[twotrudoc]

My department had an inservice or training yesterday. It was on communication in the workplace. I love this stuff, I'm one of those loud mouths that likes coaching, role-playing, etc. I enjoyed the class but I had one concern.

We went over communication styles of genders in the workplace. The facilitator said that generally women behave "blah blah blah" and men behave "different blah different blah".

I disagreed and loudly interrupted stating that I, as a female, have always entered willingly into direct conflict and had no issues overtly and directly stating my opinion. This was funny as what she was teaching was that women generally prefer to avoid conflict and create relationships instead, women prefer indirect communication to direct, etc.

I have always gotten along better with very alpha/strong men (straight or gay) and dominant females (straight or gay although I will say I work best and most proficiently with lesbians over "girly girls").

So, women! How do ye do!

[threedogpack]

I have always gotten along better with very alpha/strong men (straight or gay) and dominant females (straight or gay although I will say I work best and most proficiently with lesbians over "girly girls").

So, women! How do ye do!

I do well at my job (gate keeper) because I'm proficient at saying "no!". Loudly. With force. Guess who I do best with.

[twotrudoc]

I bet we would work well together LOL!!

[big_red_ottb]

I can't stand the idea that "women communicate one way" and men communicate another! That's just not true, and it creates false perceptions and pressure to be one way or the other.

I've always preferred direct communication. I don't do hinting at the subject or trying to interpret someone's sorry attempt at communicating with body language or subtlety. It confounds and frustrates me to no end when someone won't just get on with it and tell me what the hell is going on!

[threedogpack]

I bet we would work well together LOL!!

*laugh* I think we would!

[threedogpack]

I can't stand the idea that "women communicate one way" and men communicate another! That's just not true, and it creates false perceptions and pressure to be one way or the other.

I've always preferred direct communication. I don't do hinting at the subject or trying to interpret someone's sorry attempt at communicating with body language or subtlety. It confounds and frustrates me to no end when someone won't just get on with it and tell me what the hell is going on!

I have decided that good communication is a skill. Many people cannot hear what is being directly said to them and believe it.

Example: Mine.

Ex and I were having trouble. I told him that what I wanted for my birthday was a new well so we would have enough water for what we needed.

what he must have heard: I want a new diamond/ruby ring and matching necklace

as that is what I got.

Total disconnect. To this day, the kids will tell him something and he does not compute it correctly or simply cannot retain it or something. It is sort of amazing.

[wendy]

You have ever had a boss who has been told that women can't handle conflict or direct communications, so she never tells anyone anything for fear of upsetting people? talk about irritating, stressful, and major reduction in productivity. In workplace everyone should be as clear and direct in their communications as possible, and try to leave their thoughts about gender at home.

[Emryss]

I can't figure myself out, to be honest. I'll say what I think, but don't mind going with the flow, either. It depends on what works out best for the task at hand.

I have walked out on two jobs that had managers who were bullies. I'm all about leadership and the need to run a business, but I am not a slave and I will not tolerate being treated as one; nor will I stand by and watch the mismanagement of a non-profit's resources without speaking up.

So, I guess I'll lead or follow or rebel, depending on the situation.

[glfprncs]

I'm an 8th grade teacher. I'm also my team's 'leader' and a department chair. My principal put me in those positions because he knows I will get the job done, I won't sugarcoat problems, I will say what I think, and I'm not afraid to tell him my thoughts on things.

That said, I don't like confrontation, but I'm not afraid to step in and put an end to it either.

[twotrudoc]

You got it 3dog. Most people hear through their own filter. Your husband most likely feels that he is a good, active listener too LOL!!

I know (and even have been tested at all those fun corporate thingies) that I have a direct style of communication. I also have learned enough self awareness to try and really hear what others are saying in order to be an effective and good supervisor.

I had a meeting on Tuesday to develop a new policy. It was me and the Asst Director who is also a very dominant direct sort. I invited two of my staff (both have awesome leadership potential and I like my staff to be involved). I think they both got a little faint hearing the very loud and direct manner we hashed out the details and disagreements LOL!! Sometimes you need passionate conflict to reach the best decision!

