in return, then by all means - do it. If that is your dream, it is far less than I ever pictured for you, but it's your dream all the same and you should chase it.

    BUT, if you have any doubts, I strongly urge you to evaluate your life NOW. Before you cross the ocean. Before you dedicate another 5, 10 years to this family that by all accounts treats you as an after thought.

    I also know that a lot of what we get is just venting or problem solving, we don't always get to hear about the good stuff.

    I get that you love them. And I'm not saying walk out of the door tonight. I'm not saying walk out at all.

    I'm just saying that in my eyes, you seem to have lost yourself. Please take my words to heart, not defensively, but just as - I care, and I want to make sure that you can see what we see, that you haven't lost sight of what you are and where your choices will lead you.

    I wish you the very best of luck, no matter your decision - and whatever you decide, I hope that it works out for the best. Whether its you against the world, or your family's respect.

    Massive hugs. And kudos, for being firm on your Christmas budget.
    Veni vidi vici. With a paint pony, nonetheless.


    13 members found this post helpful.

  16. #76
    Join Date
    Aug. 7, 2005
    Location
    Georgia
    Posts
    2,479

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Eleanor's elf View Post
    This thread has been bugging us warmbloods, like one of those big huge horseflies, since Thanksgiving.

    OP, you've posted about how hard your life has been, all the things that have happened to you since you were molested at 7 yoa , and how you are estranged from both parents. The hard life that you have lead should not be revisited upon your step children. it is essentially punishing the step-children to show them that they cannot have "everything."

    Yet those 2 girls are not asking for a mink coat, or a rolex watch. One wants UGG boots, which were on sale all over the web and in malls before Xmas. The other wanted a computer, if we remember this thread, and we're not going to re-read it, and those Acer computers are cheap in the stores. We assume that the girls would use the computer for schoolwork. Since you are often on your computer on coth.

    We're not saying kids should be indulged. But hey, those kids are away from their mother, living with you, and isn't there father abroad? And you've just moved from Michigan to VA. Those girls will have a new school and new friends and everything different from they old neighborhood.

    While children do need to know the value of things, Christmas is a time for giving and making people happy. Especially kids. We spent more than Ugg boots cost on our secret santa person. The Ugg boots would be less than that, and the computer would be a hundred or so more than that. Are you sure you aren't wanting those kids to experience what you have gone through in the past?

    You have had money for horses, for saddles and other tack, and for your dog's medical expenses. While it is admirable to spend your money on horses and dogs, shouldn't children get what they want at Christmas? Even if you have to charge it, or put it on layaway, or whatever? We warmbloods just think that you might have some residual issues with your upbringing that are interfering with the idea that Christmas is for children to be happy.

    We're not saying buy them the most expensive iPad or a pair of hermes boots. We think if you want to be a "mom" to those girls, you would buy them what they want at Christmas. Even if you have to trim some hooves to pay for it.
    The thumb down is gone so i have to do this.....RED THUMB DOWN.
    You know why cowboys don't like Appaloosas?" - Answer: Because to train a horse, you have to be smarter than it is.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #77
    Join Date
    Mar. 30, 2004
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    2,930

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by SaturdayNightLive View Post
    If you have the money, how is it anyone's business what you choose to spend it on? Or not spend it on, as the case may be...
    Well, when you post it all online... What I'm saying is that the family obviously watches her spend a huge sum of money on the dog, and then explain to them that she's out of money for them and they can now learn the value of a dollar. If my new step-mom was spending that much more on a dog than on me, I would feel upset as well. People are free to do whatever they want with their money, but being surprised when your new family doesn't agree with that is a little much IMHO.
    send some of their smart literate deer who can read road signs up here since ours are just run of the mill dumb ones who get splatted all over creation because they won't stay in the woods



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