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  1. #21
    Join Date
    May. 27, 2009
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    383

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    When I was little, I thought serial killers were "cereal killers" and that therefore I was one. Because, you know, I ate cereal!

    I also thought the Super Bowl was a bowling competition and couldn't figure out why everyone was so excited about bowling.
    Forward momentum!


    2 members found this post helpful.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Aug. 23, 2006
    Posts
    1,756

    Default This one's even horse related...

    When my daughter was about a year old we were grocery shopping. We were in line at the checkout. Right behind us was a nun; an older nun in full habit.

    We were going to go to the barn after shopping, my daughter loved to go to the barn. Now to fully *get* this you have to know that my daughter, while quite an excellent talker for such a young baby, had some limitations - one of which was that she didn't pronounce her "S's" yet. So...

    She blurts out, for everyone to hear, "I want to go see the horse" - but remember, she couldn't say her "S's"! So what everyone heard, and not just once, was, "I want to go see the hore".

    You can just imagine what everyone was thinking!!! Especially the elderly nun behind us!!!

    I quickly repeated my daughter's sentence *correctly* (and loudly) - "Yes honey, we're going to the barn to see the HORSE as soon as we're done here".


    1 members found this post helpful.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Dec. 31, 2005
    Location
    Pensacola, Florida
    Posts
    361

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    Friend was standing in line at the supermarket. In front of her was a Lady with a little boy.... and in front of them was a very large woman. The large woman's beeper went off and the little boy said "Watch out Mommy.... she's backing up!"

    Thankfully everyone got a laugh out of it.


    3 members found this post helpful.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Apr. 29, 2006
    Posts
    3,297

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    There was a little girl, 3ish, skipping down the hospital corridor where I work, wearing these cute little pink crocs. As one of the nurses passed her, she remarked "I like your shoes". The little girl thought for a minute and replied "And I like your jammies!" (The nurse was wearing scrubs with teddies on them). Did we ever laugh!



  5. #25
    Join Date
    Jan. 6, 2003
    Location
    CT
    Posts
    3,328

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    Years ago teaching FT, sore with Lyme disease, I was fed up, burned out and exhausted.. and surly.

    Genevieve was an adorable but spoiled 3 y.o. who and had gotten shuttled to her lesson without her sweater, and her nanny forgot her snack as well. Crying, sobbing, screaming.. I could NOT persuade Genevieve to walk off from the mounting block after she got on. She was beside herself, practically hysterical, sobbing, hungry.. and COLD. I did my best to comfort her, and asked "What's the worst part about today? Is it the cold? Because I can get you a jacket".. Genevieve said "NO!! I'm really hungry!!" I said, "Okay. I get that. Let's go get you a snack. I know what it's like 'cuz I get cranky when I'm hungry too"

    Her reply?

    "Well, YOU must be hungry ALL THE TIME then".


    10 members found this post helpful.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Feb. 4, 2009
    Location
    NCC DE
    Posts
    2,227

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    When my son (now 29) was about 2 or 3 I had him on my lap and we were playing "mommy gonna bite you". So it was mommy gonna bite your fingers, mommy gonna bite your nose, mommy gonna bite your tummy, ears, etc. with lots of laughing and squealing.

    I got tired of the game and put him down where he promptly (and 100% innocently) turned around, grabbed his crotch, and said "bite this". I had to maintain my composure long enough to get to the other room so that he wouldn't see me laughing so hard I tears in my eyes.


    8 members found this post helpful.

  7. #27
    Join Date
    Mar. 16, 2006
    Location
    Larkspur, Colo.
    Posts
    4,828

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    Once was waiting in the car with my 4-year-old nephew and entertaining him by showing him pictures from my wallet.

    I pulled out a photo of his mother and asked "Who is this lady?"

    To which he replied: "That ain't a lady. That's my mom!"


    2 members found this post helpful.

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Mar. 1, 2003
    Location
    Happily in Canada
    Posts
    4,694

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    Marking Pony Club written tests:

    What is the normal temperature of a horse? 100 degrees fair-and-height.

    Describe how you would give water to a horse that has just finished a cross-country course? In a bucket.
    Blugal

    You never know what kind of obsessive compulsive crazy person you are until another person imitates your behaviour at a three-day. --Gry2Yng


    1 members found this post helpful.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Dec. 30, 2002
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    908

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    Oh no! You did it, too?

    My toddler did this to me a few months ago. "Mommy, I want to see the little man!" I wanted to crawl under the rack of tomatoes and die! To top it off, the gentleman is my co-worker's uncle and a regular client at work. I swear I will gag my child until she is a little bit older.

