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  1. #61
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    You know shiningwizard, no need to be so bitter, one bad family relationship doesnt mean that they're all bad.

    I am comparing MY single lifestyle, to my married with a family lifestyle which I happen to prefer. Everything is not about you!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  2. #62
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acertainsmile View Post
    You know shiningwizard, no need to be so bitter, one bad family relationship doesnt mean that they're all bad.

    I am comparing MY single lifestyle, to my married with a family lifestyle which I happen to prefer. Everything is not about you!

    Again - bless your heart.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    8 members found this post helpful.

  3. #63
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    Right back at ya babe.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  4. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by alabama View Post
    Not single - have been with my SO for 17 years or thereabout. Can't have kids. I never really wanted kids so that worked out. I think it might make my mom kind of sad but there's nothing we can do about it. Not being able to have kids kind of lessened my need to get married, I think. I mean, what's the big deal about it now? LOL!

    As for all the man-made global warming hooey, that is just a theory no matter how much the pro global warming people push it.
    Honestly, eight thumbs down for this post? WTH?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  5. #65
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    I'm always glad whenever people are happy. Happy is a state of mind. Kudos to the OP for having it.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  6. #66
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    Quote Originally Posted by alabama View Post
    Honestly, eight thumbs down for this post? WTH?
    I think people may have been reacting to your position on Global Warming, not your child bearing decisions.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  7. #67
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    I love seeing threads like this. Makes me feel normal after getting grief on a semi regular basis for not wanting to get married or have kids. Heard it from some old family friends this weekend. Hear it from my best friend fairly often. Luckily my awesome parents just want me to be happy. I know they'd love grandchildren and they won't get any since I'm an only child, but they don't say anything about it and adore my dog.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by alabama View Post
    Honestly, eight thumbs down for this post? WTH?
    Make it nine!
    Everyone is entitled to my opinion.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #69
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    I admit I did not read through many posts here, but I just wanted to congratulate all those who are single, childless, and enjoying it. I was just that way... until my now-Fiance came into my life and asked me out for dinner. He's a divorced dad with two young boys. Imagine my shock and surprise (at myself) when I fell entirely and completely head over heels for him! Ha! And I swore I would never have kids (even step-kids). Never say never. So much for single and childless, but I thoroughly enjoy my new life, too. It's totally different than before, and I'll admit I occassionally feel a twinge of missing the old lifestyle. But, I wouldn't change my situation for the world.

    So, basically just wanted to tell you all to continue enjoying it! 'Cause you never know what may happen.

    ETA: And now that I've read through the entire thread, I'm seeing lots of people with hubby and/or children have posted, too. I completely agree with those that say, "Do whatever makes you happy!" That's exactly how I've lived my life for years now. My definition of what makes me happy may've changed when I met my Fiance, but I followed my heart and am just as happy now as I was when single - just in a different way.

    Enjoy your life - make the best of it - whatever that means for you.
    Last edited by ClassyRide; Nov. 26, 2012 at 01:50 PM.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  10. #70
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    I've been ecstatically happily married for 12 1/2 years now, but I did not get married until I was in my early 30's, and having been single throughout my entire 20's I know well the kinds of remarks a single woman can receive. Family, acquaintances -- you did get advice and/or judgmental vibes all the time -- most of which advice is rarely if ever solicited, lol.

    So I can completely understand a desire to take an opportunity to "stand up" as it were for what shouldn't be (but kinda is) seen as an alternative lifestyle. Therefore, I was glad to see the original post but then sorry and a little surprised (though maybe I shouldn't have been, given my experiences as a single woman) to see responders who felt like the OP was gloating or condescending or whatever. Again, because being single is still something of an "alternative" lifestyle to what is perceived as normal -- that is why people who are happy being single sometimes have to make a point of saying that yes, indeed they are fulfilled and joyful.

