Well, here's a day in my world when I have a day off from my real job (he's self-employed and I also work for our business).
The (DH, Hubs, SO) or what is politically correct now, collects coins. We have a ginormous safe for his coins (we're talking Ancient, BC, 1500, 1600, 1700, 1800 century).
Me: What are you doing today?
Him: I want to go look at some coins. Wanna go?
Me: Nope. Gotta take care of the "nags". Wanna help?
Him: Nope. After looking at coins and swinging by the feed store to pick up grain, I'll see you at dinner. Do you want Chinese or pizza? I'll pick it up on the way home.
I must admit the coins take less space, eat less and the appreciation value is higher, he will help with the chores.
I also have a small coin collection (and he has a horse) so it does work both ways. Sometimes not pretty, but it works!
Totally agree that focusing on the other partner, if done by both partners, is the key to a happy home! My husband is not into horses, but does love animals, and early on learned to ride enought to wtc and jump 18". He is now a disabled vet, and that changed things a bit. He used to be able to enjoy a lot more outdoor hobbies while I was at the barn, but with his health, our priorities shifted. I still have my two horses, boarded so I spend time riding, not doing barn maintenance, and I ride 4 days a week. I get home in time for him to get enough sleep (good for me, too), and we spend quality time together. I truly do love him more than my horses. He is good at communicating, and his concerns have always been budgeting both time and money fairly. It isn't fair for my hobby to eat up the family budget, and it also isn't fair to spend more time at the barn than anywhere else. I don't want that life, either - I love having my horses, but they are only one facet of my very blessed life. I am so lucky to have him keep me balanced, as another poster noted already. I think I would resent his input if I didn't actually enjoy the time I spend with him and doing other things, so there is that. Horses are way better than the wrong relationship, so just be sure to pick the right match
Got home from the barn at 5:30 tonight. DH already had supper mostly underway. Three boxes came in the mail today (we live in the middle of nowhere, so almost everything is mail order). Did I get rolled eyes and "what did you buy now" --- nope! It was "open the boxes and show me the cool stuff you got this time!" As it turns out, one box was a canoe routes book he'd asked me to order him + a wooden puzzle for our 18 month old granddaughter, another was another christmas present for granddaughter, and the third (biggest) was a box of horse gear. He is a bit of a "gear freak" and is pretty flush with everything he needs for his sports, so he's excited about the new "gear" I get to buy.
The more I read these posts, the more I appreciate my husband! I was a lifelong horse lover but was not involved with them when I met him. We were both musicians and artists, and I'd tell people how I couldn't imagine being married to a non-musician...
When we had a chance to adopt our first horse, he said, "You've always wanted a horse, we HAVE to do this." Then he met Mingus and fell head over heels in love as only a previously non-horsey man can do. Now I can't imagine being married to a non-horsey-non-musician!
Keith and I always refer to ourselves as each other's enablers. I believe the real key to a successful relationship is respecting and encouraging each other's interests. Whether or not you are into the other person's interest, you love the fact that they love it and want to enable them.
Sadly, it really was a canoe route book (Rivers of the Upper Ottawa Valley) -- he also has the worlds largest collection of books about the exploration of the Northwest passage, Shackelton and all that.... Good thing he's cute and cooks!
While I was dating my now-husband, I decided to breed my retired show mare. By the way, not a horse guy at all, just thinks they are neat. Little did he, or the rest of my family, know what was involved.
The pregnancy was going super until my mare started dripping milk over a month and half before her "due date". At that time I made a decision to move closer to my mare which meant moving out of our apartment back to my parents house. One night later we moved into my parents house thinking it was short term since we were house hunting at the time. After my filly arrived 3 wks early & 2wks in the ICU, mom & foal came home. My filly needed around-the-clock care which meant bottle feeding, milking mom every two hours, changing bandages daily & sleeping in the barn (for me, not my husband). He was great, along with my super dad. They would both step in to milk my mare & bottle feed the small foal, just so I could get a little more sleep (that's when I knew I wanted no other guy). We lived with my parents for 4 months & during this whole process we were trying to purchase a house & build a barn.
