[mvp]

I have always had the highest regard for people who can ride language like an upper-level dressage horse.

That, of course, extends to swearing in creative and surprisingly-pleasing ways.

Any favorites?

I'll do you all the favor of alerting you to the Hulu series, "The Thick of It" which is about the perennially f-ed up British politics and the lame-a$$es who work in it. The jewel in the crown of this series, for present purposes, is the scottish character, Malcolm Turner.

He is sublime, make you cry and piss your pants while laughing sublime.

[EponaRoan]

Deb on Dexter has quite a creative turn of phrases.

[DottieHQ]

I have always had the highest regard for people who can ride language like an upper-level dressage horse.

That, my friend, is oh so very sig-worthy. Can I use it? Pleeeeeaaaaasssse?

[mvp]

That, my friend, is oh so very sig-worthy. Can I use it? Pleeeeeaaaaasssse?

Yeah.

[bits619]

I can get in trouble with the language because if I start cursing, it's hard to compartmentalize my usage (ie, only around certain ppl versus at work versus in front of a gaggle of chilluns). I also have this HORRIBLE problem of being really nervous around new people and just letting the curses fly. And if I know the person doesn't curse.... it's that much worse. So embarrassing.

But some of my favorite substitute phrases have to be"shut the front door" and "son of a biscuit!"

[Sansena]

Any of you averse to cussing would be wise to avoid watching a Deadwood marathon. DH got that for us this past Christmas and during a bad weather spell we spent about a week blowing through season one.. C**ksucker became the adjective of choice, for both of us.

Not good in genteel company.

[SarahandSam]

Otto in "A Fish Called Wanda."

He's a true vulgarian.

[mvp]

OK, how about expressions like "useless as tits on a boar"?

Things that are vivid and express the point well.

I'm sure you guys know some characters who have introduced you to useful phrases like this.

[mvp]

And is it true that the Scots are the World Masters of Creative Cussing (and/or threats and describing fubar situations in all their glory)?

[Robin@DHH]

Had a classmate in college who was learning arabic. The
language has numerous curses (not vulgarity but curses)
and she was really studying. One day at lunch in the college
dining hall, one of the male students irritated her. An aside
here, our college meals were provided by a company called
Slater and we didn't much care for the quality of the food.
The woman student informed the young man who had
irritate her, "May you die and may you go to hell and may
you eat Slater Food for eternity." His face conveyed that
he had been truly cursed.

[Sing Mia Song]

OK, how about expressions like "useless as tits on a boar"?

One of my favorites. A close second is "So stupid she couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel."

I learned my best curses from my father when he was driving. "Jesus H. mother-[effing] Christ on a whole wheat cracker" still leads the pack, thirty-one years after dear old Dad departed this terrestrial life.

I was 13 when he died, so I learned at the knee of the master.

[SweetMutt]

A response from a coworker after I informed him that department X wanted us to do something: "Yes, and people in hell want ice water."

Another coworker one day came into our office looking for someone and seeing he wasn't there, she grumbled something under her breath as she turned to walk away. Someone else asked, "What was that?" She cleared her throat and thoroughly enunciated, "I said, 'Oh f***, he's not in today.'" I about died laughing.

[Long Spot]

While I have heard some really special things I won't share (finder's keepers), I'm reminded of my favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

'I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."
- Ralphie in A Christmas Story

[glfprncs]

My dad has some really good sayings that I grew up hearing. Some of his favorites:

"Colder than a well digger's a** in the Klondike."
"Colder than a witch's tit."

And my favorite...
"You couldn't hit the a** end of a bull in the barn with a banjo."

[Mara]

Cultural slang differences can have funny results. A History prof I had was fond of telling a story about his first professorship post-doc. On Day 1 he was trying to find his new department head but couldn't remember where the office was.

He finally popped his head into another office, introduced himself, and asked where he might find Dr. X.

The very British associate prof gave him directions, then added, "Don't be alarmed, but we had a rather long lunch and Dr. X is quite pissed."

The new prof was terrified, absolutely certain he was about to report for duty to a department head in a foul temper! Though I am not sure if a drunk one would be better or worse.

(Important to note that I heard the story almost 30 years ago. It probably wouldn't happen today!)

[cowboymom]

I fall back on the dad in A Christmas Story too! He did Charlie Brown cussing, you could just *almost* get the words but not quite! LOL

My go-to phrase starts with G**D** freaking fracking Son of a B*** and I add on as needed...

ETA I realize that is not eloquent at all.

[lovey1121]

Deb on Dexter has quite a creative turn of phrases.

Ah, Deb. A true artist.

[mvp]

My mom used to say "F*ckin'-A Right!" just that way. The A word was abbreviated as just the A.

As in "F*ckin'-A Right, you have to go to school today."

[DeeThbd]

While I have heard some really special things I won't share (finder's keepers), I'm reminded of my favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

'I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."
- Ralphie in A Christmas Story

And may I add the part about the cloud of obscenities that still hangs over Cleveland?
The granddaddy of all swear words - F - - -
And, my absolute favourite:
Nadafinga!

[lovey1121]

Granma 's favorite was "Jesus Mary and Joseph" while fiddling with her rosary beads.

Mom's was "Holy Mary Mother of God"

Mine is a bastardization of Mom's: "Holy Moly Mother Gannoli". And my go-to in public is "Jeezum Crow". But my favorite is a hearty F**k or any embellishments thereof, both common and nonsensical.