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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Mar. 9, 2006
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    Default Would you date someone with allergies?

    As is usual with Thanksgiving, various members of the extended clan showed up at the family homestead. We are a clan of animal lovers, so we had lots of fur at the holiday. There was the resident cat. A few granddogs. A cousin dog.

    There were also a few spouses newly acquired by grandkids. I felt rather sorry for the new in-laws, as they are all hideously allergic to animals. One DIL is now covered in hives, as the resident cat discovered her taking a nap and promptly joined her. Another DIL required three different prescription drugs to survive Turkey Day, couldn't drink for fear of having a bad reaction to this pharmaceutical battery, and is now hiding in her animal free hotel room.

    I really like the DILs, but I can't imagine living a life without my critters. In my 20's any first date with a guy who complained of allergies to my cat turned into a last date. I didn't blame the guys for being allergic - it's obviously not something they could control - but I didn't want the relationship to progress to where I had to get rid of a pet to preserve the health of my significant other. How have others handled these situations?



  2. #2
    Join Date
    Dec. 2, 2004
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    3,192

    Default

    Wow that sucks.

    I did date a guy, a really cute guy, post college and he couldn't eat garlic or onions. sigh.
    The truth is what you can get other people to believe.

    -- Tommy Smothers



  3. #3
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    Nov. 8, 2005
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    NC
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    Default

    There are courses of desensitization that people can go take through allergists.

    I can't imagine ruling someone out who otherwise is right, good chemistry, etc., etc., because of an allergy.
    If I knew what I were doing, why would I take lessons?

    "Things should be as simple as possible,
    but no simpler." - Einstein



  4. #4
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    Sep. 28, 2001
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    Default

    I did date someone a long time ago that was highly allergic to animals. We spent most of the time at his place. We talked long term for a while, but it didn't work out (for other reasons.)

    At the time, I thought I was fully prepared to just not ever have dogs or cats again. From where I am now, I don't know how realistic that is. I'd say it is a very tough call.

    I think at this point if I would know up front they were THAT allergic to animals, I wouldn't pursue the relationship. But if I found out after I was already involved, I would have to make some changes. It is a tough call.



  5. #5
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    Jul. 22, 2008
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    Rochester, NY
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    Default

    I did. He was allergic to pet dander. I had animals and eventually we, together, acquired many more. By year 2 of our relationship he didn't even need antihistamines.

    These days, it would probably be a deal breaker. The animals aren't going anywhere. SO's come & go.
    bar.ka think u al.l. susp.ect
    free bar.ka and tidy rabbit



  6. #6
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    Sep. 26, 2010
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    Default

    If the guy's only problem was an animal allergy, I'd consider myself lucky.


    2 members found this post helpful.

  7. #7
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    Jun. 24, 2005
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    Alabama
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    Default

    What confuses me is that people that were so allergic that they came with prescription drugs because of allergies came to a Thanksgiving dinner at a house with lots of animals. You'd think someone would have mentioned this, and made other dinner arrangements at somewhere that doesn't have animals around.


    And no, if I started getting serious about someone with animal allergies, it would stop there. I currently don't have animals, but that could change at any time, and I'm not changing my life or rehoming an animal for someone else. Everyone I know that got rid of pets for someone ended up with no pets, and no significant other. Bet you can't guess what they missed more, can you?


    1 members found this post helpful.

  8. #8
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    Jan. 26, 2006
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    Fort Worth, Texas
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    Default

    the only ones that I dated that had an allergy was they were allergic to work; and the drugs did not help at all , believe me


    10 members found this post helpful.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Oct. 9, 2000
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    California
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    Default

    When Mr. PoPo and I met he was allergic to dogs (I had two) and I was allergic to cats (he had one very fluffy cat). My cat allergy was of the sort whereby if I just *met* someone who had a cat, but in a neutral, non-cat area like work or a restaurant or something, I would get a reaction. Our courtship was full of sneezes, runny eye, itching, etc. But now we're married and have had as many as five cats and three dogs in the house (plus three horses) and we're fine. Sometimes too many dog kisses will make him itchy, or too much cat petting will make my eyes water. But we both love animals and couldn't live without them (or each other), so that's just the way it is!
    My Mustang Adventures - my blog!
    Yoga for Equestrians
    "A horse's face always conveys clearly whether it is loved by its owner or simply used." - Anja Beran


    6 members found this post helpful.