We got married 2yrs later & now we have a wonderful, healthy, soon-to-be 4yr old filly from that dedication. The big kicker is, when I asked this year what he thought about breeding my same retired mare again he gave me the thumbs up.
I'm one of the lucky ones who snagged an already horsey DH.
Of course, the majority of our fights are over horses. He was raised on a ranch, and to him a horse is a means to an end, same as a tractor; I was raised with Pony Club, and to me a horse is a companion and partner. But while he thinks I spoil mine and I think he doesn't interact enough with his (not to mention the horror I feel over his lack of grooming and hoof picking ), neither of us question what is spent on them and we at least agree on the basics: good hay, turnout, regular vet and farrier.
COTH's official mini-donk enabler
"I am all for reaching out, but in some situations it needs to be done with a rolled up news paper." Alagirl
SO is non-horsey. I show respectful interest in his hobby and he shows respectful interest in mine. He will pop in to a horse show if it is local, I don't make him stay if he has something to do (and the fact he saw an app at a schooling show and loudly proclaimed he had never seen a dalmation horse before). (Devon did not count, I allowed him to come).
He will grain etc. He cuddles the ponies and the mini. He adores my heart horse and The young horses scare the crap out of him. I try to avoid him doing anything too much with them. I came home from work yesterday and he was picking up manure in the field (good boy).
He goes for a spin around the farm once in a while. On an old mare. Once in a great while he will make a comment on how expensive they are. Eh. It is my money and it ends there.
I like keeping him at relative pitchfork length away from my hobby.
He likes to joke " I know my place in this relationship, behind the dogs and horses". Whether that is true or not has never and I doubt WILL ever be tested =) as he loves them just as much.
Last edited by Pennywell Bay; Nov. 29, 2012 at 09:28 AM.
Before I met my fiancé, I truly thought that I could never have both... a partner and a horse. Every guy I dated was resentful of my time at the barn and of the financial drain, etc. Then I found my guy...
He not only supports my hobby, but demanded that I quit my full-time corporate job (which I truly hated) and pursue horses as a career. He helps me feed anytime I ask, he loves to go on occasional trail rides, and he was there to hold my hand and help me through putting my heart horse to sleep. (he cried more than I did in the moment!). I am truly blessed. Now he's set on expanding his business so we can afford to buy property and have our own barn.
He's not horse crazy, but he's me crazy. He knows how much this means to me and he wants me to be happy and see my dreams come true. He loves that I have something that I'm passionate about and something that keeps me busy. He has his own hobbies and we both love to sit and have breakfast on a sunday morning, kiss each other good bye, and meet back up for dinner.
So my point being, that it's about finding the right guy for you, not finding the horsey or non-horsey or understanding or non-chalant. Just the right partner that has your best interest at heart.
Strong promoter of READING the entire post before responding.
I met DH in Jr high I thought he was a dork I really wanted nothing to do with him. (sorry enter key not working for some reason going to have to take it to best buy to find out why.. new computer...). /So we've know each other for mm geesh close to 45 yrs now.. Any way When we got married 38yrs ago he kinda understood my passion for horses when I had a show I would say " expect me when you see me" and he would say "Ok love you". The time would depend on where I had to go in relation to where we lived and the show, because he was in the Navy and the shows could be anywhere( I rode as an amature riding other peoples horses because lower enlisted pay did not allow horse ownership at the time) and he understood that./ Now that he is no longer in the Navy he come to the barn and snuffles with my horse but dosent ride. His true passion is sailing( dispite years in the Navy why I do not know) and he is finally getting his sail boat next spring. I will go sometimes and will learn to like the water again.. He supports my riding and sometimes when I was showing(and I hope to again)he would come to my show and poopoo over the horses I rode. I will support his sailing(though don't tell him that ), he was happy to do it, I did not pressure him to do it he just did it.