The Chronicle of the Horse
MagazineNewsHorse SportsHorse CareCOTH StoreVoicesThe Chronicle UntackedDirectoriesMarketplaceDates & Results
 
Results 1 to 17 of 17
  1. #1

    Default Crazy

    Anyone been in a relationship with someone who is crazy?

    Little-c crazy. Personality disorder, probably. Childhood abuse half-remembered. Got some of the rest from family.

    Avoidant, borderline. Whatever.

    Can't shake it off. Holiday pain is a nightmare. Figured it would be better this year, but not even a little.

    How can I ever trust my judgment again?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2007
    Posts
    11

    Default

    Dusting off the ol' alter here, but yes I have. For over 30 years. If he/she loves you and wants to stay in a relationship with you, you have a right to tell him/her what you need. In my case he was told to get inpatient psychiatric help, stay with a therapist, and get meds straightened out. He had to stop drinking and stop being abusive. He did, and we are still together. Some times it's rough (for both of us) but we both agree it was the right choice. It will take guts on your part to tell the person to get out and don't come back until it's fixed. My definition of "fixed" was that I was not worried he would kill himself, or do harm to me or the kids.

    Hugs and good luck to you.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    8,205

    Default

    It's not your judgment that is the problem, and you shouldn't doubt yourself. People with problems get through life without showing them for as long as they can. It's how they cope, and a defense mechanism to keep people from finding out they're having problems. And as long as they can deny something is wrong, then they can keep on believing they're just like anyone else, and don't need help.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 4, 2007
    Location
    TX
    Posts
    40,146

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Three Strikes View Post
    Dusting off the ol' alter here, but yes I have. For over 30 years. If he/she loves you and wants to stay in a relationship with you, you have a right to tell him/her what you need. In my case he was told to get inpatient psychiatric help, stay with a therapist, and get meds straightened out. He had to stop drinking and stop being abusive. He did, and we are still together. Some times it's rough (for both of us) but we both agree it was the right choice. It will take guts on your part to tell the person to get out and don't come back until it's fixed. My definition of "fixed" was that I was not worried he would kill himself, or do harm to me or the kids.

    Hugs and good luck to you.
    Have a friend that decided to call it quits.
    Her DH, after ten years and still refusing to go get help and try to straighten up, went back to living with his enabling parents.
    Who knows, he may eventually get help and they may again be able to make it work for them, time will tell.

    Sometimes, things can work out, some, not.
    It is a sadness you carry with you, even if "it was not your fault".


    3 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2012
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Thanks.

    Quote Originally Posted by JanM View Post
    People with problems get through life without showing them for as long as they can. It's how they cope, and a defense mechanism to keep people from finding out they're having problems.
    Guess that works for sick animals. Hidden for a very long time. Then, wow.



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2011
    Location
    Horse Capital
    Posts
    45

    Default

    I'll play...I have borderline personality disorder, ptsd, anxiety and panic attacks. I'm currently in a 3yr relationship that works really well and safe. It took a couple of years with a good therapist, m.d. and psychiatrist to find everything that works well. Sometimes I have to tweak my medicine but it's no big deal if I stay aware of how I am feeling. I'm very loving and never abusive. I'm a great partner, sister, daughter, and aunt.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 10, 2011
    Location
    Horse Capital
    Posts
    45

    Default

    ps....my cousin always says "own your issues" luckily I don't have any stigma associated with mental illnesses.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8

    Default

    Anyone been in a relationship with someone who is crazy?
    √ Getting divorced after trying for six years to make it work.

    Personality disorder, probably.
    √ My best guess is yes, but he wouldn't go to therapy, so who knows?

    Childhood abuse half-remembered.
    √ Yes!!! Good Lord, isn't this a good indicator that therapy is needed? From what I've been told, I can only imagine if there was worse stuff that happened. In this case it was a neighbor not a family member. ETA - sexual abuse was neighbor, mother had loads of emotional abuse to dole out.

    Got some of the rest from family.
    √ Yes! Mother is capital C crazy if you ask me and apparently so was her mother. It went to the male side for the next generation, his sister is pretty level-headed, but also doesn't want to deal with issues straight-forward (let's just make jokes about everything (avoidant) and that will make it better).