  10. #10
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    Jul. 19, 2003
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    Middleburg, VA
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    If a relationship got to the point where we would be discussing long term (hard to imagine, with my complete lack of interest in dating!), they would have to be willing to do allergy shots or whatever. I am from a long, long line of crazy animal lovers. My life would not be complete without my dog at my side, my cats reeking havoc, and horses grazing outside my window.

    Of course, I also find it hard to believe I would find someone with serious animal allergies appealing enough to go on a FIRST date with...but stranger things have happened. My vegan brother's carnivorous girlfriend just moved in with him.



  11. #11
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    Lexington, KY
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    Default

    Let's imagine it's not someone you fall in love with that's allergic, but your child. I don't see how the end result would be any different.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant


    2 members found this post helpful.

  12. #12
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    Apr. 9, 2012
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    Why not? Now if he complained like a baby and wouldn't do shots or take antihistamines, I would object. But I think at that point there would be more wrong with the relationship than allergies...
    Born under a rock and owned by beasts!



  13. #13
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Whidbey Is, Wash.
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    I wouldn't. Pets would be something that would come up in the getting-to-know-you stage, probably pre-first-date stage. Or on the first date. Because standard questions of "what do you do for fun?" "do you have any hobbies?" or observations about vehicle if you get picked up OR meet somewhere all would somehow work around to having/not having animals and having/not having allergies.

    Between marriages, a period of several years, I was without house pets but had horses. They were pretty much the only thing I did other than work, so they would have come up and did on the few dates I went on. Allergies never came up.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

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    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  14. #14
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    Apr. 4, 2010
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    yonder a bit, GA
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    Clanter, i had to give that a thumbs up, not the situation, but the comment itself! Lol!

    The prospect of having a child that was allergic is enough to send ME into hives! Yikes.

    But dogs are an... integral part of our lives right now and for the next many years. We won't be fostering a bunch of dogs at one time forever, but we own six between the two of us! If I found myself with the 3 dogs that are most 'mine' and not dating someone, i can't imagine dating someone who couldn't be around them. And I'm not sure I'd know how to MEET someone outside of a dog situation! Lol! People have activities that don't involve four legged creatures????
    MrB's attempt at talking like a horse person, "We'll be entering in the amateur hunter-gatherer division...."



  15. #15
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    Jul. 19, 2003
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    Quote Originally Posted by LauraKY View Post
    Let's imagine it's not someone you fall in love with that's allergic, but your child. I don't see how the end result would be any different.
    I think the difference is you have a choice in the matter. It is something you discuss with a potential partner. Sometimes you can't help you love, but usually there's a chance to say "I don't think this will work" or "Let's work something out." With a kid, you don't have a say in the matter. If they pop out with pet allergies, you can't say "Oh, this won't work. We're not compatible!"


    1 members found this post helpful.

  16. #16
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    Aug. 2, 2004
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    Default

    And that's what shots are for.
    Aisha, my heart from 03/06/1986 to 08/22/2008.

    COTH's official mini-donk enabler.
    Odie, aka the Evil Burrito, is on Facebook.



  17. #17
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by LauraKY View Post
    Let's imagine it's not someone you fall in love with that's allergic, but your child. I don't see how the end result would be any different.
    And that does NOT have to equal giving up beloved family pets. Really.

    My brother, as a child, had extensive and extreme allergies and asthma. And when I say extreme, I mean often-in-the-hospital-life-threatening. Cat and dog dander were among the worst, and were paired with allergies to dust and a huge variety of foods. (I blame my near-addiction to spicy and rich foods with the severe limitations placed on the Young CH household due to little brother's allergies.) This was long enough ago that treatments were not nearly so effective as they are now.

