[Pony Fixer]

I posted this as part of a reply in another thread, but didn't want to steal the OP's thunder. Here goes:

My computer was in the shop a few weeks back getting a new hard drive. When I went to pick it up, the cutest guy (age appropriate, no ring) was sitting at the receptionists desk (not the regular person). He started getting my invoice etc, then decided to take one last look at my HD before I left when I said that I was devastated over some lost/not backed up photos.


When I went back the second time to pick everything up (he couldn't get anything off the HD, sadly) he was not there. Now I can't get this guy off my mind. What should I do? Should I call and ask the receptionist if he's single? What do I say if she says no? Even worse, what do I say if she says YES, LOL? Or should I send a note with my business card? I'm not sure he would remember me at all, our interaction had nothing "memorable" about it AFAIK.


Part of me says let it go. Another part says nothing venured/nothing gained AND I'm not at an age where I run into guys that I find attractive very often. What say the collective COTH brain? Sigh. For now, it's back under my rock!

[SnicklefritzG]

Do you have any other computer stuff that needs to be fixed or upgraded? You could always go back in and say you have another job you'd like to bring in and you were happy with the service you got from so-and-so and would like to request them...

[Pony Fixer]

Sadly, no. They offer classes and stuff on software, etc. but I think that would be a stretch. Plus, this guy wasn't my original technician, it was just a chance thing and I think he took pity on my because I was pretty sad about the HD.

I probably just need to grow a set, but I also don't know how to go about any of this without looking like a total tool.

[twotrudoc]

Who is going to care if you look like a tool? You? Him? The WORLD???

Seriously, be okay with looking like a tool to yourself. Just go say hi, swing by, say you were in the neighborhood and really appreciated his extra help

[SnicklefritzG]

I think it would be ok to take a class there if you are interested in taking one. I don't think it would be a stretch unless you took the class and focused all your attention on that guy all the time from day 1. If you took a class, and then casually chatted to see if it would lead somewhere, there's no harm in that.

[MunchingonHay]

do you want to "borrow" my laptop?

[Pony Fixer]

Hahaha. maybe, MOH. TTD, well, I get what you are saying. BUT he's a tech in the back, not usually "up front" in the shop from what I glean. And I'm not sure he teaches or is present in the building for any of the classes (none of which I need, it's basic how to use software stuff and I've been using Macs for years).

I don't think there is any way I could drop by and have any certainty of running into him. I don't have any reason to be there at all, so it would be just to scout/stalk/etc, which seems like it could be creepy. It's a small place, maybe 15 employees from the looks of things.

I'm seriously not trying to make excuses--I just need that "something" that feels right to get the ball rolling. IF there even is a ball. No ring does not mean he's single, after all.

[TBRedHead]

Ok, my life was made easy and I married the first real boyfriend when I was 18, blah blah blah.

So I live vicariously through you single ladies.

I go back, when my girlfriends find a guy cute, and totally give them their number (they know I do this and give me permission though.)

So what's the harm, in going back and being like "so the cute blond haired guy...give him his, ok?" maybe with a lip nibble and wink or something.

The worst that could happen: you have to change computer tech places if all goes wrong.

[thatmoody]

Ugh, it's SO hard. I'm having this weird vibe thing with an acquaintance and it's driving me CRAZY. Except in this case the stakes are higher so if I embarrass myself I'll have to live with the results for YEARS because we run in the same social circles.

First serious interaction (that wasn't just bumping into each other and saying hi). I am talking to him about surfing, and he looks at me intently, deep into my eyes, and says (and I kid you not) "do I know you?" Now I'm a serious local around her - have been in the area forever, and am good friends with one of his BEST friends, so I just kind of assumed he at least knew WHO I was. It's a small community. And I'm, not to toot my own horn or anything, one of the better female surfers here, so I kind of stand out. I was mortified. He is a contest judge, for cripes sake, and has JUDGED me, and doesn't remember me. So I started wondering if he was either 1) drunk and just not showing it, 2) pulling my leg, or 3) seriously mentally wacked.

I tried to write him off after that. But turns out I saw him out surfing a couple of days later, and he apologized - it was #2 and just that he was embarrassed and trying to be funny (and totally blew it). So we had a nice conversation about places we had visited - El Salvador (me), Peru (him) and agreed that they were both really cool but we'd like to go somewhere less traveled (?) next trip. Very nice. Then I caught a wave and was stuck way down the beach, and didn't see him again.

So now we are at an impasse. I will likely see him again in December. His band (he plays with a good friend of mine in a local band - they are very good, and serious musicians, but not like wild and crazy guys) will be playing at the surf museum party, so I'll see him there, and I COULD logically surf at the same break as him. We also have mutual friends. I am not SURE he's interested, although he does smile at me in a way that I haven't seen him smile at other people (although he seems pretty happy in general. We just kind of light up when we're together, though). When we were surfing, we just kept looking at each other and saying "isn't this the BEST day ever?" and grinning like fools. I know he's single, and has been for a long time (which could be an issue - we are both known to LIKE being single). But I've heard from a couple of people that he is terminally shy. So my inclination is just to take things REALLY slow, and continue to bump into him, and to see if anything happens. He seems really sweet.

