The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Results 1 to 16 of 16
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
    Location
    Where The Snow Flies
    Posts
    2,272

    Default I FINALLY Did It and it Feels So GOOD!

    I have been in a complicated, on-again, off-again 4 year relationship with a guy. More and more lately I was coming to the realization that I was in love with the guy I'd hoped he'd be rather than the person he really was. He'd have these moments of grandeur where he was the perfect guy, but more often than not, he was a total douche. And when I say total douche, I mean he would cruise sites set up for casual sexual encounters and send naked pictures of himself to women. He claims he never met anyone but did it purely for entertainment.

    I stayed, mostly because his mom staged an intervention and asked if I would hang in there while she worked to get him professional help for what his family and I believe is an unhealthy addiction and need for attention. She told me she felt if I left, he would spiral further out of control. I felt trapped by the whole thing.

    This week has been a rough week but clearly prepared me for what I needed to do. I've been extremely sick since last Friday and was admitted to the hospital on Wednesday due to some pretty serious complications. Douchebag BF did not visit me once in the hospital even though he would text me and ask what visiting hours were and whether anyone was currently there to see me. When I asked him why he didn't come I was told "Oh, I went shopping for Black Friday, then I was tired so I took a nap, and then I went over to my friends house for a pizza party to celebrate their new house." Dude, WTF?!

    The first thing I did when I got home today was to drive over to his house and drop him like a hot potato. It didn't matter that I was weak and tired. I NEEDED to do this RIGHT NOW. I could not continue to be with someone who so clearly did not care about me the way I deserve. I feel bad for his mom, but she can babysit her own 35 year old child. It never should have been my job. I owe him nothing.

    I feel liberated and free. I regret staying in this mess as long as I did. I can completely relate to posts like the "I think I hate my boyfriend" ones and can only hope anyone who is in an unhealthy relationship has the opportunity to feel this. To my fellow females who have found themselves with an undesirable, I wish you the courage and strength to take advantage of your "ah ha" moment when it comes.


    57 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2000
    Location
    El Paso, TX
    Posts
    12,190

    Default

    Good for you!!!! You'll have some moments of doubt in the future, when you are bored or lonely, but remember how he treated you and why you left. The worst feeling in the world is being lonely when your SO is in the same room. It's much better to be alone and happy.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 5, 1999
    Location
    Central FL
    Posts
    4,378

    Default

    well done.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2010
    Location
    yonder a bit, GA
    Posts
    3,260

    Default

    Glad you did it!! And good for you for doing it despite your current health and strength issues!

    Onward and upward ;-)
    MrB's attempt at talking like a horse person, "We'll be entering in the amateur hunter-gatherer division...."


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2006
    Location
    Fort Worth, Texas
    Posts
    4,057

    Default

    " I can change him" has trapped more woman into bad relationships that possibly any other thought.... both with men and horses

    Glade you are have made the move to move on.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 1, 2012
    Location
    Vermont
    Posts
    4,836

    Default

    Were you dating my ex-douche?! Seriously, I was so sick I had to be brought to the hospital and he was "too busy" BOTH times! I had to call my mom at 5 AM so she could drive me to the hospital for IV fluids I was so dehydrated. Three days later, my parents were out of town, and I was back dehydrated again, and h was too busy again, so I had to have a friend take me.

    As soon as I was strong enough to pack my shit into my truck and move out, I did! And it was the best thing ever! All my stuff was moved back to my parents in a day, adn after I had everything moved and made one trip back to get my horses, he wanted ot know if we "could work on it." Uh, no, the being too busy to bring me to the hospital was just he icing on the cake, buddy! See ya!

    Glad you dropped him! Nobody has to settle for a douche, you're better than that and deserve better!
    "If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple payments..."


    7 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
    Location
    Where The Snow Flies
    Posts
    2,272

    Default

    I don't know if I was necessarily trying to change him more so than waiting for him to have this grand epiphany on his own. Either way, it wasn't coming anytime soon.

    I felt myself wavering on the drive to his house so I called him on the way. I didn't tell him I was coming over so it was just a typical conversation. He asked me if it felt good to finally be home. I told him "Yes and No. I feel so very overwhelmed by everything I need to catch up on. My house is TRASHED from having been on death's door this last week. There is so much laundry to do, dishes need to be done. I just don't know where to start. And on top of that, I have to try to catch up on school work and stay current on what's due. I have two papers due this upcoming week that haven't been started so, overwhelmed is a bit of an understatement actually." (I'm in an accelerated MPH program)

    What I wanted to hear was "What can I do to help you?" what I got was "Yeah, that sucks." I didn't expect more from him than I was willing to do myself. He lost his phone while traveling in Boston a few weeks ago. He called me from the hotel and told me and the first thing out of my mouth was "Do you need me to get you a new phone and get everything transferred over to it so you have that ready for you when you get back?" I didn't say "Yeah, that sucks" or ask him how, why or where he lost it. In that moment, it was unimportant. I guess I want someone willing to be reciprocal in gestures of kindness and he wasn't it.

    So basically I toss him a rope and an opportunity to start climbing out of the hole he's dug himself in and he proceeds to wrap that rope around his neck. That's ok. The phone call was simply confirmation that I was indeed, making the right decision.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Mar. 27, 2008
    Location
    Maryland
    Posts
    1,736

    Default

    Good on you. He sounds like a total asshole. He will surely come crawling back with nonapologies that will make you think that it was really your fault for getting sick.

    <channeling my ex>You see, he was so upset at your potential death, that he didn't know what to do. He turned to his guy friends for solace and drowned his tears in his pizza - and the beer was warm, so it just made him more depressed. And then his team lost! Can you believe just how unfair life is? You made him SO sad, so maybe you could cheer him up with some makeup sex and a home cooked meal? </channeling my ex>

    Yeah, I've so been there, done that.

    I hope you're feeling better.
    You are what you dare.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Mar. 22, 2006
    Location
    Ohio!
    Posts
    87

    Default

    I just told mine to leave Friday. 'Tis the season, LOL! Totally get the feeling. Only bad part is he wants to keep the dog. Best of luck to you, hope you are feeling 100% soon. I can't wait to have his stuff gone, my horse moved and a nice glass of wine.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,123

    Default

    The holidays are rough enough, without having to put up with someone that is just using you. That was so unfair of his mother to want you to stay while they did the intervention, but I bet that's been her pattern all along, coddling him, and wanting everything to be nice for her son.

    Don't forget to change all of the locks, and update any passwords, or accounts that they might have access to. And block their number, unfriend them, and don't let them in the door for one second. If you give an ex the chance to weasel their way back, then they will. Everyone needs to be with someone who treasures them for the person they are, and to have an adult relationship that isn't one person doing everything.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    8 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
    Location
    Where The Snow Flies
    Posts
    2,272

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    The holidays are rough enough, without having to put up with someone that is just using you. That was so unfair of his mother to want you to stay while they did the intervention, but I bet that's been her pattern all along, coddling him, and wanting everything to be nice for her son.

    Don't forget to change all of the locks, and update any passwords, or accounts that they might have access to. And block their number, unfriend them, and don't let them in the door for one second. If you give an ex the chance to weasel their way back, then they will. Everyone needs to be with someone who treasures them for the person they are, and to have an adult relationship that isn't one person doing everything.
    That is very much his Mom's MO. He actually didn't move out of his parents house until a few months ago. And his mom didn't really want him to leave. And he's 35!!!

    I'm lucky in that we did not live together and didn't share anything jointly. That makes the split much less complicated and easier. It's not as big an impact on my day to day life as leaving someone who was a constant companion.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Dec. 4, 2005
    Location
    washington state
    Posts
    6,573

    Default

    Well done lady!

    What is MPH?
    The Knotted Pony

    Proud and upstanding member of the Snort and Blow Clique.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Location
    Southern California - Hemet
    Posts
    1,639

    Default

    I'm guessing Masters of Public Health.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jan. 27, 2002
    Location
    new england,,usa
    Posts
    4,251

    Default

    you are woman hear you ROAR! way to go snowflake,way to go.
    sounds like you were quite literally (for once), really really sick of him!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Dec. 19, 2008
    Location
    Where The Snow Flies
    Posts
    2,272

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by laskiblue View Post
    I'm guessing Masters of Public Health.
    Yes, you're correct laskiblue!



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Jul. 11, 2004
    Posts
    6,739

    Default

    Good for you...life's too short to put up with an A-hole.

    You fell into the classic female whine, "I can change him". No, you can't. He doesn't want to be changed. It's not your job to change him. Go with the guy you want to be with, not a human lump of putty to be shaped into something you like.

    Please learn to only date decent guys, not "works in progress". They just aren't worth it and you deserve better.
    "Sic Gorgiamus Allos Subjectatos Nunc"


    2 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. I forgot how good this feels!!!!
    By manyspots in forum Off Course
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: Aug. 21, 2010, 03:19 PM
  2. Feels good to be back!!!!!!
    By gubbyz in forum Hunter/Jumper
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: Apr. 3, 2010, 03:36 AM
  3. Replies: 8
    Last Post: Jan. 4, 2010, 05:14 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
randomness