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  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun. 24, 2005
    Location
    Alabama
    Posts
    9,293

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    I would have seriously wanted to punch someone out over this, I wouldn't but I certainly would want to. Your MIL is so manipulative and mean, that she thinks get nasty and demanding, plus blaming you will make your husband change his work schedule and come running to her house. If the sisters are so worried about the mom, and are sponging off of her, then they can handle her affairs from now on. And a couple of years or whenever it happens, MIL will be broke, and will want to move near you or in with you. Remember NO is a complete sentence, and she needs to support herself, and not intrude on your lives. This woman will take everything you have if she gets a chance, and that includes driving you away. She wants your husband to dump you, and move home and support her. Don't let this cause problems in your marriage, because she will if she can.
    You can't fix stupid-Ron White


    4 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Feb. 27, 2004
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    Posts
    1,115

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    Face it your MIL has never been a very nice person. That's why she always gotten her way, it just made things easier. I think you DH should call her and say " I am working Christmas day. We would like to come over Christmas eve and celebrate with you, IF you can be nice about it. Otherwise we will be staying home, celebrating with friends...." He needs to draw the line in the sand and let the chips fall where they may. As to returning things from his Dad, that's up to him. If he thinks that Dad wanted him to have them, then keep them. As to you having to deal with her phone calls. Be polite when she starts going toxic, make an excuse ( I have to go -someones at the door, something burning on the stove, the dog's throwing up......) and discontinue the phone call.

    I will spend December 25th at home with my son who lives with us. My DH is working. He has worked more Christmases than not. He use to run a dairy when the children were little and we did gifts before he left at the crack of dawn. Then I took them to his parents who lived in same town at the appropriate time, he showed up to eat on his break, left and then I took kids home. Did I love it, not really, but it was what it was. When I went back to work I often worked on the 25th too. By then the kids were older and understood waiting or postponing.

    My family will gather on Jan 5, the first weekend that fits all of our schedules. They can spend 12/25 how they would like. To me Christmas is a state of mind. ANY day can be Christmas, my birthday, my anniversary, whatever. If my son-in-laws choose to come, great, if not that's fine too. I don't want anyone to be somewhere they don't want to be.

    On 12/25 I'll take a walk with the dogs, maybe ride a horse, play on the computer, think about my family past and present and maybe wrap gifts for when they do come. Or if my sister is here (and moaning about being alone on Christmas day, I'll offer to go to a movie with her).


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2012
    Location
    Washington State
    Posts
    506

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    Oh dear, that mom sounds completely toxic, grieving or not. Good for your husband for having the strength to hang up on her and to stand his ground. I really think all you can do at this point is to give him your support and remind him of the good things he has in his life. As for the heirlooms, it seems she was just looking for any way at all to hurt your husband. It's completely childish and not the mark of a good mother. I hope that the two of you have a happy holiday in the peace and loving atmosphere of your own home.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
    Join Date
    Jul. 1, 2009
    Location
    Fort Collins, Colorado
    Posts
    1,029

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    For anyone looking for assistance/benefits/counseling/etc., for seniors, check this website:

    http://www.benefitscheckup.org/index.php

    And don't assume that because an individual has a certain income/asset level, he/she won't qualify for anything. You might be surprised.

    OP -- I'm really sorry for your situation. Sounds like you and your husband have done more than most.

    But brace yourself for the time when the assets have been absorbed by the SIL sponges, and MIL turns to you and your spouse in expectation.
    Nothing with horses is ever easy or cheap. And if it is, you're doing it wrong. They always rip out part of your soul when they leave. I guess that's how they find us later.



  5. #45
    Join Date
    Apr. 14, 2010
    Location
    PNW
    Posts
    309

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    I am incredibly sorry the two of you are going through this! My opinion although I will preface it by saying I have never had to deal with someone(s) this completely nasty is that people this toxic/manipulative should be cut out of one's life family or not until they can be civil. If they call and start in (guilt trips, screaming, name calling, etc.), tell them that they can either act like an adult or you are going to hang up. Follow through. Every time. Maybe they can be trained to be civil to you and your SO, at least you are giving them a chance.

    Also, professional counseling may be a way to go for you and your SO to help you figure out a better path forward. Also, MIL needs to be informed she will not be moving in with you, ever. Not sure how to do that! Best of luck, it does not sound like you guys deserve to be treated like this at all!


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
    Join Date
    Jun. 14, 2006
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    11,372

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    I'm really sorry that you and your husband have to deal with this.

    She's mean, nasty and they're all being manipulative.

    I'm glad you and hubby are on the same page because people like that woman are the type who actually manage to break up marriages. You guys are giving her options, trying to help, and she doesn't want it unless it's all Burger King--made her way. Screw her.

    I say go dark.

    Let her make the next move and when she does, hubby needs to tell her that this is not going to be acceptable. She cannot treat him or you or ANYONE the way that she has been. She's a BULLY.
    A good horseman doesn't have to tell anyone...the horse already knows.

    Might be a reason, never an excuse...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
    Posts
    1,830

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    Do I understand this logic correctly? Mr Starrunner is working Xmas day. Therefore, he can't go to mummy's for Xmas. And somehow this situation is an evil plot devised by evil DIL. Okaaaaay.

    Has she not considered that your evil plot ensures that you won't get to spend Xmas with him either? Seems like a Pyrrhic victory to me. Does she think you want him out of the house so you can spend the day boinking Santa Claus or something?



  8. #48
    Join Date
    Nov. 2, 2001
    Location
    Packing my bags
    Posts
    33,603

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    Quote Originally Posted by carp View Post
    Do I understand this logic correctly? Mr Starrunner is working Xmas day. Therefore, he can't go to mummy's for Xmas. And somehow this situation is an evil plot devised by evil DIL. Okaaaaay.

    Has she not considered that your evil plot ensures that you won't get to spend Xmas with him either? Seems like a Pyrrhic victory to me. Does she think you want him out of the house so you can spend the day boinking Santa Claus or something?
    He works in Mayberry and they all meet at the courthouse!
    Quote Originally Posted by Bristol Bay View Post
    Try setting your broomstick to fly at a lower altitude.



  9. #49
    Join Date
    Oct. 26, 2000
    Location
    Tempe, AZ
    Posts
    1,818

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    Quote Originally Posted by hastyreply View Post
    Face it your MIL has never been a very nice person. That's why she always gotten her way, it just made things easier.
    That's what we deal with..I don't think anyone ever really stood up to my MIL in her life. It's "easier" to appease, but does nothing about the underlying issues.

    I don't play that way, so have caused a few blow-ups over the years. DH now backs me to some extent, which he didn't used to, so that helps when I lay something on the line.

    My two least favorite thoughts are (1) her "lifelong wish" that we all go on a destination Christmas trip together and (2) that she might think she'll move in with us if something happens to FIL.

    Best wishes. Be strong. You have my sympathy, starrunner.
    ~ Horse Box Lovers Clique ~



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