Darn small towns. But I've tried dating non-surfers, and it's very difficult. It's not even like dating a non-rider, because it's less of a solitary pursuit. I kind of don't MIND if a guy isn't into horses - that' my thing. And I don't mind surfing alone, but it's really nice to be able to share waves.

[dudleyc]

I posted this as part of a reply in another thread, but didn't want to steal the OP's thunder. Here goes:

My computer was in the shop a few weeks back getting a new hard drive. When I went to pick it up, the cutest guy (age appropriate, no ring) was sitting at the receptionists desk (not the regular person). He started getting my invoice etc, then decided to take one last look at my HD before I left when I said that I was devastated over some lost/not backed up photos.


When I went back the second time to pick everything up (he couldn't get anything off the HD, sadly) he was not there. Now I can't get this guy off my mind. What should I do? Should I call and ask the receptionist if he's single? What do I say if she says no? Even worse, what do I say if she says YES, LOL? Or should I send a note with my business card? I'm not sure he would remember me at all, our interaction had nothing "memorable" about it AFAIK.


Part of me says let it go. Another part says nothing venured/nothing gained AND I'm not at an age where I run into guys that I find attractive very often. What say the collective COTH brain? Sigh. For now, it's back under my rock!

IME when I get a spark and start thinking about a guy, its a two way street - meaning the guy had a spark as well...does that make sense? So if the same cute guy with no ring had NO interest in you, you'd likely not be thinking about him.

1st thing to do is call the shop and ask for the name of the cute ringless guy/2nd technician (or you may already have his name...)

Once you have his name, you should ask if it is possible to stop by and ask a quick question re. your computer - then try to think of some intelligent question re.retrieving data from a HD - and see what kind of vibe you get.

Then send him a thank you note with your business card and your email.

[dudleyc]

Ugh, it's SO hard. I'm having this weird vibe thing with an acquaintance and it's driving me CRAZY. Except in this case the stakes are higher so if I embarrass myself I'll have to live with the results for YEARS because we run in the same social circles.

So now we are at an impasse. I will likely see him again in December. His band (he plays with a good friend of mine in a local band - they are very good, and serious musicians, but not like wild and crazy guys) will be playing at the surf museum party, so I'll see him there, and I COULD logically surf at the same break as him. We also have mutual friends. I am not SURE he's interested, although he does smile at me in a way that I haven't seen him smile at other people (although he seems pretty happy in general. We just kind of light up when we're together, though). When we were surfing, we just kept looking at each other and saying "isn't this the BEST day ever?" and grinning like fools. I know he's single, and has been for a long time (which could be an issue - we are both known to LIKE being single). But I've heard from a couple of people that he is terminally shy. So my inclination is just to take things REALLY slow, and continue to bump into him, and to see if anything happens. He seems really sweet.

Darn small towns. But I've tried dating non-surfers, and it's very difficult. It's not even like dating a non-rider, because it's less of a solitary pursuit. I kind of don't MIND if a guy isn't into horses - that' my thing. And I don't mind surfing alone, but it's really nice to be able to share waves.

IMO you answered your own question . Just let things unfold organically - it will be like an epic love novel.

[Canaqua]

I agree with dudleyc...chances are he was making eye contact with you or otherwise giving you some subtle sense of possible interest, otherwise, it would be unlikely you'd keep thinking about him.

If you are friendly with the receptionist, you could try something tricky. Years ago, I met a man I dated for a while in a similar fashion. I was friendly with the receptionist at a car dealer I sometimes took my car to for service. One day, there was a road crew from the city water department working on the street out front. After I left, one of the guys came in and asked the receptionist who the blonde was who'd just left in the red car and did she know if I was single. The receptionist decided that he was cute enough (he looked like George Clooney ) to be cooperative. In order to save face for everyone, she called me and asked me if I wanted to meet her for a drink at a local bar later that week...and arranged for the guy to show up there as well. That way, he could just run into her and talk to me to gauge any interest without having to look silly if I wasn't interested.

[thatmoody]

Those are both sweet stories . And yes, I do agree that you may be picking up on something, but don't be disappointed if you aren't. I think my radar is a bit "off" these days - or they are interested but then back off for one reason or another. I'm working to not take it personally - rejection is never fun, but it's a two way street these days and I'm working on being both kind and honest if there are no sparks.

But it's so difficult - it's like this weird dance, and if you LIKE them, "letting things unfold" is difficult . But yeah, you kind of do have to. With maybe a little nudge now and then. Like I DID go up and talk to this guy after his set, so I kind of got the ball rolling. THAT took a lot of guts, and was not easy for me. But I've been practicing with a lot of guys that I don't like as much (practice dating, in fact - just so that I'll be more comfortable and know how to make conversation when I AM more nervous).

