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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2012
    Posts
    194

    Default Problems with Friends Adult Kid

    Not sure what to say about this that won't start a book...but essentially my friends and our kids are all very close. her kids are like mine and vice versa. One adult kid and I are particularly close or I should say were.

    So...because of my professional background when asked I agreed to help adult child with a financial deal that I would process for her...well, just due to market conditions, we didn't get that to go through and then when she decided to head in a financial direction that I couldn't help her in, I asked to refer her to someone so I could at least get compensated for the year and a half of my time I spent helping her. At any rate, without tmi, she got wierd about it, thought I was controlling her (which I wasn't ... I didn't care where she went, I just wanted to cover my expenses b ut she didn't get that) and in the process, she ended up trashing my reputation with the new company and blew things out of proportion and now isn't paying me.

    I have been extremely hurt that she never talked about the issues after the dust settled or that she would think I didn't have her best interests at heart, trashed me and hten isn't compensating me (which doesn't come out of her pocket btw).

    Mother and I have been friends during this, but recent news disturbs me... I think mother does have influence over her kid to do the right thing as they are somewhat involved in the transaction monetarily, but mother is saying nothing she can do...

    Honestly between everything and a couple over things I'm ready to ditch the whole family...I'm done, pissed off that they haven't treated my friendship in a way that we could even discuss it (kid and I) and then mother who feels bad isn't doing anything either. There have been other big issues where they've lied to me about happenings and then when I found out about through other ways and asked them, they turned on me...I've already expressed my dismay, hurt, anger (in a constructive way) about the situation but in light of the new info, I'm thinking of just not returning phone calls from the mother anymore and let silence do its job...

    Sorry this got long, but not sure what to do. Its the holidays, i don't want to fight about it...clearly my presence at normal gatherings is now not welcome on the kids part so mom isn't doing anything about that and i'm not getting backed by mom properly... any other suggestions other than to just walk away?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 7, 2009
    Location
    Lexington, KY
    Posts
    20,925

    Default

    So, you volunteered your professional services for free and now, a year or two later you want to get paid? Is that it in a nutshell?
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    5,448

    Default

    I don't understand exactly what's going on either.



  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jan. 18, 2002
    Location
    canada
    Posts
    389

    Default

    Did you outline the obligations on both your parts in the beginning. Did the girl know she would end up owing you money. I'd be willing to bet that because it was a "friend" situation, she never thought she would have to pay you.
    I always tell people, if you are going to donate time, money whatever, do it with an open heart and don't expect anything in return. That way you are not hurt in the end. You probably should not have offered to help in the first place. Lesson learned only give freely without adding on attachments.
    www.tayvalleyfarm.com
    My other home.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,554

    Default

    Because of the fact that it isn't just the single incident, then I would walk away. The friendship sounds rather one sided anyway, where it was probably you doing the majority of the giving, so I think this has run it's course. I think cutting all ties is probaby the only way to end this, and stop trying. They have trashed your reputation, and nothing will be done about that. People who know you will consider the source, and your past reputation, and not one person's slamming of your reputation.

    My understanding is that the financial deal didn't happen for market or other reasons, and if the investor/child went to another professional as the OP recommended, then the OP would get a referral fee. I think the original friendship was never a two way street, but instead an acquaintance relationship where I'm guessing was always more one-sided. Time to end it completely, and move on.

    When people show you what they are believe them--it's a good rule to live by. I think that's attributed to Maya Angelou, but it's certainly proved true by my experience too.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White



  6. #6
    Join Date
    Feb. 6, 2000
    Location
    MA
    Posts
    12,917

    Default

    If you are dealing with an "adult" child, why do you expect her mother to intervene?
    That may be causing some of the tension.
    "It's like a Russian nesting doll of train wrecks."--CaitlinandTheBay

    ...just settin' on the Group W bench.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2012
    Posts
    194

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LauraKY View Post
    So, you volunteered your professional services for free and now, a year or two later you want to get paid? Is that it in a nutshell?
    I didn't volunteer anything. In this transaction though my client (the friends kid) would not be paying me, but rather I would be due funds from the other parties (i.e. seller). its customary that I don't get paid till later...but essentially the daughter went and bought what i worked wiht her for a year and a half and because of the way our agreement was written I was due money from that deal... its a long story but there were some circumstances that changed that presented a conflict of interest down the road and instead of losing all the time and effort and money I invested, we agreed that i would get a referral fee because she wanted to compensate me...

