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  1. #1
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    Angry I know I'm young, but I'm not stupid.

    What is really depressing sometimes is how people think that the only equestrians who know things and should be cared about are the adults. I'm 16 years old, but I know a lot about horses, I've been an equestrian since I was four years old, I've worked with amazing people, shown a lot, etc. I've done more and know more than some adults. But nobody ever cares about what I have to say and everyone assumes I'm stupid just because of my age. I've had people try to sell me things for over priced prices because they thought I'm too stupid to know. I've had adults talk to me like I am six years old about medical issues with horses (when I'm the one who actually knew how to solve it in the first place). I have had so many issues about people trying to "pull the wool over my eyes" or just not taking me seriously in general. It's really depressing and in my opinion, very disrespectful. Does anyone else see this happening in their horse world? Or are you a young person who keeps getting pushed aside and all? It really stinks and it's so frustrating! Okay.... rant over.


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  2. #2
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    I see the opposite in my barn. There are a few working student types. A couple are about your age and have become quite knowledgeable so a lot of us (older and younger) seek out their opinions.
    I'm guessing you're unlucky enough to be around some disrespectful or arrogant adults. Or you may need to assert yourself a bit (confidently) and folks will eventually get it. But for the most part you can't change other people. They'll either be smart enough to get it. Or not. And you can't fix their stupid.
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


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  3. #3
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    I'm sorry you're running into that. Its the opposite where I am. The kids ride like the devil and I happily put my and Fella's lives into the hands of a young eventer for conditioning. Age hasn't a thing to do with it.

    Paula
    He is total garbage! Quick! Hide him on my trailer (Petstorejunkie).


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  4. #4
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    Respect is a two-way street.

    Some of what you experience will happen to you no matter your age or experience (read about women buying trucks here on COTH).

    BUT, how you insert yourself into certain situations is just as important as what you may or may not know. If a random 16 year-old kid started to tell me what to do with my horses at the barn, I would automatically dismiss them as I know they have no idea of what my situation is. If, however, they politely ask pertinent and insightful questions, I would be much more willing to listen.

    You have to give respect to get respect. And many times giving respect has as much to do with keeping quiet and listening with no comment. Make sure you KNOW and UNDERSTAND the situation and people BEFORE you start giving out advice, whether you are right or wrong.

    That is just life in general.


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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by RAyers View Post
    Respect is a two-way street.

    Some of what you experience will happen to you no matter your age or experience (read about women buying trucks here on COTH).

    BUT, how you insert yourself into certain situations is just as important as what you may or may not know. If a random 16 year-old kid started to tell me what to do with my horses at the barn, I would automatically dismiss them as I know they have no idea of what my situation is. If, however, they politely ask pertinent and insightful questions, I would be much more willing to listen.

    You have to give respect to get respect. And many times giving respect has as much to do with keeping quiet and listening with no comment. Make sure you KNOW and UNDERSTAND the situation and people BEFORE you start giving out advice, whether you are right or wrong.

    That is just life in general.
    Very astute. Personally, I find it offensive when people of any age offer unsolicited "advice" because they think they know better. Just recently I had a random middle aged woman start to quiz me about the towing package on my truck and trailer and it's "appropriateness". Never met her before, never will again.

    Given that my husband is a mechanical engineer and has a vested interest in keeping me alive (I hope!) I know that I have a better set up than most. My equipment is in tip top shape and completely appropriate to my needs.

    I know several young riders whose opinions I respect; but they earned it by demonstrating maturity, wisdom and common sense. Give the folks around you some time to see that you are wise beyond your years and also remember that some wisdom comes with time.

    As for people trying to cheat you? That has little to do with your age and much to do with greed. That won't change as you get older! You need to always need to do your research and understand what things should cost.
    Equine Ink - My soapbox for equestrian writings & reviews.
    EquestrianHow2 - Operating instructions for your horse.


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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Equestrian Hailey View Post
    ... I know a lot about horses, I've been an equestrian since I was four years old, I've worked with amazing people, shown a lot, etc. I've done more and know more than some adults. But nobody ever cares about what I have to say and everyone assumes I'm stupid....

    I've had people try to sell me things for over priced prices because they thought I'm too stupid to know.

    I've had adults (people) talk to me like I am six years old about medical issues with horses (when I'm the one who actually knew how to solve it in the first place).

    I have had so many issues about people trying to "pull the wool over my eyes" or just not taking me seriously in general.

    It's really depressing and in my opinion, very disrespectful. Does anyone else see this happening in their horse world?
    remove references of age and you have described the horse industry pretty well


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  7. #7
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    it's worse to be old and stupid, than to be young and stupid. We warmbloods have dealt with adults who must have failed every IQ test. Much less the common sense tests.

    You just have to show people that you know what you are doing. Without rubbing their faces in your expertise.