[Pony Fixer]

I don't know the receptionist well, in fact, just met her when I dropped off my computer the first time. But she seemed to also be about my age, was super nice, and everyone there was friendly and helpful. We started talking about other stuff (not computer) because she saw one of my earrings was about to fall out.

Does this sound hokey?: How about I take some home made baked good as a "thank you" to the whole staff since it is that time of year (I am a good cook/baker) and then ask if "X" (I know his name) is single? If not, no embarrassment because even if she says something to him, he'd likely be flattered (I would be) and it's not like I'll be in there more than a few times more in my life AFAIK. If she says he is single then I can ask her to forward my card (with my cell# or email on back) to him and see what happens.

I wish I had something better than a business card, but that seems like the most logical thing to leave. Unfortunately it doesn't have my picture on it (JK), but I figure the receptionist will know what I look like if he has forgotten and can fill him in if he's truly curious. I did have a guy do a similar thing to me at my office, and the staff tried to remind me what he looked like. That did result in 1 date for him, although he was the most boring man evah. Who responds to "What do you like to do away from work?" with "I don't have any hobbies"?

[Canaqua]

But I've been practicing with a lot of guys that I don't like as much (practice dating, in fact - just so that I'll be more comfortable and know how to make conversation when I AM more nervous).

When I was single after divorcing my first husband a friend gave me similar advice...since I'd been out of the dating scene for a while and was older than when I'd last dated. She told me to go out with EVERYONE who asked and to ask out guys I thought were interesting myself. It was scary, but she reminded me that I didn't have to kiss them, didn't have to sleep with them and didn't have to ever see them again...plus, I'd get some free meals out of it . It is a good idea to practice being relaxed around men you aren't especially interested in, just like it's a good idea to interview for jobs you might not want when starting the first new job search in a while. You'll be more confident when the man/job you really want comes around. It isn't necessarily unfair to the men either...they date women they aren't super interested in too and it's always nice to talk to someone new and learn about different people.

Plus, you never know when someone you didn't think would be for you might turn out to be more interesting/attractive than you thought they'd be.

[dudleyc]

Pony Fixer...what if the receptionist also has a crush on him?

[iechris]

Don't have any real advice for the posters upstream, except for agreeing with those the advice to thatmoody to take it slow. I would try to arrange to be at events he is at though, it is wouldn't look totally odd.

I had my own crazy date a few weeks ago. Guy who comes in where I work, we've been chatting casually for about a year. I know he is into restoring classic cars (cool!). Finally asks for my number, then calls an hour later and texts when I apparently don't respond quickly enough. Agree to dinner and the movies. Over dinner he is WAY crazy. Black helicoptors are going to land and take our guns crazy. Also wants to dump his 82 year old mother off on other family members so HE can travel. Oh, and his dog was poisoned by the neighbors but he'll get another one. Um... yeah, didn't even want to go to the movie at this point. After the movie he told me he thought the new computer system we are using at work was so the goverment could spy on people better. SO glad I drove myself. He's texted me two other times wanting to get together. I said no the first time and ignored the second one. He was in at work on Saturday and had to come up and point out I never replied to his text. I told him I'd been sick and was not at all chatty.

Of course, never heard from the nice guy I went out on a date with last year (he did live 12 hours away and was visiting family when we went out) but the crazy jerk is interested.

And probably the funniest thing is my recently married boss, after hearing this story, said "you aren't going to give him a second chance"? What, he is crazy (IMO) and a total jerk who doesn't care about his mother or his animals. Sorry, why would I ever want to go out with him again?!?!

[DeucesWild11]

I'd send you my laptop because it really does need to be fixed! Go say hi!

[Canaqua]

One thing I got good at when dating in my mid-30s that I stunk at when I was young was talking straight. It's much kinder than pussyfooting around.

If you go out with a guy and don't want to see him again, say so at the end of the date, rather than making excuses when he calls. "Thank you. I had a really nice time and enjoyed getting to know you, but this isn't going to work out". If you do want to see him again, say so at the end of the date, "That was fun, I'd like to do this again, are you free this weekend ?"...you'll know by HIS reaction if he's interested or not. If he is interested, he'll be thrilled that you took initiative. If a guy you are interested in DOES call you and you are busy, don't just say you are busy or he'll think you are rejecting him. "Shoot, I'm busy that night, but I'd love to do something on Friday if you are free then".

Three strikes and you are out...if you liked a guy and he isn't being assertive about pursuing another date, do not attempt to contact him more than 2/3 times ...otherwise you become a stalker . A couple of attempts is more than enough for even the most shy/unassertive guy. If you are upfront with a guy that you are not interested, you should never have to take those three or more unwanted calls yourself (unless he's nuts and IS a stalker).

[Pony Fixer]

Yes, please send all your broken computers to me...

I will say my laptop is running better/faster than it has in years. Of course, it should with a new HD!

I guess if no one has a better idea, I will proceed with dropping off something as an excuse and see what happens. At least then it will be in his court and I can stop thinking about it--if he's single. And if he's not, then I will definitely stop thinking about it!