    Then things changed and she decided not to...but funds were never going out of her pocket... what hapened is the new rep worked it in her favor to essentially out me of the deal before all was signed sealed and delivered the kid went along with it...parents have an investment into deal as well and they are not backing me even though we are essentially family.

    its a long story and I don't want to give tmi...which makes it a little hard..



  8. #8
    Join Date
    Apr. 1, 2012
    Posts
    194

    Default

    Previously, they had a very freak accident on their farm which was truly an accident but the way they covered it up and hid it from the world, actually made it look like they caused the accident to happen...and they didn't want anyoen to know because they were afraid it would hurt their reputation...but someone told me and because of our relationship and the fact that i didn't know the severity of the accident, I was upset because they had been lying to me about it and the story never added up.

    Then when I confronted that situation, they got mad at me because i knew??? it was really wierd. They had no reason to be mad at me, but because they were afraid of their reputation getting tarnished because I knew (and I never have leaked anything off that farm)...but then its ok for the kid to tarnish my reputation? No respect there AT.All...and it was both of them in the first instance that treated me badly...



  9. #9
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
    Posts
    15,779

    Default

    So....Adult Friend was planning to buy something and you'd help here, pocketing a commission paid by the seller. She changed her mind, you tried to keep the deal wired together, but then she bailed and now you are bummed because you lost money?

    I suggest you untangle in your mind:

    "Kid of one of your friends"

    "Adult vs. child status of that kid/friend-of-mom"

    Friend vs. client.

    Had this been a would-be buyer off the street, would you feel the same way? Did adult friend do anything you wouldn't expect an adult to do?

    To make things easier, I suggest you deal directly with whichever member of that family is chapping your hide at the moment.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,554

    Default

    These people are not friends, but users. They only keep people as long as they are useful, and you no longer are. I wouldn't even deal with them at all, and just write them off as acquaintances. You were never family or a friend to them, but just someone who was useful to them.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    1 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Jul. 13, 2008
    Posts
    2,952

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by altermetoday View Post
    Then things changed and she decided not to...but funds were never going out of her pocket... what hapened is the new rep worked it in her favor to essentially out me of the deal before all was signed sealed and delivered the kid went along with it...parents have an investment into deal as well and they are not backing me even though we are essentially family.
    You may be essentially family, but unfortunately, this situation involves two parties which are not essentially but utterly family - the child (adult or no, that's their kid) and their wallet. Sorry about your misfortune - the story is a bit hard to follow, but it sounds like you were owed a finder's fee or commission of some sort for putting a deal together but are being dealt out by the buyer and seller getting together to cut out the middle man.



  12. #12
    Join Date
    Jan. 26, 2006
    Location
    Fort Worth, Texas
    Posts
    4,911

    Default

    op, do you sell Amway ?



  13. #13
    Join Date
    Jun. 20, 2000
    Location
    Full time in Delhi, NY!
    Posts
    6,398

    Default

    Sounds like a real estate deal gone south and the new rep (agent?) shoulders some of the blame. If there is a professional organization you both belong to, I would see if they can be of help getting some compensation from the new rep (which should've come from the sellers, but now I suspect will be out of the new rep's pocket, as it should since she knew of your involvement and cut you out of the deal.)

    As for the "secret" you know, well, if the statute of limitations has run out, they should breathe a sigh of relief. If not, your knowledge of their vulnerability is just another reason they want you out of their lives.

    I would chalk it up to "no good deed goes unpunished" and cut them out of your life, because really, who needs friends like them?
    ~Kryswyn~ Always look on the bright side of life, de doo, de doo de doo de doo
    Check out my Kryswyn JRTs on Facebook

    "Life is merrier with a terrier!"



  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 11, 2005
    Location
    Southern California - Hemet
    Posts
    1,748

    Default

    If I were you, I would cut my losses and quietly detach entirely from these people. If you had an agreement that you would receive a fee after the referral and this person subsequently re-worked the arrangement to cut you out of receiving your fee, that is mostly definitely not a friend. I don't entirely follow your post about the accident (though I realize you need to be vague to keep it from being easily identifiable), but that sounds rather shady and strange, too. It doesn't sound like there's any point in making a stink about the money, but it might be a small price to pay to get their toxicity out of your life.



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