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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
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    15,450

    Default Cussing with eloquence. Best of?

    I have always had the highest regard for people who can ride language like an upper-level dressage horse.

    That, of course, extends to swearing in creative and surprisingly-pleasing ways.

    Any favorites?

    I'll do you all the favor of alerting you to the Hulu series, "The Thick of It" which is about the perennially f-ed up British politics and the lame-a$$es who work in it. The jewel in the crown of this series, for present purposes, is the scottish character, Malcolm Turner.

    He is sublime, make you cry and piss your pants while laughing sublime.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    5 members found this post helpful.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep. 17, 2003
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    AridZona
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    Default

    Deb on Dexter has quite a creative turn of phrases.
    Delicious strawberry flavored death!


    5 members found this post helpful.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr. 5, 2012
    Posts
    663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    I have always had the highest regard for people who can ride language like an upper-level dressage horse.
    That, my friend, is oh so very sig-worthy. Can I use it? Pleeeeeaaaaasssse?
    If i smell like peppermint, I gave my horse treats.
    If I smell like shampoo, I gave my horse a bath.
    If I smell like manure, I tripped.


    6 members found this post helpful.

  4. #4
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by DottieHQ View Post
    That, my friend, is oh so very sig-worthy. Can I use it? Pleeeeeaaaaasssse?
    Yeah.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  5. #5
    Join Date
    Apr. 4, 2010
    Location
    yonder a bit, GA
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    3,576

    Default

    I can get in trouble with the language because if I start cursing, it's hard to compartmentalize my usage (ie, only around certain ppl versus at work versus in front of a gaggle of chilluns). I also have this HORRIBLE problem of being really nervous around new people and just letting the curses fly. And if I know the person doesn't curse.... it's that much worse. So embarrassing.

    But some of my favorite substitute phrases have to be"shut the front door" and "son of a biscuit!"
    (A decidedly unhorsey) MrB knocks over a feed bucket at the tack shop and mutters, "Oh crap. I failed the stadium jumping phase."
    (he does listen!)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2003
    Location
    CT
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    3,509

    Default

    Any of you averse to cussing would be wise to avoid watching a Deadwood marathon. DH got that for us this past Christmas and during a bad weather spell we spent about a week blowing through season one.. C**ksucker became the adjective of choice, for both of us.

    Not good in genteel company.


    11 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Jan. 10, 2008
    Location
    Western NY
    Posts
    5,913

    Default

    Otto in "A Fish Called Wanda."

    He's a true vulgarian.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
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    15,450

    Default

    OK, how about expressions like "useless as tits on a boar"?

    Things that are vivid and express the point well.

    I'm sure you guys know some characters who have introduced you to useful phrases like this.
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  9. #9
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    Jul. 31, 2007
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    Default

    And is it true that the Scots are the World Masters of Creative Cussing (and/or threats and describing fubar situations in all their glory)?
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat


    1 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
    Join Date
    May. 16, 2005
    Location
    Elmwood, Wisconsin
    Posts
    1,376

    Default

    Had a classmate in college who was learning arabic. The
    language has numerous curses (not vulgarity but curses)
    and she was really studying. One day at lunch in the college
    dining hall, one of the male students irritated her. An aside
    here, our college meals were provided by a company called
    Slater and we didn't much care for the quality of the food.
    The woman student informed the young man who had
    irritate her, "May you die and may you go to hell and may
    you eat Slater Food for eternity." His face conveyed that
    he had been truly cursed.
    Robin from Dancing Horse Hill
    Elmwood, Wisconsin


    3 members found this post helpful.

  11. #11
    Join Date
    Oct. 1, 2002
    Location
    Cow County, MD
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    7,085

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by mvp View Post
    OK, how about expressions like "useless as tits on a boar"?
    One of my favorites. A close second is "So stupid she couldn't pour piss out of a boot with instructions written on the heel."

    I learned my best curses from my father when he was driving. "Jesus H. mother-[effing] Christ on a whole wheat cracker" still leads the pack, thirty-one years after dear old Dad departed this terrestrial life.