[MunchingonHay]

I am direct and cooperative. It depends on the situation and the people involved. I am an observer and then assess the situation at hand. BUT saying that. I can act on my feet wicked fast as I can process a situation very quickly. I credit working with 4 in hands on that.

[Grataan]

interesting! I'm curious to see the results of this one.

[cranky]

I am very direct. I don't think I would get very far in my job if I weren't. I deal with software vendors, executives, various technical and business people of all cultures (most of whom are men). I need to project manage, strategize and state my opinion and be heard on a daily basis. Oh and all of my colleagues are men too. Being direct, strong and able to communicate (verbally and in writing) is extremely important to being able to perform my role successfully.

[twotrudoc]

Cranky, I can't help but think the idea that women want to be soft spoken and all nicey nicey all the time is a contrived chauvinistic societal idea. Effective leaders communicate directly, if females are taught to communicate in a non-effective manner then bingo! No female leaders.

[Jaideux]

I think it is important to remember that the presenter said "GENERALLY, women act this way and GENERALLY men act that way".

There are exceptions to every rule.

And we equestrians ARE quite exceptional. We know a lot about effective communication through our work with horses. We learn about speaking frankly (with our words and our actions) to achieve a desired result, and we have about 1200lbs and/or being 5-6 feet up in the air to make sure we don't "oversell" our message.

There are a lot of genetic traits that predispose women to a certain style of communication, and that is often related to our ability to more finely perceive microexpressions and social dynamics. Further, society often sends messages about how women do and/or should communicate. Same story for men.

Many women ARE often "the peacemakers" and avoid harsh confrontation. Doesn't mean they have any less desire for a certain outcome, just a different style.

And it definitely doesn't mean we all work like that

I work in a setting where I am often telling people things they REALLY don't want to hear, and they are often mentally ill and/or under the influence (and sometimes they are just not nice people with no real excuses). Speaking plainly, but in a way that hopefully won't get my @ss beat is a skill I had to learn.

[twotrudoc]

Good points Jaideux!

[sophie]

I didn't vote, because I don't associate "direct" with "dominant". I think there needs to be more categories.

Good communication IS a skill, and I don't think it depends on gender, but rather on the individual personality. I am not "dominant" but if I feel strongly about something I have no problem being "direct", i.e, saying what I think. I hate hypocrites.
I also think that group work can be either VERY efficient...or not at all.
I work in academia...and let me tell you, some people are just not cut out to manage or "lead" other people. They have no clue, and need training, but won't accept they do.
*sigh*.

[nickers@dawn]

I am a direct person. What you see is me, I tell you what is on my mind. I don't like passive aggressive people, they drive me nuts!

But I am also a good listener, and very patient with most people. I try to see things from other points of view.

The worse thing to me is working with someone who can't make up their mind. It is like having your nails pulled off one by one! Don't get me started on watching them order lunch! GAHH!

[msj]

Well, I'm retired now but I used to joke that I got paid to bitch.

Actually my job was that of an auditor of safety studies, some that got submitted to either the EPA or FDA or European countries. Said studies had to be done under govt regulations that required a person not involved in the actual study to audit said study to make certain that the protocol and standard procedures were followed, any ammendments were made, and to review said report to confirm that all the data, good and bad, were reported accurately. Any deviations and/or errors were reported to management.

Yep, you better believe at one time or another most of the study directors and techs weren't happy with my findings but when the EPA or FDA came to audit, they couldn't find problems. To my knowledge we were the ONLY dept in a large company that had different departments that dealt with EPA and/or FDA that came out smelling like a rose, no fines etc. So my bitching paid off for them in spades!

Besides, I'm a firm believer that the 'squeeky wheel gets greased' rather than 'you can get more flies with honey than vinegar'.

[oldernewbie]

I am a very direct person, but I have learned to be tactful if the situation demands it. Even in situations that require very frank discussions, I try hard to take the other person's viewpoint and feelings into consideration. I believe respecting the other person gets you a lot further than going in with guns blazing. I try to remember the hint of a very very savvy marketing person I used to work with - always open positive. I will admit that in some circumstances it's awfully hard to find a positive, but I try. It's worked so far for me.

I didn't answer the poll because there's not a category for direct and diplomatic. Think Hillary Clinton!