    But it's sad that some have to come on and chastise them for their happiness. If you feel that these kinds of assertions are condescending, don't open the thread and read. Start another thread extolling the virtues of married life -- I'll gladly post there, too. But it's a shame someone can't say "Lifestyle X makes me happy" without the fans of "Lifestyle Y" having to come on and feel that liking X is somehow automatically a criticism of lifestyle Y. It's really not.

    So I appreciate posts like ClassyRide's and NRB's and many others on this thread who are accepting and noncritical of others' happiness in whatever form it takes.
    "However complicated and remarkable the rest of his life was going to be, it was here now, come to claim him."- JoAnn Mapson


    10 members found this post helpful.

  11. #71
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
    Ok, I've done some ignorant things in my life, but staying single and 'kidless' was just pure genius!!

    Unless a horse gets sick my life is basically my own 24/7.

    Kids cost a bloody fortune, and they're so, permanent...

    Getting divorced is expensive. (I've know people who were marred 5 times!!)

    And an SO expects to be a 'part' of one's life. Even when one is just not in the mood to be a part of anything.

    And how many people do we have on the planet right now? I should get a tax credit for not adding to the country's carbon footprint by popping out more consumers of fossil fuels.

    I know there are plenty of other folks out there who are 'flying solo' and laughing all the way to their beloved remote control without fear of having to fight over it!
    This is really sad. You have no idea what a good marriage and children do to bless and add to an otherwise selfish existence. I was 28 when I married and loved my 24/7 "me time". It has been 21 years and 3 children later and I wouldn't go back to that for anything. May you be so blessed.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #72
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    Every day I thank God that I don't have kids. At least 3 times, if not more. I am sick of being told that I could change my mind. I am 40. it ain't gonna happen.

    I can barely take care of taking out the trash. That's enough for me. If you want more than that, that's your thing. Have fun with it, but don't expect me to want it, too. I am half convinced that people push the issue with me b/c they are jealous that I can do what I want, when I want, & that misery loves company.

    I am a member of the The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement: may we all live long & die out.

    http://www.vhemt.org/


    11 members found this post helpful.

  13. #73
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    Quote Originally Posted by candyappy View Post
    This is really sad. You have no idea what a good marriage and children do to bless and add to an otherwise selfish existence. I was 28 when I married and loved my 24/7 "me time". It has been 21 years and 3 children later and I wouldn't go back to that for anything. May you be so blessed.
    Yes, but you ignore the point Isabeau Z Solace was making. Let's assume for the sake of the argument that singleness makes her infinitely happy. Oh, and by the way, by staying single she's not getting tax-credits of the married and childed but *is* producing a smaller carbon footprint.

    And your rebuttal is that her position is "sad." You vaguely imply that she is selfish, ("You have no idea what a good marriage and children do to bless and add to an otherwise selfish existence."). She ought to be happy in the one way that worked for you.

    Has it occurred to you that folks *not* gaining tax-credits for remaining single/childless and *not* having more kids makes it easier for you to do so? Yet, you'd tell this person that the only way to altruism and bliss is to do what you do did?

    How does that begin to work out? But why diss those who are happy and indirectly helping you out? I do know people who will tell others and genuinely believe that no one's life is complete until they have married (or mothered, or found Jesus Christ, or tried whatever awesome diet). But it seems mean-spirited to criticize the poor, benighted one on the way to that recommendation.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    14 members found this post helpful.

  14. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rallycairn View Post
    I've been ecstatically happily married for 12 1/2 years now, but I did not get married until I was in my early 30's, and having been single throughout my entire 20's I know well the kinds of remarks a single woman can receive. Family, acquaintances -- you did get advice and/or judgmental vibes all the time -- most of which advice is rarely if ever solicited, lol.

    So I can completely understand a desire to take an opportunity to "stand up" as it were for what shouldn't be (but kinda is) seen as an alternative lifestyle. Therefore, I was glad to see the original post but then sorry and a little surprised (though maybe I shouldn't have been, given my experiences as a single woman) to see responders who felt like the OP was gloating or condescending or whatever. Again, because being single is still something of an "alternative" lifestyle to what is perceived as normal -- that is why people who are happy being single sometimes have to make a point of saying that yes, indeed they are fulfilled and joyful.