    Quote Originally Posted by PonyPeep View Post
    Once when I was very small, I was in the 99 cent store with my mom. I saw this old woman who was a midget, and I (loudly) screeched "MOMMY!! LOOK AT THE CUTE LITTLE MAN!!"



  10. #30
    Join Date
    Jan. 23, 2000
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    7,834

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    My sisters twins call the commissary the "commie."
    ---
    They're small hearts.



  11. #31
    Join Date
    Apr. 6, 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    1,613

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    I even have a horse related one!

    Last year one of my friends was leasing my horse and I went out to watch her ride. I adore her son (who was 5 at the time) and said I'd watch him while she rode and give him a pony ride if he was good.

    So we're standing in the aisle grooming my horse and stupid mare is calling for her friend who was outside and dancing around on the cross ties.

    It was extremely annoying, so I smacked her on the shoulder and said "HO" in my best growl.

    5 year looks at me and says in a loud scolding voice: "Don't call her a HO! That's not her name!"

    Of course he had no idea of the meaning of what he said, but I apologized to him and called my horse by her name.

    He kept asking his mom and I why we were laughing so hard!!

    I could go on for hours about things this kid has said - he's a total pistol.
    My favorite one was when I was at their house and his mom and I were sitting at the table drinking wine.

    He comes up to me, taps me on the shoulder and says very politely: "Excuse me Miss Paint Pony" I say "Yes?" and he replies "You're so pretty!"
    I seriously almost wet my pants!

    Apparently dad had been coaching him in the fine art of wooing the ladies!



  12. #32
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
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    3,959

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    A few more stories:

    (1) "Look! You can see his..."

    ...my little brother exclaimed loudly for all to hear upon seeing a replica of Michelangel's "David" at the top of the grand staircase at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. As he went into great detail about David's nudity and masculine parts, I took my other siblings and went into another exhibit room.


    (2) Another time the same brother of mine was about 5 years old and was with family at church. The priest happened to mention some of the children in the congregation by name, including my little brother. Unfortunately the priest mispronounced by brother's name and my brother promptly corrected him. My brother stood up in his pew, which happened to be in the back row and yelled at the top of his lungs: "My name is not XXXXXX it's YYYYYY !!!" Spelled like this: "Y-y-y-y-y-y-y !!!!!" Of course that disrupted the whole sermon when the priest stopped and the whole congregation turned around to see what was going on.

    (3) again, same brother:
    "Hey Dad! You're fat!"
    Dad: [angry]I know that !!

    (4) same brother giving me dating advice:
    "If you have a choice between lunch and dinner, chose lunch. It's safer"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  13. #33
    Join Date
    Sep. 26, 2010
    Posts
    3,959

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    Another story which I heard on a radio show one morning on the way to work

    A single mom was telling a story about how her son was coming back from her father's place after a weekend visit. Much to the mom's horror, her son was using terrible language, as in talking about stuff like "F---", "Big F---", and "Red F---"
    She was outraged that her ex was teaching her son such bad language It took her a while to realize that what her son was really doing was mixing up the "Tr" with the "F" sound. So when he was saying "What a big F---" he was really trying to say "What a big truck".


    1 members found this post helpful.

  14. #34
    Join Date
    Jul. 2, 2003
    Location
    Woodland, Ca
    Posts
    6,177

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    When I was about 3 years old my Dad was teaching my Mom to drive. My mom and I went somewhere with my Grandmother, who was driving the car. At some point I piped up with "Grandma, get your G-Damned foot of the F'in clutch!"... my Grandmother looked at my mom and said, "I see you've been driving with G."

    About the same age I was in the store with my Dad and loudly asked "Daddy why does that lady have such a fat ass?"

    At my uncles wedding in the middle of the ceremony I loudly asked, "Mommy, did you and Daddy ever get married?... I wasn't there."


    2 members found this post helpful.

  15. #35
    Join Date
    Jul. 20, 2007
    Location
    Rising Sun, MD
    Posts
    3,472

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    My brother manages a large plant nursery and often takes his young daughter with him to work. Occasionally she may hear stuff that she shouldn't repeat from some of the other workers at the farm. This past summer my brother had taken her to work with him and it was a rather warm day. My niece pronounces to everyone that it's "hot as balls out here". So my brother asked her what exactly does she mean when she says that. She answered "well, you know, like the sun is a ball and it makes it really hot out" LMAO!
    “While the rest of the species is descended from apes, redheads are descended from cats.” Mark Twain


    2 members found this post helpful.