    Figured it would be better this year, but not even a little.
    √ Yes, I thought it would be better when we moved. Much less commute for him, more space for our stuff, I was the only one having to make some sacrifices with the move.

    Everything turned into a nightmare, lots of avoidance, "isn't everything great, I feel so good, I'm so much better and you are not allowed to point out anything that might show otherwise."

    I've cried every Thanksgiving the last few years, it's been a horrible holiday for me. I left him in October so this year I was alone and sick with a cold, but at least not miserable.

    How can I ever trust my judgment again?
    I feel like once I'm settled in, I should see a therapist and figure out how much of this I could have seen in advance and what I could do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

    So, you're not the only one dealing with crazy! Good luck and lots of hugs! )))


    3 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 20, 2005
    Posts
    2,807

    Default

    Yes. Run.

    Based on my own experience - you WILL NOT MAKE THEM HAPPY. They WILL NOT MAKE YOU HAPPY - and that of a relative who was married to a severely depressed/psychotic woman. When my relative was dying in the hospital (a few years after they divorced), this woman showed up and was dredging up everything that had ever happened in the past. Security had to escort her out and they had to get a restraining order on her.
    It's a uterus, not a clown car. - Sayyedati


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2000
    Location
    SW PA
    Posts
    2,235

    Default

    Ooo! I qualify for this one!! My past reads like a "My Life is a Lifetime Movie" episode.

    My ex was textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
    I still suffer the side effects of 10 years of mind bending, torturous hell.
    Proud to have two Gold Prince POAs!
    Takaupas Top Gold
    Gifts Black Gold Knight


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Aug. 2, 2004
    Location
    Whidbey Is, Wash.
    Posts
    9,647

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Lori View Post
    My ex was textbook Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
    I still suffer the side effects of 10 years of mind bending, torturous hell.
    My mother. Plus I think borderline disorder and recent substance abuse issues. Eeesh. So bad that I told DH (when we were engaged) that *I* was going to counseling so he didn't marry my issues. Best decision ever.

    Just recently severed all contact with her, purged my email of all the craziness, and finally feel free to share some of the horror, and yeah...I don't miss the crazy. I miss the possibility of having a great mom, and there were some ok times, but reality and wishes are not the same.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2012
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Nobody who hasn't been there maybe can get what it's like to be blindsided by this. It screwed my life up for more than a year.

    Today a friend not talked to for months who knew the story said I did everything right, and was paying attention and my judgment was perfect. Just no way to see the hidden stuff in someone's mind in advance, someone who had been damaged, when they act perfectly and life is like everything you both said was more than ever you imagined possible. Until one day they suddenly don't any more and can't explain and want to go get kicked around more.

    Thank you all. This is now the worst thing in my life ever and it is the toughest fight in my life to try to figure it out and recover. I was always very strong. No way I want anybody to know who I am. Just am happy for people who will listen and have been there.



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Feb. 14, 2012
    Location
    Fern Creek, KY
    Posts
    3,010

    Default

    Been there. Solicted hookers via craigslist...then wore MY underwear and make up to meetings. When I found out, he went ape shit and tried to kill me. Then proceeded to harass me for upwards of a year. His family didn't know about his secret life, so they were convinced that I had 'emotionally raped' him. *eyeroll*

    Relationship after that was a bad one as well. He made it a point to make me cry every day, threw tempertantrums like a child (sulking, mostly), lied, and was a control freak.

    The one after that used me for my money and good credit (not that I have a whole lot) to get into a nice apartment, pay for his gas, food, bills. Once we got established, he kicked me out of the apartment with nothing. I had to sleep in my car for 2 months while I got back on my feet, financially. Then he hooked up with the first dude to continue to taunt me for months.