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  8. #8
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    I agree with posters who say this is pretty true in life... If you listen, show respect, and demonstrate knowledge when asked or when appropriate, for the most part you will receive respect. It's certainly not fool-proof, but it is a general ingredient of success in any industry, and at any age. Learning generally requires one to listen and ask questions more than they speak. Then be thoughtful and well-informed when you do speak. Success will come.
    And then, of course, pick your battles carefully. There is no point in arguing with someone who will never "get it."
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!


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  9. #9
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    I'm older than 16, but I know what you're talking about.

    My mom and I are incredibly close and we do the whole horse thing together. So she almost always goes to lessons with me to watch me ride. It's a fun thing we've always done together... but it makes people think that I'm a lot younger than I am. So they will talk to my mom about showing or lessons or whatever, and just ignore me like I'm not old enough. I'm in my 20's, but people treat me like I'm still 12 sometimes. A lot of the time when I make a mistake or something they say well you're young, you didn't know better. Um... everyone makes mistakes, not just young people!

    An example I have is that my lesson barn has a policy that if you're under 18 you have to wear a helmet while riding. I wear my helmet every single time I get on a horse, but this one day I had a lesson and forgot my helmet at home... well I was reprimanded because I was breaking the rule, but they "let it slide just this once." ... I was 20 at the time.

    I just ignore it and move on. Just be polite and respectful and people will remember you for that.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/NBChoice http://nbchoice.blogspot.com/
    The New Banner's Choice- 1994 ASB Mare
    Dennis The Menace Too- 1999 ASB Gelding
    Dreamacres Sublime- 2008 ASB Gelding


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  10. #10
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    I'm not that kind of girl who goes around sticking my nose in people's business. I try to stay out of everyone's way and worry about myself and my responsibilities only. I was kind of referring to this one lady I had to encounter when she openly asked everyone in our tack up area at the time "What should I do about XYZ?" It was one of those open questions that was asked to everyone. I politely told her about how she could XYZ, but she should ask someone for another opinion as well. Her response was.... "You're to young to know this stuff. This is adult matters only. Not for children." I was kinda offended by her judging me based on age. Someone older gave the same answer I did, and the lady was above and beyond thrilled. It was really confusing.


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  11. #11
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    ^^People like that should just be ignored. If she's going to be so closed minded to think that you know nothing and that it is "adult matters only"... then let her think that. You know better than that, and it's better to just move on rather than fretting over it, even though that's hard to do!! Just don't give her advice next time she asks now that you know what her feelings are about younger people.
    http://www.youtube.com/user/NBChoice http://nbchoice.blogspot.com/
    The New Banner's Choice- 1994 ASB Mare
    Dennis The Menace Too- 1999 ASB Gelding
    Dreamacres Sublime- 2008 ASB Gelding


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  12. #12
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    Post

    Quote Originally Posted by RAyers View Post
    Respect is a two-way street.

    Some of what you experience will happen to you no matter your age or experience (read about women buying trucks here on COTH).

    BUT, how you insert yourself into certain situations is just as important as what you may or may not know. If a random 16 year-old kid started to tell me what to do with my horses at the barn, I would automatically dismiss them as I know they have no idea of what my situation is. If, however, they politely ask pertinent and insightful questions, I would be much more willing to listen.

    You have to give respect to get respect. And many times giving respect has as much to do with keeping quiet and listening with no comment. Make sure you KNOW and UNDERSTAND the situation and people BEFORE you start giving out advice, whether you are right or wrong.

    That is just life in general.
    I'm not the type of equestrian who goes and loudly points out what everyone is doing wrong and what I'm doing right. I make mistakes and I'm not George Morris smart. If I'm going to give someone my opinion on something, I think what I'm saying through and don't speak or give advice on pride or impulse. I admit when I am wrong, and don't brag when I'm right. I try to stay out of everyone's way and worry about myself and my responsibilities only. I was kind of referring to this one lady I had to encounter when she openly asked everyone in our tack up area at the time "What should I do about XYZ?" It was one of those open questions that was asked to everyone. I politely told her about how she could XYZ, but she should ask someone for another opinion as well. Her response was.... "You're to young to know this stuff. This is adult matters only. Not for children." I was kinda offended by her judging me based on age. Someone older gave the same answer I did, and the lady was above and beyond thrilled.



  13. #13
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    What you experienced is normal day-to-day life. You can give the best advice and people can listen to it or not. It is then up to you to either go about your life or let it eat at you.

    You are going to get this for the rest of your life. A boss who will dismiss you for input, even when you are correct; a spouse who is very set in their ways and ignores you because, "you just don't know"; a child who you tell "the stove is hot" but still reaches out to it.

    The choice is yours. You can let it eat at you or just be your own person. You just get to see/acknowledge it now and think of ways to deal with it, the best you can.



    Quote Originally Posted by Equestrian Hailey View Post
    ...I was kind of referring to this one lady I had to encounter when she openly asked everyone in our tack up area at the time "What should I do about XYZ?" It was one of those open questions that was asked to everyone. I politely told her about how she could XYZ, but she should ask someone for another opinion as well. Her response was.... "You're to young to know this stuff. This is adult matters only. Not for children." I was kinda offended by her judging me based on age. Someone older gave the same answer I did, and the lady was above and beyond thrilled.


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  14. #14
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    Kinda agree with RAyers. In the workplace I can count loads of examples of people blowing off your idea and then presenting the same idea as theirs, without credit to you of course.
    In your example, now that you know this person can't see past your age then you know not to offer an opinion. And get used to the idea that you may try eveything you can to be polite and respectful and they'll declare that you aren't. It's no fun but it's better to know that it might happen and be prepared for it.
    Courageous Weenie Eventer Wannabe
    Incredible Invisible


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  15. #15
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    as a 44 yr old rider, (i have ridden for 34 years), i would be more likely to ask the advice of a 16 yr old who was quiet most of the time, but knew her stuff. Anyone who starts giving out advice -older adult or younger- is going to be dismissed by me. The smartest horsey people i have ever met are the ones who are quiet unless asked for their opinion.


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  16. #16
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    The lady you refer to was a moron. A response like that is nothing but ignorance.
    You will meet a lot of ignorant people in life.
    You will also find that you can be 56 and some people will still try to sell you overpriced stuff, or talk down to you. Be careful that you don't start feeling like "everyone" is talking down to you, or disrespecting you. That leads to a bitter person.

    Keep your own counsel, and be a sponge when it comes to learning. Everyone will have at least something that is of value, even the most unlikely person.


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  17. #17
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    Nov. 25, 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lady Counselor View Post
    The lady you refer to was a moron. A response like that is nothing but ignorance.
    You will meet a lot of ignorant people in life.
    You will also find that you can be 56 and some people will still try to sell you overpriced stuff, or talk down to you. Be careful that you don't start feeling like "everyone" is talking down to you, or disrespecting you. That leads to a bitter person.

    Keep your own counsel, and be a sponge when it comes to learning. Everyone will have at least something that is of value, even the most unlikely person.
    Thank you very much.


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  18. #18
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    As a young baby-faced pro in my early 20s I enthusiastically jumped on the local Horse Show association board. I had the same experience of presenting an idea that was ignored yet later accepted when presented by one of the 30/40 somethings. It took 3-4 years for them to finally recognize my input as valid, but in the end I was a well-respected & integral member of that board.

    Yes it used to chide me, and I wished desperately to "grow up".

    Then I did.

    And now I wish desperately to go back to that spry 20 something

    Moral: Don't sweat the small stuff. Enjoy where you are in life right now and remember, the future is a great deal more than just tomorrow.
    ExchangeHunterJumper.com
    Now promoting sale horses from North Carolina to the Netherlands. Follow us on Facebook.


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  19. #19
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    Welcome to life, especially in the horse world.

    If everyone were able to assess with a professional level of skill the advice they were being offered, and if everyone were able to evaluate how someone else rides with a keenly honed eye, then everyone would be a pro.

    If you have a high level of knowledge and a good eye, you will be able to watch another trainer ride for 5 minutes and know they are wasting their clients' money. Similarly you will be able to recognize who the good trainers are and understand exactly what they are telling their students in the lessons you see them teach and why.

    People who aren't professionals obviously don't have that eye. BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PROS. So you will stand there and wonder why on earth they ride with that sheister and why they are accepting such subpar results, and the answer is that if they knew what you did, they wouldn't need a trainer in the first place.

    So, in the absence of really knowing what the deal is, they rely on other factors such as "how much someone charges (more=better)" or "how experienced someone appears to be (older =better)" or "how nice the facility is" or "what all the other clients think" and base their assessment of the advice given on that. You can stand there and ride ten greenies beautifully and someone who cranks a horse around PSG by waterskiing on the curb will be the one everyone thinks knows how to ride. You can turn six people with no confidence and totally unsuitable horses around to riding A show quality courses and still people will flock to whoever is older and charges more. You and your students can step in the ring and get a piece EVERY SINGLE TIME whether it is local shows or AA-rated with 30+ and still people will go to the person who is older and charges more.

    If they could tell the difference, THEY'D be riding PSG and they'd be training their horses to jump around themselves.

    As I said, welcome to the horseworld.
    Last edited by meupatdoes; Nov. 26, 2012 at 03:45 PM.


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  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Equestrian Hailey View Post
    What is really depressing sometimes is how people think that the only equestrians who know things and should be cared about are the adults. I'm 16 years old, but I know a lot about horses, I've been an equestrian since I was four years old, I've worked with amazing people, shown a lot, etc. I've done more and know more than some adults. But nobody ever cares about what I have to say and everyone assumes I'm stupid just because of my age.
    OP, I know how you feel. I was once you. I did know a lot. I was a good rider. Then I turned 30 and relised what I know is a drop in the bucket. Not compared to others, but just in general. Then I turned 40 and realise I will never know all I want to know, and never be as good a rider/trainer as I wish I was.


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