I will preface this with a couple of things. My marriage is not on the rocks and my husband is not abusive in any way.
He's currently deploye and I am thankful that we get to talk everyday even though he's not here. Yesterday I didn't hear from him when I normally do and of course my mind went straight to OMG mode I just couldn't help it. I get the deployed thing I really do, I wear the same uniform but I haven't mastered the staying calm part yet. What's worse, it's not just because he could be dead but I would then be alone and I don't know how to cope with that fear. This seems unhealthy to me although I'm not suffering in any part of my life but mental anguish. Someone please tell me I'm not alone and someone else has gone through it too.
I'm sure you're not alone. I would think the Air Force would have counselling available to you to help you deal with these issues, as I'm sure it's fairly common among family members of those serving overseas. As well, they can probably direct you towards some kind of group meeting for people in your situation.
I have not been where you are AFW, but I would be surprised if MOST military spouses didn't feel the same way you do! It seems perfectly understandable to me that you would not only feel fear at the thought of something happening to your husband, but also what, if something did happen to him, that would mean to you going forward (potentially being alone).
You probably already know about Military OneSource, but if not, they have counselors you can talk to free of charge, 24/7!!