    Brother, sister and I did not know it at the time, but our parents had many long and painful conversations about the family dog and cats when brother's allergies were diagnosed. They made the conscious decision to give us two messages:

    (1) You do not toss out family members (pets) because it becomes a little tough to keep them; and

    (2) Things worth having (pets) are worth making sacrifices for (extra work involved in cleaning, in which ALL family members were to participate, and keeping brother's bedroom a pet-free zone).

    Yes, keeping the pets through brother's allergies was tough. Yes, sister and I, and brother, too, sometimes whined about the extra dusting and vacuuming, the extra drape washing and ironing, the constant animal-bathing, the extra effort to keep certain doors closed and the pets blocked from the bedrooms. But when reminded about the option of no pets, we STFU, dusted, washed, vacuumed, bathed and did what we had to do.

    Brother is nearly 40 and survived just fine (and has dogs, and stays happily with sister, parents and me, which are cat-and-dog households). We had pets throughout our childhood. It was work. But it was done.
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    4 members found this post helpful.

  18. #18
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    Jul. 13, 2008
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    Default

    Coming at it from the opposite side, I think people should consider this before getting too far into a relationship. Unfortunately, I am my own allergy-ridden problem. Miserably allergic to cats and horses (sigh), as well as dust; rather allergic to dogs. But I have and live with dogs and cats. While I wouldn't date anyone who expected me to get rid of the dog or forego future pet ownership because of allergies, I also wouldn't date anyone who didn't take my allergies seriously. I mean, yes, I can and do take two kinds of allergy medicine daily, but there is a limit to what drugs can do. The cat isn't allowed in the bedroom; the dogs aren't allowed on the furniture. I could do maybe an hour at the sort of low-key household where several dogs and cats are allowed the run of the couch, and people vacuum once a week. After an hour, my contacts will be sticking to my red eyes, my skin will have turned to red bumps that'll take a week to go down, I'll be hacking up a lung and I'll want to murder the person who refuses to leave.


    1 members found this post helpful.

  19. #19
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    Mar. 6, 2002
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    Oregon
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    Default

    Are we talking situational (pet, plant, etc.) or ALL allergies, in general?

    I'm allergic to cashews, and probably other nuts - which I don't like or eat (on purpose, at least) anyway, so no big deal. Mr. Heinz is allergic to beans (most legumes, including soy, but not peanuts).

    While I find it occasionally inconvenient, because I like beans and he likes cashews, no, it didn't make any difference. Obviously pet/plant/chemical/environmental allergies are a bit harder to deal with, but no, still wouldn't make any difference.
    What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what
    lies with in us. - Emerson



  20. #20
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    Sep. 7, 2009
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    Quote Originally Posted by coloredhorse View Post
    And that does NOT have to equal giving up beloved family pets. Really.

    My brother, as a child, had extensive and extreme allergies and asthma. And when I say extreme, I mean often-in-the-hospital-life-threatening. Cat and dog dander were among the worst, and were paired with allergies to dust and a huge variety of foods. (I blame my near-addiction to spicy and rich foods with the severe limitations placed on the Young CH household due to little brother's allergies.) This was long enough ago that treatments were not nearly so effective as they are now.

    Brother, sister and I did not know it at the time, but our parents had many long and painful conversations about the family dog and cats when brother's allergies were diagnosed. They made the conscious decision to give us two messages:

    (1) You do not toss out family members (pets) because it becomes a little tough to keep them; and

    (2) Things worth having (pets) are worth making sacrifices for (extra work involved in cleaning, in which ALL family members were to participate, and keeping brother's bedroom a pet-free zone).

    Yes, keeping the pets through brother's allergies was tough. Yes, sister and I, and brother, too, sometimes whined about the extra dusting and vacuuming, the extra drape washing and ironing, the constant animal-bathing, the extra effort to keep certain doors closed and the pets blocked from the bedrooms. But when reminded about the option of no pets, we STFU, dusted, washed, vacuumed, bathed and did what we had to do.

    Brother is nearly 40 and survived just fine (and has dogs, and stays happily with sister, parents and me, which are cat-and-dog households). We had pets throughout our childhood. It was work. But it was done.
    Public thumbs up! I didn't mean giving up pets, I just wondered if there was a difference in the way someone might react.
    "We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~Immanuel Kant



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