    DH has taught me to trust my judgement again. I have found the most wonderful, loving, and patient partner in him. He knows every thing about the past, so when problems crop up that are related to that, he's okay with it. He encouraged and supported me going to talk to somebody, and went with me to the first few sessions. There was just something about him that makes me relax.
    Quote Originally Posted by MistyBlue View Post
    I prefer them outside playing as opposed to standing in the barn aisle playing "I can crap more than you"
    New Year, New Blog... follow Willow and I here.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2007
    Posts
    286

    Default

    I dated a guy once that was M/D with a history of drug abuse. He was "clean" when I met him. I took him to dinner at a friends house and the next day my guy friend said "there is something wrong with him, nobody is THAT perfect". yes, he kept up that perfect routine for a while, but it all came crumbling down into a pile of lies and deceit. I got out of there as fast as I could, with him apologizing and saying he would do better. I found out it was a cycle for him....repeated over and over. I hope he got the right help at some point, for his sake and those that took him into their lives.....

    My ex BIL was the same. I saw him go through 3 wives (and have 3 children), all of whom suffered because he could not break the cycle. He would take medication, then decide he was cured and quit. Then he'd go into and episode and everything would blow up and end with his being put into a hospital to get stabilized. Wash rinse repeat.... tough life to be a part of.

    My heart goes out to those that are mentally ill. My BIL was a good man, just very ill....... I know quite a few others, friends and family.... But making a lfe with someone that is that ill is tough. Especially thsoe who get on the denial cycle and repeatedly cause hurt and anguish for their loved ones.



  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Location
    Raleigh, NC
    Posts
    1,696

    Default

    Wrong thread!
    From now on, ponyfixer, i'll include foot note references.



  16. #16
    Join Date
    Nov. 22, 2012
    Posts
    6

    Default

    Hope everyone managed the holidays okay and maybe some even had some joy from them this year.

    Managed with planned distractions and friends' help to get through Thanksgiving and Christmas, but it was no better this year than last, maybe even worse.

    Thrashed it all through over a long time with good capable therapists. I am tired of operating at 70% with seemingly forever lost interest in so many things I once enjoyed. Trying to reconcile the best and closest friend and partner I ever had with what suddenly happened, then got fixed, then happened again only worse, just doesn't work. I keep reminding myself that you can't expect someone ill and eaten by demons to be rational and fair.

    At least the horses have been consistent all along. My link to them and developing remained untouched and unbroken. It is the only thing in my life that feels normal in every way, except, maybe on trail rides in the woods by myself sometimes when I remember all our riding together there and other places.

    Thank you all for helping me to feel that I wasn't singled out for bad treatment. I just want a normal healthy life back.



  17. #17
    Join Date
    Nov. 20, 2010
    Location
    Upstate New York
    Posts
    4,168

    Default

    Glad to hear your holiday plans went fairly well. Sorry the ex was also a horse enthusiast. That would certainly make it hard to take. One thing I loved about my recent SO was that he loved the track, too. But it became apparent his priorities, in so many things, were not mine. So I miss the camaraderie there, but now past, better with my self back.

    One thing that has helped me, is to read a lot, and yes, even watch some discussions on TV. You will be amazed how many are out there that are like your ex. As he looked to you, so do they look to the public.

    When you get a bit of age and experience behind you, you realize there are a lot of bent and broken people out there. And they can look like stars - like your dear Dad - like your best friends - like your trusted teachers. But they aren't the same, and really can't help it. Look a bit past this current experience of yours, and you'll find a lot of it going on in the rest of the world.

    But lots of good as well. The trick is to not focus on those who aren't running on all cylinders - but to keep on searching for those who do have it together. You may still run into them again. They're out there, but there are no guides that will make it clear to you, except your own experience, which is what you're getting now.

    Just don't let it color how you continue on. Not easy, but you'll get there.
    Being right half the time beats being half-right all the time. Malcolm Forbes


    1 members found this post helpful.

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 8
    Last Post: Aug. 3, 2011, 06:54 PM
  2. Am I crazy?
    By BelladonnaLily in forum Off Course
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: Jun. 30, 2010, 11:22 AM
  3. So is this crazy?
    By rainechyldes in forum Off Course
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: Jul. 29, 2009, 03:15 PM
  4. I'm I crazy?
    By Cowgirl Lindz in forum Sport Horse Breeding
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Jul. 7, 2009, 06:23 PM
  5. Am I crazy???
    By LR1976 in forum Eventing
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: Dec. 13, 2008, 12:06 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •