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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,100

    Default Update on Man issue

    Well I broke it off with him. It has been SO freaking hard to break it off with him. We have stayed friends but even that is getting tough now because I am so depressed about the fact that he is not in my ife. It is like tearing off the bandaid everytime we talk. We went shooting guns on the range the other day and I felt my old feelings coming back. He invited himself to a birthday party and I caught a ration of shit from my friends about it.

    I have been going through A LOT this week. My mom is moving across the country (support network gone), job stresses, and feeling isolated. He wasn't there for me at all as a friend. He ignored my text messages and finally did call me back yesterday. I told him well the issue has resolved but thanks for your concern. Now if something goes bad with him, I am the first one he calls and he will blow my phone up until I pick up. (I don't carry my phone when riding EVER) He has made horrible comments about my weight. Tells me I am gettng fat. Sorry I have gained 10 lbs from stress..I know that and am working on reversing it. I gain 5 lbs and my breeches don't fit.

    I am tired of him saying I can't dress myself with any style. YeS I know I am fashion challenged but clothes are not my whole world.

    I have cried for 3 days over this and am just cutting off our friendship.

    I went out on a sympathy date the other night. Guy was a jerk and the date ended early. And people wonder WHY I am a hermit when it comes to men.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    3,966

    Default

    It takes time to get over this stuff even when you know it is time to move on. Do you have a number of activities that you can pour yourself into to keep busy for a while? Maybe if you have yourself busy 24/7 (not literally, but you know what I mean) it will help keep your mind off the problem so you wont stew about it too much.



  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,100

    Default

    Yeah I am working on getting stuff for roller derby boot camp. I also am signing up for Pilates Reformer classes once a week. I just need to stop answering the phone.

    The man broke my heart, stomped on it, and ran it over with a forklift. I also need to focus on losing the 10 lbs I gained and 20 more of it's friends that I want to lose before show season. I like to be skinny and am in my 8's again. I miss my 4's
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 14, 2003
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    5,704

    Default

    You are right to cut off the friendship. Maybe some day down the road, when you have both had time to fully move on you can choose to be friends with him.

    It is hard for me to understand how most people completely cut of from ex's forever when they break up but you sure do need to have that 100% break when you actually end the relationship.

    He sounds like he is a dink. Perhaps he is not even worthy of your friendship, something you can evaluate a long time from now.



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 8, 2007
    Posts
    1,106

    Default

    One breaks one's own heart.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Mar. 14, 2010
    Location
    Earlysville, Virginia
    Posts
    3,242

    Default

    I feel ya. My ex and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. We were on good terms and planned on being friends after awhile. Now I don't even want to be friends with him.

    I know how hard it is not to text or call your ex. But things got significantly easier for me after no contact with him. I'm also on therapy, and my therapist has me reading The Grief Recovery Handbook. It's very helpful in addressing grief after a break up. I highly recommend it.

    If you need to talk, feel free to PM me any time. Break ups SUCK.
    Charlie Brown (1994 bay TB X gelding)
    White Star (2004 grey TB gelding)

    Mystical Moment, 1977-2010.



  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2000
    Location
    SW PA
    Posts
    2,235

    Default

    If someone treats you badly enough for you to really know it and you keep wanting to be with them that is toxic, toxic, toxic for you.
    Men like this are like a drug -- you know they are bad for you but you keep going back for another high.

    Stay strong and stay away.
    Proud to have two Gold Prince POAs!
    Takaupas Top Gold
    Gifts Black Gold Knight



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Dec. 13, 2005
    Location
    New England
    Posts
    1,370

    Default

    It sucks. And it will be hard. One day, you will be over him, you will be able to see him and feel nothing, or better yet, a sense of disbelief that you felt that way about him in the first place.
    Screw the weight. Good Lord, don't beat yourself up over that. We all gain and lose weight,none of us thinks we look perfect.
    Do things for yourself. Get involved with things. Reach out to your friends. Don't lock yourself away and hurt.
    He's a dick. You don't deserve that.



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jun. 27, 2005
    Location
    KY
    Posts
    4,521

    Default

    Block his number from your phone.

    ************************
    \"Horses lend us the wings we lack\"



  10. #10
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,100

    Default

    He called me tonight and I was a bit indifferent to him on the phone. I am going to call my old therapist and insist on an appt ASAP. She knows that he is an alcholic and the other issues we have had. I need to fix me again. I had made so much progress and can't fall back into that old cycle.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  11. #11
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2007
    Location
    Charleston, SC
    Posts
    2,100

    Default

    Lady Counselor..

    The weight is for health reasons to. I have problems with my lymph nodes and normal weight keeps the drainage working. It isn't just vanity. My leg was starting to bother me the last week or so.
    OTTB - Hurricane Denton - Kane AKA Bubble boy
    Boxer - Tugger's - outlasted my marriage



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Mar. 6, 2002
    Location
    Oregon
    Posts
    5,627

    Default

    Get healthy and happy without him. It doesn't sound like he provides much of anything good to you at this point. Do you have any other friends (female, preferably) that would be willing to "fill the hole" so to speak, to make it easier for you to get rid of him?
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Sep. 9, 2003
    Location
    Yellow Point, BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,005

    Default

    One morning you will wake up and wonder what you ever saw in this guy in the first place, and what a weight is off your shoulders. Until then, just take it day, by day, or minute by minute, if that is what it takes.
    If thoughts of him seep into your mind, change the "thought channel" and think immediately of something else- like riding your horse, or that great x/c round you did last summer, or that awesome flying change you got last week, or, well you get the idea.
    It's what I had to do last February when I finally called it quits on my relationship of 17 years, but the guy was a narcissistic LOSER (and has the same problem as your ex) and I never should have wasted a day of my life on him in the 1st place.
    It will take some time, but eventually you will get to where I am now. Don't let yourself be pressured into meeting people or dating. I'm perfectly happy not going anywhere but to the barn and back, and otherwise curling up with a book.
    In the meantime, he is NOT your friend, and may never be, and don't contact him, or let him contact you.
    Not helpful, Babygreen
    Wow, while I was typing this out there were 4 new posts!!!
    Another owner of A Fine Romance baby who has grown up and joined the fun!!!



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2009
    Location
    Upstate NY
    Posts
    1,808

    Default

    I hope you can get to the point where you can tell this very self serving, non-friend, that you can't talk to him on the phone any more, and for him not to call. And that you don't want to discuss it. That its not him, you need to do it for your own sake because its unhealthy for YOU to have him in your life/take his calls/ and no, you can't 'be friends', sorry.

    You know, at this point, he's still trying to string you along in emotionally needy ways, and he is getting something out of these little opportunities to shame you and hurt you, and don't think he doesn't know he's doing it, even if its hurt by neglect. When it comes to this supposed 'friendship' I suggest you break up with him. I think you'll really enjoy that. Make it razor sharp, clean, utter and absolute with no going back and no continuation of any more contact or conversation. Make it clear he is not to call you under any circumstances and if he does you will consider it harrassment.

    Should be very satisfying and personally fullfilling, and you will feel very empowered. Then take all the time you want and need - with your theraptist, too - to mourn. But you won't be able to mourn properly with him hanging around. He's a snake, dump him - not as a boyfriend, that's done - as a friend.

    Tell him he doesn't get to be a 'friend', which he isn't any good at, btw, after the way he treated you as a boyfriend. Goodbye.

    And mean it and make it so.
    Trainer's website - photos of my horse Airborne under About and Francesca Edwards also in media page 1

    http://www.patricianorciadressage.com/



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