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  1. #41
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    Yes, but the future of the world is not going to be decided by whether or not an American decides to have children or not.
    Were that one couple the only one in play, you'd be right. But what do you want to do when hundreds of thousands of these pairs are sitting around in their living room making the same argument?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    7 members found this post helpful.

  2. #42
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    Nov. 1, 2007
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    Can I get an A-MEN Sista!!!!



    Quote Originally Posted by Lauruffian View Post
    Some people are very happy being single and/or childless, and that's wonderful.

    Some people are very happy being married and/or a parent, and that's wonderful.

    Some people judge the happiness of others based on their own circumstance, and that's injudicious.

    Finally--some people are miserable in their circumstance, and some people are miserable no matter their circumstance.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  3. #43
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    Were that one couple the only one in play, you'd be right. But what do you want to do when hundreds of thousands of these pairs are sitting around in their living room making the same argument?
    Believe me, you don't have to convince me that the world has a shortage of resources; I have many great novel ideas about how governments will actually try to encourage people to use fewer resources, and deliberately choosing to have no kids or fewer kids is one strategy (although choosing to drive only one car is another; telecommuting; using solar energy at home; voluntarily shutting down their electricity at dark, etc. etc....).

    But don't try to convince me that right now there are American couples who would like to have children, but are "taking one for the team" because the world doesn't need another mouth to feed.

    If people don't want to have kids, then don't have kids. Please don't tell me that most of them "are doing it for environmental reasons". Maybe 1 in 100,000 couples really do - and they probably also live in a yurt and grow all their own food, and adopt their children.

    The other couples probably just don't want kids - which is absolutely fine.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #44
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    omg, i woke up this morning in a great mood, thinking how nice it is to be single and just able to lay around in bed. lol Nobody trying to climb on me, kids or otherwise. LOL Now I'm going tack shopping. Later I'm going to catch up on all my fave TV shows... bliss!


    13 members found this post helpful.

  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acertainsmile View Post
    To the OP, your post is a wee bit concending to those of us who are happily married, and love our children. It's would be kind of like me starting a post off by saying, look at me, I have a wonderful husband (who came with a big farm) and now we have beautiful children, my life is sooo perfect.

    See, I feel the opposite, I'm grateful to have found a wonderful partner and someone who deeply loves me. While I know this isn't the norm for a lot of people, there are some good ones to be found.

    Your post reminds me of what my sister used to say, untill she found "the one", she wouldnt trade her life now for all those lonely single nights.

    While I'm aware of personal choices, I just find it odd the way you go about announcing them, I'm not sure if it's the Holidays, but to me it sounds as if you're trying to convince youself that you're okay.

    P.S. If you have more than one T.V. there is no fighting over the remote.

    To be quite honest, your post is the condescending one. Sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself that YOU are okay.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    13 members found this post helpful.

  6. #46
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    Aug. 6, 2002
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    Single childfree & loving it too!

    But struggling to understand my sister. She had 3 daughters, they are now 16, 18, & 20 and she is acting as if she wishes they would just disappear. Went through nasty divorce, but that was 4 years ago. Now has a new boyfriend, is selling the home the girls live in, plans to move in to her bf apartment no room for kids. She is fine with the girls only option of a home being with the drunk, supposedly violent ex husband. I just don't get how you can decide to have kids & then abandon them.

    I'm trying to finish my basement so 1 or 2 of the girls can come live with me. I can't stand the thought that they have no where but the loser father to fall back on now. But it remains baffling to me how a parent can just... give up???


    7 members found this post helpful.

  7. #47
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    May. 11, 2010
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post
    Why would you expect people to actually tell you this at all? I can't imagine having this conversation with anyone.
    I don't expect people to tell me this outright. What happens is they ask me if I'm going to have kids, I say no, and then they tell me how much it has changed their life for the better and wont I worry about missing out on this part of life....to me it usually comes off as though they are trying to prove how great it is to themselves.

    Not every interaction leaves me feeling this way, but most do.


    10 members found this post helpful.

  8. #48
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    Jul. 14, 2011
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    I'm the only unattached person where I work and it doesn't bother me. One coworker just met her perfect bf on Match.com and now they all wonder why I don't join and find someone. I'm not bothered being single. If I meet someone, fine. Truthfully I'm so set in my ways and like doing what I like when I like that I'm a bit spoiled and am not interested in giving up my free time (and horse time) to do something else with someone else.

    Being in a relationship isn't something I enjoy. I suppose if I met the perfect guy who is perfect for me (does he even exist?) the relationship would be something I'd want to work at. Right now I'm discovering myself and really, you can't expect someone else to make you happy. If you can't be happy with yourself, no one else can do it for you.

    Gee, I sound a bit self-centered with all the "I"s in this post. And so what if I am! I only have myself to answer to.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  9. #49
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    Feb. 13, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by shiningwizard255 View Post
    To be quite honest, your post is the condescending one. Sounds to me like you're trying to convince yourself that YOU are okay.
    What a comical twist, I couldn't be happier. Remember, I was single once...


    2 members found this post helpful.

  10. #50
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    Jan. 27, 2002
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    new england,,usa
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    weelllllllll at 52 years old i am childless, as my two kids are past thirty now. was alone for several years after divorce but am now happily married to a man who is terminally ill. will i be sad when he's gone? hell yes. will i be lonely? i doubt it, as i have friends who are closer than family. some are single and unhappy about it, some are married and unhappy about it. either way the family we create is still family so none of my group is ever truly alone.
    it is a blessing for sure.


    7 members found this post helpful.

  11. #51
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    Feb. 13, 2007
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    I'm going to clarify a bit, I wasn't unhappy being single, I pursued a career doing what I loved (still do). Getting married and making the choice to have children did not hinder me one iota, in fact it enhanced my life. I actually had more freedom to pursue things that I wanted to do! Having a farm and having the support from my family to do my equine thing would have been a tough endevour to do on my own financially.

    It amazes me that so many feel like having a family equals financial strain, no free time, etc. Life is a balance, I have more freedom with a family than I did on my own.

    It is everyones right to choose whether to stay single or not, to have children or not, fine with me and doesnt affect me at all. However, spouting off that their choice is the right one (would be fine if it was just about them) because more children = the certain destruction of the world as we know it just rubs me the wrong way.

    I whole heartedly agree that some people shouldnt reproduce or marry!


    3 members found this post helpful.

  12. #52
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    Jan. 30, 2000
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    I chose not to have kids back when I was a kid. Although I didn't remain single, I am still and will always be childless.

    I have been treated everything from resentment and disgust to respected. Babies are not warm-fuzzies to me. I personally never understood the drive to reproduce and commit a lifetime to raising children. Kids love me because I am small and treat them like people, not kids, but I still never wanted any.

    I am thankful to live in a time when women can make this choice because any other time in the past I would have been forced to procreate.
    Proud to have two Gold Prince POAs!
    Takaupas Top Gold
    Gifts Black Gold Knight


    8 members found this post helpful.

  13. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by comingback View Post
    I don't expect people to tell me this outright. What happens is they ask me if I'm going to have kids, I say no, and then they tell me how much it has changed their life for the better and wont I worry about missing out on this part of life....to me it usually comes off as though they are trying to prove how great it is to themselves.

    Not every interaction leaves me feeling this way, but most do.
    I get a lot of this - and I can't even have kids if I wanted too. So, now it's switched to, "Don't you want to adopt? How about a surrogate? (As if the thought of my husband and a strange women's baby sounds appealing to me.)
    You are missing out on so much."
    I don't know what I'm missing so I'm perfectly content to continue on the way I am. I have nieces and nephews who I get to spend lots of time with and who go home at the end of the day. I don't think my life would be all that great with a kid of my own since I have nerve damage that keeps me from doing even normal, everyday tasks. I can't even muck a stall much less change a diaper, but that doesn't stop the "wishers" from trying to convince me that I'm missing out on some grand adventure. It does seem as if they are trying to convince themselves sometimes.
    I'm still snuggled in bed this morning with a cup of tea and my dog. My husband is playing a video game in the next room. We have no obligations other than to do some laundry today. I'm happy and don't understand why some people can't except that.
    You are what you dare.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  14. #54
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by GotGait View Post
    I get a lot of this - and I can't even have kids if I wanted too. So, now it's switched to, "Don't you want to adopt? How about a surrogate? (As if the thought of my husband and a strange women's baby sounds appealing to me.)
    You are missing out on so much."
    I don't know what I'm missing so I'm perfectly content to continue on the way I am. I have nieces and nephews who I get to spend lots of time with and who go home at the end of the day. I don't think my life would be all that great with a kid of my own since I have nerve damage that keeps me from doing even normal, everyday tasks. I can't even muck a stall much less change a diaper, but that doesn't stop the "wishers" from trying to convince me that I'm missing out on some grand adventure. It does seem as if they are trying to convince themselves sometimes.
    I'm still snuggled in bed this morning with a cup of tea and my dog. My husband is playing a video game in the next room. We have no obligations other than to do some laundry today. I'm happy and don't understand why some people can't except that.
    We did adopt, and I found that so long as people thought we were "open to suggestions" it was amazing how many people gave their unsolicited advice about how to get pregnant and/or what horrors lay in store for us if we DID adopt (someone's cousin's next door neighbor knew someone who had a horror story....)

    We quickly changed our tactic - and announced that we WERE adopting (not that we were "thinking" of adopting) and it really shut down a lot of the chatter.

    I wonder if people are doing the same to you - if there is any ambiguity in the situation they give you unsolicited advice? Needless to say, it's still unwanted, but I would probably not give anyone the chance to think that you were still open to the idea (e.g. by saying you "can't" have kids). I would think most wishful thinkers would be shut down by "We don't want to have kids."

    Obviously I'm assuming that you've probably done this and people still persist....which is very strange to me. It is like when my dad gets up in arms about gay marriage. And when I ask him WHY he cares, he can't even give a good reason.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #55
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    May. 24, 2006
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    I was single for decades after a brief not so pleasant first marriage. I expected to stay that way. Fortunately for me, I found someone who truly loves me, and takes me exactly the way I am. There is no comparison for me between being single and being in this relationship. I am glad no matter what happens that I got to experinece a truly loving relationship. I did not object to being single at all, but boy I am I grateful I have the husband that I do.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  16. #56
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    Quote Originally Posted by S1969 View Post

    I wonder if people are doing the same to you - if there is any ambiguity in the situation they give you unsolicited advice? Needless to say, it's still unwanted, but I would probably not give anyone the chance to think that you were still open to the idea (e.g. by saying you "can't" have kids). I would think most wishful thinkers would be shut down by "We don't want to have kids."
    A lot of it comes from my mother who has known since I was a child that I am just not into babies. I hardly ever played with dolls. She knows this and still pushes. She thinks that because she feels that her life would be lonely without me, that I must be lonely without a child. I love my mom, but she just doesn't get it.
    I have had strangers ask me if I have kids and then expound on "life fulfillment" and other things while I just nod and try to extricate myself as politely as possible. One rude one asked me why I didn't have them and then tried to get my medical history. Yeesh.
    I don't know why they persist either. I guess my life doesn't fit in their worldview.

    ETA: We have thought of adopting an older child - if I ever get well. Oddly enough, that still isn't good enough for some. "Don't you think a baby would be more fun?"
    AHHHHHHHHHH!! (pulls hair out)
    You are what you dare.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  17. #57
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    Dec. 13, 2005
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    Never wanted children. Never had them. It was something I knew bone deep from the time I was a kid myself. Some of us are born not to be parents.

    If you have experienced that feeling, you know what I mean. Same thing for those who knew from childhood that they wanted kids. There is usually never any doubt for them, the desire is that strong.

    The best thing anyone can do is to get to know yourself and listen to yourself. It's a sad deal when someone doesn't, and either has kids that they have regrets over, or doesn't have them and forever regrets that.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  18. #58
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    Dec. 18, 2006
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    Quote Originally Posted by GotGait View Post
    ETA: We have thought of adopting an older child - if I ever get well. Oddly enough, that still isn't good enough for some. "Don't you think a baby would be more fun?"
    AHHHHHHHHHH!! (pulls hair out)
    We got a lot of that too; our kids were 18 months and 5 when we adopted them, and you'd think we were adopting adults. Let me comment now that my mother was the worst offender.

    To be honest, babies aren't "fun".....per se. They are work, but so are older children. I think grandmothers like the idea of babies because it's easy to be the grandparent of a baby -- haha...."oh, baby's crying, she wants her mom. Oh, fed and bathed baby is now so cute and clean...let me hold her!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  19. #59
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    Jun. 4, 2007
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    Quote Originally Posted by GaitedGloryRider View Post
    They can sit around the dinner table lamenting how empty my life is all they like, I'd rather sit on the couch in my underwear eating Cheetos watching Law&Order with the dog sleeping next to me.
    Ha ha, you can still be married and watch tv in your underwear I'm doing it right now. I love being married and having a kid, but I fully support those who don't want those things. And I do envy your ability to do what you want, when you want.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  20. #60
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    Quote Originally Posted by Acertainsmile View Post
    What a comical twist, I couldn't be happier. Remember, I was single once...
    Well bless your heart.
    *Wendy* 4.17.73 - 12.20.05


    11 members found this post helpful.

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