  16. #36
    Join Date
    Jun. 23, 2004
    Location
    horse country, usa
    Posts
    688

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    I was walking my dogs at my nephews house and I was walking my male dog and my two grand nieces were in the yard playing... they saw my male dog peeing and the youngest one asked " Why is he peeing out of his stomach"? I about died laughing before I replied because he's a boy dog...thankfully she's so young she left it at that!
    For things to do in Loudoun County, visit: www.365thingstodoloudoun.com


    1 members found this post helpful.

  17. #37
    Join Date
    May. 2, 2006
    Location
    Chicagoland
    Posts
    1,760

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    Quote Originally Posted by SnicklefritzG View Post
    Another story which I heard on a radio show one morning on the way to work

    A single mom was telling a story about how her son was coming back from her father's place after a weekend visit. Much to the mom's horror, her son was using terrible language, as in talking about stuff like "F---", "Big F---", and "Red F---"
    She was outraged that her ex was teaching her son such bad language It took her a while to realize that what her son was really doing was mixing up the "Tr" with the "F" sound. So when he was saying "What a big F---" he was really trying to say "What a big truck".
    This story reminds me of my cousin's son. He must have been about 3 at the time. He was driving with his dad when someone cut them off on the road. Frustrated, his dad yelled out that the guy was a "f---ing clown". Well, the kiddo heard. He tried to backpedal and say that he called the guy a trucking clown, but the 3 year old had already heard it. For weeks that kid went around calling everyone a f---ing clown. Obviously my cousin and her husband wanted to break this habit, but everytime the kid said that to someone, the person would crack up. Eventually he stopped, but it was kinda funny!

    My mom likes to tell a story about me. I was little, still in a stroller, and we were shopping at a mall that had a glass elevator. We were all the way to the top, and I peeked out over the edge of my stroller and yelled, "Holy sh*t Mom, we're all the way up there!" This wouldn't have been so bad except that there was a sweet little old lady in the elevator with us, and she apparantly gave my mom a look of horror and shock that a small child would say that. So my mom said, "Gray Horse, shhhh, we don't say things like that." At which point I became frustrated and said, "Well Jesus Christ Mom, I can't say anything can I!"

    My mom swears she has no idea where I picked that up, and truly my mom and dad never talked like that. I suspect my uncle, who would have been a brand new daddy of his own at that time, and probably lacked a filter.


    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #38
    Join Date
    Feb. 4, 2012
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    341

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    I can think of so many ... and all come from my own childhood or kids from my classroom

    Here's a horse related one: I broke my leg after coming off a horse who threw a pretty violent buck in a show. Because the break was severe enough to require surgery, I was out of work for a few weeks. When I came back, my students (preschoolers) had quite a few questions. I did my best to answer them as clearly, but appropriately as I could. When I explained that I hurt my leg falling off a horse, one of the students looked at me with a very serious expression and instructed: "Next time, you should stay on." I just smiled and told the child I would work on it.

    Another student quote that I won't forget: working with the younger preschool kids, a child walked up to a sub who happened to be a ... well, larger woman. The child tapped her and very innocently asked: "Why are you so fat?" I about died.

    And a favorite family story that gets retold often involves my brother as he was learning to read (a skill that did not come easily to him). He worked hard at it and tried to sound out printed words pretty much whenever he saw them. One day he saw a plant in one of our bay windows with one of those tags/stakes that labels the plant name. He carefully sounded out the name of the plant: "A Frickin' Violet."

    Turns out it was an African violet (The "A" in African was very large/stylized in order to make the label prettier/give the label a nicer design).

    Oh well. He tried



  19. #39
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    Feb. 25, 2011
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    So California
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    Quote Originally Posted by dreaminOTTB View Post
    "A Frickin' Violet."

    Turns out it was an African violet
    African Violet. Too funny.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  20. #40
    Join Date
    Feb. 25, 2011
    Location
    So California
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    2,469

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    Quote Originally Posted by Long Spot View Post
    My niece was quite fond of "Bonge Spob" (Sponge Bob) and she didn't get the hiccups, she got the "heebops".
    My Brother In-Law was an avid outdoorsman. Somehow, the subject of Sasquatch came up. My three-year-old nephew mispronounced it to the hilarity of my BIL and his friends, who then continually prompted my nephew to tell them about the creature. Nephew's version was "Ass Scratch."


    2 members found this post helpful.

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