    But it's sad that some have to come on and chastise them for their happiness. If you feel that these kinds of assertions are condescending, don't open the thread and read. Start another thread extolling the virtues of married life -- I'll gladly post there, too. But it's a shame someone can't say "Lifestyle X makes me happy" without the fans of "Lifestyle Y" having to come on and feel that liking X is somehow automatically a criticism of lifestyle Y. It's really not.

    So I appreciate posts like ClassyRide's and NRB's and many others on this thread who are accepting and noncritical of others' happiness in whatever form it takes.
    Thank you for this post, you spoke my thoughts exactly.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #75
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rallycairn View Post
    But it's sad that some have to come on and chastise them for their happiness. If you feel that these kinds of assertions are condescending, don't open the thread and read. Start another thread extolling the virtues of married life -- I'll gladly post there, too. But it's a shame someone can't say "Lifestyle X makes me happy" without the fans of "Lifestyle Y" having to come on and feel that liking X is somehow automatically a criticism of lifestyle Y. It's really not.
    I hope my posts are not included in those that you are considering condescending. I completely understand why people would be entirely happy without any kids, or a spouse, or whatever.

    It's the "Kids cost a bloody fortune, getting divorced is expensive, and I should get a tax credit for not adding to the country's carbon footprint by popping out more consumers of fossil fuels" part I find offensive.

    If you don't want kids, more power to you. But the assertion that kids are wasteful, marriages are failures and we should save the planet part that is annoying.

    I think that all children should be WANTED and planned for....if you don't feel like that is your destiny - thank you for not pretending.

    There are many, many happy and successful paths to life to take without asserting that someone else's choice is bad, wasteful, or stupid.
    Last edited by S1969; Nov. 26, 2012 at 09:17 PM.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  16. #76
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    Oh come on, some of these statements are just truly condecending to those of us who have found happiness in having a spouse and children. I opened the thread because the last time I checked it was a free country, but I was surprised at the tone and thought that I'd comment (being a free country and all).


    Quote Originally Posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
    Ok, I've done some ignorant things in my life, but staying single and 'kidless' was just pure genius!!

    I guess this means pure genius on her part...or that the rest of us are ignorant? Not quite sure what she means.

    Unless a horse gets sick my life is basically my own 24/7.

    Kids cost a bloody fortune, and they're so, permanent...

    Actually yes, I agree with this statement, but she is forgetting that many grow up to be wonderful adults, you know, the whole "family sticking together" thing.

    Getting divorced is expensive. (I've know people who were marred 5 times!!)

    If you pick a spouse wisely this usually isn't an issue. You should also pick a different crowd to hang with. I'm sure I've been around longer than you and don't know anyone that fits into this catagory!

    And an SO expects to be a 'part' of one's life. Even when one is just not in the mood to be a part of anything.

    I've yet in my life felt the desire to not be a part of anything, that sounds like severe depression. However, if I do need some "me" time, it's not an issue, I go for a ride, go to a spa, or a weekend away with girlfriends. No biggy.

    And how many people do we have on the planet right now? I should get a tax credit for not adding to the country's carbon footprint by popping out more consumers of fossil fuels.

    This statement is just bizarre, unless of course you are all for restrictions on how many children a couple can have. Slippery slope right there. We are in the renewable energy business, so I'm sure I'm doing more for the planet than you are being childless. Where's my check?