    I was 13 when he died, so I learned at the knee of the master.
    Life would be infinitely better if pinatas suddenly appeared throughout the day.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
    Join Date
    Apr. 22, 2011
    Location
    CA
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    594

    Default

    A response from a coworker after I informed him that department X wanted us to do something: "Yes, and people in hell want ice water."

    Another coworker one day came into our office looking for someone and seeing he wasn't there, she grumbled something under her breath as she turned to walk away. Someone else asked, "What was that?" She cleared her throat and thoroughly enunciated, "I said, 'Oh f***, he's not in today.'" I about died laughing.
    If the pony spits venom in your face or produces a loud roar, it is probably not a pony. Find another. -The Oatmeal


    4 members found this post helpful.

  13. #13
    Join Date
    Aug. 15, 2008
    Posts
    4,589

    Default

    While I have heard some really special things I won't share (finder's keepers), I'm reminded of my favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

    'I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."
    - Ralphie in A Christmas Story
    "Aye God, Woodrow..."


    9 members found this post helpful.

  14. #14
    Join Date
    Dec. 20, 2003
    Location
    N. Augusta, SC (but forever a BUCKEYE!)
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    1,712

    Default

    My dad has some really good sayings that I grew up hearing. Some of his favorites:

    "Colder than a well digger's a** in the Klondike."
    "Colder than a witch's tit."

    And my favorite...
    "You couldn't hit the a** end of a bull in the barn with a banjo."
    Random horse pics http://www.flickr.com/photos/glfprncs/
    Talk to me about fitness or nutrition (I'm an A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer)!
    My blog! http://personalsweatequity.blogspot.com/


    1 members found this post helpful.

  15. #15
    Join Date
    Mar. 10, 2009
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    5,622

    Default

    Cultural slang differences can have funny results. A History prof I had was fond of telling a story about his first professorship post-doc. On Day 1 he was trying to find his new department head but couldn't remember where the office was.

    He finally popped his head into another office, introduced himself, and asked where he might find Dr. X.

    The very British associate prof gave him directions, then added, "Don't be alarmed, but we had a rather long lunch and Dr. X is quite pissed."

    The new prof was terrified, absolutely certain he was about to report for duty to a department head in a foul temper! Though I am not sure if a drunk one would be better or worse.

    (Important to note that I heard the story almost 30 years ago. It probably wouldn't happen today!)


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
    Join Date
    Mar. 11, 2007
    Location
    Montana
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    Default

    I fall back on the dad in A Christmas Story too! He did Charlie Brown cussing, you could just *almost* get the words but not quite! LOL

    My go-to phrase starts with G**D** freaking fracking Son of a B*** and I add on as needed...

    ETA I realize that is not eloquent at all.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #17
    Join Date
    Apr. 22, 2011
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    the Armpit of the Nation
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by EponaRoan View Post
    Deb on Dexter has quite a creative turn of phrases.
    Ah, Deb. A true artist.
    When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
    Join Date
    Jul. 31, 2007
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    15,450

    Default

    My mom used to say "F*ckin'-A Right!" just that way. The A word was abbreviated as just the A.

    As in "F*ckin'-A Right, you have to go to school today."
    The armchair saddler
    Politically Pro-Cat



  19. #19
    Join Date
    Jan. 30, 2007
    Posts
    3,156

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    While I have heard some really special things I won't share (finder's keepers), I'm reminded of my favorite scene from A Christmas Story.

    'I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master."
    - Ralphie in A Christmas Story
    And may I add the part about the cloud of obscenities that still hangs over Cleveland?
    The granddaddy of all swear words - F - - -
    And, my absolute favourite:
    Nadafinga!
    Founder of the I LOFF my worrywart TB clique!
    Official member of the "I Sing Silly Songs to My Animals!" Clique
    http://wilddiamondintherough.blogspot.ca/


    3 members found this post helpful.

  20. #20
    Join Date
    Apr. 22, 2011
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    the Armpit of the Nation
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    Default

    Granma 's favorite was "Jesus Mary and Joseph" while fiddling with her rosary beads.

    Mom's was "Holy Mary Mother of God"

    Mine is a bastardization of Mom's: "Holy Moly Mother Gannoli". And my go-to in public is "Jeezum Crow". But my favorite is a hearty F**k or any embellishments thereof, both common and nonsensical.
    When someone shows you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.



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