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  1. #21
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    Single, kid-free and loving it here too!

    The only one in my family who chose the single life and I'll tell ya, I'm like a freak on display at the carnival when it comes to family gatherings. At least I used to be until my family realized I'm pretty dang comfortable in my skin so no amount of prodding and prying was going to get my biological clock ticking.

    All the relationships I've seen turn disastrous, all the ill-behaved children, all the marriages still going strong after decades and all the sweet, well-behaved kids I've been around-none of that has any bearing on my decision to remain single and childless. It's simply the way I want to live my life. My siblings breed like rabbits so there is no great need for me to "carry on the family line". More power to 'em, spouses and kids are what makes them happy.

    I've had my fair share of relationships, tried really hard during my early adult years to find "the one" and settle down. In hindsight I don't think that's what I really wanted at all, I was simply attempting to do what society had programmed me for since childhood. Dated some turds, dated some losers and dated some really, really nice guys during that time. None of it all mattered in the end because no matter how great and understanding and attentive and perfect the guy was I simply was not happy being in a relationship.

    Just as some people are hard-wired to reproduce, some feel they need relationship to make their lives complete, some people are hetero and some people are gay, there are some of us that will always be happiest when we are alone.


    12 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
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    Oct. 9, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acertainsmile View Post
    To the OP, your post is a wee bit concending to those of us who are happily married, and love our children. It's would be kind of like me starting a post off by saying, look at me, I have a wonderful husband (who came with a big farm) and now we have beautiful children, my life is sooo perfect.

    See, I feel the opposite, I'm grateful to have found a wonderful partner and someone who deeply loves me. While I know this isn't the norm for a lot of people, there are some good ones to be found.

    Your post reminds me of what my sister used to say, untill she found "the one", she wouldnt trade her life now for all those lonely single nights.

    While I'm aware of personal choices, I just find it odd the way you go about announcing them, I'm not sure if it's the Holidays, but to me it sounds as if you're trying to convince youself that you're okay.

    P.S. If you have more than one T.V. there is no fighting over the remote.
    This is the post I find condescending.

    Single people get to celebrate their life too. Your assumption that single people are all lonely and are all sad around the holidays is condescending. Singles get to hear about wonderful children and how being a parent is the most important thing in the world ALL THE TIME.

    I love my single live, but I hate being told that I am lonely, unchosen and unfullfilled. I'm not.

    I love working with kids but I chose not to have my own. Why does that make me lonely in your eyes?

    Yeah Isabeau - Celebrate. I love hearing about your JOY!
    Last edited by skykingismybaby1; Nov. 24, 2012 at 02:15 PM.


    19 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
    Sure, some folks have happy marriages and healthy, hard working kids. But how many wind up with that good deal? Personally, I know more divorces, problematic kids (the most terrifying being the permanently disabled kids) etc than I know happy ending scenarios.

    And really, with our issues of global warming, limited water and energy resources, etc we REALLY should be encouraging people who choose NOT to have kids. How many self centered, greedy homo sapiens do you think we can squeeze onto this rock, anyway?

    Should we, instead, keep breeding like rabbits until our civilization collapses catastrophically?

    Nah.
    I do wonder about the people who don't know anyone in a happy marriage, or with children that aren't horrible. Who do you hang out with, anyway?

    I whole-heartily support everyone's choice - whether to have children or not, marry or stay single, live in a commune, become a nun...go for it.

    But posts like this are just exactly the same type that piss off the child-free single people -- it would be akin to me saying "people who don't have children are selfish".

    I think there is room for all of us; planetary resources will not be decided based on American families with two kids v. single Americans. Feel free to gloat about your free time. I don't feel jealous.


    9 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
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    I think it's fair to say that a person who's truly happy being alone doesn't give a rat's behind if others perceive them as lonely, unchosen, incomplete whatever.

    The only time those perceptions about me really bothered me, were coming from my father. He honestly and truly thought I was lonely and it genuinely saddened him that he thought I was living that way not by my own choice. We've had our heart-to-heart about it and he doesn't bring it up anymore, I think my general demeanor and him seeing me happy doing the things I love have convinced him this is how I really want to live life.

    Now my mom's side of the family (mom not included, she "gets" me finally), they are all just being judgy-pants, nosy busy-bodies because I'm not living up to their Christian family ideals. So I just laugh and say "Nope, ain't happening" when they start bugging me about marriage and kids. They can think what they want because I'm beyond caring at this point. What really gets their goat is when I tell them I'm going to sit out a get-together to stay home alone because I'm worn out from work/barn chores/riding/whatever. They can sit around the dinner table lamenting how empty my life is all they like, I'd rather sit on the couch in my underwear eating Cheetos watching Law&Order with the dog sleeping next to me. So long as they choose to judge me I'll choose to love them from a distance. Maybe some day they'll get it but until then I won't loose any sleep over it.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  5. #25
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    May. 11, 2010
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    Well...I'm married with no kids and we don't plan on having them. So at least for that part, I can tell you I feel judged all the time when family and not-so-close friends ask me why I don't want to reproduce. I rarely see them wonder why people decided to have kids.

    And honestly, it has been very far and few people who have told me "having kids has changed my life....for the better" without leaving me wondering if they were trying to convince themselves of this fact.

    I've even had people with adult children say they love their kids but are envious of our decision not to have them.

    It really is a very personal choice, and I think we should all be respectful of the decision made...even if it's not what you would have done


    10 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by comingback View Post
    And honestly, it has been very far and few people who have told me "having kids has changed my life....for the better" without leaving me wondering if they were trying to convince themselves of this fact.
    Why would you expect people to actually tell you this at all? I can't imagine having this conversation with anyone.

    But I agree, that we should be respectful of others' decisions - I don't care if you don't have kids. I suppose there are probably some moms out there who might feel differently about possible grandchildren, but I think on the whole, most people probably don't care very much about someone else's choices.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
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    Jul. 26, 2007
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    VA
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    Quote Originally Posted by Isabeau Z Solace View Post
    Ok, I've done some ignorant things in my life, but staying single and 'kidless' was just pure genius!!

    Unless a horse gets sick my life is basically my own 24/7.

    Kids cost a bloody fortune, and they're so, permanent...

    Getting divorced is expensive. (I've know people who were marred 5 times!!)

    And an SO expects to be a 'part' of one's life. Even when one is just not in the mood to be a part of anything.

    And how many people do we have on the planet right now? I should get a tax credit for not adding to the country's carbon footprint by popping out more consumers of fossil fuels.

    I know there are plenty of other folks out there who are 'flying solo' and laughing all the way to their beloved remote control without fear of having to fight over it!
    I'd like a do-over please


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    I do wonder about the people who don't know anyone in a happy marriage, or with children that aren't horrible. Who do you hang out with, anyway?

    I whole-heartily support everyone's choice - whether to have children or not, marry or stay single, live in a commune, become a nun...go for it.

    But posts like this are just exactly the same type that piss off the child-free single people -- it would be akin to me saying "people who don't have children are selfish".

    I think there is room for all of us; planetary resources will not be decided based on American families with two kids v. single Americans. Feel free to gloat about your free time. I don't feel jealous.
    I'm laughing that I am getting "BAD" notifications on my post. I am not sure what people are finding "BAD" about it?

    I have no problem with people choosing not to have kids; but I do have a problem with people choosing not to have kids because of other people's choices.

    People who don't want to get married because other people have miserable marriages; don't want children because other people's kids are brats? Or because the world is "already overpopulated". That sounds very altruistic but I find it hard to believe that anyone who wants to have children would choose not to do so in order to save scarce planetary resources.

    It's your choice - own it! Don't defend your decision based on other people's experiences. I have a family because I wanted one. If YOU don't - who cares?


    4 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    I think there is room for all of us; planetary resources will not be decided based on American families with two kids v. single Americans. Feel free to gloat about your free time. I don't feel jealous.
    With all due respect, each American consumes more resources that does the same person living elsewhere, even Western Europe, IIRC.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    7 members found this post helpful.

  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by comingback View Post
    Well...I'm married with no kids and we don't plan on having them. So at least for that part, I can tell you I feel judged all the time when family and not-so-close friends ask me why I don't want to reproduce. I rarely see them wonder why people decided to have kids.
    Have you noticed, too, that "Hey, when are you going to get her pregnant?" is not the leading topic of conversation among men?

    It makes me sad that women do this to each other. On one hand, we assume that if you have a womb it should be filled. And on the other, we rag on all the people who raise kids badly. You can't have it both ways.

    I consider my not having children a public service. You're welcome.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    15 members found this post helpful.

  11. #31
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    Feb. 6, 2007
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    I'm not single but have a loving boyfriend and wouldn't change that.

    As for the kid thing. NO. Boyfriend has a four year old that only comes over a couple times a month due to boyfriend's work schedule. That's plenty enough for me. Last time it came over, it was temper tantrum galore! No thank you having that 24/7!

    The pressure from my parents is off, since my sister already popped one out, and boyfriend is good in the kid department for now. It's just not right for some people just like not having children is not right for some. Nothing wrong with either.


    5 members found this post helpful.

  12. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    With all due respect, each American consumes more resources that does the same person living elsewhere, even Western Europe, IIRC.
    Yes, but the future of the world is not going to be decided by whether or not an American decides to have children or not.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
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    Aug. 12, 2002
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    Not single - have been with my SO for 17 years or thereabout. Can't have kids. I never really wanted kids so that worked out. I think it might make my mom kind of sad but there's nothing we can do about it. Not being able to have kids kind of lessened my need to get married, I think. I mean, what's the big deal about it now? LOL!

    As for all the man-made global warming hooey, that is just a theory no matter how much the pro global warming people push it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
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    Not single (I intended to be, but then I met him and as it turned out he liked dogs and horses too... so that's working out okay. We even get along with only ONE tv - that we never watch!) but definitely childfree.

    Rock what you got - if you're happy, I don't see why you wouldn't celebrate it!


    4 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Have you noticed, too, that "Hey, when are you going to get her pregnant?" is not the leading topic of conversation among men?

    It makes me sad that women do this to each other. On one hand, we assume that if you have a womb it should be filled. And on the other, we rag on all the people who raise kids badly. You can't have it both ways.

    I consider my not having children a public service. You're welcome.
    Yep, the bachelor lifestyle is celebrated among men. Meanwhile we are expected to be all weepy-eyed about it if we can't snare us a man, crying ourselves to sleep every night wondering what is wrong with us.

    I'm also amazed at the number of people who disagree with me when I tell them I'd make a horrible parent. I just flat-out don't like kids, the same way some people don't like brussel sprouts or rayon fabric. I can be nice to them if they are well-behaved, I can even tolerate the bad ones. But children just aren't something I want in my day-to-day life, let alone having one of my own.

    My younger sister in particular tries to shove her kids off on my every time she visits under some misguided notion I'll have this great epiphany and decide I need a half-dozen of my own. Her kids are nice and all but they ain't that great! My SILs were never that bad about it but they did try a few times. The day I knew my younger brother's wife finally "got it" was when she got drunk and told me "I'd never let you watch my kids!" with a laugh. I told her NOW you're finally getting to know me!


    11 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    "Hey, when are you going to get her pregnant?" is not the leading topic of conversation among men?
    Hehe, some of my husband's friends have asked him about this, and I can't help but wonder if it's a case of misery loves company.
    Anyways, there is a quote I love, something along the lines of "The only success is being able to live your life the way you want to".
    I'm childless by choice and happily married to my best friend, and wouldn't change a thing.
    Jigga:
    Why must you chastise my brilliant idea with facts and logic? **picks up toys (and wine) and goes home**


    9 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by GaitedGloryRider View Post
    My younger sister in particular tries to shove her kids off on my every time she visits under some misguided notion I'll have this great epiphany and decide I need a half-dozen of my own.
    It would be nice, too, if we could give women, nay, would-be mothers credit for being capable of making such basic decisions as to whether or not to have kids.

    How could you expect someone so stupid as to not be able to make this decision or to know herself and her circumstances well to do a good job raising a kid?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    7 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
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    Feb. 13, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by skykingismybaby1 View Post
    This is the post I find condescending.

    Single people get to celebrate their life too. Your assumption that single people are all lonely and are all sad around the holidays is condescending. Singles get to hear about wonderful children and how being a parent is the most important thing in the world ALL THE TIME.

    I love my single live, but I hate being told that I am lonely, unchosen and unfullfilled. I'm not.

    I love working with kids but I chose not to have my own. Why does that make me lonely in your eyes?

    Yeah Isabeau - Celebrate. I love hearing about your JOY!
    I was referring to my sister, in case you missed it.



  19. #39
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    [QUOTE=Acertainsmile;6681942]
    While I'm aware of personal choices, I just find it odd the way you go about announcing them, I'm not sure if it's the Holidays, but to me it sounds as if you're trying to convince youself that you're okay.

    QUOTE]

    No - you weren't addressing your sisters situation, you were assuming that the OP had problems she was trying to cover up.
    Last edited by skykingismybaby1; Nov. 25, 2012 at 07:52 PM. Reason: tried to correct my quoting


    9 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
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    Some people are very happy being single and/or childless, and that's wonderful.

    Some people are very happy being married and/or a parent, and that's wonderful.

    Some people judge the happiness of others based on their own circumstance, and that's injudicious.

    Finally--some people are miserable in their circumstance, and some people are miserable no matter their circumstance.
    SA Ferrana Moniet
    Not goodbye--just waiting at the end of the trail.
    My bloggity blog: Hobby Horse: Adventures of the Perpetual Newbie


    11 members found this post helpful.

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