My 12 year old and I were watching sister wives the other day, and all the wives and husband were sitting on the couch talking with husband in the middle, when my son suddenly stated, wow he probably has a high tolerance for nagging! Lol
Made me think that maybe I have become one! I know it takes being asked to unload the dishwasher or put the clothes away more than once.
Another time long ago, I think my son was around 3 or 4 and we had the big TB gelding at the vets to get floated, and he had already been sedated and 'dropped' when my little guy said(and in a louder than average voice) Holy Commander has a big penis! Of course there were a couple of other clients there hanging around to watch, snickers and laughter ensued and the vet chuckled and said, yes, yes he does. Lol my face was so red.
A friend of mine was taking a group of young children trick-or-treating. The group included her two young daughters and three little friends. It was the first time for several of the children, so when they rang the first doorbell and the homeowner peered out at the little gaggle of cuties, my friend prompted the tyke closest to the door, "Now what do you say?"
The child responded enthusiastically, "Can I use your bathroom?"
I remembered another one when my son was around 2.5 years old, and my ex introduced our son to his boss, who was quite old and weathered looking(I think he was around 83!) and my darling boy asked him if he was wearing a mask!! the saving grace was that he was very,very hard of hearing and did not hear that! True story lol
One day several of Mr IF's work colleagues came to the farm to visit. These colleagues were nice suburban ladies.
Mr. IF and IF Jr. took them for a walk around the property. In the course of this walk, one of the ladies found a tick on her. Horror ensured. IF Jr, about 5 years of age, was not impressed. He told her, "You need to get a new skill set."
Mr. IF was mortified, but the ladies did manage to laugh. I guess they broadened their skill set that day to include tick removal.
When Boy 1.0 was potty training (just shy of turning 3), I tried the whole use-a-doll-to-model technique (you explain the doll needs to go potty, and then the toddler "teaches" the doll how to do it). I didn't have a doll, so I put some small underwear on his Elmo and urgently came up to son:
Me: "Elmo needs to go potty! Oh no!"
Boy 1.0, with puzzled expression: "....No....?"
Me: "Oh yes, yes he does! Elmo needs to go potty!"
B1: "Mommy, Elmo no can go potty. Elmo no have penis."
Well then. Can't argue with that.
Around when he was four or so, hubby and I overheard this from Boy 1.0's room: "Hello, underwear! You are going on my BUTT!"
Boy 2.0 hasn't said such gems yet. So far, cutest thing he says is his version of the word "popsicle"--it's "pockawuff." D'awwwwwwww.
Years ago when DH was driving truck he had a nasty nasty woman for a dispatcher. She called during hubby's scheduled hometime. At that time daughter was 3 and unfortunately got to the phone before parental units... Woman asked for her daddy and said it was his dispatcher. She politely told woman she would be her daddy...of course 3 yr old have to very loudly run screaming to daddy that his "bitch bastard" was looking for him...not really sur eif that is what daughter said but the woman on the other end took it as that is what was said.
Needless to say she was his dispatcher very long after that. but she was a bitch and the company knew it but, boy did she make a stink.
I have a bunch that I'd written down and have lost from when I was an examiner for Pony Club ratings. The small D-1's and D-2's were always full of gems. Need to find that! I remember one was a little boy who when asked how often the farrier came to do his pony's feet replied "My dad says TOO DAMN OFTEN!".
My niece was quite fond of "Bonge Spob" (Sponge Bob) and she didn't get the hiccups, she got the "heebops".
Little Spot hasn't really started talking yet other than the normal early "dada" and "bye bye", but I'm pretty sure he's going to be full of knee slappers. Mr. Spot has no filter, and mine is often broken, so I can only imagine.
My son, now 18, had some classics when he was young. When he was three, he wandered off at our tennis club. I was frantic and finally found him just outside our pro's office. I said " Son, where have you been"? He said, "I've been in talking to the brown guy". Pro was African-American - Thank God, I heard the pro laughing his ass off!
Then he was with us at a car dealership a while later. The salesman was going through the whole "buy the undercoating package, it is worth it" shpiel. Son pipes up loudly, "Yeah, right!" - My thoughts exactly!
well. little man hasnt come up with a ton of knee slappers, but, a few months ago we were out on a walk and he spied some acorns. I told him they were nuts of the tree and squirrels ate them. He picked one up and ran around chasing after saying "C'mere squirrel! I have a nut for you" Since he had just turned 2 I was amazed and in love.
I'm a teacher in the inner city, and I taught 2nd grade last year. My favorite child quote came from a boy's writing. It was an informational piece about an animal of their choice. One boy chose wolves, and I think got a little creative with the information he found online.
"Did you know that wolves are red, black and grey? The wolves that are red are girls. The black wolves are men. Sometimes the red wolves are mad but the black wolves like to make them happy."
My little brother was about 5 at the time and it was February, the same time of year Sports Illustrated starts to advertise about the swim suit issue.
It was a cold and blustery day, (we lived in Pa, outside of Philly) raining and sleeting. My mom braved the cold to collect the mail and inside was the Highlights Magazine.
She runs into the house, saying "DS! DS! The Highlights Magazine is here!!" He pops up off the couch, "is it the swim suit issue?"
Same little brother, this time he is about 3-4
We were teaching him about God and how God lives inside you. That evening while going though an encyclopedia and going thought the clear film pages (they have outlines of the nervous system, muscle groups, veins, bones internal organs) and you lay them over a human shape to see where they lie. He starts to flip them all back and forth with this questioning look on his face. We asked him what was up....and he says, "where is God?"