    I know there are plenty of other folks out there who are 'flying solo' and laughing all the way to their beloved remote control without fear of having to fight over it!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #77
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acertainsmile View Post
    Oh come on, some of these statements are just truly condecending to those of us who have found happiness in having a spouse and children. I opened the thread because the last time I checked it was a free country, but I was surprised at the tone and thought that I'd comment (being a free country and all).
    Well, bless your heart


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #78
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    Quote Originally Posted by candyappy View Post
    This is really sad. You have no idea what a good marriage and children do to bless and add to an otherwise selfish existence. I was 28 when I married and loved my 24/7 "me time". It has been 21 years and 3 children later and I wouldn't go back to that for anything. May you be so blessed.
    REALLY?

    I try hard to live my life following the philosophy "to each their own." While I may not have agreed with people I knew who got married straight out of college and started making babies (I think they should have lived their lives and experienced more before those major life decisions), I assume that this is what would bring them fulfillment and happiness (and, for some of them, I KNOW this is the case...lots of long, heartfelt, talks as we went through high school together).

    So, how can you say that my life would be BETTER being a wife and mother when I have basically no desire for the first and absolutely, positively no desire for the second? That is not what will bring me fulfillment. I KNOW this. I am a happy person working hard at getting my life to the point where I will be most fulfilled..."wife" and "mom" are not things that are included in the road map.

    Good for you for finding such happiness on the path you have chosen to go down. But I have no desire to follow it. I am not cut out to be a mother, which seems the very best reason NOT to be one. Marriage is just nothing I've ever been that interested in. I won't say never, but I certainly don't seek it out, like some of my friends.

    Also, I think you can live as a happy, satisfied, fulfilled single person and NOT be selfish. Hell, look at all the nuns and (truly good) priests in the world! Lots of good, unselfish, single, childless people in the world.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  19. #79
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    Quote Originally Posted by candyappy View Post
    This is really sad. You have no idea what a good marriage and children do to bless and add to an otherwise selfish existence. I was 28 when I married and loved my 24/7 "me time". It has been 21 years and 3 children later and I wouldn't go back to that for anything. May you be so blessed.
    Grandma? Is that you?

    I TOLD YOU! I ain't gettin' married and I ain't poppin' out no babies!

    Seriously though, what is it with people like you? You've got a good marriage, you're happy being a mother. Great for you. But why can't you accept the fact that not every person out there is going to find the same fulfillment out of the path you've taken in life?

    Believe it or not there are people out there, like me, who simply WANT to be alone. People who DON'T like kids. I sugar-coated it in previous posts but truth be told I can't stand kids. I find nothing, nothing at all, appealing about them. I'm uncomfortable around them, I have a hard time relating to them, with the exception of family I tend to avoid them.

    Some people don't need a partner in life to define their happiness either. Again, people like me. I've tried the relationship thing, tried like hell. Dated some wonderful guys along the way and I could have been married several times had it been what I truly wanted. It wasn't, I finally came to realization that I was just trying to do what was expected of me instead of following my heart. The heart wants what it wants, and mine wants to be alone.

    To me I find it pretty damn selfish (and presumptuous, and downright ballsy) for people like you to expect everyone else to follow your life plan just because that's what brought you happiness. Everyone is not you.

    If Isabeau or myself or any of the other single gals posting on this thread are truly happy with our lives just the way they are, single and sans child, then who the heck are you to tell us we don't know ourselves well enough to make that judgement call?

    I'm sure from that high horse you're riding on that makes us horrible selfish people who will live lonely and miserable existences. Oh well.

    Different strokes for different folks, ya know?

    And one more thing about your "selfish existence" comment...being unmarried and childless does not negate my or anyone else on here's ability to give back to our communities, our families and all the rest of the people around us any more that popping out some babies makes one a pillar of the community. That is the bitchiest comment I've seen in a long time on here.


    16 members found this post helpful.

  20. #80
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    ...
    There are many, many happy and successful paths to life to take without asserting that someone else's choice is bad, wasteful, or stupid.
    For me, this is what this thread is about -- celebrating different kinds of happiness.
    "However complicated and remarkable the rest of his life was going to be, it was here now, come to claim him."- JoAnn Mapson


    1 members found this post helpful.

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